Judgement
by Alexandra I
Summary: Anastasia is married to Jose and living in London with her family when she meets her new boss, Christian Grey. Will she choose Christian's life style over her own?
1. Chapter 1

Please be gentle, this is my first story -your feedback is greatly appreciated! xxx

p.s. If you are after lustful sex scenes, there is one in each chapter starting from Ch. 3 but i think you will absolutely love the one in chapter 12 :)

x

'Hurry up! You'll be late for school!' I sigh and look at myself, sitting in my silver Range Rover, all prepped for work. My inner 'hurry up' state is unbelievable. I know we have time. Only I don't want to be late. In fact, I am always early. No matter how I plan my time, I never end up late. My family knows this. And still, they are never ready. _Urgh!_

I press on the gas pedal intentionally while the engine is on, hoping they will get the message. Nothing. Nobody comes out of the house. I press a button next to the gear box and instantaneously hear the electric window on my side humming down. As I put my head out I hear myself scream.

'If you don't come _right now_ I am going!' and with that proclamation, I put the gear stick in reverse and slowly back up the car from my driveway on to the road.

My road is not typically busy, but is nightmare in the morning. Everyone is using it as a short cut going from the A240 to the A3 motorway. I have emailed the council so many times and nothing came out of it. Now I have to manoeuvre my car to avoid collision while I reverse back. One of these days I will just slam in the first car I see.

I park the car on the kerb and there is still no sign of my twins. School starts today and thank heavens for that! Year 5. Time certainly flies. I have always felt they went to school too young. Although I am glad that never was an issue. I am glad it worked out for them. 'They are very bright and intelligent Ms. Steele' their Head would say. Of course they are! But it all comes down to us, the parents, not the school. They couldn't care less. 'Try your best' they told them in Year 1. I was so angry when I heard. _What?_ 'Try your best? You either do it or you don't! There is not try!' Like Yoda used to say. Nobody is going to make my children complacent. There is this thing called motivation and as much as I have it, they will too! That's my interpretation of it. I was suddenly drawn out of my forever active mind by the sound of the door in the back. Thud - closed. I turn around and see them. They are looking good in their new uniform. They smirk at me.

'Buckle up!' I say in a commanding tone. They obey without retort.

Today is the one day I am taking them to school. From tomorrow Jose will take them. He has more time than me.

I vaguely remember my colleagues announcing on Friday something about my new boss starting today. I am not really bothered. I am given instructions of what my clients want and I deliver. I don't get involved in gossiping, office politics, and taking sides. I have enough drama in my life.

I drive like Schumacher in my 'oh so unbelievably cool' Range Rover and I see people on the pavement look at me either in admiration or in disdain, cursing me and my driving techniques. If there is one place I can be bully is on the road. I love cars. I love driving fast. But safe, of course. I am all for safety. Although not many of my friends will agree to that. This is the one thing that excites me greatly. And I've had my shares of excitement in my life. Now married to him. My first and only boyfriend. Though it didn't turn out that bad. I look at my boys in the back and smile. They both have my husband's eyes.

'We're here.' I announce and stop the car by the pavement. As I turn around I lean forward.

'Kiss.' I pucker my lips. I know what will happen now but I don't care.

'Mom! Please!' Jason, my firstborn, curses under his breath.

'Just give her a kiss, or she'll stay here all day.' Michael retorts and places a smacker on my cheek and as fast as that he is out of the car.

See, he knows me. He knows what I will do. Jason shifts from his seat grudgingly and kisses me.

'Have a good day you two.'

He is out of the car in a second. If only they got in the car that fast. I smile and as I drive off, I toot on my horn. They pretend I am tooting to someone else and I smile.

I slow down on my way to work. There is much traffic on the A3 and I don't intend to behave irresponsibly. I leave that for when I am with my children. I put the radio on, Classic FM and it immediately lulls me down from my very hyper state. I absolutely love Joseph Haydn. He is my favourite composer. The heavenly sound of violins lingering in my head after the melody had finished is bliss. The Violin Concerto in C major, is on and I listen intensely. My mind is blank. I love it when is like this. My overactive mind has finally been overpowered. Conquered by a simple track. Peace. I listen and the sound takes me away, in a world where things are done for me. I exhale despondently, as I know the moment the track ends my active mind will pop up from my subconscious, where it was lurking the past 5-6 minutes waiting for the tune to end. An overactive entity trying to multitask the multitasking already taking place.

I arrive outside the parking lot of Casting Steps Ltd. the sign, one of many, clearly illuminated on the outside of the newly built office block in Putney.

I wait patiently on the road with the left hand indicator on, allowing the cars coming from the opposite direction to pass before I can enter. _Yes, l__eft hand drive in England!_And…I gradually lose my patience. I see the cars don't have any intention of stopping, so I sharply wedge in the road, trying to scare them into letting me through. I am driving a Range Rover, after all. Of course, my plan works and now the cars line up patently as I leisurely enter the parking lot.

As I enter I notice a small dark car parked in one of the bays. Interested as ever in cool cars I drive closer to it. My mouth opens in disbelief at the Trident Iceni Grand Tourer, currently the best British car on the market and I can't believe it's here. This car can be only ordered and cost something around _£75000_. I park my car next to the Trident and hurriedly, although still staring at it, I enter the building through the back entrance with the biggest grin on my face.

The elevator is waiting for me. I press number five and I cannot avoid the mirror. I check myself in it. I look OK.

At 30, I don't dye my hair and my eyes still have that spark I had in my youth, although I swear I can see wrinkles around them. Never mind. I am happy.

I hear 'p_ing'_and the door opens. I am met with an office full of people running about, trying to meet deadlines.

Jennifer Miles, the girl I spend most time at work with gestures to me with her hand.

_'__Hurry!__' __S_he mouths from the back of the room. I do as I am told, not sure what the commotion is about. I see other people in our section of the office standing.

'Ana! Our new boss is here!' I can tell she is excited. I move next to her.

'Where, Jen? I can't see him.'

'Shh...over there.' She whispers then gently touching my elbow she slowly pushes it in his direction. It takes me few seconds to realise what she is doing, but finally I get it. I look up and all I can see is his back. Hm. I hope he treats us good. Our previous boss was a tyrant. We all hated her. Engrossed in my own thoughts I realise he is now standing in front of me and Jennifer, with extended hand, waiting.

I look at him and I..I am lost for words. Why can't I say something? What's wrong with me? I just stare at him. Captivated by his grey eyes.

'Um..' I try, I really do. His eyes are mesmerising. I feel them penetrating my soul. I feel so vulnerable. I can't move. My mouth is dry. Oh my god. He is...I don't have words to describe his salient look. Why do I feel lightheaded and weak in my knees? He's coming closer to me. _No!_ I don't want you this close! _Don't come closer!_ Too late.

'Breathe.' He whispers in my ear and touches my other elbow. His touch is electrifying and sharp.

That's my wake up call. I huskily inhale and land back in the office. I instantaneously focus on Jennifer, who, by now, is slobbering.

'This is Jennifer Miles, our secretary.' I introduce her and thank god she has better social skills than me. She grabs his hand and pulls it closer.

'Nice to meet you, Mr. Grey.'

He nods formally at her and looks at me again.

'And you are…?'

Oh, that voice. I could listen to him forever. I am hypnotized.

'Anastasia Steele.' I am quietly enduring the flutter in my stomach. He may be the most striking person I have ever met but I have my pride. A pride of a married woman.


	2. Chapter 2

xxx

'Nice to meet you Ms. Steele.' He brazenly looks at my wedding ring violating me with his eyes again. I am embarrassed. He is clearly conveying his needs. I am ashamed to contemplate the filth he is imposing on me. _Is it hot in here?_ I feel sweaty. I must say something. Come on. Talk.

In a flash of the moment I lift my chin up, as if to say '_Yes,_ _I'm married!' _and smile courteously back. I try to sound professional and matter of fact but I know my voice will let me down. Instead I choose to cowardly keep quiet. He cannot possibly hold my hand all day. There are other people waiting to meet him. And everyone is staring at us. Surely he'll pull back.

Steven Busfield, the slimy Head of Accounts, is introducing him to everybody and he cannot understand the hold up. Thank god someone will take him away.

I cannot move. I am captivated by his presence. I foresee an upsurge of passion in my body and it's wide of the mark. It's simply not possible for one tiny woman to feel all this. _What is wrong with me?_

'Mr. Grey, this way.' Steven gently pushes him towards the procession of people waiting to meet him.

He clenches my hand firmly once again, I assume constructing some sort of signal and he is gone, meeting other people.

Was it a sign? What did he mean by that? W_hy am I asking myself this?_ Caught out by my own subconscious I quickly dismiss those last questions my mind asked. I turn around and I am glad no one is looking. Jennifer is still drooling in his direction. Unnoticed, I slowly head for the restroom. I really hate the restroom in here. It's unisex. There are so many of us and they can't build decent restrooms - separate ones. We often end up going to the floor above. We are not teenagers to share - we have boundaries.

I reach the door and I breathe out, not realizing I have been holding my breath. I am safe. The ultra modern restroom is spacious and gives me room to respire. I approach the luxurious oval freestanding basin sitting on the handmade oak vanity and turn the tap on.

If I splash my face like they do it in the movies will I smear my make-up? How is that action deduced without looking like a mess? And if I do, what will Jennifer say? And the others? I am sure they will wonder why have I randomly splashed my face?

I feel the freezing water on my hands and still contemplate splashing my face. This is good. It brings me down to earth and all the lovely things I should be grateful for in my life. Yes. In touch with my mind, body and soul simultaneously. Only pain and cold can do that for you. I needed this. I am not sure what happened out there and I don't want to know.

I look at myself in the mirror and I think I am ready to come out.

I am myself again. Confident and married.

I fix my tailored dress looking in the side mirrors that extend up to the ceiling, undoubtedly making the large restroom appear more spacious. This restroom was undeniably designed with luxury in mind. But certainly without the input of the people utilizing it.

I straighten my dress making sure it's down to my knees. This dress has the habit of riding up few inches. I turn around to make sure my behind looks fine too. Not that I nitpick but after having two children my body somewhat lost its shape. And now is slowly re-emerging back glorious and sexy. _Yey!_

Ready to enter the real world I reach for the door knob when I decide to take one last look at myself. I look behind in the mirror and run my hands down my body, resting them on my buttocks. Arching my back fully makes my breasts thrust out. My head follows my back and my chin slowly lifts up, with my eyes fixed on the ceiling. I have to stretch. I often do that. Carrying children does strain your back.

My minute exercise is over in a flash and I am ready to exit, fully stretched. I step forward even before my head comes down and I feel someone's foot.

'Ms. Steele, don't let me interrupt you. Please, continue your workout, I was enjoying that.' _What is he doing here?_

His voice feels like milk in the morning, when you've just had the soft and warm cookies and you are thirsty. You want the milk. All of it. I cannot help but feel parched.

His eyes speak to my mind in a language that's not acceptable. My soul on the other hand is insatiable for knowledge and would learn any language to be able to communicate with him. And my body, my body is not mine anymore.

I break eye contact and can't help but look in the mirror. I am flushed scarlet. Still no words coming out of my mouth. I lick my lips and he seems to like that. He is so intense. I am not sure what he is going to do next. We stand so close, I can smell his scent.

I step back to give us the needed space and finally I am away from his charge. His eyes are controlling. Entrancing.

I swallow before I start talking and he observes me carefully. I am not sure if I like that. It feels very intimate. _I am married for god sake!_

'I am done Mr. Grey, please do come in. I'm sorry I impeded the entrance.'

I'm sure he can sense my rickety voice.

Now I only have to circumvent him and I'm out. This wasn't so bad. My face is scarlet but that's nothing to worry about. I have had similar situations when I was younger. So what if I am flushed? I can deal with it.

I look at him trying to decide which way to go around and either way looks dangerous. He is terrifyingly close to me and whichever path I choose I will most likely touch him. Unless he moves. But clearly he won't. He knows what I am trying to do and it seems that he is entertained. Amused in a creepy and sinister way, resembling a prey holding its victim he stares at me penetratingly.

'Going somewhere, Ms. Steele?' He asks again, undressing me with his eyes. I …like it. There, I've said it. Take that my subconscious mind! I like the way he looks at me. No one has even looked at me like that. Not even Jose.

'I would if you move.' I am cold and impolite, although cowardly looking at my feet.

_What are you doing? No! Don't touch me! _

He lifts my chin up and looks me in the eyes.

'And if I don't?'

_Oh, the nerve!_ How dare he flirt with me in the restroom? Now I am mad. Who does he thinks he is? So what if he is my boss? I can always change my job. In fact, I don't need to work at all. Jose makes all the money.

'Mr. Grey, please. I'd like to leave, Sir.'

_Where did that come from?_ This is not me. Quiet. Shy. _Shy? _Maybe before but not now. Are we in high school again?

His extortion is profane.

I look in his eyes and this time there is nothing except a sinister glint. It's daunting. I am looking at my feet again and wait like a good school girl to be let out of the headmaster's office. That's how I feel. I actually said the word Sir. _Sir!_

He smiles in disdain.

'Sir? I think I am beginning to like you Ms. Steele.'

He moves slightly on the left and grants me passage. Of course all this looks too easy, like in a hunter's game. I know he is not going to let me leave. He has that beastly look on him.

I am besieged and try to quickly wring myself through when I feel his body force mine against the door frame. Luckily nobody is outside or I probably would have screamed.

'Mr. Grey?' I am scared but he can see that.

I can't move. I am pressed on the door frame so much its getting painful. I don't apprehend his actions. He has scared me already. What more does he want. _Don't come near!_

'You–are-exquisite.' He whispers softly in my ear while his hands hold my head tightly.

_Oh, heavens open and take me there!_ I can't do this anymore. I am weak. I should be able to hold off temptation easily, but this….this is just unheard of.

He is moving his lips towards mine now. _Oh no he won't!_ I can feel he is enjoying our closeness but I try to fight him off. What kind of married woman would I be if I gave in to the first person I liked? At least, without fight.

Irritated he grabs my hands and positions them behind my back. While doing this his eyes are blazing inferno. He has the look that could kill you if he wanted to. He is clearly enjoying this.

Totally defenseless, tears start rolling down my cheeks unannounced. I know I could scream, but I also …I like what he is doing. _What is he doing?_ I really want to see where this is going. I just don't like to feel entrapped.

My tears interrupt him and he looks at me bewildered and dazed, like he'd come out of a stupor. He takes a step back and alleviates the pressure on my body. My balance is lost and I nearly plummet to the floor.

'Oh.. are you all right Ms. Steele?'

My social skills appear to abandon me, yet again today. I am lost for words. What do I say? I am fine? I liked being vehemently held by you?

'I…'

He abruptly disrupts my thought process while helping me get on my feet.

'I believe we'll necessitate separate restrooms as soon as possible. This is just unacceptable.'

His tone tells me he is very upset. Have I done something wrong? No, definitely not. _Wait, don't go! _He is gone. My heart sinks. I like his presence.

I am in the bathroom all alone, speechless. What the fuck just happened?

I stay still for few moments, composing myself, before I leave the restroom too.

'There you are.' Jennifer intercepts me in the corridor, obviously looking for me. She can see I've been crying.

'Ana, are you all right? Is everything OK?' She is genuinely worried.

'Yes, yes I am.' I wipe off my tears. 'I've had challenging morning at home with the kids'. _I hate using my kids as an excuse._ 'Look at me Jen, can you tell I've been crying?'

'Let me see, no, you look fine. Nobody will notice.' Jennifer retorted.

'Did you maybe see Mr. Grey in the restroom? I am sure he went there earlier.' She asked sheepishly.

'No. He wasn't in the restroom.' _Now I cover for him?_

'Ana.' someone is shouting my name. I can see Dave in the distance. He gestures me to hurry. _Again?_ What is with these people and running across the office? I take my time and I can see he is losing his patience.

'Mr. Grey wants you in his office. Um.. he is in Joanna's old office at the moment.' Now everyone heard him. Why didn't he say it louder, perhaps the floor above wanted to know who was after me. Dick.

Joana's office is at the far end of the floor cleverly secluded from the noise. It's the only office on this floor. I walk up to the door with my chin up and without knocking - _Yes, I thought I can be that bold! - _I enter.

He has his back turned to the door, standing next to the window, looking outside. He can hear the door open and close. Surprised, he turns around and cocks his head, regarding me.

'Ms. Steele, you didn't knock.'

'That's right. I didn't. Was I supposed to knock?' I am cold and calculated. From this far I can do anything.

'Well..aren't we brazen.' Visibly entertained, he approaches.

Oh no, I never planned for this. His presence is toxic. _Not this close!_

'Ms. Steele…do you _want_ to knock?' he is now standing one feet away from me, soothing me with his voice.

Damn my undersized valour. He scrutinises me with his eyes. Trying to see if I am anxious. Of course, I break down. The truth is I am not so brave.

'I…I can if you want me to.'

I am stuttering. I am a disgrace! Fallen solder in the Army of the Married Women. Ashamed, I bite my lower lip and look at the floor.

'Ms. Steele.' He scolds me like a headmaster 'Do knock on my door next time.'

We are so close now I can kiss him, easily. _Oh, the appeal he exudes!_

'And please _do not_ do that with your lip. It drives me mad.'

I let go of my lip immediately. I fill the admonition in my groin. _Why there?_

'..Dave said you wanted to see me.' My courage is intersecting me again. Why do I have this burning desire to have sex? My breathing becomes erratic and my breasts slowly move.

'I did. You can go now.' He briskly moves away from me. In a flash, he is sitting behind his desk, looking at his paperwork, leaving me arid and longing.

I sense my sexual arousal in my body. _Again, what just happened here? _I am hyperventilating but don't want him to see me like this. I leave the office slowly and all I can feel is the wetness between my legs. _Oh my!_

xx


	3. Chapter 3

xxx

I scurry back to my desk, smoldering fire budding in the apex inside my thighs and I slowly sit down. I can't think straight. _What has he done to me?_

I look at a photograph of my beautiful boys, Jason and Michael, placed in the left corner of my desk and exhale peacefully. Finally, perspective.

I sit up straight in my office chair. By pressing my stilettos against the floor I veer it toward the desk and haul my legs under it. I am ready to work. I switch my computer on and wait for the low whirring sound to end, for the emails to upload. Yes, the computer has seen better days.

I look around me. The reality of an open-plan office is having no privacy at all. My business becomes everyone's business. I hear ringing phones, pinging e-mail, articulated dialogue all over the floor. How is anyone supposed to get work done here?

Behind my screen, the one I am staring at all day, in the distance is Joana's office. He is there. I dread the thought of him using the office daily. _What does he do anyway?_ Jennifer mentioned something about him being our boss, but surely he is not Joanna's replacement.

The authority he conveys is astonishing. One of his many attributes is, I believe, deducting immunity out of women. And clearly, he is American. Has he noticed I am an American too? Suddenly I have this longing to enlighten him of the fact. _Yes, we are connected!_

I look at my screen and see 55 new emails. Not many. _I would like to be able to ignore that damn office but I can't. _

I picture him in Joanna's black leather chair, devouring my body with his grey eyes, rubbing himself. For a split second I look up from my screen and meet his gaze. _Oh my! Today I will slide home_. I am getting damper by the second. He is staring at me with such ardor I cannot break free. For the first time in my life I want to be single. _It's official, I want to fuck him!_

Infected by lewd virus, my body is craving pleasure. I am not sure how much I can take. I need to liberate myself, today!

Thank god for Steven Busfield interrupting the sinuous current between us. As he enters his office I quickly pick up my bag from under the desk and pull out my iPhone. I press few buttons and put the phone to my ear.

'What's up?' Jose pick up his phone within seconds.

Um, I didn't think of this. What do I say? We have stopped calling each other at work long time ago.

'Jose, are you free for lunch?' I never ask him to go to lunch with me. I see him at home. Why should I want to see him at work too? He might think something's up. _Damn, I know he will!_

'Why, what's going on?' _I knew it_. In future I should plan for things like this. I'd rather that he didn't ask.

'Jose, um…...remember how cranky you were feeling last month?' I start and I am not sure what to say next. I have never wanted sex more than I do today. I'm anxious. He is not typically dubious and certainly I have never given him any reason to be, but it's natural thing to do, suspect. Particularly when your wife of 10 years, with whom you have sex once every 2 months unexpectedly wants it in the middle of the day.

'I am not sure what are you saying Ana, what is it?'

'Remember the day we set up the gallery? Just after you paid your first months' rent? Look, why don't I come and surprise you.' Jose's breathing becomes uneven. I hear him getting aroused as we speak. _Great!_

'Oh! Really?' I can hear his grin. He is elated. This doesn't happen very often. In fact, it happened only once. The day he hired the gallery he insisted we 'christen' it there and then. And I couldn't say no. He was so excited.

'I'll be there in 10.'

I rise from my chair gallantly and brusquely walk through the office, still feeling his eyes on my body, relishing me with every step I take. Today I have my black stilettos and I know I look sexy in my knee-length tight dress. Not risking an elevator ride with anyone I reach for the exit doors and start walking downstairs. The staircase is bright but virtually empty.

I reach the parking lot within minutes. My Range Rover is just amazing. There is so much adulation between me and my car. The exquisite feeling you get from driving something so big and powerful. I lose myself in it. _Oh, the feeling!_ Again I am cutting cars and beeping at dozy iSomething pedestrians, grappling their gadget inflexibly and incoherently walking around, not following the traffic pattern. Crossing the river, I'm going north, in Fulham.

I am gracefully playing with the gas pedal, the clutch and the brake when images of me yearning in Mr. Grey's office slip into my consciousness again. My knees open and immediately I feel additional moist down there. My groin is longing for him._ Him!_ I feel embarrassed and aroused at the same time. He induces me with profound reverie and sensation.

I really would do good with a quickie. Shame Jose doesn't understand the concept of that word. I have told him many times if he has been able to do quickies then I am sure we would have sex more. The problem with Jose is that once he is hard he can go on for hours, if not days. I hope he can do one today. I am not in a mood to jerk him off. A position we always end up after I come. And boy, it takes hours.

Jose's studio is in Dawes Road and it takes me 7 minutes to get there. It's bright open space with large windows and high ceilings. Its key feature is the basement. Predominantly used by Jose to scrutinize diverse textures and light influence in his art. He loves this studio. I sometimes think he spend more time here than at home.

I park in the driveway and slam the door shut. The dampness in my panties is now getting to me. I enter the studio and Jose greets me with the biggest grin in the world. I know he has been stroking himself from the moment I told him I'm coming. I see him and smile seductively.

'Come' I say and take him by the hand. We walk slowly down the stairs, in the basement. It's dark but pleasant.

We reach the foot of the stairs and I lead him to the door. He is looking at me confused but thrilled that I am doing this. For the first time I take charge. I never want to play silly sex games. There is no point, I think.

I open the door wide and pull him behind it, facing the wall. Tugging my dress in haste up to my lower back, I insert my fingers under the rim of my panties and yank them down revealing my bare behind. Apart from my unembellished bum cheeks I am still fully dressed. My sexiness is evoked by the stilettos I wear. I look back with sweltering eyes, regarding Jose.

'Slide it if you are ready' I say and perk up my naked behind placing my hands on the wall.

I see Jose's unyielding hard- on springing out from his boxer shorts. I know he cannot apprehend what's going with me since his blood is rushed in the wrong place and hence, is not capable of thinking, but I am sure there will be ample Q&A later.

'Ana, you are so wet!' he cries while inducing me with jolt. His hands are on my hips and he initiates coarse thrusting against his body. This is what I needed all along. I respire and let go of all the inundations I've had today, holding myself firmly on the wall, asserting each thrust.

_I own your soul Ms. Steele. You cannot replace me by fucking your husband!_

What was that? I shudder.

'Are you OK?' Jose manages to ask, lunging deeper each time.

'Yes, just keep going.' I breathe heavily trying to destroy the last image in my head.

'Ana, why here?' Jose's curiosity is flaring, determined to scrutinise me while having sex.

'What?' I am now breathing and all my senses are opening up for the explosion of what would ensue.

'Why behind the door?' He brings me back in the room, still dark. We are concealed behind the door, having sex.

_Or doing something filthy and clandestine._

In my mind, I am doing precisely that. Being fucked in secret, my body transpire for the one person who fucked my reasoning this morning. I need to let go of my tension before I see him again.

'Don't you find this arousing? Me behind the door, you fucking me…hard.'

Upon saying those words the perfect Mr. Grey delivers rapture in my mind and all I can see is his hands on my hips, his body implanted on mine releasing himself while I scream in ecstasy. A rush of adrenaline scrapes through body and I feel like a sex object, a swearword, an obscenity, thoroughly blasphemous entity when I explode. I am lost in the thrusting and by the time I get back from paradise I feel my knees wobble. Fortunately Jose swiftly takes hold of me before I fall down.

The basement still echoes my cries. My lips tremble from the ripples of pleasure provided by Jose. Of course, it was too soon for him to come.

'What – was – that?' Jose is still holding me while I collect my composure. Waiting for an answer. I start giggling. That's my defense. _Really?_

'Oh my god! That was great Jose!' I pant and titter at the same time. 'The excitement!'

Jose is regarding me questionably. I have a big grin on my face. My hands are placed on my hips and I cock my head at him.

'What?' I taunt. 'When I say I don't want to have sex, you complain. When I want to have sex, you are not happy again. Are you ever going to be happy?' He can see my point and burst out with laughter.

'You are right Ana. You took me by surprise, that's all.'

'I might be taking you by surprise again. Keep you on your toes.' I begin to flirt and give him a controlled hug.

'I have to go now.' I smile while prepping my dress, making sure everything is where it should be.

'See you tonight.' I run up the stairs, leaving Jose to ponder on the moment. I am sure in the state I left him, he'll be down there for some time.

I exit the studio and feel the autumn air. I am relieved. _Bring it on Mr. Grey!_ I can play dirty too.

My mind, body and soul are content.

I don't notice the drive back to work. My body is sated and everything around me is gleaming. The slamming of the door prompts me from my dream like state and I am alert now. I am at work and I haven't done much of it this morning.

I enter the building blissfully and there, waiting for the elevator, in all his glory is Mr. Grey.

My heart skips a beat but I am still strong. I never thought having sex would save me. I radiate serenity and his sexual beams cannot penetrate my aura.

I don't quite remember what he wore in the morning, probably from the erratic thoughts my mind implored, but I am more than happy to scrutinize him now. He looks relaxed. He has white shirt, tailored jacket with elbow patches and jeans that drape him impeccably. The suede chukka boots aid to his very trendy look.

I stop and regard him, I feel something imminent flaring in my thighs, but for the moment, I am not stirred but placate, big smile on my face.

'Ms. Steele,' he seems pleasantly surprised. 'Back from your break so soon? May I ask what did you do?'

Trying to make small talk. _I can do that._

'I had lunch in Fulham, with my husband.' My retort is victorious. _Yes, take that!_

'And what did you have?'

'What do you mean?' I am baffled.

'For lunch, what did you have?'

_I had sex. Because of you._

'Um..salad.' The only thing that comes to my mind. If I say anything else he'll see through me.

'Nothing else?' He is interrogating me. I feel like he already knows what I did.

'N..no.'

'The salad must have been really good. Or the company you had. You look different, radiant.'

I can see a menacing shadow enveloping his face. _Is he mocking me?_ What a fucking mercurial asshole! Who does he think he is?

We are interrupted by the elevator and we go into it. I'm terrified of his demeanor. The doors close behind us and I cannot feel anything but entrapped.

I lift my chin higher than it already is and grit my teeth. It's very difficult to suppress my anger. I clench my hands into fists and look at him, narrowing my eyes in contempt.

'Do I?'

He is surprised at my intensity. Takes a step back, astonished.

'Ms. Steele, that's a compliment. I wish you would accept it.' He smiles sardonically, in contempt of my reaction. 'The glow in your cheeks suits you.' His voice, now repentant, had changed tone again.

I look at him in disbelief and my breathing becomes erratic. What is he saying? I am still mad but I am not sure if he meant what I think he did. He is coming closer. Not again!

He leans forward, whispering sternly into my ear, not touching me at all.

_Why the change of style?_

'Your virtue and innocence is dubious Ms. Steele. I awakened your senses and aroused you this morning, making you wet and ready. If you didn't want to have sex with me, you should have at least allowed me the courtesy of watching you come.'

_What? How does he know?_

'Running to your husband is playing dirty. I don't play dirty.'

I am speechless. How dare he talk to me like this! I am not some young innocent girl looking for fun. _I am married, damn it!_ I must say something back.

I move as far as the space in the elevator allows me, away from him, looking at my feet. What he said was disgusting and morally offensive.

'I don't play at all Mr. Grey.'

I am still staring at the floor, my lower lip flaring red from biting it but I think I had a good comeback. And it's true. I've never wanted to play any games.

I can see him coming closer yet again.

'But you'll want to play, Ms. Steele.'

xxx


	4. Chapter 4

x

I can feel his breath on my skin, sweet and eager, savoring me slowly, while reminiscing the vibration of his vocal chords that only seconds before sent tremors down my spine.

I don't trust myself. The heat coming off his body is smothering me. He got me right where he wanted. Hot and needy, again. I am intimidated and at the same time angry. Angry at myself for allowing him to get to me.

_Am I fifteen again?_

We are both jolted by the elevator opening its doors. Mr. Grey, observing a gap among the people waiting to get in, shoots off in a business like style, not looking at anyone.

I am still in the elevator, looking at my feet with lacerated dignity.

Coming out of the spell, I think I have at least one ounce of pride in me left. I pull myself together and exit with same vigor as he did. My afternoon was not supposed to be like this, callously dashing through the office, not regarding anyone.

_What kind of games is he talking about? _

I reach my desk and in a moment of equanimity, I decide to leave for the day. It has been intense. While logging off my computer I spot Jennifer in the background and smile vaguely at her. Her desk is positioned conveniently next to mine.

'Jennifer, I think I will go home. There is too much going on at the moment. Do you mind telling Mr. Grey?'

I am not sure Mr. Grey will approve me leaving but I don't care. I just want to be out of here.

'Yes, Ana, of course. Poor thing, I hope everything is OK. Go home and don't worry about work.'

She is more than happy to see me off. This will give her one more reason to ogle Mr Grey.

'I'll be checking my emails.' I say and turn around, whooshing through the office.

I can't get out of here fast enough. Running away will not solve my problems, I know, but at least it will give me a different point of view. I pass the elevator and take the stairs. _Second time today!_

I overlook people at the parking lot and run for my car. My cloud nine.

Just before I reach the door of my Range Rover someone taps my shoulder.

_If this is Mr. Grey I will scream! I mean it!_

'Excuse me, you dropped your...wallet?' Beautiful and friendly brown eyes greet me, big smile on his face, looking in wonder whether the item in his hand is a wallet or not. He hands it to me politely.

'It's my make-up case, thanks.' I smile graciously and press a little button on the key chain, unlocking the car.

'I am in a hurry. Sorry.'

'You work on the 5th floor, right? I've seen you arriving at work in your car. You sure can drive!'

_Small talk? Again?_

'Um..Yes. I am sorry, sounds like I have intimidated you on the road. I am not that bad.' I am now sitting in my car and waiting for him to move so I can close the door and go.

'No, you haven't. I am Tom. I work one floor below.'

'Anastasia Steele. Nice to meet you Tom. I really have to go.' I slam the door almost in his face.

x

My machine ignites the purrs under the hood, and I am at peace. I rev the engine and move off. _Watch out everyone!_

With at least 25 minutes before I reach my house and burrow under my blanket, I am besieged. My mind, running one hundred miles per hour, is overtaking my thoughts. It's surreal.

I try Classic FM, they always have something good on, and I am immediately taken aback by the most haunting and foreboding piece. _How fitting! _It's O Fortuna, the opening movement to Carl Orff's Carmina Burana.

I am now angry the CD player in my car doesn't work. Last week my 'Haydn: String Quartets' cd got stuck in it and I forgot to get it fixed.

I switch the channel to Capital FM. They always play popular songs, sign along ones. Right now I need to scream out any song. I need the repetitiveness of the music.

x

At last, I can see my house in the distance. I park in my driveway and switch off the engine. The children are in school, Jose is at work and I am alone. My ear drums are still throbbing from the loud music in the car. I go inside, the silence fascinatingly humming in my ears.

I've restrained my understanding so far but I can't do it any longer. My mind, working in a peculiar way, must be appeased. I haven't met anyone who reflects like me. I logically question everything and look for a solution. By removing the heart, the emotions, nothing is left unturned. It's a cogent way of finding an answer, thanks to Mr. Dale Carnegie. I go into my study, sit on the sofa and begin, speaking out loud.

_What is the problem?_

Mr Grey.

_Why? _

He is too damn attractive.

_What else? _

He makes me nervous. I think he wants me, sexually.

_Anything else?_

He is brutally presumptuous, over-confident and brazen.

_What can I do about it? _

I can talk to him. _Why didn't I think of this at work? _Initiating the dialogue will give me advantage. I've read about predatory types like him, hounding their victims for hours and feeding of their fear. _Well, not anymore!_

_What's the worst that can happen? _

Our opinions could differ and he will have to fire me. Or I will leave.

_Can I live with that? _

Yes. _Can I?_

There! My logical mind has it all sorted. I must admit I do love Mr. Dale Carnegie. Somewhat outdated, he takes the complicated things in your life and makes them orderly. Of course, not everything turns out great but at least we always have the questions to go back to.

With the solution in my mind I lean on the sofa and close my eyes. It's good to be at home.

x

I sleep for at least 3 hours when the front door startles me. It's Jose with the children. Before I can fully open my eyes, Jason and Michael are already in my study, standing next to me.

'Hi mum, are you back from work already?' Jason is puzzled. I am never at home before six and I certainly never sleep during the day.

'Are you all right?' Michael follows.

Jose is behind them, looking at me, mischievous smile on his face. Probably remembering our exciting episode in his studio.

'Yes, I am fine.' I smile faintly. 'I had cramps in my stomach, that's all.'

Relieved their evening will not be distorted in any way, I am left alone again. No one is perturbed, inquiring in details about me being at home. They palpably trust me. My god, the attention I get! The role of a mother and a wife, forever being taken for granted! What about the role of a woman?

_When did I lose that? _

I think about today. My perception of reality has been altered.

The eruption of stimuli I endured was something out of a book.

_Is it possible?_

I beseeched and ascertained emotions that do not exist in reality. I was enthralled, Mr. Grey grappling me with attention and me stewing in the concoction of love, longing, sex, charisma and lies. I am compelled and it will take me days before I touch down from heaven.

_How sad is that?_

Waking up to those feelings in real life gets me depressed.

_Oh shit! _

I just remembered Jennifer. I told her I'll be checking my emails and it's almost six. My laptop is still on the side table from the night before, next to the sofa. I switch it on and log on to Casting Steps intranet. My inbox is uploaded instantaneously. _Yes, much faster than at work!_

Out of the one hundred and something new emails I see, there aren't any from her. _Phew! _One email with 'Frail' in the subject catches my eye. It's from Christian Grey. _Oh god! _Mr. Christian Grey. Christian.

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: 'Frail'

Date & Time: 3 September 2012, 15:25pm

x

Dear Ms. Steele,

You didn't look ailing in the elevator. If anything, I think you looked radiant and healthy, as I said.

I am sorry you had to leave so early and I hope you get better soon.

I need to see you about the project in New York but seeing that you are indisposed I can talk to you on the phone.

Please call me on my direct line 020 8126 5189. I'll be expecting you.

x

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

Casting Steps Ltd.

x

That's odd. His email signature is so vague. Where is the job title, the address, the contact details, facebook page, twitter page?

My reasoning fastens on trivial things, deliberately ignoring his disparagement, trying to stay calm. I look at the time on the computer, almost six o'clock.

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: 'Frail'

Date & Time: 3 September 2012, 17:56pm

x

Dear Mr. Grey,

I may have looked radiant but I felt sick, most likely from the distasteful comments in the elevator.

I presume you have already left for the day.

I shall see you tomorrow morning.

x

Best,

Anastasia Steele

x

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk | .  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5188 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

I press send and close my laptop.

Mundane household tasks await me and I get up, rested from my afternoon nap and go into automatic mode. In the laundry room, I take out the clean clothes from the washing machine and place them in the dryer. Jose is in the kitchen, preparing dinner. I turn around and see him in the doorway, regarding me, amused.

'Do you still have cramps in your stomach?'

'No, I don't. I am better now, thanks.' I smile at him, recollecting my lunch hour. He gives me a cuddle and a peck on my cheek. _Hm..interesting._ I haven't had that in a while.

'You were amazing today. Self-absorbed and egoistic. Where is my wife and what have you done to her?' He was teasing.

'Be careful, she could come out anytime.' I played along.

My mind was still running one hundred miles per hour, except now it was taking its time sightseeing through my life.

X

I put my children to bed and decide to go to bed myself. Jose is still in our large shed, duly named 'mini studio', working as usual. After reading five chapters of my book I resolve to check my work emails again. It's almost midnight and I disgracefully hope Mr. Grey has seen my email and replied.

I log in and there it is. Email from him. My heart flutters. I feel like a teenager with a crush.

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: 'Still here'

Date & Time: 3 September 2012, 18:10pm

x

Dear Ms. Steele,

I am still here, waiting for your call.

My comments were not distasteful more than your actions.

x

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

Casting Steps Ltd.

_x_

_What? _I am flustering scarlet again and I am not even at work. I do this to myself, I know. This is really getting out of hand. I must respond and set the tone for tomorrow.

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: 'Still here'

Date & Time: 3 September 2012, 23:53pm

x

Dear Mr. Grey,

Let me be clear about something: I am not interested in you.

Being as attractive as you are, I do not doubt your strength and technique in hunting. If I had been in my early twenties, you probably would have had me on my knees by now. However, I am not. I am a mature woman who knows what she wants, and it's not you. Nothing will happen between us and you can bet on that.

I don't play games and I certainly won't with you.

I haven't done anything distasteful today. What you think of it is not my concern.

I am willing to work with you but if we cannot find mutual understanding then one of us will have to go. I don't mind if that's me. I don't need to work anyway. I do this because I want to.

It is late, and again, I presume you have left for the day.

I will see you tomorrow and hopefully we'll start afresh.

x

Best,

Anastasia Steele

x

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

I press send and wait. My forlorn need for his response is impelled when, after few minutes I refresh the screen and I see an email from him.

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: 'Yes, still here.'

Date & Time: 3 September 2012, 23:59pm

x

Dear Ms. Steele,

Don't presume. Please call me.

x

Christian Grey

Casting Steps Ltd.

x

Again, my need for reason disregards the adrenaline rush through my body. Why is he still there? It's after midnight. Seriously considering the phone call I ponder for about 5 more minutes before I decide to turn the light off and tuck myself in, falling asleep while Mr. Grey infuses my dreams with his essence. It's late.

x

I wake up rested and happy. _I know why. _

Everybody is still asleep. I get my clothes from the wardrobe and hastily dress up. White fitted short sleeved shirt and grey pencil skirt complimented by wide elasticated black belt. I add my snug three quarter sleeve canary yellow cardigan and finish with a short black tie around my neck. Dressed like this, I look 22 not 30. Together with my black stilettos I look like I've popped out of a fashion magazine. If there is one thing I know is fashion.

I enter the bathroom and observe myself at the mirror. My brown hair complements my guise. I usually have it in a ponytail but today I am doing something special. I braid my hair into a plat and let it fall on my left shoulder.

There. I look great. I feel great. Bring it on Mr. Christian Grey. I am not scared of you!

In fact, dressed like this, I even like you. _I am the hunter and you are the prey!_

My drive to work takes me minutes in my head, I am self-possessed, and I feel like pilfering Leo's line: _I'm on top of the world!_

First one in the office. It's eight o'clock after all. Most of my colleagues start work at nine. I walk through to my desk and turn my computer on. Making myself comfortable and one step ahead of the game, I relax into my chair.

'Ms. Steele.'

His thunderous voice shakes my existence, jolting me with such intensity I almost fall from my chair.

'Oh god!' I am petrified.

'I'd like to see you in my office, please.' He leaves the door of his office open and walks up to his desk.

I am shaking again. The domination he has over me entrenches sweetly like a honey dipped lolly-pop I fix myself quickly and walk leisurely to his office, trembling but valiant, my chin up. I enter and close the glass door behind me.

_I am in control. I am in control. I am in control._

'Ms. Steele.'

I wish I can launch into a profanity infused tirade. Make him understand I cannot play. I mustn't play.

'Call me Ana, please.' Redeeming myself for the email I sent him last night, my mind enforces me to take lead. Allowing him to talk will only make it worse for me.

He looks at me baffled. Not sure if he should give me the reigns. Sitting in his leather chair, his face consecrate, inviolate. The god Adonis himself could be his servant! I am regarding him in awe, trying to decide if I should compare him to Eros, the god of falling in love, or Anteros, the god of love returned.

'Ana.' he cocks his head and regards my clothes. 'Do you want to get down on your knees?'

I flush scarlet and grit my teeth. At least he read my email.

'Is that why you are dressed like this?' visibly entertained he reclines into his chair.

'Mr. Grey, I'd like to talk about your conduct. I have emailed you yesterday and explained in details. Your advances are futile…'

'Ms. Steele, I was expecting your call.' He egoistically interrupts me.

_I can do that too!_

'Please, let me finish. Mr. Grey, there are two things I want us to agree on today.

First, I want you to understand I am not interested in you. I am happily married and don't do affairs. If you are after a married woman, there are plenty in our office.

Second, I would rather you don't talk to me in such a derogatory way. At least, count to one hundred before you say something offensive. I don't particularly like when people are insulting me and I am not going to start now.

If you think you can agree to this then we can work together. If not I shall give my notice in.'

I regard him sternly, directly looking in his eyes. He retorts by staring at me forcefully, digging deep into my soul, I feel, trying to find the 'me' from yesterday.

'My conduct is not up for altering, Ms. Steele.'

'In that case you will have my notice by end of today.' I blurt out without any warning.

'If I make you wet, I want to be the one satiating your need. Nobody else. I am not interested if you are married or not. Your body reacted on me. Ms. Steele, you are a very ardent woman but you must be reminded of the fact. When was the last time your body trembled in suspension, like it did yesterday? Destitute, oozing pheromones only I could see?'

He pauses for a moment.

'Next time you are predisposed in the same way, deprived and moist, wet between your legs,'

He is still looking at me, his face only a hairs distance from mine. _When did he come so near?_

'..You are going to let me watch you come. Not once, but twice.'

_Oh my, I am already wet!_

My breathing becomes shallow and he can sense it. He immediately moves away from me, going back to his leather chair with obscured smile on his face.

'Obviously that shouldn't be a problem for you, Ms. Steele. Becoming predisposed like that.'

I am still regarding him sternly. I look stable, resilient. On the inside, Boeing 737 rumbles over my head, with me inhaling the vibrations, creating massacre of my sanity.

'I will not pursue you any further if you agree.' He completes his speech.

I slowly inhale, lifting my chest up to the full capacity of my lungs and hold my breath, thinking. I am rummaging inside my analytical mind. _Do I have the guts?_

I meant every word I said and I am not going to let anyone intimidate me, that's for sure.

'Very well. I agree.' _What? No!_

I exhale, determined and professional. We shake hands with polite but business-like smile on our face and I head for the door, sensing victory.

'Ana.' He calls out in a very decent tone.

'Could you please set up a conference call with New York at 3pm this afternoon, in the boardroom? We need to talk to one of the schools about our project.'

_Interesting_. The hunter is gone and a civil and courteous person is taking his place.

'Of course, Mr. Grey.'

'Christian. Please call me Christian.' There is this new person again.

'OK, Christian.' I smile.

x

Jennifer and I have been working together on the New York project, trying to create a social enterprise, sister company that would provide a platform for young and talented drama students to get cast as extras in films and commercials. The Julliard School of Drama in New York has been more than happy to collaborate with us. We project an altruistic side and help the community. The fact that we make millions on the back of the little people is irrelevant. Joanna, my ex-boss, thought it was a great idea.

I can see three o'clock approaching and start to get ready. I need to show Mr. Grey, I mean Christian, I am an expert in managing international projects.

Jennifer is aware of the conference call. She hands me the portfolio.

'It's time.' She says. It sounds like I am going in the operating room. 'Go, get ready. Show him what we have been doing. Get us that trip to New York.' She winks at me and I remembered why she is behaving like this. Christmas in New York! She really wants to go there.

'You got it!' I wink back and head for the boardroom.

Our boardroom is used for different meetings and training purposes. It has windows alongside the north wall and a river view. Just like any boardroom, it has a long table in the middle. This one can seat at least fourteen people around it. Why we are meeting in such a big room, I don't know.

I enter and notice the high quality wood cabinets look like furniture more than storage units. The room is baking hot. There must be something wrong with the heating. The weather outside is mild and the radiators shouldn't work, but, upon touching them, I burn myself.

I pick up the phone from the boardroom and call maintenance. They'll be here in one hour. Great!

I try to ignore the temperature and start setting up the computer and video link. The media system is positioned at the opposite end of the entrance door, just under the wall mounted screen.

It's ten o'clock in the morning in New York and they are expecting our call.

Christian arrives in the boardroom and his presence is disconcerting.

'Good afternoon, Ana.' He sounds like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He walks up at the top of the table and pulling up a chair, sits down. He is next to the entrance, too far.

'That's very far Christian. They won't be able to see you properly. You need to come here, just next to the screen.' I shout. 'The heating is not working. Someone will come in an hour's time. Sorry about that.'

'That's fine. I am good sitting here, I will only observe.'

'Sorry?' I come closer to him, not sure what he is saying.

'I said this is your project and I think you should be leading. I'll be here if you need me.' He says as a matter of fact.

I am amazed. Joanna would never have given me the freedom. I am starting to like Mr. Grey. Christian. I grin and at the same time, panic. My eyes open wide and I try to gather my thoughts into a coherent dialogue, the one I'll be having with the school. I am beginning to sweat profusely in trepidation that I'll be running the show, and from the heat, too. I take off my cardigan and my tie. I feel much better considering the heat. I can breathe. I am ready to kick ass.

Once connected with New York, I lash into the businesswoman I am, full of industry knowledge and its shortfalls. The philanthropic facet developing within the company will make us one of the leading casting agencies in US and UK, is the bit they like the most, I can tell.

I talk for at least 20 minutes, showing them the paperwork and contracts they need to sign.

Just before the end, Mrs. Geneve, the person on the other side of the Atlantic, asked if she can speak with Mr. Grey. S_he knows him?_ I am confused but only for a second.

'Mr. Grey, Mrs. Geneve would like to talk to you.'

He graciously approaches and positions himself on the other side of the table, opposite me, his back to the windows. The screen is to his right. He regards me directly, almost gazing at me. Gradually he glides his stare down my face with one objective - my mouth. _What is this?_ I can't help but bite my lower lip, feeling uncomfortable. He licks his lips slowly, tormenting me, deliberately making me heady.

'Mrs. Geneve.' He is still regarding me, cruelly.

'Good morning Mr. Grey. How are you?' She is melting.

_Good god, where is the business woman I talked to a minute ago? _

Releasing me painfully from his indiscernible claws, he arrogantly cavorts from my lips on to the screen.

'I am very well, thank you. And how are you?' His smile alluring.

They have certainly practiced small talk before, I can see they are experienced.

Before I say my goodbye, the call is over and the line dead. I am left perplexed with his focus conceitedly back on my lips.

I can see what he did. He bargained with me knowing I cannot resist him.

'Ms. Steele, I have told you, biting your lip makes me... insensible.' He is regarding me seductively again and his eyes progress down to my cleavage, undoing my buttons, descending into my core. I look down and notice few buttons on my shirt have truly become undone in the heat, my white lacy bra clearly visible. I am all sweaty. My face is glowing and my neckline shimmering in the heat. D_amn this heat!_

'Ms. Steele.'

'Yes, Mr. Grey?'

The veiled dark lord is steadily emerging.

He looks directly in my eyes, intimidating me with the intensity. He is still seated but somehow he is into me, devouring me with his hands, my nipples now elongated from my effervescence, longing for a coarse tug. My breathing is shallow. My breasts are mounting with each breath I take, craving a slap or a pinch...anything that would inflate this sensation.

'Open your legs.'

He orders me.

_What?_

I can't speak. His austerity is stimulating me in an uncharacteristic way. I am captivated by his carnivorous hold over me. My legs disobey me, opening up as much as my skirt allows. _Thank god my skirt is fitted!_.

'Wider.'

Another forceful order followed by a wicked smile carries ripples of pleasure in my groin, subduing the rebelling in me.

I pull my skirt up to open my legs more and 'oh my god' I am moist and ...hot. The heat coming off my panties can be felt miles away. I feel waves of moisture overwhelming me and I cannot contain it. It overflows into my thighs, exciting my throbbing clit, now sore for touch. The apex inside the top of my legs is burning, setting fire to my groin. I need him. I have already given up the need to stay strong.

In a predatory mode, he approaches me carefully, trying not to disturb my erotic flow. I know. Positioning himself on the chair adjacent to me, he bends down to my groin and inhales profoundly.

'You smell so tempting.' His voice desolate.

He is now gently blowing on my breasts, cooling me off. Closing in on my lips, he is hovering over but not touching me.

'Are you getting aroused?' He whispers. 'Wet?' he points with his fingers, 'down there?' He then thrusts his index and the middle finger in his mouth, giving them a good weave around with his tongue, licking his fingers in every direction, drenching them with saliva and making me shiver in suspension. I wait in deferment for his wet fingers to stimulate me into explosion inside. He takes his fingers leisurely from his mouth and instead he places them on my lips, deliberately gliding, circling around the edge, opening my mouth with them and making me feral with vehemence by allowing me to lick the tips of his fingers.

With my mouth open I am now following his head, its movement. I want him inside of me. _Now!_

'Remember our agreement, Ana?' he plays with me, whispering next to my mouth. I inhale his breath, desperately trying to familiarize my tongue with his mouth but every time I reach he pulls away, tormenting me.

'Yes.' I hear myself say.

'Are you ready to come for me?' he is insistent.

'Yes.' _What is with me?_

'Do you want to come for me?'

I am holding my fort with the last fleck of strength I have, oozing with lust. All this for the sake of our agreement. I can't imagine doing what he wants me to. _Why did I agree?_

My inner dialogue prompts me from my mesmeric dance and I look at him, for the first time, awake. Visibly disturbed I move away and rapidly button up. I feel I have had sexual intercourse there and then, all ruffled and wet. But not satiate. Feeling guilty, I head for the door.

My faith has been shattered. Is it possible for someone to be so devious?

'The door is locked.' He is calm and calculated.

'Then unlock it.' I speak though my tears, looking at the door, with my back to him.

I can feel him approaching, standing behind me, almost touching me. My breathing is uneven and I am visibly distressed. I close my eyes allowing my abundant tears to disgorge freely down my cheeks. Then I hear his voice again.

'Ana, I want to see you come for me now.'


	5. Chapter 5

xxx

I am sensing tears trickling down my cheeks and I am not even sure why I am crying. _Guilt? Shame?_ I can't face him. My grand speech conveyed words only. No meaning. 'Your advances are futile.' _Who was I kidding? _I break like a twig under his command.

'Ana. Turn around.' His voice is soft, remarkably composed.

'I can't do this Christian.'

'Please. Turn around.'

I lift my head and reluctantly look at him, my eyes read. The heat has got to him too. His face is gleaming and his breathing shallow. Quiet, almost non-existent pants, like when hunting a deer, not wanting to scare it. He reaches out and with the back of his hand wipes my tears.

'I didn't mean to make you cry.'

'You didn't.'

'I did.'

I barely smile. 'Yes, you did.'

'Don't run from me.'

I regard him, not knowing what to say.

'I still want to see you come.'

_What?_ Is he serious? Excess of wetness lingers in my panties but fortunately my mind is overriding my everything and not allowing a sliver of joy to go by. With the hex now shattered I feel remorseful, waiting to be exonerated.

'Um..No. ' I look at him anxious, not sure of his reaction.

'You are not going to run away are you?' _Begin the mauling of the deer. _

'Christian. Let's talk.' The tone of my voice trying to infuse logic in his being. On the inside, the deer already knows its fate.

'Ana, you agreed.' He snarled, raising his voice in exacerbation.

'Christian, you care for nobody but yourself!' I yell in defeat. 'I am married! Don't you feel contrite for invading my marriage? Why don't you let me go?'

He stares deep into my eyes, sanctioning me to see the unpalatable arrogant individual he is.

'You have my word, Ana. I will not fuck you. I will not touch you at all. In theory, you are not cheating and I am not interfering. I have said, if I make you wet, I would like to see you come. That's all. No touching, hugging, pillow talk. There is nothing profound in this. I am not falling in love with you and you are not having an affair with me. In fact, if I get another woman wet and deprived, I would expect her to come for me too. Of course, unless she is single. Then I'll fuck her brains out.'

_Ouch! That hurt!_

I am undermined by his words. I thought he liked me. All this is just a game to him. _Why am I acting like a 15 year old again?_

'What about men? Do you want them to come for you too?' I am sarcastic. Yes, I can turn that way when I'm hurt.

'Men?' He shouts in exasperation.

'Yes. Men.'

_Winner! _

'Assuming you gain pleasure from watching sexual acts from both sexes, doesn't that make you a voyeur?'

'No! It doesn't!'

He is mad. Furious. I am happy I got him there. Me on top of him. He hurt me. _He hurt my 15 year old me._ I want her to be loved. He is visibly upset and I can see he wants to storm out. He makes a step closer to the door.

'It's locked.' I say in disdain, exercising same power he had over me when I wanted to leave.

'I'll meet you here in one hour Ms. Steele. The heating will be fixed by then. You better be ready.' His eyes, enflamed and desirous are baring the predator in him.

He reaches for the door handle with an insolent smile and leaves.

_What? It was open all along? _

That lying bastard!

x

'How did it go?' Jennifer is impatient.

'You might get that New York Christmas trip after all.' I divulge information about the conference call in details, avoiding the embarrassing moments, of course.

'I can't believe it! This is actually going to work!'

'Of course it will. Why wouldn't it?' I am confused.

'Honestly, I thought Mr. Grey will close the project today. I overheard Steven from accounts talking with him. The project drains our finances. We are better off using the money for marketing.'

'This is the best marketing for us.' I was annoyed.

'I know Ana, but when it comes to money, they want to see profits.'

'It seemed Mrs. Geneve knew Mr. Grey and she'll play. Let's see for how long.'

Jennifer smirked. Her trip to New York is only few months away.

x

It's almost five o'clock and most of my colleagues are still at their desks. I lift my head and see Christian through the glass door with someone I am not familiar with. I pick up my phone and ring his extension number.

'Mr. Grey?'

'Yes, Ms Steele?' He regards me through the glass door in the distance.

'I am not going to make the five o'clock meeting.'

'Oh?'

'Um..Sorry. I can't.' I put the phone down and avoid eye contact. I am gutless and go back on my word. _I don't care!_

Consciously evading his reaction, for the rest of my time I engross myself in the project's drudgery, not discerning the slowly vacating office. It's ten past six the next time I look up. I didn't expect to stay so late. Almost everyone is gone now, bar 2-3 people talking at the other end of the office, clearly not working. It looks like Christian left for the day, too. Relieved, my shoulders truncate into my body. I am serene for the first time today.

I log off my computer and tidy my desk, ready to go home. It's been crazy fucking day.

A short ride down with the elevator takes me to the landing area inside the building, just next to the parking lot. I open the exit door and there it is. My cloud nine. I love my Range Rover. It gives me wings. Yes. That's what it does. Not Redbull. Range Rover. My heart fills with revere. My Range Rover has been my rock even since Jose bought it for me. It really is pricey but I had to put my foot down. We've been spending all of our money on him and his work. His career. His future. Nothing for me. When I think about it makes me angry. It looks like everything in my marriage is one sided.

'Going somewhere Ms. Steele?'

Christian's commandeering voice startles me, standing next to my car, waiting for me.

'Oh god! You scared me.' I regard him, waiting to move away so I can get in my car.

'Would you let me drive you home? We can finally have the meeting we discussed this morning.'

'Thank you, I have a ride.'

'Are you going back on your word Ms. Steele?' He cocks his head.

'Christian, what do you expect me to do?'

'This, Ana, is an impeccable opportunity for you. Since I'll be driving, I am not going to appreciate you as much as I would want to.'

'I..I can't. Please. I'm married.'

I am begging. _Please let the deer go_. You can devour me tomorrow. Not today.

'Did you come yesterday with your husband?' He is calm and calculated.

'Yes but…'

'Then you can do it for me. I want to watch you come. I've been thinking about you all day. It's been driving me crazy.'

'I..I am not sure if I know how to come at all...' I look at my feet. 'I...I need to have sex and have a ...gadget massaging me in the right place.' I am uncomfortable. Discussing penetrative specifics with him is surreal. 'Without those two elements, rarely something happens.' W_hy don't you just tear me apart!_

'We'll see what happens.' He is in control.

'I can't.' I look at him.

'You agreed.' He retorts, business like.

_So what?_ I did agree but it's not going to work. Executing eruption in my groin in front of a stranger is something I can't do. Though it seemed feasible few hours ago. _What am I doing?_

'My car..' _That's your reason?_

'Your car can stay here. Take taxi tomorrow to work. I'm sure you'll think of something to tell your husband.'

'I...' I regard him, imploring my desolate look.

'No more excuses.'

I feel entrapped. The 15 year old in me is happy. She doesn't know what's in store for her. Naïve. The wife in me is shouting, crying to turn around and run.

With my head down, I feel dejected.

'Direct me to my demise.'

'Ana, you are going to love the experience.'

_Me?_

He leads me through the parking lot and stops at the Trident Iceni Grand Tourer. W-H-A-T?

This car has been described as a cheesecake that helps you lose weight. Too paradoxical to be realistic. Only the greatest car in the world! Tinted windows? My eyes sparkle. He can see my excitement.

'Do you like my car?' He is amused.

'It's OK.' I retort and almost pee in my pants. I'll be riding in Trident Iceni! _Yeaaahhhhh!_

I am first one in. I want to touch everything inside. See how it works. Feel it. I want to drive. Oh my, I am so excited. I hyperventilate.

'So you like my car.' He states.

I grin. Big 'you can see all my teeth' grin.

I snugly feel the car seat. Ah, it feels invigorating. Like someone holding you safe, forever.

'Mm…' I moan unintentionally.

'You've started too soon.' He regards me affectionately.

_Was that a joke?_

'Put your seat belt on.'

The car purrs beautifully. I am already flying. If I am going to cheat on my husband, Trident Iceni is the best place to start.

We turn into Lower Richmond Road and we're off.

'I live in Epsom, down the A3.' I say too eagerly.

Unable to remember the actual reason why I am in his car, I ride musing on Trident's Midas touch jammed between the earth and the contraption. It's exhilarating.

'I can see you are in the mood.' he promptly reminds me.

I regard him, developing fear, expecting the predator out of him to pounce.

He glances at me as much as the driving is allowing, consuming me with his eyes.

'Open your legs.'

_Oh my._ His domineering voice sends tremors all over me. I feel I belong. My body takes over.

My legs open unhurriedly without me wanting.

'Recline in the seat, tilt your head back and close your eyes.'

I obey, only too happy to be in his car.

'There…' He is savouring me slowly.

'Open your legs wider.'

I obey but my skirt limits my movement. I want to open my legs but I can't. He reaches from his seat and slowly pulls my skirt up, not touching me.

'Oh ..' My breathing is shallow.

Ripples of waves come up my thighs, making my clit, second time today, throbbing with longing for touch. I am hot and moist, almost instantly. I haven't touched myself there in years. Ever since I discovered the glorious use of vibrators.

I relax my hands on the side of my thighs, not sure what to do next.

'Touch yourself.'

I reach up with my left hand and gently run my fingers across my panties. Coming across my clit makes me shiver in excitement.

He is looking at me delectably. I am a mouth-watering cake ready to be eaten. I like the way he relishes me. It makes me famished. I want to eat the cake myself.

I hook my fingers on the side of my panties, allowing them access. I gently run them down my ingress and they slide easily in me. This makes me remember this afternoon and it's all coming to me now. I feel my wetness, I've wanted this all day.

I lift my skirt even further with my other hand, reaching my panties from above and slide it in, targeting my clit. I slip my fingers further and dip into my wetness. Then I slowly glide them out lingering in the right place and kindle myself slowly.

I sigh loudly.

I like this. I open my legs even more now and cock my head at Christian. Glancing every chance he has in my direction, he is mainly looking at the road, holding the wheel firmly, trying to resist me. I fix my eyes on him. I really need a good fuck. I reach out and start rubbing his engorged array over his jeans. I am uninhibited.

'No touching! Please!' Surprised at my act, he removes my hand abruptly. My touch made him displeased. I am rapidly closing in on my heaven and ignore his demeanour.

My fingers are thrusting inside of me and my other hand is gyrating over my clit with all the stickiness and wetness there is. _Oh...I like this._ I want more.

While I keep my clit entertained, I release the other hand from the prodding and I unbutton my shirt. My bra still in place, I reach out for my nipples and squeeze them, one by one, tugging them painfully. My bare breasts poke through my shirt relishing my tug with my seatbelt in between.

I moan even louder again, my whole body shaking.

I arch my back, wanting some sort of release and now I am tugging my nipples with both hands, wanting something hard between my legs, spreading them wider.

I am loud, groaning and lamenting, my voice vibrating in the small enclosed space.

'Ana, you can stop now!'

_What?_ No! I love this. It really feels liberating someone watching me. Immoral. I am close... gyrating over my favourite spot, arching my back, while pinching my nipples over the pain threshold, one by one. It hurts...ah...and I'm squeezing them harder, at the same time thrusting my hips back and forth.

'Ana, that's enough. I want you to stop now.' He is trying to rouse me up from my stupor again, bemused. The game he plays is so dark, I hate it.

I slow down and gently petting my naked breasts, get in the mood again while my other hand is still intimate under my panties. I never realise my eruption, building up faster than I can manage. Feeling my explosion coming I whimper stridently in ecstasy, ripples of pleasure devastate my body. The need for something stiff in me is even greater now, I need…I want….

'No, Ana!' He cries out.

I don't pay attention to his games anymore. I snug myself again in the chair, coming down from my rapture. I need few moments to regain consciousness, to get back. I pull my skirt down, fit my ample breasts in my bra and button up. I regard him and we stare at each other, in what seems like minutes. I am satiate and he is looking at my afterglow, I can tell, his eyes blazing with carnal need, hunger.

The entrapping effect he has on me is palpable. I can't get rid of it. My breathing becomes shallow again. My hips start moving back and forth, simulating thrusting effect. _What? _All this while I am looking at him.

_I am hopeless!_

'Do it again, Ana. For me.'


	6. Chapter 6

xxx

_Again?_

His words bring me to my knees, entombing the reality I am in. I instantly feel corrupted and tainted. Why did I agree to his disgraceful game, making me feel violated? The kind of power this man exudes over me is unfamiliar on so many levels. I despise myself! I turn my head towards the window and all I can feel are tears running down my cheeks. The veracity of the moment is me sobbing quietly, and then, loud enough to hear myself sniveling, not paying attention to Christian. I have arrived at my own mausoleum, experiencing repentance, remorse, shame. There are many alike words to explicate my remains. Low life. I pull my knees up to my chin placing my feet on the upholstery and hold my legs together. And cry. Weep for my conformity for its gone now. I feel small, I want to wane from here and wake up at home, in my bed. Christian represses me into 15 year old girl. _What have I done to that little girl?_ This is it. I have crossed the boundary into the valley of the lies, land of betrayal. There is no turning back.

'Take me home please.' I manage to whimper through my tears.

Christian is lost somewhere between the agonizing stiffness in his jeans and the wishful thrusting in his groins when he hears me crying. He is surprised, almost shocked.

'Ana, are you OK? Why are you crying?'

I can sense him twitching, nervous, in his seat. Unsettled. My crying is making him uncomfortable. Out of the domineering sex god comes a vexed man, displeased his collaborator let him down.

'Please…don't talk.'

I pick up my bag from underneath the seat and pull out a small mirror. I look at my face and all I can see is messed up conspirator walking to the gallows by her own free will. I blink to reduce the tears from my eyes, making sure my face looks closest to normal as possible. I try to stop crying. I must not let Jose see me like this. He must never find out.

'Ana, I'm not taking you home like this.'

I look at him with my bloodshot teary eyes.

'Christian, take me home.'

'Not like this.'

After decreeing me into devious acts he has the audacity to make the decision for me? _I wish I have never met him! _ I seethe through my gritted teeth, detesting him with my facial contortion.

'You-don't-get- to- decide- for- me. Take me home!'

He can see I am serious. I have never had such repugnant fire burning in my eyes. It's the inferno of 'attack to protect'. At least what's left to protect. I think he took everything I had.

'I think we are near your house.' It's the next thing he says, trying to calm me down. He is not certain if I will scream wolf when he stops. _I might!_

I look around and see my street. I am confused. 'How did…?'

'Um..I have access to your personnel file.' He is undeniably anxious of my response.

'Isn't that supposed to be confidential?' I snap at him.

'Yes. It is.'

'Drop me off here. I can walk the rest of the way.' I sniffle and take a deep breath, trying to ignore his eyes on me.

He stops by the curb. When I look at the car, everything is lost in a singular space. _It's been a pleasure, Miss. Iceni, I've enjoyed riding you, literary! _

I egress before I say something I might regret. I slam the door and walk brusquely up along the road. The Trident, following me closely behind revs off boisterously and speeds off just before I reach my house.

x

I enter my house and notice no one is around. Upon checking the children's bedrooms I see Michael and Jason are already in bed. The time is ten past seven. Thank god! I really am not the mood for them. Jose is such a good father. I know he works most of the time but when it comes to the children, he does a great job.

I know where I will find Jose, undoubtedly deciding on a color and shade for his paintings, he'll be in the small studio in the garden. I am taking a shower before I see him. Scrub off the filth. I go in the bathroom and undress. My panties, wet and used from the commotion in the car are the only memento of my infidelity. The atrociousness of the situation I am in is unyielding. What did I do? _Allowing the 15 year old in me to take charge? _

I hurriedly put everything in the laundry basket and run my shower. While the steam is gradually invading the bathroom and an attractive glow is budding on my face I walk under the shower. The shower head is spraying firm slivers of water all over my body, pinching me everywhere. I sense them most on my nipples. I hurt my nipples in the car. What's gotten into me? When was the last time I touched myself like that? Eight, nine years ago?

I take the shower gel and squeeze small amount in my hand. Lathering my body feels good. I slide my hand down there, the place I rubbed only minutes ago, feeling sore from the friction in the car. I lean on the wall, allowing the water and steam to engulf me. I start again, running my fingers up and down, scrutinizing the movements. Would it feel good again? It does…it feels so good, so real. With the other hand I squeeze my breast, ending with a hard tug of my nipple. 'Ahh...' I loudly moan. I am in my own world again. A world free of atonement. And I lose myself.

'Ana, is that you?' Jose startles me. He is talking to me through the door.

'Um..Yes, it's me.'

'Did you say something?'

'Is dinner ready?' _Has it been seconds or minutes?_

'Yes, everything is set.'

'OK, I will be there in five.'

Alarmed, I change the water from hot to luke warm. In less than a minute I am out of the shower and dressed in my pleated silk chiffon nightgown. Wearing this, I feel more guilty and deprived than I already am. I thought maybe Jose can help me quench my 'thirst' tonight, so to say. I only hope. Christian the plunderer left me craving for more.

I go out and there he is: his overalls tinted and discolored, specks of paint all over his face and arms, in all his glory. Is my smile guilty as I feel?

'How come the boys are already in bed?'

'They had football this afternoon and came home very tired. After their bath, they went to bed. Great, isn't it?'

'Yes. Perfect.'

I regard Jose, he never tries to look cool unless it is opening of one of his galleries. He pours me a glass of wine and serves me dinner. Bell peppers filled with mince meat and rice, served with salad. If the art didn't work out for him, he could easily be a chef. The food is amazing. I love him and his creativity.

'How was work today?' I ask.

'I had a great day. Me and Rosey had the most incredible breakfast at the new restaurant. The one that opened few days ago.'

_Ah, yes, Rosie, his assistant. _

'Its clientele is mainly people from the art world. I met Mr. John O'Prey, the owner of the O'P gallery on Kings Road in Chelsea. We exchanged information, talked about inspiring and refreshing art and seeing things from different perspectives. Art as a sign of wealth and power, intelligence and wisdom, and a sure sign of the development of the culture it comes from. You should have been there. I was on the ball. Just before we finished our breakfast, he invited me to join him for lunch. Can you imagine? Me! I met his wife over lunch, too. A remarkable woman, working full time, has two children, boys, like ours. She is also an artist and has created so much artwork they had to auction half of it to create more space. I mean, it's just unheard of!'

Jose keep on rambling about people in the art world, the most tedious part of our conversations, while I lose myself in a parallel universe and enjoy my dinner with people who appreciate me more than my husband.

Dinner is finished and Jose hasn't asked me anything about my day. Never mind. I am not affronted. I am not in the mood of conferring anyway. Besides, what am I going to say, I masturbated in the most amazing car in the world? _Ha-ha._ My new boss used me for his pleasure? _Wait, doesn't that count as sexual harassment? _

I am on my third glass of wine already but not drunk, just tipsy. The wine is getting to me and I know if I don't interrupt Jose he will talk for hours. I know him.

'Jose, would you like to have fun tonight?' I smile seductively, repenting my sin.

'Um…Sorry? What do you mean?' Disregarding the fact that I cut short his dialogue he is baffled.

'Are you interested in some …fooling around?'

'Ana, what has gotten into you?' He smiles back. 'I'm so sorry darling, I can't. I have to give John, um..Mr. O'Prey something for his gallery tomorrow. This is a one in a million chance for me and I must take advantage of it.'

'Oh, OK. That's fine.' I am disappointed. No atonement for me tonight. 'You go ahead. I'll be in my bed, reading.'

'Good night darling. I'll be late.'

He kisses me on the cheek and takes a sip of his wine. I leave the kitchen, feeling my panties wet as I walk to my bedroom and try to remember how that happened. Why does thinking about Christian makes me shiver in pleasure? _I hate him!_

x

I am woken by a terrible headache at five in the morning. I shouldn't have drunk that wine. Was it all a dream? I look up at the ceiling and try to remember. The jagged ache is still in my heart and restlessness spills over my state of mind. I try to forget my disparagement. I drag myself out of bed and take a shower. In five minute it's all over and I'm out, anxiously searching for neurophen, my trustworthy friend. I ingest two tablets upon finding it and I already feel better. Placebo effect, surely.

A steaming cup of freshly brewed coffee is undeniably the most exquisite way to start any day and I am going to do everything in my power to have one. I sit of the sofa in my study with my coffee and ponder about yesterday. What should I do? I can't bare look him in the eyes. I don't know anything about him. How come he drives the Trident? If he is my boss, and most likely he is, how can he afford such an expensive car? He hasn't said where he is from. In fact, come to think of it, he hasn't said anything apart from the fact that he wants to fuck me. Hm. He hasn't said that either.

My plan is to go to work early and try to avoid him all day. Entangled in my own thoughts I enter my walk in closet and take the first dress I can reach. This will do. I quickly dress up and glance myself in the large mirror in our hallway. I have chosen the navy dress with polka dot pattern, Peter Pan collar with red piping, coming down with pleated skirt up to my knees and a red belt. Great, this is not the tight constraining dress from yesterday. It's not sexy at all. The only thing stunning I will have to wear is my red stilettos. I don't want to wear anything plausible that could give my colleagues a notion that I am somebody who is regarded as willing to set aside personal integrity in order to obtain something. To put it simply - a whore. The whole experience makes me feel like a hypocrite.

I tie my hair in a high ponytail, nothing special today. Today I just want to die.

I try not to think of Christian. My focus is getting through the day with only the two neurophens I took. I do not want to take any more painkillers. It's not my thing. I put my coat on and quietly close the door behind me, forgetting about my car. _Shoot!_ My car is at work and I don't want to go back in the house to make the call. I dial the number of the taxi company from my contacts list on my mobile and it looks like I will have to wait ten minutes for someone to pick me up. Never mind.

My taxi, a Mercedes, is slowing down by the curb. I regard it and my heart sinks. Nothing compares anymore to the ride I had yesterday. The Trident Iceni. It ruined me for life. I am thinking about my cloud nine and wonder if I'll get disenchanted, that it might not measure up against it.

I arrive in the parking lot at exactly six thirty, almost at the same time the Trident Iceni does. Christian is here? I am perplexed, what is his job title again? The hours he works are unfathomable. He is here most of the time.

I pay the taxi and head for the landing, to call the elevator. I glance in the direction of the Trident, I want to make sure Christian will not reach the landing at the same time as me. I don't think he even saw me coming and that's a good sign. I am not particularly comfortable with him in the office alone. He is devious. Dominant. In the two days I've known him he had exerted control over me in a way I cannot explain.

I press the call button and wait. The elevator is usually here, but this morning I have to wait for it. _Really?_ This gives Christian time to get to the landing while I am still there. There is no way around it. I am reluctant to see him. I can't look at his eyes again. In an instant decision I go for the stairs. I turn around and as I open the door to the staircase, there he is. Casually walking in. He does look good. He wears his blue faded jeans and a gorgeous dark navy blue velvet suit with a white v-neck t-shirt under it. The dark navy velvet suit brings out his fair skin and grey eyes. It really suits him.

In a split second we exchange glances and I can see he is surprised. I caught him off guard. I can see for the first time his jovial look, natural, and almost childlike. It makes me want to smile at him. Greet him. I don't do that. I stop and look down, not sure if I should continue my journey up the stairs. I feel this gravitational force pulling me to him and all I can think of is I better put on my war paint. I am not giving in without fight. I regard him tough my lashes. Upon noticing me his buoyant look become ravenous. He is now regarding me carefully, almost savoring me. I assume he is done with my face, because he takes a step back and looks at my dress.

I can see him lifting one of his eyebrows.

'Ms. Steele, dress to kill today, aren't we?'

I use this moment to open the door of the staircase wider and walk up the stairs quickly. I can hear myself retort.

'Not really'.

I can hear him standing in the doorway, holding the door, preventing it to slam behind me, gulping me down with each step I take.

'I love the dress. So free and …hopeful.' I can sense something impudent in his voice and I am cross. I really do not like insinuations. Especially after yesterday.

I reach the office before him and head for my desk. I am the first person there. I make myself busy and don't even notice him passing by and getting into his office. _Success!_ I hope he feels bad for making me do things to myself.

'Ana, my office'. Is the first thing I hear today. I am not happy. I am still sore, hurt. I feel violated. Ashamed. Should I go? _Do I have a choice?_

I exhale and surrender yet again to him. I look at my feet and head for his office. He is still by the door, waiting for me to get in. Once inside he closes the door behind me and lowers the blind; the one I never knew existed until today. _What is this?_

I walk in front of him, knowing he is flavoring me little by little, the predator that he is. He doesn't talk. Just looks at me. Probably expecting me to say something. But I don't. There is nothing to tell him. Debased, I only stare.

His office is dimly lit by the daylight entering through the window. It is a rainy morning in London and the clouds coat up most of the light.

'Ms. Steele, where were we?'

_What?_ No! I am not doing anything. Spending time with him feels like riding on an overwhelming self-depreciating rollercoaster. I feel dire. Upon hearing his words my stoop becomes unbend. I straighten up as if someone has jolted me with 10 000 volts electricity and I look at him directly in his eyes. _Bring it on!_

'You are going to come for me one more time Ms. Steele.' Unfazed by my mutiny, his domineering voice overwhelms me.

Um..No, I won't.' I retort, although I am convinced he can spot the deer waiting for its demise.

He smiles sardonically, in a similar way a snake smiles while opening its jaws to swallow its prey.

'Ana, come.'

_No, don't come near, please._ Too late. He touches me by my elbow and I am frozen. He has exerted his venom over me, leaving me paralyzed for his scrutiny. He is leading me to his desk, positioning me on the corner of it, facing the desk so the corner ends up between my legs. He places a soft gel wrist pillow on the corner, almost touching me and making my heart to skip a beat.

_Why is my breathing becoming shallow?_ No! Don't give in!

He walks around the desk, by the other corner, diagonally, and stands opposite me, salivating, anticipating a feast with his eyes.

'Come to me, Ana.' He gives me his hand.

_What? I don't understand!_

'Give me your hands Ana.'

My body obliges and we are now holding hands, both bended over the desk, him pulling me closer into it, the corner jamming between my legs. His desk snugly fills my gap, the one that was craving something hard yesterday.

Can you come a bit closer?

I shake my head, looking at him enchanted.

He is satisfied and rests my hands on the desk. I am bent over his desk.

'Don't move.'

He comes around it again and stands behind me, observing my behind.

'This skirt is perfect. Free and hopeful.'

I am now looking like I will fuck his desk any minute. My breathing is becoming unbelievably erratic and without any prompt, I perk my behind up, making me slightly rub against the soft gel wrist pillow.

_Oh my!_

_Is this what he had in plan? _

I am slowly losing myself in the suspension when I feel his hands on me. It seems like he is pulling my skirt up, revealing my legs and my lace gauze boxer briefs panties.

'Oh, Ana!'

I can only imagine the bulge in his jeans. He stands behind me, watching me. I lose myself for a second and my body disobeys me again. My bottom is perked up, ready to be fucked. Oh, I really want him inside of me now. I slowly start making rotating movement on the corner of the desk and it feels heavenly! I open my legs wider, making me fall flat on the gel cushion.

'It's a bit hard…'

'Don't you want something hard in you Ana?'

'Yes..I do.'

'Show me how much you want.'

He is still standing behind me, with one hand petting my bum cheek, and with the other rubbing himself. I start my reckless rotating dance slowly, annihilating his desk, getting turned on by the second. My dress doesn't allow me to pop out my nipples and it's driving me crazy. I try to squeeze them but it's hard though my bra. Suddenly out of nowhere I am jolted by a sharp pain on my behind.

'Ahh..' I whine louder than I thought. _What was that?_ Exhilaration and release! Painful..Not really. Exciting! Oh my, I haven't been slapped before in my life. This is…and before I have time to think about it there it is again, another slap.

'Ahh..' this time I moan, enjoying the twinge in quiet ecstasy.

Oh his touch feels so thorny. I lose myself in it. My body opens up to him and I am waiting for his resistance to penetrate me. My whole being is transgressing though his hand on my behind, trying to impale me. He is still petting me with his hand and quietly panting.

'Oh, Ana…'

He is restraining himself, I can feel it. I regard him over my right shoulder, while still making circling motion over the desk, and I can feel my peak coming. I know I am not thinking straight when I want him inside me. I am mounting the desk harder and I am shaking.

'Please…..fuck me.' I say quietly, almost weeping.

'Are you begging Anastasia?'

'Yes…..please.'

I am begging. I can't take it any longer. My mind will crucify me later but my soul will save me now. He takes a step forward closing the gap between us. He takes his hand away from my behind, slowly unbuttoning his jeans. He is seriously contemplating fucking me. I see that and can't wait any longer.

'Come on...' I am panting. I am now in unbearable proximity shattering and I stop waiting. I explode into rapid thrusts over and over, the desk corner pushing hard into me and I come into million pieces, sore from the inflexibility of the desk, almost numb, as if I was fucked for hours.

I look behind by shoulder and see him leaning on the wall behind the door, having ejaculated into orgasm himself, moaning quietly and drooping down on the floor.

'Oh, Ana, you are so fucking hot.'

I fall down on the desk in exhaustion and there it is. My mind preparing my crucifixion. I am not sure if I should run away from here, pretending this never happened or de-mount the desk and fix my panties, now ruffled up from my gyrating and put my dress down. I decide for the latter. Embarrassed by my begging earlier, I cannot look him in his eyes. I want to say something that would make sense but nothing can anymore. I straighten myself down and head for the door.

'Ana..'

I raise my hand at him not wanting to hear anything and leave his office quietly. Thank god no one is in.


	7. Chapter 7

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Alex

x

I walk up to my desk and sit down. The office is empty. No one is around. Only me and him. And everything is void. Hollow. My body is satiate but in the wrong way. I still have pain in my groin from the absence of solid substantial thrusting inside of me. Not being fucked. It's like period pain but lower and deeper. There are no words to express the ache. On the brink of despair, inside the land of slander, I stay motionless. Quiet. Hoping the feeling will dissipate together with the spun-out shame. Indulging in Christian spews something barbed in me. Mix of embodiment that's weighing heavy on my chest. Something I may have been disregarding too long. My world is a mess. No meaningful career, no close friends, living in a foreign country. Happiness comes at very high cost. I float in the emptiness of the moment and I know I must distract myself with work. Over thinking is always a bad sign.

x

I must have been working for at least three hours straight when I look at the time. Ten. Muffled sounds slowly reach me and I notice the office has filled up. Trying to work out the numbers for the New York project, I am immersed in my excel spreadsheet when I see a small window pop up on my screen, reminder for the staff meeting.

I look up at Christian's office and see the blind is up. He is sitting at his desk, working on his laptop. I am not sure if I will ever be able to look at him again.

I sigh loudly, trying to ease of my burden. It doesn't help. What is wrong with me? I was begging. _Begging! _Is there any self respect left in me or it all went out of the window of his car. Mm…his car. My head tilts slightly back and my eyes dissipate visualizing the Trident, its smooth ride, the exterior. Simply orgasmic. Crumb of pleasure makes my lips curve at the ends.

'Ana.' Jennifer's voice jolts me from my daze. _Why is she standing?_

'Yes?'

'Come on, they are waiting for us in the boardroom. It's ten o'clock.'

'Oh! The staff meeting!' I pretend I care. 'I am coming.'

The boardroom feels nothing like the last time I was there. It's packed. The company I work for has around fifty employees and now they are all trying to cram into it. Me and Jennifer are amongst the last ones in and we position ourselves near the windows, opposite the door.

I see Christian arriving together with other heads of divisions. They stand by the table, next to the screen. Steven Busfield, the Head of Accounts, looks like he is going to say something important.

'Quiet everyone, can we have silence please.'

The crowd around me restrains from talking and now we are all waiting in anticipation.

'Thank you all for coming. We have great news for you, which some of you may have already heard. Our company, Casting Steps, has been bought by Grey Enterprises last month and we are now working to align our strategies.

_Grey Enterprises?_ Jennifer is talking quietly with another girl and I can't hear anything.

'Shh.' I scowl at them.

Steven continues.

'Most of you have already met Mr. Grey, the CEO of Grey Enterprises. He will be staying with us for the next few weeks to make sure we can deliver what we said we will. Mr. Grey, would you like to say few words?'

'Yes, I would, thank you Steve.'

The room is suddenly quiet, all eyes on him. The control he conveys is beyond belief.

He glances at me and our eyes meet. In my mind everyone wanes and it's only him and me. He emanates control from afar. I gaze back, complying. How on earth is that possible? With such intensity everyone can see, and, as if he'd heard me, instantaneously his eyes become dull and he smiles politely.

'First and foremost, I would like to thank everyone who made sure the transition went smoothly. Currently there are good projects going on here and the main objectives would be to ensure the continuity of those. You are committed and versatile employees and with your experience I hope this company will lead in achieving higher milestones, while keeping in mind responsibility. If you have any concerns please do come and see me, I'll be using Joana's old office while I am here. Thank you.'

Nodding heads, the room is filled with approval from everyone. People like him. As for me, I am astounded.

Steven is quick to bask in his approbation.

'I am sure you will be happy to hear we are going to have male and female restrooms from as early as next week.' he finishes and the crowd bursts into applause.

He bought the company. _So what? _No wonder he has so much arrogance and power over women. He is well-dressed, strikingly good-looking and enticing. Add to the concoction money, and it's the perfect recipe for complimentary sex. I despise rich egoistical men who demoralize women. _Why didn't he tell me?_ Would me knowing change anything? Possibly. Maybe.

I egress the boardroom as fast as possible and sit at my desk again. I can see him casually walking past me, on his way to his office and I smile politely, avoiding his glare. Inside, I am angry. Why me? Why not Jennifer? Or anyone else? I am not even pretty! He must have some kind of fetish for married women. What he does to me..is… I swallow the lump in my throat.

_I have an idea!_

'Jennifer.' I sound business like.

'Yes, Ana?'

'May I ask you for a favour? Do you mind if we swap our desks? At least until October. I can feel the draft from the window here carrying pollen my way, and you know what I am like with my hay fever.'

_Thank god for my hay fever!_ Spring time I look like a zombie. And Jennifer knows that. My eyes are bloodshot red from sneezing. My personal best is 47 sneezes in one go. I am not looking forward to spring at all. It has something to do with the climate in London. I have tried every medicine there is.

'I didn't realize you are still suffering. Yes, of course, until October. I do like sitting here if you don't mind.'

'Yes, three and a half weeks only. Thanks.' I give her a friendly smile.

Jennifer desk is positioned next to mine. The only difference is that it's facing the open plan office and the elevators in the distance, and mine is facing Christian's office. Her desk is also further back and can't be seen from Christian's office, which is exactly what I want to accomplish. I need to shift my focus.

We start exchanging post it notes, photographs, paperwork, trays and in less than 10 minutes I am sitting at her desk and she is sitting at mine.

'Oh Ana!' She says bashfully. 'You never mentioned you view.' She is laughing and I know what she is talking about. I knew she would like my desk.

We are interrupted by my phone ringing and Jennifer picks it up. It's her phone now.

'Yes. Yes, of course Mr. Grey. I will tell her.' She places the handset back in the slot.

'Mr. Grey wants you in his office.' _I'm sure he would._

I look at her, assessing the situation.

'Well? Go on! He is expecting you.'

'Sorry Jen, could you please tell him I popped out? I haven't had my coffee yet and I've been working since seven this morning.'

_I will not let him incarcerate me again. _

'Ana! He is _the_ boss!'_ If only she knew._

'Jennifer, please! I'll be back in five minutes.' I take my coat and run through the office while Jennifer is dialing Christian's extension anxiously.

I leave the building at high-speed. Once outside the fresh autumn air almost instantly breeze into my face. It was too hot in the office. I walk on the embankment, by the river, and head for the coffee shop. I know I need this more than anything, me leaving the office to assemble my thoughts.

My mind is yet again free to converse within and it's now roaming in the land of betrayal, lost in its vastness. They say once you go there there is no turning back. I see what they mean. The guilt never goes away. But I am not sure if that's what it is. Something is undeniably weighing' heavy on my chest. Conjuring up from within, I can't see it yet. _What am I ignoring?_

I reach the coffee shop and as always, there is a queue. I am not bothered. I see interesting faces hurriedly order coffee and scurry back to their work. I get my tall skinny wet late and like the others, swiftly exit the shop.

I find myself on the embankment again going back. The weather is clear. The morning clouds are nowhere to be seen. It's actually a bright day and I decide I'm going to have my coffee here. There is a bench alongside the embankment and I sit but not recline, my knees are touching and my body is slanted forward, holding my coffee with both of my hands, feeling the heat. It's the same bench me and Jennifer sit on when we have our lunch outside, in summer.

Submersing myself in the river is what I need right now. Free flowing thoughts. These past two days made me question my identity more than anything. I have been placid all my life. Friendly bullies pushing me around. Wherever I ended up is because someone pointed towards it. I never got a say in anything. This is the first time in my life that I want something. I desire someone. Someone who's power is so intoxicating, it makes me subservient. I am complying for sexual pleasure. The sex I experienced in the last three days I never thought existed. _Is that what it is? Sex?_ Maybe my needs are deviant. I have never looked into different forms of sexual pleasure. I know. I am being absurd. _Deviant needs?_ Although come to think of it, I am sure Christian has some of those. My spirit flickers at the thought of him, but it does nothing when I think of my husband of ten years. Perhaps we have been together too long? Were we ever the passionate lovers at all? I don't remember. How sad is that? My heart has never fallen in love. I knew Jose liked me. And then…we were together. We were never stealing kisses in the night. His passion is photography and that's all there is. I only followed. Like a puppy.

Putney Bridge is in the distance, on my right, and I see a boat passing by, going towards it. My attention is drawn by someone sitting on the bench, on my left, with coffee in his hand. Another lost soul, most likely with related inner dialogue. Whoever is next to me is almost touching my body and making me feel uncomfortable.

Without looking I lift my behind slightly and move away few inches. As I sit back I turn and politely smile in their direction, as if to say 'It's OK, plenty of space for the two of us' when I see him.

_What the fuck?_

It's Christian. _Is he following me?_

'Ana.' He greets me nonchalantly.

I am still slanted forward, turning my head away from him almost too soon.

'Look at me Ana.' He implores.

I ignore him. I don't know what to say. I mustn't look in his eyes and I'll be fine. I know I will. I try to make small talk. _Yes, small talk!_

'So, you are my new boss.' I say indifferently, not moving my head.

'I probably should have said something.' I can feel his eyes on the back on my head. The wind conveys his scent my way and he smells tempting. He's been so close but yet so far these couple of days that I am now officially trained to get aroused by his scent.

'Please look at me.' His voice is gentle, almost apologetic.

I look down at my coffee cup and recline on the bench next to him, crossing my legs. My left shoulder is inches away from him. His eyes are stuck on me like bee on a flower, waiting for the right moment to extract my soul.

'The safest thing for me is not to look at you.' I am relieved I can talk in his presence.

'You have the same effect on me Ana.'

'Please don't make me . ..to say that I am humiliated for performing inconceivable acts with you is an understatement. I can't look at you at the moment.' I try to stay calm, rationally providing information about my inner state, staring at my cup.

'Is that what you have been doing? Performing inconceivable acts?' He retorts in disparagement, creasing his brow at me.

I have sour smile on my lips and I shake my head in disbelief. _Didn't you hear me? Don't you think that's devious? Immoral?_ My eyes are still on my faithful cup. _Why does he mock me?_

'You are cloaked under your marriage, hiding. A condemned woman equipped to increase the limit of penance as she finds it suitable. It's not worth it in the long run!'

_What is this? An advice? Did I ask for it?_

'Are you married Mr. Grey?'

'I'm not saying you should leave your husband Ms. Steele. I'm saying go out there and see what makes you happy. And look at me for fuck sake!'

He scolds me like a schoolgirl, still glaring at me, trying, daring me.

'I _know_ what makes me happy!'

'I don't think you do.'

'You-don't-get-to-_think_-for-me!'

Aggravated by his sneering comments I snap back directly in his face, my eyes narrow from anger.

_Fuck! _

I am fixed on his eyes, yet again. W_ell played Mr. Grey!_

We are inches apart in broad daylight and I cannot move. His eyes mesmerize me. I move my face slowly back toward my cup but my eyes linger on him. Incapable to sever the bond.

'You are so beautiful when you are angry Ms. Steele. I don't think I can keep away from you even if I wanted to. And I don't.'

This game is all too familiar. Competently extorting my essence, leaving no logic behind, he seems enthralled. Is that possible? He is rousing an extraordinary feeling in me, savoring me with his eyes, like he had done this morning.

'Now, let's see what makes you happy. Uncross your legs for me Ana.' He is calm, his voice dark.

'I... Please, not here.' I beg.

'Don't deny me Ana.'

He looks deeper in my eyes.

'Uncross your legs.'

His request feels like sweet chewy toffee in my mouth. I know is hard and bad for me, but sooner or later I'll succumb to its sweet flavor. I obey.

'Open them slightly.'

I swallow, my throat is dry.

'Not too much, just enough to feel the breeze.'

Why do I suddenly have a throbbing pulsation there? I can feel my panties getting wet. For the second time today!

'Mm...There.' He is relishing me.

'Do you like it Ana? Having your legs open for me?'

'Yes.' I barely say.

'Ana, I want you in this position every time I see you at work. Reclined in your chair with your legs open.'

_No! Don't come closer!_

'Do you think you can do that for me?'

'Yes.'

'I want you wet for me at all times. I don't know when I might want to fuck you.'

'Y...You are not fair..I came for you... twice.' I don't know where the words came from. My soul wants to please him but my mind is fighting me.

'Do you want to come again for me? Is that what you want?'

'Yes...yes.' _Oh I give up!_

'Are you begging?'

'I...um...please...' My breathing is erratic again. Me trying to control it is futile. '..Not here..'

He finally dissolves the connection between us, releasing me from his hold and I close my eyes. I barely have strength to stand up but I do, leaving him on the bench alone. He regards me walking away, his lips curved into a 'tasty' smile. My panties are wet again. My legs are shaking. _Oh, the nerve!_


	8. Chapter 8

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xxx

I scuttle quickly to the office, ignoring everyone on the way. My legs are shaking and I am going to have to do something about my panties. They are not wearable anymore. Saturated in my juices. It's ridiculous. Today has been such an eventful day.

I reach the building and take the stairs, not wanting to risk meeting people in the elevator. I reach my floor in no time and head for the restroom. I really don't like the fact that we have unisex restroom. I walk in the first cubicle and close the door. Still standing, I lift my dress up and pull down my panties. Rolling a toilet paper on my hand I slowly wipe myself down there. Mm…feels good. I could do this few more times. I know I could. The thought makes me smile. I don't need another orgasm. I need someone doing this for me. Someone inside me. I cut short my thought right there and give myself one more wipe. Oh my, I _am_ wet today. What has gotten into me?

I pull my panties up. I have to wear them. Wet or not.

Leaving the restroom I hear my phone ring. I look at the screen and it's Jose.

'Hi Jose, how are you?'

'Anna, you haven't forgotten about tonight, right? John O'Prey's exhibition opening at six?'

_Yes I have!_ Damn! I look at myself. Thank god. My polka dot blue dress and my red heels are suitable for tonight.

'Yes, of course, I'll be there at six.'

'It's in Mayfair. I'll text you the full address. I am ecstatic! It's great opportunity for me and we must mingle, meet people. Are you up for it?

'You know very well I am not but I'll be there and you can mingle, how does that sound?'

I can hear him grinning. 'Sounds good. See you later Ana.'

'Bye Jose.'

By now I am already walking half way up through the office and once there, I sit at my new desk. My airborne state was grounded by Jose and now I am in tune with myself. I open the document I was working on in the morning on my computer. Again, I am immersed in work for at least half an hour when I hear, and I am not sure how on earth I can hear the elevator door opening, people coming out of it and scurry in different directions. I am sitting at Jennifer's desk now and it's new perspective for me. My eyes are drawn into the path of the elevator. I look up and see people coming out. And there he is again. Our eyes meet. He is walking towards me, staring, when he cocks his head just slightly so I can see, regarding my posture. I remember what he said on the bench but I am not sure if I should do this. Slowly, from being slanted over my keyboard I recline on my chair and my legs open, just a little. He is leading me with his gaze. Thank god no one can see under my desk what I am doing. Just before getting to me he turns right into his office. What a rush. And my panties? I feel sorry for them today.

'Ana!' Jennifer shout is subdued.

'Mr. Grey wanted to see you in his office. Remember? You are lucky he was out until now.'

_What?_ I need few moments to land back into the room and close my legs.

'Go!' She orders.

I don't know what to say. I will have to go. Unwilling, I stand up and go to his office. I knock and he regards me through the glass door, signalling me to enter.

'Um...hi.' I am deliberately not looking at him. 'You wanted to see me earlier. …Jennifer just reminded me. I had to come in.'

'Ms. Steele, why didn't you tell her you already saw me?'

'Um…I didn't think of that.'

'Acting like there is something going on will only put you in trouble.'

'Um…' OK, I get it. I turn around and head for the door.

'Ana.' I stop.

'Thank you. I liked your legs open. For me.'

And, as if on cue, there it is. Me getting wet, my throbbing pain in the groin. I am not looking at him. Only listening. His voice is dark and pleasing. _I want to please him!_

'I am not sure your panties can manage any longer in that state. Surely they are unusable by now!'

I cannot take this any longer. I have been taken on a fucking train ride today and I can't see the exit door. All day. I egress his office in a hurry and yet again, at my desk, I try to take my mind away from the sexual embedded acts in my head. I start working as much as I can and very slowly I manage to just about focus on my project.

x

When I look up from my computer screen it's six o'clock already. I know I have to be at the exhibition but I am not worried. I'll be fashionably late. I log off my computer and look around. Not many people are in. I can't see inside Christian's office and I don't intend to. I check my phone and the address is there. Jose sent it.

Flemings Hotel, 7-12 Half Moon Street, Mayfair, London W1J 7BH

It will take me twenty minutes to get there. I drive and I am not wary anymore of the speed cameras. I know the roads and I can drive around them. After twenty five minutes of smooth driving I arrive at my destination. The exhibition is in the fancy part of the town. Having anything in Mayfair in itself talks about exclusivity. The hotel is made of converted Georgian townhouses but the best thing is, it has parking. That's all that matter for me and my cloud nine.

After surrendering my car to the valet I enter and straight away I am met by a beautiful tall woman asking where I am heading.

It seems the exhibition is held in the many interconnected rooms and taking up the restaurant space. After taking my coat and my name she hurriedly ushers me in the right place, leaving me alone to find my own way to get to the people I know, I guess.

The room I am in is quite large, with lots of curves giving the place a female feel. With Venetian glass chandeliers, antique mirrors and funky wall paper I honestly don't understand how they can see the paintings among all the chaos.

On the right side there is a grey and white marble bar, stretched along the length of the room, bending at places. It's packed, and everybody is networking. Really, what are exhibition openings if not networking events? There are quite a lot of people around and I push myself in, looking for Jose.

I see him in the corner of the room, standing by the bar and drinking champagne. He doesn't see me. He is investing his appeal, talking and laughing, with a woman is old enough to be his mother.

'Jose.' I touch his shoulder and he looks at me, creasing his brow.

'Ana! Where were you? You are late!'

'Sorry, I got stuck in the traffic.' He is not even listening to my reply, I can tell.

'Ana, I'd like you to meet John O'Prey and his wife, Melanie.'

I shake their hands and politely smile. I am really not into socializing. Networking does not do anything for me. It's just people getting drunk and exchange business cards. Nothing else.

'Jose, you never said you have a beautiful wife.' John is pressing my hand a little bit too meaningful for me, looking in my eyes. I smile.

Jose is uncomfortable. I am usually not center of attention in Jose's world. He shrugs his shoulders and continues his conversation with Melanie, staring a bit too much at her cleavage. I am not part of this world. I don't know how to behave 'normally' so I do my 'normal' thing. I pull out my iPhone. It's my defense mechanism. I think, for everyone. When I am bored, or don't know what to talk about, or in fact, I am alone, I stare at my phone. It's the greatest gadget against people. It's funny because its main purpose it to connect people. Interesting, right?

I start going through my emails, messages, and photos. Really, I am not in the mood for talking at all. Let him talk and mingle. I am just about entering a level too deep into my messages when Jose bumps my shoulder. I look at him and see everyone is staring at me. _Oh! _I look up and _the_ Christian Grey is standing in front of me with his hand out. _What?_ I am not sure what's going on, when John quickly comes to our rescue.

'Ana, I want you to meet my benefactor from America, Mr. Christian Grey.'

I look at Christian. I am sure he can see me drowning in his eyes, for the tenth time today.

'Ms. Steele, I didn't know you knew Mr. O'Prey. How are you?' He shakes my feeble hand, his eyes beautiful as ever.

'Ms. Steele works for one of my companies, Casting Steps.' He explains to the others.

I smile politely. Jose is immediately taken aback by the word 'benefactor'. He grabs his hand.

'Hi, I am Anastasia's husband, Jose. How are you?' Ugh. He is despicable. It's more than obvious he is after his money. It's embarrassing.

'Nice to meet you Jose.' Christian is polite and almost too soon he is giving Melanie a kiss on her cheek.

'Melanie, always a pleasure to see you.' They seem close. Very close. _Of course!_ She is married. He must be doing same things with her too.

My body is reacting to him like homing device. I try to look aside but he is there, in front of me, my head is turning in his direction like a lighthouse beam. I go back to my savior of the hour. My iPhone. As long as Christian doesn't ask me anything I am safe. What is he doing here? I sneak a peek at him. Through my lashes I see him shaking John's hand and walking away. Thank god he is mingling with the crowd. Is he alone?

Once safely away, I lift my head in the direction he went, comfortable he is not in my close proximity. Almost instantaneously I meet his gaze. I am enthralled. Far away but somehow, inside of me. Soothing my soul. Why is he looking at me? _Don't look at me!_

I fucking cry inside. I need him! How does he do that? Making me lose myself within seconds, from afar? Jose is standing next to me for god sake!

Hypnotized by his eyes I begin to immerse myself in his gaze. A mountain lake in the morning, calm, dark and grey. I am naked, bathing in it. Damn him! I will be seen!

Lucky for me he is being intersected by someone I can't see from where I am standing and he breaks the contact. My artificially induced condition is cut loose and I look at the people around me. Thank god! Melanie and John are conversing while Jose is looking at me strangely.

'Ana, you are looking good today. Great combination with your shoes. Sexy.' The last word is whispered in my ear. _Where is he going with it?_

'Mm, I could have you here if you'd let me.'

Is that what he is? Turned on? That's not like him. The culprit responsible for his bulge is standing in front, talking to John, I'm certain.

'Ok.' I am bold. I do need someone today. In fact, I am desperate. The empty throbbing in my panties is killing me.

His eyes open wide.

'Are you serious?' His hand instantly moves down, trying to arrange the protuberance in his pants.

'Well, if _you_ want.' I have to make it as if I am doing him a favor. Can't give off too much.

'Ana, I'll be quick, I promise.' _Yeah right! I've heard that before! _

He grabs my hand and we walk in the direction of the next interconnected room, all part of the exhibition. The room feeds into another one, smaller, warmly illuminated by cherry globe pendants. It's entrancing and appropriate for idle canoodling, its allure courtesy of textured red velour fabrics. There are scarlet leather wide booths each curtained off to give a feel of little private rooms. I can see at least six of them with ruby drapes around. It's all very red and foreboding. Hm. I like this room. It allows me to enjoy my dark dreams.

It looks like the room is empty but I can see the curtains moving so I presume everybody is having their own private party. Jose drags me into a free boot and pulls the curtain closed.

'Now we won't be disturbed.' He says while he unbuttons his pants. I am not waiting for instructions. I put my knees on the booth and my hands on the recliner, making my behind perked and free for Jose.

It's dark inside. We can hear the people interacting in the other booths. Muffled sounds. Surely nothing sinister is going on. Jose is nuzzling my neck, his hands too soon go on to my breasts without any foreplay. _Foreplay?_ He doesn't understand the meaning of that word. I really want someone else doing this. His hands follow down looking for the hem of my dress. Touching my panties, he pulls my dress up.

I am all ready for him. I want some fucking now. F-u-c-k-i-n-g!

'Ana, I haven't seen you like this. Your panties are so wet…'

'Are they?' I pretend I don't know. 'I am usually like this before I get my period. Come on.'

I am unbuttoning his trousers with one of my hands working behind me. His bulge is promising, I must say. I take him in my hand and without any waiting insert him into me.

'Ana! You are so wet. Oh my god.' He exclaims and makes his first thrust, slowly descending, feeling me.

'Ah..' I moan loudly not caring if people would hear me. _Yes!_ This is what I was talking about all day today! I am lost in the sensation.

He takes it out to the tip and enters me again. My revelation, my heaven! I moan even louder.

'Ana, ah…'

What? _What?_ I turn around.

'No! Jose, no!' I see him ejaculating in his hand.

'I was so fucking ready. I couldn't do it any longer Ana, sorry.' He is not really sorry. He seems amazed at himself. 'Wow, two thrusts only!'

'Jose, no, I want more.' I cry in despair.

'Sorry, Ana, so sorry.'

_Is he really sorry? _I don't think so!

'I don't understand you. You always complain I always take too long.'

I sigh. 'You are right.' I must agree with him. Not wanting to give off how much I need this. Inside, my groin is screaming in torment!

Jose slants in the booth, wiping himself off when Melanie's voice comes a bit too loud. _And too soon!_

'Jose, Ana, are you here?'

We look at each other. I didn't think Jose would give us away. Before the thought set in my head, he shouts back, almost too quickly.

'Yes we are. Coming right out Melanie.'

He looks at me like he couldn't get away from it. Buttoning up his pants and he is ready to do. I am still on my knees in the booth, my dress up and my panties down…desirous. I know he wants to go. In fact, I know he wants to run.

'You go. I'll come in a minute.' And just like that, he is gone. _Well that was of no fucking use_.

Deprived, I get off the booth. I pull my panties up, all wet, dripping almost and put my dress down. I like this enfoldment! It's dark and lustful. I sigh. I square my shoulders so people don't see me dispossessed and I lift my chin up. _I am fine!_

I pull the curtain open and I see the room. Booths secluded with curtains, muffled sounds beneath, no people in sight. It's like everybody's left. I am sure most of them are now in the front room apart from the ones dawdling in here under the drapes.

I am inside, enclosed in a ceiling to floor curtains in what looks like a minuscule room, with my hand holding the drape open. In the door frame I see a shade of someone but the light is diffused. Just before I step out of my booth I realize it's him. It's Christian.

'Christian!' I gasp.

He approaches me too fast. Before I am fully immersed under his control he is standing next to me. I look behind him instinctively.

He enters the booth and touches my hand gently, the one holding the drape open. I let go at his touch and the canopy drops behind him. It's dark and I can feel my adrenaline soaring though my body.

'Please...Go. Don't do this. Please.' I beg. I am frightened. My mind is in chaos, exasperatingly trying to tell me in so many ways what could happen, the several ways my life could end.

'I- can't- stay- away.'

He is gazing at me, trying to get to my soul, not knowing he already has it. I feel his need and I bask in his longing. His eyes are so…And there I am. I can see myself. Thrown deep in the pit I surrender. I belong to him! _What is this?_ Prompted by my desolate look and without any warning, his posture change and his dark glint in his eyes is back. I am spat out on a cold pavement, looking at him in dread.

'Were you cheating again Ms. Steele?'

'I..'

My mouth is open but no words coming out. I am enthralled by his domineering voice. Waiting for instructions.

'You know what happens if you cheat.'

I nod with my head.

'Answer me!'

'Yes.' I barely breathe.

'Were you begging to be fucked Ms. Steele?'

'Yes.'

'You are going to beg one more time today. I promise you, last time.'

'Please...fuck me!' I whisper.

'You asked for this.' His eyes combust into hellish demeanor.

Turn around and bend down. On the table. I am going to make you come.'

'No...I want you to fuck me.' I am surprised I have the strength to request.

'Did I say you could talk?'

I lower my head and turn around. My chest is pressed against the cold table as I lie down. He lifts up my dress, revealing my panties, now totally ruined from my unsated sexual activities. He pulls them down slowly, savoring the dampness.

'I like these.'

He is petting my bum cheek now and I am pulsating inside. His tender touch is enough for me to come. I see him with the other hand unbuckling his belt and pulling it out.

I am ready! He slides his hand between my bum cheeks and without any notice compellingly hooks his fingers in me, shoving them deeper than I though possible.

'Ah…'

I am loud. Very loud. I need this. His fingers thrust vehemently inside of me when I hear a lashing sound followed by the fiery touch of his belt on my behind and I almost lose my consciousness. Before his fingers are out and thrusting in me again, I am exploding into my own world, shoving my body against his hand when he executes another burning touch of his belt. My rapture comes too soon and I lose myself in disparity of finger fucking and stinging pain. It feels great. Heavenly in hell!

I relax from my thrusting on the table, lazing languid for more than few minutes to take my breath.

_What was that?_ I am satiated finally. I am not sure how many fingers were there in me. Enough, I think. I can sense him still petting my bum cheek and I realize I am sore. I must face him now. There is no turning back. I stand up and turn. I want to hug him. To kiss him. But I can't do any of that. I just stand very close. Face to face, next to him, breathing his air, looking at him.

I want to say something but no words can express what I am feeling.

He is inserting his belt slowly in his jeans, all the time not losing eye contact with me. I can feel his bulge against me, we are so close. I want to kiss him, full on, to satiate him, I want to make him come.

He finger fucked me and I fucking loved it.

I slowly reach out with my tongue and lick his upper lip gently. His eyes close, and for the first time, I see him descending. I reach out again and this time I lick and kiss his upper lip. He stops me by kissing me back, gently, chastely, inhaling my presence.

'Ana.' He opens his eyes and I am there again, my soul caged inside him.


	9. Chapter 9

x

I reach out again and this time I kiss him partially, just enough for my tongue to touch his. I can see him falling into my abyss and almost instantly I lunge at him, my tongue searching for his, sending pulsations down my spine, making me push my body against his. Placing my right heel on the booth I open my leg up, pressing myself onto his bulge while holding his behind with both hands, gyrating slowly. I want to please him. With each thrust of my tongue I pull his groin closer and rub myself of him. It feels heavenly. I could do this forever.

All of a sudden he grabs my shoulders with both hands and push me away, like he needs an air to breathe. _What?_ Confused and still panting I push through his hands and go after his mouth again. Surely this is one of his wicked games. This time I don't reach him. His hands are again on my shoulders, strong, making sure I stop.

'Ana, I can't.' I can see the battle in his eyes. They tell me everything. I know he wants to devour me but he is struggling inside. _Why the conflict?_ Have me for god sake!

'I am sorry. I can't do this.' He is out of breath but this time I see the rejection.

'But...I thought …' I am completely taken aback.

_You wanted this!_ You! Not me! You were the one hunting me and playing games. Don't make it look like I am after you! I am not! I don't understand. Why is he like this? Not looking at me anymore? Is he embarrassed? Uncomfortable for rejecting me? _The nerve!_ He fingered me and belted my bottom and he is sorry? For what? Wham, bam, thank you ma'am? I want to scream!

My mind is racing a hundred miles an hour when I make my decision. My eyes narrow and my teeth grind in distress. I push off his hands, still holding my shoulders and shove him aside, leaving through the drape. This is what it feels like being used. _Am I dumped?_ I am furious!

Storming angrily through the foreboding room I think I got what I came for, at last I am satiate. I thought serene usually comes with satiate but boy was I wrong! I am certainly not serene. When will my soul and mind progress symmetrically in my life?

I see Jose still perched on the bar, talking to Melanie. John is nowhere to be seen. Most of the people had already left. Only the desperate ones stayed. Talking, exchanging ..something.

'Jose, come on, let's go home.' I say through my teeth, trying to sound more tired than angry. 'I'm tired.' I add.

Melanie is surprised I am here. _Really?_

'Ana, you are still here!'

'Yes, I am. But we are going. Jose?' I look at him, questioning with my eyes his already made decision.

'Nice meting you Melanie.' I say, certain Jose will follow. _Why wouldn't he?_

'Ana, I am in a middle of a very interesting conversation. Would you mind if I stay longer? I am sure I can find someone to give me a lift.' He turns to Melanie. 'Would you, Melanie?' Such an innocent question. _Yeah, right!_

'Yes, of course I will, Jose.' Melanie retort is almost too eager.

'Ok then. See you at home, Jose.' I kiss him on the cheek.

I am not worried about them two. Jose would never cheat on me. Wait. Would I ever cheat on Jose? No. but I have. _Have I?_

I hurry back to the foyer and the valet recognizes me. Of course, he remembers my cloud nine. In a matter of minutes my Range Rover is ready for me. I am tangled deep in my thoughts when I realize I am already driving. When did I got in and start the car? I am baffled. How can I lose myself in me so easily? Not paying attention to anything around. Like in a twilight zone without way out.

My thoughts revisit Christian. I am distressed. OK. So what if he used me. I had fun. I tried something new. _Think logically._ The fact that he is the one rejecting me makes him even more desirable. It's a human nature to want something you can't have. The grass is always greener on the other side. That must be it. If that's not it, I am falling for him. Hm. I don't believe in love at first sight so the thought is ridiculous. Love at first sight doesn't exist. To properly love someone you need to know the person, spend time with them. Fall in love with the inside. Not the outside. Sex is on the outside. It's something that goes away with old age. Then what? Wait. Did I just give myself an excuse for Jose?

It's not possible to fall in love with someone in three days. Or in one moment. That would make it love at first sight, and as I said, I don't believe in that. It's a paradox I am faced with. Stewing in the concoction of my delusions I ascertain lack of common sense for a man who if possibly so fucked up he cannot get a proper hard on. I think that's a fact.

I am still driving and in trying to get him out of my mind I change my perspective. I think of my children. Mrs. Saunders is with them, my babysitter. She is such a life saver. I don't know what we would without her. A lovely woman. Takes good care of my boys. Cooks, cleans and irons. Wow. Living in foreign country without family and close friends next to you, it is really important to have someone to rely on. And we have. I don't tell her thank you enough. She is wise and calm. Like a mother. Knowing my boys are with her I am peaceful. She doesn't have a family of her own, never married. We are her step-family.

I get home in less than an hour. Not sure how. Can't remember much except the radio, Classic FM, beautiful music filling the crevices of my mind, soothing it down to stupor. I get in and Mrs. Saunders is already at the door, waiting to go home.

'Hello, Mrs. Saunders.'

'Hi Ana, how was your evening?' She is looking behind me, for Jose.

'Good, thanks.'

'Is Jose with you?'

'No, I came home early. He will get a lift with someone else.' I take off my coat.

'Are you OK? You seem…unsettled.' _How does she know?_ Old age. Wisdom. She has it both.

'I am fine thank you.' My American smile glows while I hide behind my teeth.

'Have the boys been looking for us?' _Yes, a diversion._

'No, they are big now, Ana. They were playing on the Xbox for an hour and went to bed.'

'Great, I am glad they are so independent. Thanks to you.'

'Yes, they are. Quite. If you don't need me for anything else, I'll be off.'

'You can go. Drive safely.'

'Bye Ana.' She is out of the door and I am relieved.

x

I check on my boys. I go in Jason's room first and give him a kiss on the head. In Michael's room I decide to scoot down next to him on the bed. I like it here. It's lighter. I feel like a child again. No responsibilities, free and happy. Almost instantly I fall asleep.

x

I can hear my alarm clock in my bedroom. How on earth is that possible when it's not very loud at all? It's six o'clock. I haven't heard Jose coming back. I slept in Michael's bed all night and I am wearing my dress from yesterday. I didn't bother to change. Or wash up. I now remember. I wanted to get away from it all. Sleeping in Michael's room helped me. Now that I am awake, there is no running.

Outside is still dark. I go in the bathroom and run the shower, taking off my dress. I pull out my panties and look at them. What did I put you through yesterday? I enter the shower and get pleasure from the water on my body. Pinching me in the right places, waking me up to a clean day. I turn around and immediately cringe in pain, moving out of the way. I manage to see my behind and I am amazed. It's red. And sore. That really was a fiery touch of his belt. I run my fingers through the soreness.

It was so hot. Jose has never playfully hit me before. _Was yesterday playful?_ It's such a thrill, the pleasure and the pain. The orgasm in itself is a feverish gratification subsequent to painful thrashing, which is even more excruciating. I think that sums it up. It's like using the pain to appreciate the pleasure. But in a good way. Thinking about it makes me wet again. _No!_ I am not going to do that. I come out of the shower, making sure my behind is covered. I am sure Jose is sleeping but let's not take any chances.

I must get ready for work. From my closet and pull out my business suit. There is no need for wearing skirts anymore. I may be dejected but I am still working there and he needs to see beyond his games.

The suit is professional looking, dark grey, white shirt underneath. The jacket fits me perfectly. I like the material, it's springy and very thin. It has an oversized lapel with a nipped in waist, making me sublimely svelte. The trousers are made from same material, sleek and stretchy and sit low on my waist. They are slimmest fit I have, narrow on my hips and thighs and fitted at the back. In one word, tight. I slip on my black stilettos and head for my car.

Everyone is still asleep and my cloud nine is waiting faithfully for me in the drive. Oh my cloud nine, I have neglected you lately. You have been my only naughty indulgence in my life.

Not anymore though. I have been introduced to a new and different sin. But where do I fit that sin in my life? Does it come under pleasure? Or under transgression? Where do I put the emotion emanating out of it? I want to introduce it with Jose. I really do. But how? Amid his paintings and photography there is no place for me. Where then? It seems all this is a lost cause. In so many ways. Once exposed to new 'sins' they either compliment your life or make it impossible to back to. I don't want it to be the latter.

x

I egress the elevator and walk through the office, positioning myself at Jennifer's desk. Now mine. Mission accomplished. It's seven thirty and few people are in already. The blind on his glass door is down and I don't know if he is in. I am comfortable and start working. I don't think about Christian and yesterday. ...Yesterday…there is it again, my mind drifts away immediately to the belt whipping and finger fucking. I fucking loved that. My hands are on the keyboard not doing anything, caught in my daydreaming. _Wake up!_

I check my emails and see an email from Christian. I feel used. But work is work. I am strong.

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 7:45am

Dear Ms. Steele,

May I please see you in my office. Now.

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises

x

_What?_ He still has the audacity to order me around after last night? Does he think I am his servant now that he fucked me? _How dare he!_

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 7:46am

Dear Mr. Grey,

What is it that you want?

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Re: Re: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 7:46am

Dear Ms. Steele,

I want you to come in my office. Now.

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises

x

_The nerve!_

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: Re: Re: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 7:47am

Dear Mr. Grey,

Are you sure you want me to 'come' in your office? You might want to call someone else, now that you are done with me.

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 7:48am

Dear Ms. Steele,

I am not discussing last night.

My office. Now.

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 7:57am

Dear Mr. Grey,

I am. I don't want to be in the same room with you. I lose myself in your eyes and do whatever you tell me when you are near. You make me come like no one else has before but callously chuck me away when you are done, like you did yesterday. I am not upset, don't worry. I feel used though.

I beg you, hopefully for the last time, try to minimize out contact and use Jennifer to communicate with me.

You are fucking up my mind, and I am not used to such screwed up thoughts.

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 8:01am

Dear Ms. Steele,

My office. Don't make me come and get you myself.

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:Re: 'Meeting'

Date & Time: 6 September 2012, 7:57am

Dear Mr. Grey,

I'd like to see you try.

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

I am responding to Christians emails out of spite. I want to return the vile favor of the 'used' feeling On this outside, I am busy working on my computer. But inside I don't know what's gotten into me. My mind is flying high, like a glider. No sound. I look up and see him coming. I didn't expect this. Surely he will not drag me into his office. It's demeaning. Thank god Jennifer is not in. God, he is frightening. Intimidating me with each unforeseen move. His eyes cold, dark and domineering.

I decide to bravely look at him, my chin up, in resilience. I am resistant to his charms or terror. I think. His eyes look deep into me, protruding. Like the first time I saw him. Getting closer by the second. He is next to my desk, behind me, leaning forward.

'Ms. Steele, when I say my office, I expect you to run.' There is a dark tone in his voice.

'Mr. Grey please tell me what you want.' My chin is still up but I am shaking. Thank god he is behind me.

'You ignored me this morning. I wanted you reclined on your chair with your legs open.'

'Um..' I am confused and taken by surprise. What is he doing? I turn around to remind him of last night but it is too late. He seizes the moment and takes hold of my gaze. Induced with indisputable magic, I submit.

'I don't like being ignored.'

His dark voice makes me damp inside. _I hate him!_ He gently touches my elbow, sending shivers down my spine.

'My office. Now.'

He cuts me lose from his enchanting look but I know my fate and I don't fight it. I walk next to him when I am ushered in his office, the door closing behind us. The blind is down.

Where is my strength? He used me. He wants to use me again. I am not twenty for fuck sake. Get a grip of yourself woman! I would slap myself now if I had the clout to do so. It's easier when you are talking to someone else.

'Ana. Turn around.' His voice, dark and domineering.

I obey. His eyes are hypnotizing me again with its depth and I am powerless. I like this feeling. I feel...I belong to him.

He slots his hand in the hem of my trousers and pulls me next to him, slowly unhooking the double hook and bar. Once open, he unzips me.

'Christian..I won't let you do this.' I barely say, sounding all but firm.

'Do what Ms. Steele?'

'You ..might have me under your spell but ...'

'Who said you could wear trousers today Ms. Steele? I don't remember approving.'

He is still looking at me when he slides his fingers down there. I shiver and close my eyes only for a second.

'Ms. Steele, this is not for your pleasure. This is for your pain. My pleasure.'

He smiles wickedly. I don't understand. His fingers are freezing. He took his hand out and the chilliness remains in my panties. He tucks my shirt back in and zips me up, making sure my double hook and bar is back where it was.

'Am I fucking up your mind Ms. Steele?'

'Yes.' I can't breathe in his presence.

He is too intense. He is walking up to his desk and leisurely settles down in his chair. He pulls something out of his pocket. Small and black with few buttons. Like a remote control.

'Ana, have you ever enjoyed a mind blowing orgasm in a public place in the middle of the day?'

'No.' My breathing is becoming shallow.

'Do you want to?'

I look at him. For god sake, I am soaking wet. There is pulsation in the apex between my legs.

'I have placed a remote vibrating bullet in your panties. You will want to come today quite a few times. The thing is, I get to decide when. That's my pleasure.'

What is that? Vibrating bullet? I immediately touch myself over the trousers. I can feel something wedged between me, in the centre. Right where my eagerness is. The throbbing pulsation going on at the moment.

'Once I press the remote control you will learn exactly what I mean. The bullet vibrator will give you a hint as to what is to come.'

He is scaring me now. I can't be walking around with a vibrator and him being in charge. I didn't think of this kind of punishment.

'Are you ready Ana?'

I look at him, eyes wide open.

'Answer me.' There he is again. His domineering voice.

'Yes.'

I see him press a tiny button with his thumb on the small remote and suddenly my knees are weak. Vibration pulses through my essence, right there, where his hands were, producing movements in my body I am embarrassed to think of.

'Ah...' I moan. Loudly. I want this. _No!_ It stopped!

'Christian!' I look at him. He smiles impertinently.

'Yes, it agrees with you doesn't it Ms. Steele?'

'Put it on...please.'

He presses the button again and oh my god! My body makes me move in a very slow and undulated wave, looking for a place to swivel about.

Christian is regarding me, enjoying my ride, I think rubbing his bulge.

There is a small white settee left from Joanna's days, tucked in the corner, by the wall. The vibration in me is pulsating, drawing up the sun from within. I find myself by the settee and I lift my leg above it, riding the thing, motion my body in a rotating movement, going crazy, when he stops again.

'Aaaaghh...No! I want it! I-want-it! Don't stop!' I moan and whine. My eyes glint the shade of inferno at him. He is enjoying this too much.

I must take hold of the remote. That's my only option. I use this moment to approach his desk. I climb on top of it and come near his side. He is amused. Wickedly smile and press the button again.

'Aah...Yes!' As I climb down I place my legs on each side of his chair, sitting exactly on his engorgement, and I vehemently start rubbing. Thrusting and gyrating, moaning loudly, taking him with me. His thumb is still on the remote and then, he stops again. _What? No!_

'Please...please...put it on. I am begging.' I am lost in my own world.

'Oh Ana, you fucking drive me crazy. He grabs me for my waist with one hand, placing me on his desk. I have my back against it and he is on top of me. With one skilled move his trousers are down and he springs out in all his glory. Oh my! He is so big! He unhooks my trousers and the zipper follows closely after. He pulls them down and I am waiting, expecting his thrusts. He is there, ready for me. He slides it up and down my sex and the bullet drops off. That prompts him in a way that he breathes in slowly through his nose which eases of the carnal lust in his eyes.

'Fuck me..please.' I am panting and seriously begging.

He is in control, his swelling glistening with a pre-come on the crown. He looks into my eyes and slowly slides it in me, full length, to the top.

'Ah...' I yell. 'Ah... 'I can't stop myself. I haven't heard myself holler like this before.

He pulls it out to the tip, and does the same thing again and again. Oh my fucking hell!

The ripples of current surging within me are out of this world. He is on top of me, inside of me, pressing against my body when the millions of tiny nerve endings send me the same message. He is coming apart inside of me, disintegrating slowly into my surge of convulsions. Fucking hell! Fuuucking hell!

x

Existing for the moment we lay languid on his desk, slowly descending back from our summit. He opens his eyes regarding me. Basking in my glow.

'Ms. Steele, you make me come like no one else has before too.'


	10. Chapter 10

~ Eagerly awaiting your feedback ~ & ~ Share if you Love! ~

x

Oh the satisfaction this man spawns in me! I am alive! For the first time I can smell the air around me. It's a mix of petunias and daisies. Heaven on earth. My mind and my soul have become one. One! Serene and satiated. Is this possible? Why am I feeling so blissful?

I look at him. Such a beautiful specimen of the human form. Makes me needy again. For a moment there I almost lost my mind.

His body shifts above me pulling out his greatness, now somewhat subdued, and lifting himself up, he reclines back down in his chair. I am still perched on the desk, my heels on his chair's arm rests, my legs open and my labia majora is staring directly in his face. But I don't care. He makes me feel dirty in a nice way. I could stay here all day, snuggling. _Shit!_ Did I say snuggling? It's the peace I feel inside. I know.

I can hear him opening the drawer on his right and lift myself up on my elbows to see what he is doing. Pulling out few tissues he slowly starts wiping my inner thighs, going up to my apex. It feels so good. Being taken care of. I tilt my head back and moan. He reaches my center and wipes me slowly, slightly hooking his fingers inside, trying to clean up our juices. Our essence. I start moving slowly against his hand. Mm..I want more of this.

'You are so wet... Fucking driving me crazy. I need to fuck someone for a day to get you out of my head. And even then I think you'll still be there.'

I smile into the ceiling. I like to hear more of what I do to him. Oh, you were right, my fifteen year old me! He is everything you thought he would be!

I prop myself on my elbows again and look at him. There is nothing for me to say. This is enough. Just looking at his eyes. Blissfully transmitting impulses by converting light for our own interpretation. He can see what I am thinking.

Prompted by the way I am regarding him, he stands up, moving one of my legs on the side so he can get out of his chair. He starts tucking his shirt back in his trousers, making him look presentable. I am sure he is uncomfortable with the vibrations I send him. Then he takes a deep breath and regards me unsympathetically. _Oh?_

'I shouldn't have fucked you. I am sorry.'

What? What was that? A blade through my heart would have been less painful. My blissful smile is gone. I prop myself up, sitting on his desk and stare. Frightened. My primal human instincts kick in and I feel am going to be alone, die without anyone.

Almost instantly he looks through the window, into the distance.

'I don't do affairs.'

_Affairs?_

'Affairs? And you think I do? I am not cheati…' Hm. I _am _cheating. 'This is not an affair! I don't even know you. To have an affair you need to know the person you are fucking! This is the first time we are actually talking without me being involved in some sort of debasement.'

I don't know what else to say. He makes me angry for making me feel guilty. The part I don't like is that I am. Who is he to preach righteousness? He is as guilty as I am. Seducing me with his devious ways. He must be playing his dirty games to substantiate his beliefs of women. We are all bitches who sleep with the first guy that comes along offering something different. _Argh!_

'I made a mistake. I am sorry. I didn't expect to see you at the exhibition. You have this homing device my mind is programmed to follow ever since I met you. Seeing you there made me..'

_Oh please!_ That crap?

'What was the mistake you made? Finger fucking me or whipping me?' I know I am spiteful but every little helps.

He turns around, looking at me sternly. It feels like someone is restraining my body, making me powerless to move.

'Kissing you.' His eyes look troubled. Exposed.

_I loved kissing you._ That wasn't a mistake. I am speechless again. What do I say to this? He is so confusing. He regrets fucking me, then kissing me…oh, what next? I sigh. Where is the logic in this?

'I am not saying I didn't like it. In fact, I'd love to keep this going. At least while I'm here in UK. You seem to get hot and wet very easy. It pleases me. But it would be only that. Nothing else. No touching. No fucking. No affairs. '

Oh my god! He is serious! _Damn this man!_

'Are you serious?'

'Yes.'

'Keep what going? The spanking? The thrashing? I haven't been gyrating this much over furniture in my life! Is there more to that?'

'A lot more. Evidently it pleases you too.'

_Wow! Really? _I smile wickedly, my mind going over last night and the burning belt, me engrossed with his fingers..

'Hm...it does.'

I am now absorbed into how much more this man knows?

'I can show you more. For your benefit only. Knowledge transfer.'

'You know Christian, for the first time I think there is more to sex than what I know.'

Oh dear god! Where is this coming from? My logic? Certainly not! Would I really want to know more? Hm. His brows curve and he cocks his head in disbelief. It's like I have asked him to go on a pleasure journey with me. He looks like a five year old one day before Christmas.

'Ana, it's life changing. Very intense.' Glint of fire in his eyes blasting in my direction. _How can it change my life?_ It's just sex for god sake! But I'll take you up on that!

'If you want to show me more, I am ready. I want the fucking though. That's my condition.' I don't think I can manage a day without it at the moment.

'Then I am sorry.' He grits his teeth, trying to remain under control. 'I can't give you that. If you want to feel the intensity then it's no fucking. Otherwise this becomes an affair. And I don't want that.' _Ok, enough with the affair!_ I get the message!

'I need fucking. It's a must.' I am calm and in control. _Yes, that's me! _Still sitting on his desk with my bare bottom, my heels up on his chair's arm rests, looking ready to be fucked again. I have the upper hand here. I think.

'Please don't get me wrong. You are enchanting. But you are also married. I will not be fucking a married woman. That's not me.'

I look at him thinking what to say next. He exudes control in any situation, and I feel there is no way out for me.

'Do you want me to beg? I am asking you to show me more. It defeats the purpose having someone masturbating next to me. I am around you for your pleasure. And mine ..what?'

He is regarding me with his steely eyes. I don't know what's going on in his head. Damn my intuition, it's useless with him.

'You will not cope well with the fucking. With what I have to show you. You can either agree on my terms or not. There is no other option.'

I would do anything for this man to show me more. I _need_ more.

I regard him and try to see what's coming. It drives me mad I cannot read his thoughts. _Oh, wait! _Yes I can. My educator, dark and immoral, is making an appearance. There he is.

'What is it Ms Steele? Have you made up your mind yet?'

I look down and regard him through my eyelashes.

'Yes.' I say obediently. 'No fucking.'

'Are you sure that's what you want?'

Oh my! _Yes! _

'Yes.' I inhale quivering at the vibrations of his voice.

'In that case we are not finished with you today. Here.' Picking up the minuscule bullet vibrator he hands it to me. 'Put this back where it was and button up.'


	11. Chapter 11

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x

I regard him though my lashes. It seems my submission has given him a new lease of life. I start tucking my shirt in and before zipping up I place the tiny vibrator in my panties. I like him ordering me around. I get wet when I hear my name coming out of his beautiful mouth. The sex was great. The sex was out of this world. _Is this is a good idea?_

My infidelity is awake, yet again, while my fifteen year old me is gently falling asleep. _Wake up!_ I need you here to tell me everything is going to be ok!

'Um...' I scuttle around. I don't know what to say to him. I don't want to upset him. He loves playing games. I can tell. And they are delicious. Domineering Christian helps me escape here and now. I like the stir he causes in me. Down there between my legs.

'Ms Steele.'

His voice is dark and low. I slow down and look at my feet. I can feel his eyes on me.

'I don't want to see you wearing trousers again.'

Oh for fuck sake. How does he do that! My panties are wet again. I don't say anything. I just leave. Walking up to my desk I look up to see if anyone is around. Few people are but they don't pay attention to me. Why would they? I am not interesting. I don't make the gossip in the office. Someone else does.

The kids, me, my job. Our house. His job. I am jeopardising all for someone who is here only for a month. A month! _Mm.. Yes, that sounds great._ My fifteen year old is opening her eyes. I _can_ do that for a month. Jose won't find out. Hm. Lying to myself is not what I want to do. It's not what I want my kids to do.

Is marriage for life? I am not sure. If there are children involved we ought to stay together, regardless. Is that the belief I want to impose on them? Should we stay in bad relationship, living miserable and unfulfilling lives, so they will have happy and ideal childhood? My mind just drones over. Michael and Jason will grow up. They won't be children forever. What is really best for them? Wouldn't it be better to let them live slightly less happy childhood so that, when they grow up, live much happier adult lives?

On the other hand, I don't argue with Jose. If something, we are the perfect partners. Without the passion. I am sure he knows. Communication is the key to a happy relationship. But Jose doesn't agree. So I have my cloud nine instead. My passion.

Would I want to leave him? No. Yes. Maybe. If I can find someone who sparks my ignition like Christian then it's a no brainer. Would I find someone who is prepared to have an affair with me? Wait. Why am I thinking affair? Do I have to go through an affair in order to find someone? If that someone is prepared to have an affair with me, then wouldn't it mean that he could easily do the same to me with someone else? Hm.. I am over thinking this. Yes. But still holds. I am right. Christian is great because he refuses to have an affair. And that's what makes him inviting. That and his command. I am totally muddled and have a vibrator in my panties. _What am I doing?_

It's almost eight o'clock and Jennifer is not in yet. If she was, she would have heard us. I can feel the bullet lodged in my centre when I sit down at my desk. I wonder if his remote control will reach me here. And if people can hear it. I'll google it. I quickly log on my computer and put 'bullet vibrator remote control reach'. Hm. Apparently cannot reach more than 50 feet. Ok, so that's a yes. It doesn't say anything about the sound. Discreet. Well that doesn't help me. How discreet? I can't risk it. My mind is made up and I stand up. I am so glad Christian cannot see me.

I head across the office into the restroom. It's empty. Great. I enter the cubicle farthest to the door and quickly undo my hook and bar and unzip my trousers. Just before pulling it out, the vibrator starts pulsating. Oh my! My knees are weak immediately. What do I do? Should I take it off? This can be heard. OK, it's barely audible, but I am glad I came here. The pulsating vibrations arriving in ripples rouse my body. I lean on the wall enjoying the moment when I hear the door opening. Someone walked in and the vibrations stop. I don't move. Is that him? Then it starts again. Oh I need this. My trousers are unbuttoned and I would like to have someone next to me. I quietly close the lid of the toilet seat and sit on it, facing the wall with my legs spread apart. My eyes are closed I press my behind into the seat and perk it, swiveling my hips around slowly and theatrically, silently enjoying the vibrations. With my hands I hold the water tank on the wall which helps my grip while rotating up and down and around. Oh... That's nice. I can feel it coming, faster and faster I pivot and anticipate my quiet but empowering culmination. Someone is washing their hands and I welcome the sound of the running water. It covers my subdued panting.

'Are you enjoying yourself Ms. Steele?' _Oh!_ His voice sends adrenaline shooting through my heart. I am startled but I am so close to my peak. Too close. _No! _The pulsation stops.

It's him! He thinks he has power over my orgasms? I begin to pant again, having placed my hand inside my panties I push aside the bullet. Hooking my index and middle finger inside my apex, dipping into my juices I slide them up over my clit, rubbing it gently but hastily, swiveling with my hips so each time I move my fingers go deeper into me until with somewhat subdued moan, loud enough for him to hear me, I come and convulse over the seat, locking my legs.

I can hear him on the other side of the door, walking briskly up and down, like a lion in a cage.

I am done and ready to come out. Standing up, I tuck my shirt in and pick up the vibrator from the floor, having dropped there while I was riding the toilet. _Thank god these toilets are impeccably clean!_

Is this what he had in mind? Not wanting me to come? What's the point? I open the door of my cubicle and there he is. Waiting for me. His eyes glaring.

'This is not what I had in mind.' His voice is dark and menacing. Mad he lost the control over me, that I defied him.

I look boldly back at his eyes.

'I'd like to submit Mr. Grey, but when it's time for my orgasm, don't fuck with me! Here. Have this.' I place the vibrator into his hand and walk away, still talking. 'I don't think our arrangement can work.'

'Are you having second thoughts Ms. Steele?' He is looking at me sternly, in control, threatening while I wash my hands with cold and soothing water. I look down at my hands. Can't look at him. I know his charge is powerful.

'Christian, I am sorry. I don't think it will work.' Where do I find the strength?

'Look at me.'

'I'd rather not.'

'I said look at me.'

'I'd rather not.'

'Anastasia. I will not say it again.' I believe him and reluctantly I succumb. I want him to say it again. To hear his voice. I look up in the mirror and there he is, on the other side. The sun. My air. I am trying to defy him. My mind must prevail.

'You made your decision. Now stick to it like a big girl.' There he is again. Giving orders. I still can't say anything. Out of fear? No.

He turns around and makes his exit.

_Quick, I must say something, he is getting away._

'That was a post coital decision and we both know those don't hold ground. I have too much to lose.' I yell as he is leaving.

I am left alone and I am not sure what the outcome of the conversation is. I wait a few moments before scurrying back to my desk and burrowing my head in work.

x

It's two o'clock and I am still immersed in my work. A notion comes to my mind. I have been working for six hours straight without being interrupted by him. I look up and see Jennifer talking, gossiping, with another girl. She is the new girl and I have difficulty remembering her name. I am not bad with names, it's just sometimes other things are on my mind. I try to listen in.

'I saw Mr. Grey leaving!' Jennifer is talking about Christian. I must join in.

'Hey you two, what are you talking about?' I sound playful, which is awkward as I have never been like that. Jennifer regards me carefully, I know, discerning my wellbeing.

'I didn't know you are interested in office goss.' Jennifer is trying to sound cool by shortening the word. _Really? Goss?_

'Come closer.' And I do.

'Mr. Grey has been an ass all morning to Steven. We think for some reason he had to go back to America. He was in a bad mood. Didn't you hear him storming out through the office?' she says.

'I was working.'

'That man is as handsome as they come but I wouldn't want to be around him when he is mad.' The new girl adds.

They regard me, expecting me to say something, adding value to their gossip.

'Oh. Hm. Yes, I can see him being unpredictable.' I say and go to my desk. They look at me, then each other and continue talking.

x

He wasn't at work the next day either. Apparently he went back to the US. Nobody knew for sure. I tried prodding around using my New York project as a feeble excuse.

_Do I feel emptiness creeping in my heart?_ I haven't seen him for a day. Will he come back? The thought makes me depressed. What do I do? He hasn't emailed.

x

It's Friday afternoon and I can hear my mobile buzzing. I pick it up from under my computer screen, on my desk. It's Jose.

'Ana.'

'Jose? Are you OK?'

'Yes, OK. Ana, I know it's a short notice but there is an exhibition in Buxton, Lake District tomorrow and I want to go.'

'Is this John's exhibition?' I ask, trying to see if I can get any connection with Christian.

'No, it's someone else's. Melanie is coming too. I will have to stay for the night. Are you OK with that? I'll be back by tomorrow night.'

'Melanie is coming with you?'

'Yes.'

'Hm. Call me when you get there.'

'She is just a friend. You know that.'

'Yes, I do. OK. Bye.'

'Bye.'

He is having an overnight stay with Melanie_. _In a way I would like him to have a fling. I had. I won't feel as guilty.

I call Mrs. Saunders.

'Mrs. Saunders?'

'Hi Ana. Is everything OK?'

'Yes, I wanted you to pick up the kids from school today. Jose is going away for the day and I might be late. Would you mind? You didn't have any plans for this afternoon, did you?'

'Me? Ana, you know me, I am happy to help you anytime.'

'Yes, thanks. See you later.'

Right, that's sorted.

I try to get back to work but my mind keeps drifting off to yesterday morning, us having sex on his desk. Christian not being here is the right thing for me. My mind is assigning me to here and now while my soul is living in the past. Reminiscing our few days together. I miss him. Yes. There, I said it. I sigh.

I must work: not think. I work non-stop so the time can fly and right as I am, it's six o'clock before I look up again. Most of my colleagues are gone. He hasn't come back. I'm sad. I really am. Has he left for good? Surely he will come again.

I get ready for home and head for my car, feeling glum. Ah, my cloud nine. You are not my nine anymore. It's been almost two days without seeing Christian and I'm crestfallen. My cloud nine is somewhere in the US. I don't even know where he lives. I know nothing about him. Maybe it's better that way. I am falling for someone I don't know.

I turn on Capital FM and 'Lucky Ones' by Lana Del Ray is on and ..Why do I have tears running down my cheeks? Am I crying? I can't stop them. I've always loved this song but now it's so fitting. The beginning is mellow and soft and by the time the chorus hits.. oh, the lyrics make my core quiver, I am singing quietly and sobbing.

'..Every now and then the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great design,

Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones...'

The lyrics are just perfect. It's about that first time you meet someone and you know. You _know_. It's my paradox again. I do not believe in love at first sight. My eyes are stinging red and I don't care. Despondent and dejected, I am alone.

Mrs. Saunders greets me at the door. She can tell I've been crying but doesn't say anything.

'The kids are in bed and I have made you something to eat. It's in the fridge.'

I smile. She is so lovely. Like my mum. I miss my mum.

'You shouldn't have. Thanks. For everything. For being here.' I am shedding tears again. She is regarding me motherly. Yes, I do need a hug. She opens up her arms and I fall in her embrace, sobbing.

'What is it Ana?' She is asking softly but I know she doesn't expect an answer.

I say nothing.

'Sometimes you have to decide if you want to step forward into growth or step back into safety.' She says while patting my back.

This woman is so clever! I love her. I sniffle and look at her.

'Thanks.'

I close the door behind her. Wow. This is hard. It's like my life is ending.

x

I check on my children already fast asleep. I go in the kitchen and take the food out of the fridge. Hm. I am not hungry and I put it back. I take a bottle of white wine off the cooling rack and a glass and head for my bedroom, upstairs.

I had a senseless week. Nothing compares anymore. The world has collapsed on my head and I can't move. In fact I don't want to move. I enjoy the weight. It opened me up. So many emotions. Such an exposure of my soul.

I take off my dress and throw it in the laundry basket. Going through my drawer in my bedroom I can't find anything suitable to wear apart for my black poppet lace slip and I know I don't have any other option. The laundry is done over the weekend. I put on my Mimi Holliday slip and look at myself in the mirror. Hm. Buying this has been exciting. I thought Jose would actually notice it. I mean, who wouldn't, it's fucking lace all over. But I guess he didn't.

I open the bottle and pour myself a glass. Mm. This wine is great. If nothing else, it will help me fall asleep. It will help me forget about the sex. Which was, by the way, out of this world. I pick up my lap top while I still hold my glass of wine and with one hand free, I try to check my work emails. I know. I am sad. I have been checking my emails for the past two days almost every minute for any sign of him.

I log on the intranet at work and still nothing. I take another gulp. The wine relaxes me into oblivion. _I know!_ I will email him!

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: 'Where are you?'

Date & Time: 7 September 2012, 7.56pm

Dear Mr. Grey,

You haven't been in the office today. I was wondering if you have left for good.

I'd like to talk to you.

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

I wait and take another sip of my wine. I go in the sent items folder and re-read my email. Yes. It doesn't sound needy.

I pour my second glass of wine and result! There is a reply from him.

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: 'I am here now.'

Date & Time: 7 September 2012, 8:15pm

Dear Ms. Steele,

I had some business to take care of.

I would have called you but after your defying act I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk to me.

I would never leave without saying goodbye.

P.S. What are you doing emailing me on Friday night? Don't you have something better to do?

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises

x

He is here. I grin like a teenager.

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: 'Here, where?'

Date & Time: 7 September 2012, 8.19pm

Dear Mr. Grey,

I do want to talk to you. I've missed you and your tenuous agreements.

As for PS, this is my something better.

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: 'Your place.'

Date & Time: 7 September 2012, 8:21pm

Dear Ms. Steele,

I am your something better?

Is your husband at home?

P.S. I am eager to start training you tonight. If you are willing.

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: 'Go away.'

Date & Time: 7 September 2012, 8.24pm

Dear Mr. Grey,

I'd rather you don't ask about my husband.

P.S. I am willing.

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

From: Christian Grey

Subject: 'Too late.'

Date & Time: 7 September 2012, 8:25pm

Dear Ms. Steele,

I am outside your house. When you are ready, please join me.

Best Wishes,

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises

x

Is he here? No, he can't be. I don't understand. I open the front door and look though the gap. I can see the Trident Iceni. Should I do this? Before my mind rejoinders I am already dialling Mrs. Saunders's number.

'Mrs. Saunders?'

'Yes, Ana? Is everything OK?'

'Um..yes. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind babysitting for me tonight. I have a work thing to go to.'

'Yes, of course dear. Let me get ready and I'll be at yours in ten minutes.'

'Thank you, Mrs. Saunders.'

What would I do without her?

I sit down on my bed and write an email to Christian.

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: 'Ten minutes.'

Date & Time: 7 September 2012, 8.33pm

Dear Mr. Grey,

I will join you as soon as I make myself presentable.

Best,

Anastasia Steele

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

I close my lap top and go in my closet. I am excited. Really excited. I pull out my red dress by Sandro. I put it on and look at myself. The ruffled sleeves and peplum give me a sleek look. It's short and I get to show my legs. I put on my red stilettos and that's me ready. While I wait in the hallway for Mrs. Saunders I braid my hair quickly.

Ten minutes later, she knocks on the door. I let her in and immediately head outside.

'Thanks a lot Mrs Saunders. I owe you one.' I smile and leave. She regards me walking, looking at my dress. I wish she would go inside.

x

I look at the Trident and I have a flurry of butterflies in my stomach. Not for him, for the car. Cars do excite me. Mm...I run my hand alongside the rim and stop at the handle. I open the door and look at him. He looks godly. He is wearing his jeans and a white tee shirt. Yummy! His smile says it all.

'I thought you are not going to come.' He is serious.

'Have I ever disappointed you?' I lift my eyebrow at him.

'No. You haven't.' He smiles sardonically.

We look at each other. I know he wants me. I can feel him. As I sit down he looks at my dress now riding high up from the low seat in his car. My thighs are revealed and with my stilettos, I have a killer look. I like me.

'Where are we going?' I pretend I don't see him looking.

He is savouring me slowly. Oh. I like that. A lot. This man is everything I want.

'Hoxton Dungeon Suite in London.' He says and takes off.

'I'm sorry?' _Where? _I open my eyes wide. I don't know what that is but it sounds precarious.

'Tonight I will strap you on the whipping bench and paddle you until you beg.' I can see him getting excised by talking about it.

'I'm not sure I signed up for that.' I say and I remember the night he whipped my behind. I did enjoy it.

'You will beg me to fuck you Ms. Steele.' Ignoring me, ne continues.

His voice makes me deprived. I can feel my juices start flowing and I am wet before I know it. I turn my head, regarding him.

'And? Are you?' _Am I trying to seduce him?_

His eyes are on fire now.

'You are so beautiful. It would be hard not to.'

I am still looking at him. 'I need to be fucked.' I whisper.

'Ms. Steele, you know perfectly well there is no fucking involved.'

My breathing is shallow and he is looking at my breasts. He can see them lifting with each breath. I stretch down my v neck dress under my bra and pop my nipples out, now elongated with excitement. I tug them with my hands hard, moaning while I try to open my legs more. I place my left hand on my leg and slowly head up north, touching myself.

'Am I allowed to do this?' I slide my index and middle finger inside of me and make them wet. Then I slide them over my clit and moan loudly. My moaning makes him visibly distracted.

I slowly place my right hand on his bulge and start rubbing him. I open few buttons on his jeans and his prominence prods out almost too eagerly. He is gently pushing my hand away from him, whilst driving. He is tormented.

I ignore his strident hands and work his swelling. I don't remember when have I wanted someone more than I do now. Conveniently, I have forgotten to put my seatbelt on so I lift myself slightly from my seat to get better access and lower my head on him, placing my tongue between his legs, on his balls, licking up to the tip. I run my tongue over his balls for a while before proceeding on to his erection. He is moaning loudly. I like his sound. The battle in him is lost. He knows what's coming. With my other hand I am still thrusting my fingers inside of me, but harder. It's exciting him I can tell.

'Ana, no!' He is panting, trying to remain under control while driving.

I look up. 'Please. I want to.' I say between breaths. 'I really do. Pull over.'

He follows my order and that's my cue. I open my mouth and take him to the core, sucking and as I pull him out licking his tip.

'Ah...oh..Ana. I don't want this.' He is holding my head and I am thrusting against his groin, each time sucking more and making him groan. I can feel him building up in my mouth and I want this. I want this! I want him to come in my mouth. To fill me with his juices, his nectar.

I burst into convulsions, reaching my peak and at the same time he tilts his head back for a moment before his jizz sprays in my mouth, stifled moaning decanting into his car. Oh I love that sound. I made that.

Coming full on and sucking him dry I make one last round with my tongue, licking my tasty lollypop and smile before kissing his tip. I prop up and look at him.

'Thank you.' I whisper and have my mouth next to his, hoping for a kiss.

Debilitated and without thinking he heads for my lips but stops half way through. Still panting he grabs my braid, tilting my head back, his lips curving at the ends.

'Oh, Ana you shouldn't have done this. I am going to fuck you up tonight.'


	12. Chapter 12

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x

He is still holding my braid tight, making my head locked in a position, I can't move. I try to but I am all the control I possess I slowly move my head, now tilted back, ignoring the excruciating pain and look at his eyes, all the while he is holding me in place. I don't know how on earth I manage to do this, but I can see he is excited by the amount of agony I can take and his lips curve at the ends irreverently. When our eyes meet I stop for a moment before lunging for his mouth, hoping he will let me go. He instinctively pulls back, anticipating my move but still holds me in place.

'Going something Ms. Steele?' his sardonic smile is all too familiar.

I look at him. If I had fangs I would undoubtedly kill him by now and suck his blood. He drives me mad in a good way! I have just had my orgasm and again, I can feel my clit pulsating, wanting more.

'Is this what you like? Me helpless? Submissive?' I ask, rousing him up from his enjoyment.

'Yes.' He stares at me for few more seconds and lets me go. He pulls out few tissues from the side of the door and wipes the few drops of jizz sprayed on him before buttoning up his jeans.

I sit up straight and put my seat belt on.

'I'm ready when you are Mr. Grey.'

'If you say so Ms. Steele.' His eyes sate, he speeds off from the place we were impiously parked at.

I realise for the first time tonight this, us, is too intense. I've met him five days ago and he is taking me to Hoxton Dungeon Suite!

I have read about that place, I'm sure it was featured in the Sunday Times few years ago. It's a place where people go and have 'unusual' sexual experiences. I have never had the desire to explore, although some on the contraptions I've seen in the newspaper were…interesting. The suite features 'well equipped' dungeon and punishment rooms, and together with bedroom, kitchen and bathroom it's just an apartment someone accustomed it into a dungeon. Apparently a first-class BDSM dungeon. Hm. BDSM.

I like spanking. OK. Maybe belting, and yes, him pulling my hair made me wet in microseconds but what if it hurts? Will we have a safe word? Safe word! Ha-ha. I saw it in an episode of Family Guy. It was really funny. Joking aside, I must ask him.

'Are you into sadism and masochism?'

'No.'

'Bondage?'

'Sometimes.'

'Discipline?'

'Yes.'

'Submission?'

'No.'

'Domination?'

'Yes.'

He forcefully looks at me. I can see the tyrant in him. Powerful. Making me submissive instantly.

'And you?' His voice is somewhat enquiring.

'Um...I'm not into anything.'

'Nothing?'

'No.'

'Are you telling me you haven't been spanked before?'

'Yes.'

'Never whipped?'

'Yes.'

His eyes enrage. His hand went down on the protuberance in his jeans, somehow what I said excited him.

'Are you sure?'

'Why would I lie?'

'Have you ever been in a dungeon before?'

'No.'

'This is your first time?'

'Yes. Does it matter?'

'Yes it does.' He is contrite.

'I liked being spanked.'

Nothing. He is not saying anything.

'You are not having second thought now are you?' I say afraid he'll turn the car around.

His lips curve. There he is. The domineering Christian is on.

'What's going to happen at the dungeon?' I continue my investigation.

'An erotic practice involving restraint, sensory stimulation and role-playing.'

'What role will I play?'

'You will be my submissive.'

'What does that mean? What am I supposed to do?'

'Don't answer back. Talk only when I let you. Look at me only when I allow you. The only problem we might have is you having a mind of your own. Don't defy me and I might let you off easy. Don't think. I do that for you.'

'Let me off easy?'

'You said you like spanking.'

'Yes.'

'Is there something you don't like?'

'Not being fucked.'

He smirks.

'What's your role?'

'I am your dominant.'

'What does that mean?'

'You are my sub. I do whatever I want with you. Usually for your or mine pleasure.'

'And..' I have to ask. 'Do you have a safe word?'

'I don't.' He sneers. 'But you will need one.'

I don't say anything.

'Do you have a safe word Ana?'

'Fuck me. That's my safe word.' I look at him with a winning smile in my eyes. Only in my eyes.

'Behaving like this will only get you in trouble. Do you want to play that game?'

I smile bemused and turn my head to the window on my left, looking at the road. I enjoy the ride. For the first time this week I am calm, content. Being with him makes me feel like an appeased rose opening its petals, slowly.

'How old are you, Christian?'

'Thirty six.'

'Have you been into domination long time?'

'All my life.'

'Have you been at this dungeon before?'

'Few times.'

'Who with?' That came out of my mouth without thinking. 'Wait. I don't want to know.'

He doesn't say anything else. The short answers are enough for me.

x

We drive on the A3 into London and once in Wandsworth, the streets become congested. It's Friday and it's very busy. The Dungeon is in East London and it takes us roughly an hour to get there.

I can see we are getting close because we drive by one of the galleries Jose was collaborating with, near Hoxton Square. Yes, this is it. Hoxton square is lively and fashionable. It has quite a few galleries around. And now I know there is a Dungeon right there too.

We arrive at the square and it looks like Christian is looking for a parking space. We stop by one of the Victorian buildings and I see him pulling his mobile out from his jeans, dialling a number.

'Taylor. Hoxton Square. Same place.' That was the conversation. Short, to the point.

'Who was that?'

'My assistant. He'll come for the car. Come on, let's go.'

'Are you going to leave the car on the road?'

'Yes. It's ok.' He says matter of fact.

We ring the bell by the wide red door. The door buzzes open and we go up the stairs where we are met with a beautiful woman. In a way she comes across like Christian, domineering. I have trouble looking at her eyes. I look down at her breasts and can see her name tag, Madame Caramel. Christian knows her. They exchange few words quietly and while doing so she appraises me. I don't know why she makes me feel like he does.

'Look up, Anastasia.' Christian says dictatorially, dark. Madame Caramel is looking at me too.

I look up at him directly. Not her.

'Mm. Yes. Correct. That's enough.'

What just happened here? Was he exercising his command over me in front of her? Lady Caramel takes us to the suite and departs. Christian turns to me.

'Anastasia, when we are inside, you are my submissive. Do you understand?'

'Um.. I think I do.'

'Do you think or do you know?'

I look at him.

'You will address me as Sir and do what I tell you. I am your god. Is that clear?'

'Yes'.

'Yes what?'

'Yes, Sir.'

'You can look at me when I say you can.'

'Yes, Sir.' I look away at my feet.

We enter the main room. I can see wooden floors and pale shade of violet walls. I am still looking down at my feet and can just about see through my lashes god knows how many contraptions. Bondage chairs, stools, crosses, benches, cages...oh my god. Where am I?

'Take off everything you wear down to your panties.' He orders.

I look up, forgetting I am his sub.

'Have I said you can look at me?' He asks, in a sneering voice. 'Don't make it easy on me Ms. Steele. Punishing is something I enjoy doing.'

I start taking off my dress, my black lace bra and my red heels. Naked, bar my black lace panties I stand by the door, looking at my feet, I guess awaiting instructions.

I am burning inside. Burning. Not sure if I will make the next 2 minutes. I think if I touch myself I will come. The suspension is fabricating carnage inside of me. Desolate is the word that describes me at the moment.

I can see him taking off the tee shirt, his walking boots and socks. All he has on him is his jeans hanging on his hips, excruciatingly sexy. I can see a swelling already formed in there.

'Anastasia.'

'Yes, Sir?'

'Come.'

I walk up to him, standing by the table. I look at the table through my lashes and I can see dildos, butt-plugs, strap-ons, something that looks like chastity device from the last century…Oh my... My insides slowly are submerging in my wetness. Having a chastity device on me would make me insane. Not being able to fuck. I avoid looking at it. There is much more stuff…things I haven't seen in my life. What is all this? I have attended few Ann Summers parties here in UK and I consider myself well-informed person, but this is undeniably extreme.

'Before I can start enjoying you, you need to be punished. Twice.'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Anastasia, I am going to punish you for defying me in the restroom yesterday. Do you understand?'

'Yes.'

Standing behind me he takes my left arm and places a leather restraint on my elbow. He does the same with the other arm and he cuffs both of my elbows tightly behind my back, very uncomfortably. My back arches and my breasts perk up. Fucking hell! This is exciting.

'Spread your legs. Let me see you.'

He walks around me, making me wait in suspension and all I want is his dick inside of me. Fucking me...Oh god.

He stops in front of me, face to face, regarding me from above. I am tempted to look up, to see his eyes, to bathe in their rawness. With the tips of his fingers he trails along my stomach going north and stops on my breasts. Slowly petting them he gets hold of my nipples and starts tugging gently, enough for me to moan and then harder and harder, with greater intensity, transferring tormenting waves into me, making me repent for everything. I whine and in pain, I extend my moan making it lasting.

'Aaaaah!'

I wail and I don't stop whining, moaning, He doesn't let go. He tugs with an additional zest, hearing my wailing. I see an impious smirk on his lips, him enjoying my hurting. I am in pain but also I have strangely fucking throbbing sensation in my centre, like the clit inside of me is being yanked in different directions. But it hurts. Huuurts! Which one to focus on? Discerning so much stimulation I cannot think straight…What to follow? He finally let go of one of my nipples and….slaps my face. Hard. _What?_

'Do you like this Anastasia?' He is noxious, deadly and fucking hot!

I lose my voice for a moment, still looking at my feet. The pain in my nipple makes me moan again long and loud. I think everyone outside of this room can hear me.

'Yes.'

He slaps me again on my face.

'Yes what?'

'Yes, Sir.' I am lost in myself, imagining an attack unloading on each nerve ending in my body and moan, oh it's so painful but good. I want to bend down somewhere, to perk my behind, to make myself available for him. I look at the table and I turn towards it stooping down, making him lose his grip from my nipple.

'ANASTASIA!' He yells, petrifying me.

'Do you want to be punished three times today Ms. Steele?' His thunderous voice echoes in the room.

I quickly realise me being fucked is not going to happen and stand up in front of him, penitent.

'No, Sir. I..'

'Are you trying to say something Ms. Steele? Did I say you could talk?'

I am quiet. Subdued. The throbbing doesn't stop, but my nipples hurt like hell. And I am seriously thinking I will not hold on much more in here. It's too much.

'Yes, I thought so. Come closer.'

I obey. I don't even think to defy him. At least, not in this room.

'Turn around.'

I can feel instant release as he un-cuffs my elbows.

I am not given any time to rest as I am guided to a …What is this? Some sort of ..kidney shaped leather bench with buckles on either side. It's like...how do I sit down here?

'I think you have had enough for defying me in the restroom. Your second punishment is for the first day we met. For getting wet and fucking someone else. Acquaint yourself with the flogging bench.'

He bends me down on the bench and I cringe when my stomach touches the cold leather. He takes my left wrist and secures it by strapping it tight with the leather cuffs to the base. He does the same with my right wrist, securing it tightly to the base on the other side of the bench. I can hear him walking around me when he pulls my ankles, positioning my legs in the dent and straps them down again to the base with leather cuffs. One on each side. I am totally open for fucking now. My body is fixed. Lying on my stomach, my behind is perked up high. I cannot move. Fuck! This turns me on. He proceeds to work around me, placing a strap across my waist confining me in this bench even more. Being restrained like this, my head naturally falls into the U shaped recess for my face. Face down and my behind in the air I am ready for the whipping.

And I am deprived! I need him to fuck me. In fact, I need a fuck! Anyone. Please!

This is so intense. I can't think straight. How is it possible? I try to move but I can't. I am so aroused, anticipating ...anything.. Ah! I will fucking come by just being strapped in here!

'Anastasia.'

I hear his voice in my head. It's the only thing I respond to in this sea of sensations. Now I understand. He is the lighthouse in my storm.

'Do not get excited. You will not last long.' His voice is coarse.

'Yes, Sir.' The suspension is killing me.

He reveals my behind by taking my panties down gently, touching me on the way, petting me.

'..Sir?...' I am looking for him. Where is he? I can't move but I can't wait any longer either. I can't see him. I moan loudly. I know it's coming but the suspension is tearing me inside.

Then I have it. My first whack.

'Ah..' I moan… without taking breath. Just a wailing sound coming out of my mouth.

And then again.

'Ah!' It's firm and hard and...painful. Painful! It stings. It burns. And…I need it. I welcome any touch being tied up in here.

With each touch of the paddle I scream, I lose myself too often to know what's going on, until the next painful moment hits me.

'Do you like this Anastasia?'

'Yes, Sir.' I say between moaning.

'Do you want more?'

'Yes, Sir.'

And he hits me harder. I fucking lose my point of reference when I scream loud.

'Fuuuck meee!' I hear myself and I am not sure if this is me.

'Fuck me what?'

'Fuck me Siiir.' My scream turns into a whining moan.

'Is this you begging, Anastasia?'

He is talking over me. Still paddling me hard. His voice is so good. Talk to me...that's my base. My direction home.

'Ah...Fuck mee, Sir.' I cry.

'I can't hear you Anastasia.'

He is dominating me and loving it, stealing particles of my demeanour, dipping in my pleasure.

'Yes, Sir. I beg you, Sir. I beg you, Sir.…'. And my scream turns into wailing and then weeping and I start crying, howling, begging him over and over. It's too intense, too much.

Christian stops padding me and I can feel him touching my behind gently. No! Not this. I want more. Hard. Slipping his hand between my bum cheeks, he dips his fingers into my wetness and I can hear him licking his hand.

'Mm… you taste good Ana.'

I am lost in time. His touch feels too mild and I hear myself sobbing.

'More Sir.' I say.

'More, Anastasia? Are you sure?'

'Yes, Sir.' I want something hard.

He stops for a moment. All I can see is 'Whipping Bench' engraved at the base of the contraption I am lying on.

'Are you sure you don't want to be fucked now?'

_What? _I don't know! I am lost in the sensations and I don't know what is real anymore.

And then I feel it again. A hard whack on my behind. My voice echoes in the room.

'Aah!'

'Answer me!'

'Do you want to be fucked?'

I hear only fucked – nothing else. His voice is my deliverance.

'Yes Sir.' I start to sob, not apprehending anything but my desire.

'Please fuck me, Sir.' I whine…..Loudly I moan, I can't take it any more...

He stops and listens to me sobbing. I am not moaning anymore. Just sobbing. My tears are falling down my face, my hands are tied and my legs too, my behind in the air, paddled.

Surrounded with my insanity I feel his hands on my hips and I can't move. I want to be able to thrust myself back into him but I can't. I wail louder, tears falling down on the floor. He grabs my hips and pounds me hard, like I haven't been fucked in my life.

The walls of my insides are throbbing with anticipation and sensing him there spurts deluge of vigour I haven't felt before.

'Ah..' I shriek.

He pulls it out to the tip. I can't move. He is in control. I want to feel him inside but there is nothing of that. Bewildered, before I lose my perception of reality I shriek again.

'Ah...I want you in me, Sir. Do me! Do me again!'

He starts again, and the pounding continues, always out to the tip, waiting for a split second and shoving it back inside, satiating my needs, thrusting deeper and deeper each time. Oh there are too many senses.. which one to appease first...

'Ahh...'

And then I feel it. I feel the build-up. _I feel it_! It slowly gushes into me, convulsing my body while still tied, reincarnating the responsiveness over and over for a very long time inside of my head, converting screaming into crying and moaning, shedding tears, sobbing.

I erupt magically into billions of pieces over the flogging bench, my muscles tighten around him as a jagged and penetrating flood surges through parts of my body I never knew existed.

And before I completely surrender to my oblivion, only for a moment, I feel my body aching from the pounding but ...satiate in a way I haven't been ever in my life.


	13. Chapter 13

**Merry Christmas to you all! **

And...**Share if you Love!**

x

'Ana.' I hear Christians voice, like in a dream. Ah, my lighthouse. _Where are you?_

'Ana.' This time is louder. _Where?_ Where are you?

I can't move. Paralyzed from...what? I make an effort to move my body but it's difficult. I think I can move. The muscles engaged to move my body ache so much.

_Did you know this existed?_

'Anastasia.' I hear Christian again.

He is next to me, petting my behind softly, raising my panties up. I try opening my eyes, but it's hard. How long I have been lying here? I can feel him unstrapping my body, my legs, one by one. I can smell him next to me. Smell him? Mm...He is uncuffing my hands. I am free. I am free but still lie here. Flaccid.

'Up.' _Up?_ I can't move!

'Mm...'

I can feel him pulling me up. I am lifeless; where does he find the strength? I am in his arms.

'Look at me.' he demands.

I move my head toward his voice and attempt to open my eyes. The light is a bit too strong and I squint. I slowly adjust to it by opening them, and longingly look at him. We look at each other for a moment. I can see him, pleased. Bathing in my eyes, sheltering inside. I am there, with him. Lost in the moment.

'Enough for today.' That's the last thing I hear.

x

I wake up in an unfamiliar bed. Black bed linen. My behind aches. I am in pain. It's easier to drift off, to lie lifeless.

'Ana.' It's his voice. Honey to my soul. I know am safe.

'You must be sore.'

'Where am I?'

'We are still at the dungeon suite. In the bedroom. Here, take this.'

There are two tables in his hand. I'll take anything to ease my suffering. I slowly raise myself and the excruciating pain makes me turn on my side, facing him, making sure my behind is not touching the bed. I take the pills with the glass of water from his hands and I swallow them. Passing the glass back to him I regard him contently. Yes. He completes me.

I never knew this devious need in me. He satisfies it effortlessly. I feel we are connected on so many levels, more than when we can see.

'Are you sure this was your first time?'

I smile modestly.

'You pleased me so much.' He looks at me. He is really beautiful, I feel his eyes stimulating my energy core, making me submit under his appearance.

'I safe worded half way through though.' I admit.

His eyes instantly become serious, shooting off sudden panic. He leans forward just a little, closer to me.

'You didn't hear me. I'm glad.' I say quietly, pleased.

I can see him confused. He stands up and put his hands in his hair, his eyes open wide, trying to remember when did I safe word.

'No, you haven't!' He looks at me like I don't know what I am talking about.

'Yes, I have.'

'No! Don't tell me you have! You didn't. I have been doing this long enough to hear the safe word and to stop. You never said... Oh shit!'

He lowers himself on the chair next to the bed, sitting down, placing his elbows on his knees, his hands over his face, the memory sinking in. I know he remembers me saying the safe word. Fuck me.

'Christian, it's OK.'

'How could I forget? How could I get carried away?' Talking quietly, I am sure he is asking himself more than me.

'For the record, I had the most amazing night in my life.'

'Don't say that. Please don't say that!' He looks remorseful. 'I could have hurt you. In fact, I know I have. Looking at my body, he scoots down on the bed next to me.

'Can I see?'

'Yes.'

He pulls the black bed linen draped over me and reveals my naked body, bar my lace panties. He takes them off gently and looks at my sore behind. Watching him tormenting himself is not something I thought I would be doing today.

'Hey.' I try to calm him down.

He looks at me.

'It's OK. What kind of Dom you would be if you feel sorry your sub?' I tease. He is not finding it funny.

With serious look on his face he goes through one of the doors leading from the room, I can see, into the bathroom. Comes back with a cream of some sort in his hand, and he is back where he was, sitting next to me.

'Um...please be gentle. It's really sore.'

He starts applying the cream. I lie on my left side curled and feel the small dabs and then the soft massage with his fingers over it on my behind. Almost instantly it feels better. It's cooling me off.

'Mm... it's better. Thank you.'

He continues massaging and I like his hand on me. Gentle. Am I really getting turned on again? He is doing it more intense, I think he is in his world again, without knowing he is there. He rubs first my left cheek, then my right and then he slides his palm between my cheeks, a bit too low, reaching me just about. And again, gradually making me wet. He slides his fingers over my ass hole and makes rotating moves before going down. Oh my! The sea of senses spurts through me again. But this time is different. His touch releases a shade of me I didn't know I have. Sweet longing, 'can't hold off much more' feeling is enveloping my demeanor.

'Mm...' I moan.

He is not listening to me. He is applying cream on my behind, this time sliding his fingers down and reaching my wetness, inserting them into me and feeling me abundantly.

'Oh...so eager.'

'Ah...' I moan again, can't wait any longer.

I try to move but he is not letting me. He holds my legs tight, my body lying on a side, curled under him, massaging the cream.

'How do you do this?' I say quietly and close my eyes.

'With you I just want to ...fuck all day long.' He says. 'You make me forget who I am.'

This is already fucking me up. With one hand he is massaging my behind and feeling my wetness, then slowly circling around and dipping in my ass hole gently.

With the other he begins to softly rub my nipples, now elongated from his touch. Oh, I want more.

'Is this sore?'

'Mm…' I don't want him to stop.

'Harder..' I moan.

'Please ...harder...Sir.'

'Harder, Anastasia?'

'Didn't you have hard enough tonight?'

'I want more, Sir.'

We are playing again. He tugs my nipples, first one then the other one.

'Ahh...'

'No...hard, Sir.'

'Hard?' He squeezes me with all his might.

'Ahh...' I scream in pain. 'Yes! Like that!' He trusts his fingers inside of me at the same time and with my wetness he starts dipping in my ass hole, just a little, enough to make me want more.

'Ah...' I follow with a long moan. I love the glimpse I get of my new high. It's intense.

'Again..Sir.'

I am getting high and cannot wait longer. I grab my nipples and tug them hard, focus on my behind and what he does there.

'Yes...Ah...' I moan in pain and I tug and squeeze them.

'Anastasia, we can't have that.'

'Um...no...I can do this..Sir.' I fight back. Totally lost in tugging, I am ready to fuck.

I arch my back, pushing my breasts up, squeezing my nipples in my hands. I am now lying on my back, with him still holding my legs tight together on a side, making sure his fingers are still inside of me, playing with the many nerve endings there, some of which I didn't know existed. I can feel his fingers massaging my ass hole, dipping inside and out and again, circling and in and out, each time deeper, sweeter. I don't know where these nerve endings are exploding out from, but it's...heavenly.

'Ah...what...?.. What are you...?' I don't know what he is doing. He touches me in a place that brings my culmination almost instantly. I know the woman's body. This is not it.

He is inside of me but in a different place. Oh it feels like all the ripples of sensations come together and with each gentle thrust I need more, I want more of him inside of me. Why do I feel like this?

He stops but I take his hand and make him continue. Deeper each time.

I start touching myself and dipping in my wetness, now overflowing and with ease rubbing my clit. Oh I can come in seconds.

'Mm...You like this Anastasia? '

'Give me your hand. The one you are touching yourself with.'

Ne takes his fingers out of me, making me yearn even more. He takes my hand above my head, tying me to the bed frame. I never saw the leather cuff there.

'And the other.' He does the same, tying me up on the other side, above my head.

'What is your safe word Anastasia?'

'Fuck me.' I say seductively.

'Anastasia, you are going to have to choose another safe word. I don't want you in more trouble than you already are.'

'Bite me.' I say mad and restless.

'Bite me? That might work.'

'Yes.'

'Yes, what?'

'Yes, Sir.' My eyes glint. I am back again, and I want more. Much more.

He comes to me for a kiss. Oh, I would love to kiss him, to show him how much I care. It's not just sex for me. I can smell ...sweet scent of ...Him. His core. Mm...I lift my head and he is there, inches away. He looks at my mouth, slowly closing in. I part my mouth expecting a kiss and close my eyes. I wait. Nothing.

I open my eyes and he is still there. Standing above me. Not moving. Looking at me, daydreaming. I want to lunge at him but I can't. I am tied. I try to touch his mouth by pulling out my tongue full length, licking just the tip of his upper lip. He pulls back just in time. I want him. I want his body, his everything.

He bites his upper lip, where my tongue has been, deliciously licking his mouth with his tongue all around, making me part my mouth, inhaling his presence.

'Mm...You taste good.' He says deliciously, eyes hooded and I know there is something I am missing. Then he puts a blindfold over me, smiling brazenly.

'Oh...' I am confused. I haven't done this before. I think I want to know what's happening.

'Not happy, Anastasia?'

'No, Sir.'

That's it. I don't see anything. I am struggling to hone my other senses but...it's not that easy. There is nothing but...ah... him kissing my neck. Very gently. This is different from before. Sensual. I think he is heading south. Closing in on my nipples.

Mmm...Yes. He takes my nipple in his mouth, sucking it, playing with it. With his tongue he is circling around it and pulling it with his lips. Tugging it gently.

' Ah...' I moan. I love it.

'Mm...' He moans, muffled, still playing with my nipples.

'Ahh...' I slant just enough to tell him my other nipple wants the same.

'Mm...Yes, I know...'

'Ah...' He does the same, sucking my nipple, playing with his tongue and he pulls it with his lips.

The feeling is exquisite. I don't see anything but the ample flame igniting in my breasts is extending into..._where is he? _He comes back down on me with a soft bite.

'Ahh...' I didn't expect this.

He bites me again, getting closer to my nipple. I know where the following bite will be and the suspension killing me. The flames in my nipples are blazing inferno, making me crave for more.

And then nothing.

'Ah..Bite me, Sir...bite me, Sir.'

'Is that your safe word Anastasia?'

'No, Sir ...'

'Do not interrupt me then.'

He bites me again but missing my nipple purposely and it's fucking driving me crazy.

'Ahh...' I moan in frustration.

'Are you in a hurry, Anastasia?'

This time he bites my nipple properly, hard. Like I want. Placing my elongated nipple between his teeth and squeezing it hard, making me moan loud, long.

'Ah...' I whine, the pain in my behind fading away, my legs open on impulse.

I can sense him moving on my other nipple. I know what's going to happen, gently nibbling around it and then the pain, the beautiful pain.

'Ah.. .'

I want to be able to see him. Oh, this is fucking mad. I can't see anything. I can feel him slowly biting his way down.

'Mm...' I welcome his touch.

My legs are open. He is so close to me down there. Will he ..? ...I want him to. I am aroused, I could explode.

'Taste me. ..'

'Taste me. ..What?'

'Taste me, Sir.'

He holds the inside of my thighs with both hands, keeping my legs open, inserting his tongue inside of my folds, surrounded by my wetness, enjoying me like a dessert. I feel his mouth over my everything, his tongue entering me where it shouldn't, ending up at the top, sucking my clit with all his might, causing excruciatingly rewarding ripples of my inevitable peak.

'Ahh...' I whine loudly and I move my hips, thrusting gently against his tongue, gyrating when he is sucking me. It feels so good being devoured by him.

'If I knew you were so tasty...I would have had you sooner.'

'Don't stop, Sir...Ah... '

He is carnal, I can sense him betrothed in me, dipping in me more and more, each time longer, his tongue massaging my clit, entering me where I had him earlier and every time sucking me longer and longer, making me feel his desire. This is all too much.

'Ahhhhhhhh... More.. More, Sir.'

I am close to my eruption, dancing slowly with my hips, trying to hit the note I am looking for and I can't take it anymore.

'I want to be fucked, Sir. Fuck me, Sir... Fuck me...please fuck me, Sir.' I beg.

I want this but not anymore. He is keeping me on the very brink of orgasm and I don't like it. I cannot make it. I am repeatedly teased; my intense arousal is growing into psychological need for him. I whine and I moan...first softly then louder, not making sense at all.

'Ahh...Fuuuckk me...Siirrr!'

I can hear him swiftly getting up and undoing his jeans, grabbing my behind with both hands and lifting my pelvis into his lap. He takes my feet and places them next to my head, holding me tightly around each ankle. My body is twisted in a way I haven't been before when I feel him entering me full-length from above. Oh, this is deep! With each thrust the penetration is deeper.

'Ah...' I moan loudly.

'Ahh...' I can hear him moaning. Oh it sounds good, pleasing. Is it possible for my brain to physically give me the notion of his rigidity? I think I can sense the veins on his erection, each time out to the tip and inside faster and faster. Positioned like this, with each thrust I can feel myself opening for him, pounding me harder and harder. My wetness is overflowing, I feel drops trickling around my entry, over my clit. Pounding into our wetness and I feel him at the same time stiffening more and letting loose all his life into me.

'Ah...Ana...' He moans.

'Ah...' I scream long over his moans, this fucking feels me, tops me, it's out of this world and we disintegrate into each other immeasurably, in a position I cannot comprehend, with my blindfold still on.

x

I can hear his exhausted smile, still panting, while he gently pulls out of my body, releasing my ankles from his grip. Oh my. Where have my legs been? This was amazing.

'You do know how to please a man, Anastasia.'

I smile shyly.

He is freeing my hands from the cuffs, one by one, and I sit up still, not removing my blindfold. I can tell he is sitting on the bed, next to me, looking, and I like it. I like the connection we have.

'Mm...I could have you for breakfast every day.'

He pulls the blindfold of my eyes. I look at him, slightly squinting, ascending into his contentment.

'So do I, Sir.'

His head tilts, his eyes cast in my direction giving off coy smile, noticeably pleased.

'It's late. Let's go.'

He buttons up his jeans and brings me my clothes from the other room.

X

In a short time we are both ready. Before departing the suite, we stop for a moment, looking at each other.

'Ms. Steele, you were ...immensely enjoyable.'

'Mr. Grey, you were pleasing... on so many levels.'

We walk out of the suite, closing the door behind us going down the stairs. There is someone by the landing, at the bottom of the stairs, talking to Madame Caramel. Everyone needs their privacy and we bypass them quietly, not looking.

'Ana? Ana, it's you!'

I look up. I don't know this person. My eyes open in panic.

'It's Tom! Tom, from work?'

I faintly smile. I remember him now. He works one floor below.

'Tom. Right. Hi.'

He looks at Christian and then at me. Christian puts his arm around my shoulders and hauls me away without saying anything.

x

Once outside the building, we hail up a black cab within minutes. Christian explains to the driver where we are going, giving him directions. We enter the cab and he switches off all the buttons that connects us with the driver and turns to me.

'Anastasia, who was that?' I notice a hint of jealousy in his voice.

'Nobody.'

'I need to know if I am sharing you with someone.'

'Well, my husband, to start with.'

'Don't be smart with me.'

'You are absurd.'

'I am not. If you are my sub then there are certain things we need to talk about. Our health, for instance.'

'It's a bit too late for that don't you think?'

'I presume you haven't been doing this with anyone else apart from your husband?'

'No one else. He is my first. You?'

'Don't be ridiculous. If you wish I can send you my doctor's notes.'

'Thank you, that won't be necessary.'

'Back to nobody over there. Who was that? You do know you cannot be sub to two people?'

'Where does it say that?'

He is visibly upset, knowing I am mocking him. Jealousy is really not his thing. He can't contain it.

'I still have difficulty believing you haven't done this before.'

That was a low blow.

'Christian, why would I lie?'

He is looking at me with resentment, a debate going on in his head. The next thing I see is his eyes changing into regret. _  
_

'Ana… I'm sorry I can't stay away from you.'

'Then don't.'

I want to say much more. He completes me. I put my hand on top of his and that's all I need for now. He tries pulling it away but I grasp it tight and look at him. His eyes lost, desolate.

'Subs are free by definition but belong to their Dom. What do I do with you?' he asks vacantly.

'Let me belong to you.'

'You can't.'

'I can.'

'No.'

'Please.'

'No!'

'There is no one I want more than you.' I hear myself raise my voice, my eyes welling up. 'You made _me_ today.'

'Aren't you forgetting something?'

'I can still belong to you.'

'If you can do this with me then you can do it with someone else.'

That's exactly what I was thinking earlier. _You cannot trust a cheater._

'What? What do you take me for?'

'You've done it once.' _He is right._

'Yes, after 10 years!'

'Anastasia, I've been though shit too much. I've worked hard to get better. To get on the road of recovery, to find someone.' He frowns. 'I finally find you miles away and you are married.'

I look at him and there is nothing to say. He knows how I feel. The man inside Christian is alone, looking for someone. Subs give their body and mind. He wants someone's heart. _Take mine! _

'When I am with you I forget every point of reference. I don't know who I am. Why I am.'

'You do the same to me.' I say quietly.

He looks at me, slightly shaking his head in condemnation. I bring his hand gently to my lips and kiss his palm softly. I follow by kissing the tips of his fingers, finishing with his thumb. He is looking at me, not moving. I put his thumb in my mouth fully and lick it with my tongue, sucking it hard. I take it out and put it in again, sucking it more, longer. I end with licking his hand from the wrist through his palm up to his fingers in one go.

'Let me be yours. I'll do anything.' I whisper.

I see him coming closer, losing his self-control and it makes me part my lips, expecting. He takes hold of my head with his hands and inserts his tongue vehemently in my mouth, weaving it around, kissing me violently, making me open my mouth further to take him. He bites my lower lip aggressively and moves back, looking at my eyes.

'You. Are. Mine.'


	14. Chapter 14

**I hope you are all enjoying the holidays! **

**x**

His words make my heart sing. I am his. I love the way he holds me. Finally I belong to someone. With my heart and my soul. Without restrain I lunge at him, kissing him back, showing how much I care, I am his. I part his lips open, inserting my tongue with vigor he is not expecting. My lips ache from his bite and I am sure I can taste blood but that's what makes me feral. I run my fingers through his hair, tasting him fully, pushing into him.

'Ana...'

We want to penetrate each other's life form and validate the space within. I feel we are that close. I want him. Kissing him, I start unbuttoning his jeans. I want to take him in my mouth, to show him my gratitude, to please him but he is fighting me back.

'Let me.'

'No, not here.'

'Please..'

'No.'

'I need this. I need to show you.'

I am desperate. I look over at the driver, he is quite far in front. These black cabs are spacious. I don't think he will notice. I pull my dress up and start touching myself. I know Christian won't be able to resist me.

'Ana. No.'

'Mm….' I am beginning to enjoy my fingers. 'I'm not going to see you for two days. Please..give me …something..'

I see his eyes change, his thought process making an impact.

'You are mine, Ana?' The domineering Christian makes an appearance. I adore him.

'Yes. Yours.'

'You belong to me?'

'Yes.' I close in on his lips. 'I. Belong. To. You.'

'OK. You can suck me now.' His eyes dark, ready for a fuck.

I smile and upon unbuttoning his jeans fully, I pull him out, holding tight his stiffness. Mm…he is so big and hard…and mine. I take him in my mouth and start sucking, playing, licking him on the inside and outside while with my other hand I am already two fingers in and out, rubbing my clit with my thumb and again, in and out and spinning over my clit. This way I will reach my peak in no time.

I am engrossed in pleasuring myself and him when I hear a dialing tone on his mobile. I look up.

'Did I say you could stop? Blow me until I say so.'

I obey, sucking him with more zest, he is making me wet by only barking orders at me. Mmm..I am enjoying this…playing with him, and me.

'John. Hi.' He is trying to subdue his huffing. 'Yes I am fine. I just came back from a gallery opening here in London. I am glad I am your sponsor. Ah…' He puts the phone on his chest to inhale and moan.

'Oh fucking hell Ana.' He whispers, clearly enjoying me and then places his mobile on his ear again.

'Um.. I know you have some good stuff John but now I am certain.'

I am not sure where he is going with this. I stop and look at him again when he pushes my head down on him, leering at me, eyes dark, enveloped in obscurity. He covers the mouth piece microphone on his mobile and I can hear his whisper.

'You wanted to be mine Ana. You'll see what it means now.'

And then, as normal, resuming his conversation with John.

'I would like the Buxton exhibition to last at least until Sunday. You are there tomorrow, right? Let's see if you'll get people interested if it's open one more day. I'll send you reporters on Sunday. Goodbye.'

His other hand is free now and he hold my head with it.

'Yeees, that's right mm….' with each thrust he is forcing down my head while I suck him, confused at what just happened. My fingers are inside of me, I am thrusting hard against his stiffness, taking him in full on, enjoying the pressure.

Not wanting to miss out on my peak I vehemently rub myself with my other hand and start moving my hips while I feel him getting harder in my mouth.

'Ah...Ana…ah….' I can feel he is ready, his balls stiffening, ready to ejaculate his jizz in my mouth when he pulls me up, still panting.

'That's enough for now… We'll continue at my place.'

'No. No…' If something makes me mad is this. _Argh!_ I insert my index and middle finger in me hard while I rub with my thumb my clit in my wetness. I don't even feel my panties anymore, they are ruined, stretched and pushed aside. If he doesn't want to come then I will. _Fuck him!_ I recline on the seat and open my knees wide. I thrust my fingers inside of me while the other hand is now burning over my clit at high speed when he takes hold of both of my hands and forces my knees closed. _No!_

'No! …Don't do this. Ah…'

I fight him back. Nobody is going to hold my hands while enjoying my own fireworks. I want this. I want to come.

'I need this. I need it. I want...'

My eyes are threatening, wild, my hips gyrating overt the seat, I just want to be fuuucked! He can see me. He can see my need. I am strong but I can't fight him off.

'Ana! I said no!'

I see my only option. Leaping on top of him, my legs on each side, I pull aside my panties and as his rigidness is still out it slides into me with ease. I insert myself on him, making sure he enters me full length and start riding him, up and almost out to the tip and in again, like I haven't been fucked in a very long time, desirous. I can see him succumbing to my will, enjoying my ride, up and down, and rubbing myself of his erection I swivel left and right with my hips. My insides are torn with pleasure when I feel his hands suddenly grabbing my hips and adding to my velocity, pounding me hard against him until I hear his beautiful voice.

The junction between my nerve cells start transmitting obsessive fucking profligate signals and just when he starts filing me with his jizz I propel into frenzied rotating of my hips, receiving my doze of endorphins, squandering with the influx.

'Ah….Fucking hell Ana…Ana…Ana…. ' With each spray of jizz he says my name and stiffens.

'I..love…you…Sir…' With each word I rub my clit harder of him and don't stop.

_Oh my god!_

I feel his hands wrapped around my body, still pressing me hard onto him. I love the feeling. For the first time he is holding me affectionately.

'You are insatiable.'

'You make me insatiable.'

'Call your babysitter. You'll be back tomorrow.'

'Um..tomorrow?'

'I want to enjoy you longer this weekend.'

'Oh…'

Hm. It sounded like the phone call was…premeditated. I am not sure how involved he is in my husband's affairs. Is it possible he planned everything? Surely not.

'Ana. Trust me.'

'But..'

'Your husband will come home on Sunday. It's what you wanted right?'

I pull out of him and sit on the side. I am dripping with his juices and can feel my panties stopping them just about, when something trickles between my legs down on my dress. Ah, my dress is ruined by now, who cares.

'I…I am not sure I wanted that. I only said I am not going to see you for two days.' He can see I am at unease. His eyes become dark yet again, toxic.

'Ana. You wanted to be mine. This is mine.'

He is right. I wanted this. It feels wrong him interfering though. I know this is wrong. But it doesn't feel like that. I am living my dream and when I am at home, I am awake. And then again it starts over. I sigh and pull my mobile out from my bag. What shall I say? I haven't done this before. Will Mrs. Saunders judge me? I really respect her. My dear Mrs. Saunders. Whatever I say she will know. I'm uncomfortable.

'Don't think. Text.' Christian is impatient.

"_Hi Mrs. Saunders. I am having too much fun out and it looks like we are all going to continue the party at my friend's house. I might be home very late. Or early__. Please don't wait for me. Ana."_

I send the text and immediately go in my sent items to re-read it. Yes, it's innocent. My phone suddenly buzzes in my hand: message from Mrs. Saunders.

"_Don't worry dear. Have fun and enjoy yourself. Mrs. Saunders."_

Phew! I'm off the hook. My relieved appearance is easily seen.

Christian regards me while pressing some buttons and holding me with his gaze, he talks to the driver.

'Excuse me. Could you please take us to Barnes first. Thanks.'

Satisfied, he wraps his arm around me, expecting me to lean on his shoulder. Mm...I love his scent. Yes please. I am tired. Tonight has been fucking fucker's paradise. And I was in it. Fucking. Mm...I think of my paddling and feel instant throbbing in my panties.

'Mm…'

x

This is a comfortable bed. Mm…Where am I? The room is dark. I can see a door slightly open and light coming in through the gap. I must have fallen asleep in the taxi. Is this Christian's home? A hotel? It's somewhere in Barnes, that much I know. I get up and walk up to the door, opening it. Wow. The room in front of me is grand. Amazing. This is definitely a house. One of those, I think, Edwardian houses with high ceilings and spacious rooms. It looks like few have been adjoined to make this one. With dark wooden floors, the furniture adds to the old ancestral look. I stand next to dark red leather Chesterfield chairs on one end of the room with a small round dark wood coffee table between them. On the other side a large fireplace takes up the focal point of the room with a thick beige carpet in front of it and further back a large dark red leather Chesterfield sofa.

I can see Christian in the far back, talking with someone. The person he is talking to is on the other side of the door.

'Why did you come here?'

I hear him talk, but only muffled sounds coming back.

'Answer me.' He is displeased. I can tell because he is talking through his teeth.

Can't hear anything and I move closer. He looks at me and lifts his hand, his palm open in my direction, gesturing me to stop. I stop and can hear quiet sobbing. He looks in front of him.

'I am going to ask you again. Why did you come here?'

'I..I...thought you'll be lonely.' A small voice answered on the other side of the door.

'And what have I said about thinking?'

'You do it for me.'

'Go back. Now.' Christian is losing his patience.

'Who is she?' Oh, that voice can be brave, too.

'Nobody.'

'I'll go back. Sorry.'

I hear light steps going down the stairs while Christian closes the door behind her. Well that's really made my night. It's like all the fucking went out of the window. I am at level one again. It shouldn't bother me. What we are doing is not real. A good fucking practice. Training. I sigh and dip my shoulders. It's too much. Sweaty bodies imprinting on each other. I cannot ignore the familiarity and the divine soul mate quality I perceive from him.

I see him going at the end of the room, turning on a switch. The light comes up in the kitchen. I can see it from here, this house doesn't seem to end. Waking in, he takes a bottle of white wine from the fridge and two glasses that are hanging above the worktop, and comes to me.

'Here .' I take both glasses and holding them, he pours the wine and leaves the bottle on the coffee table.

'To you.' Taking one glass from my hand he raises it and takes a sip.

I am mad. _Why am I mad?_ I am not jealous. _I'm not jealous_. But hurt. _I am nobody?_

'To nobody?' I say sarcastically.

'Don't.'

I know he is thrown off balance by the woman in his house. But we are adults. We can talk. He walks away from me. Pulling open the curtains he opens a door and goes outside.

I am left inside holding the glass of wine. I take a large gulp. It's really good wine. I leave it at the table and follow him.

Oh, the view of the balcony is amazing! The lights of London in the distance with the river view beneath. This garden below is large and dark. There is cool wind blowing, playing with a loose lock of my hair. He looks at me, his eyes dark and ominous, and gently places the lock of my hair behind my ear. I have become addicted to him. He touches my cheek with the back of his hand and I tilt my head into it, feeling him, closing my eyes. The next thing I feel is sharp yanking of my braid, aggressively pulling me closer to him.

'Ahh...' I moan. It hurts.

He looks deep in my eyes, I feel for the first time, with such resentment I am taken aback.

'You wanted to be mine Ms. Steele.' He whispers, sending shudder down my spine.

'I..I do.'

'Don't ask questions. Don't think. I do it for you. When you hear me addressing you as Ms. Steele, that's you cue. I am Sir to you. Wherever we are. Am I clear?'

'Yes, Sir.' My hair is tugged very hard, it hurts, but the pain slowly alters into his god sent touch, the harder it gets the better. But… I am still mad for what he said.

'Turn around. I want to fuck you again.'

'As long as you fuck me, and not nobody...Sir.' I turn my back to him, facing the door.

'Are you being smart with me again, Ms. Steele?'

I am quiet. I said what I wanted to say. He can fuck me now.

He lift up the rim of my dress, pulling it up above my head but not taking it off. My arms are up, ready to slide my dress off me when he halts.

'Stay.'

I lean on the door, I am sure I will lose balance with my hands up, not being able to see. I feel his fingers on my panties, pulling them down and off. My dress is half way off me, over my head and I am naked, bar my bra.

'Mm...' I moan. This is always good.

'You don't get you enjoy this.' He says though his teeth.

_Oh, this man's deportment is challenging. _

'I don't want to hear you moan. Nothing. Is that clear?'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Open your legs.' I obey.

He unbuttons his jeans and pulls my hips to him, sliding in.

'Ah...' I moan quietly and he stops.

'Wasn't I clear enough?'

'Yes, Sir.'

'What was that?'

I am quiet. I want this. I will be quiet. I promise!

He starts the pounding, unhurriedly, bit by bit...and I fucking love it...

'Ah… Ana... You wanted to be mine...You are mine...Ah...' He is thrusting at a pace that drives me crazy. Enjoying me explicitly.

'Ahhhhh...' I cannot contain myself anymore. So beautiful, fucking hell I will shout.

He abruptly stops.

'No….No..Come on...' I thrust against him in a daze, trying to continue our cadence.

He pulls out fully. His stiffness springs out and I go back a little, feeling it again, trying to get him in.

'Ahhh..' I moan and whine at the same time, showing off my frustration. I am so fucking needy.

'You don't listen Ms. Steele.'

'Take off your dress and get inside.'

I obey, my wetness dripping down my legs. Taking my dress off I walk inside.

Still with his cock out in all its glory he leads me to the large Chesterfield sofa in the middle of the room, the one in front of the fireplace.

'Bend down.'

He lowers me on the very high arm rest, my behind sticking up in the air and my body slanting on the seating side. Fucking hell, I am ready.

I can feel the stickiness between my thighs. Bending down my cheeks open and all the wetness is there...for him. I put my hands on the seating cushions, getting my grip and look behind at him. _Oh My!_ Where did he find the whip in his hand?

'Ms. Steele, I am going to teach you the meaning of the word submissive.'

I fucking don't care. I need you in me. Now.

He stands behind me tall, ready to fuck when and I feel something cold getting inside of me. I look back and see the largest purple dildo entering me. Thick one. Oh my! This is...

'Ahh... ' I moan very loudly.

'Anastasia, not a sound.'

He inserts the dildo deeper.

'Aahhh...' My moan turns into a whimper...

'Tck, tck, tck...Anastasia.'

He pushes it this time to the end. Oh this so big...oh my! So big... He pulls it out and inserts it again. It's painful. It's so big...and good...

'Ahh...'

'No sound Ms. Steele. You want to be mine? Learn to obey me!'

'Mm...' I hear muffled sounds coming from me but I can't...this is so sweet. 'Ahh...'

'I can _still_ hear you.'

He is pulling it out and pushing it in and it's oh so sweet, so thick, I am really getting high when I hear the whip and I feel a fucking fire over my bum cheeks.

'Aaaaaaaahhh...' I scream. Oh, this is an eye opener. Really fucking painful. But the fucking dildo in me is still dancing in and out, credit to Mr. Grey. It's making me forget the burning marks on my bum cheeks.

'Ah...Ah...' I forget myself again and moan really loud when I hear the whip again before hitting me, making me jolt, expecting the pain, leaving marks, I know.

'Ahhhh...' I am so close to coming I moan again, changing it into a frustrated whine.

_Why doesn't he let me come?_

And again, the dildo is so big...I am receiving it so ready, wet, my behind perked up, fucked. I think…I think I know… I am not going to come. I know better, I can enjoy the fucking, I love the fucking...and I muffle my sounds in the sofa...mm...it's so nice...sliding deliciously in and out ..

'You are learning Ms. Steele.'

I can see the whip laid on the sofa when he starts petting my behind, tracing the marks left by the whip and it hurts….but his touch is always welcomed…his hand slides down to my entrance and dips together with the dildo in me, only a little ...ah..this is good, it's his turn now, he'll fuck me...

'Ahhh !...Ahh...Ahh...Ahh,...' What? What is this? ...Is he?

'Ahh..'

I hear myself screaming dissonantly, being fucked. ..I am not sure what...all that was there is not anymore...I must ….I put my hand back to see what is he doing and feel his fingers inside my ass hole. He is fucking me with the biggest dildo I have seen...and ..his fingers in the other hole. I am on the brink of heaven and hell and I am not sure which way to go.

'Arghh...Ahh...'

My lips are trembling, my knees are weak and if I wasn't bent over I would certainly fall down. This is so...fucking...heavenly ..in so many different ways and I feel the fucking high. I am there and I scream...I can't breathe anymore. It's so good... Millions of nerve endings show me the way to heaven and I want to stay there...it's great...

'Ahh…'

Multiple high? Is this it? Oh for fuck sake. Fucking hell. Fuck fuck fuck. What is this? My arms are shaking.. all my blood is drained in my head from being sloped down...oh my! And I am losing my mind. Is there anything more for me to learn?

I hear myself scream discordantly, long and hard and keep my voice up until I have breath in me while he is thrusting me with the dildo and his two fingers in my ass hole, by now, I'm sure open wide, allowing him to slide in and out, over in me and I lose myself. Totally lost in the space consortium.

My legs attempt to open more, to ride the sofa, I am so wet, I feel the dribble down on my legs when he only just touches my clit in my wetness and I recognize the path, I am trained to follow the road to heaven and I fucking bawl raucously without holding back, shuddering in the process, convulsing in my climax.

x

I lay languid on the armrest when I feel him pulling the dildo out of me one last time together with his fingers. He runs the hand over my entrances, now widened from the fucking, feeling me properly, making me slightly jolt and relax again.

'Mm...Anastasia...you have so much to learn...'

I can feel his ...tongue? Over me, licking my openings deliciously and…Mmm...I feel appreciated. Needed! Loved. Yes I feel loved.

'So tasty...before and after.'

He comes around and makes himself comfortable on the sofa, next to where I am sloped. I am still panting and cannot say a word. Out of breath. With all my strength I lift my body and diffuse myself on the carpet in front of the sofa.

'Sir?' I prop myself on my elbows and look up at him, still panting.

'Yes, Anastasia?' His eyes show his affection, this man worships me.

'That's right. Anastasia. Not nobody. Sir.'

He is looking at me, bemused at my defiance, his eyes almost instantly change meaning.

'Are you doing this on purpose?' He is admonishing discipline with the tone of his voice.

I lie back down and close my eyes, smiling.

'Be careful, I am not finished with you tonight.'


	15. Chapter 15

'Not finished? Have we already started, sir?'

I smile bashfully, my eyes still closed, laying flat on the carpet.

'Come here. Next to me. Sir.' I tap the space on my right with my hand.

I am sure he is evaluating in his head if that act would weaken him or not. Thankfully deciding for the latter, he lowers himself on the carpet and lays flat on his back next to me, our shoulders touching.

I place my hand on top of his. I am happy, content. I can tell he is looking at me. I am a teenager in love! The thought comes unbidden in my head and I bit my lower lip, still smiling, shaking my head.

'Mm... biting your lip.'

I turn my head and open my eyes, looking at him, lost in reverence.

'Hi.' His saintly voice soothing my soul, I am spell bound by his grey eyes. He is breathtaking. His soft gaze is giving off the kind of smile that conveys a desire to bond. That's the moment my heart decides to speak up.

'I think I am falling for you.'

His perfect smile is slowly fading. He is looking at me troubled, with longing. I welcome the neediness in his eyes but why does it feel like there is a train going at full speed between us?

He props himself on his elbow, looking down at me. And ..nothing. We gaze at each other and we know what we mean. Everything around us fades into a thick fog except for the glimmer in our eyes. Talking, conversing in the language of …love? No. Understanding. No need for words. I know what he means.

Still entranced, he shifts on top of me, holding himself with his elbows on each side of my head, his body pressing mine at full length.

'I want to enter your soul and never come out.'

'I won't stop you.'

He takes a deep breath and lowers his forehead on to mine, closing his eyes in torment.

I run my fingers though his hair, pressing his head into mine.

'Hey.' Me again. _Why do I still talk?_

'Don't. Don't say anything else. Please.' His voice is bitter.

'I..I'm sorry.'

He is clearly overwhelmed. Pushing himself up, away from me, he sits on the sofa again. The sweet person who was whispering to me just moments ago is gone and the cold, daunting and 'I am keeping all under control' Christian makes an appearance.

I prop myself on my elbows, my eyes open, looking at him. I am already regretting what I said.

'Anastasia, let's stick to the facts. It will be easier on both of us.' His eyes are vacant, dull, without an ounce of emotion.

What do I say to get myself out of this horrible emotionless pit? Better yet, what do I say to pull him down with me? He infuriates me, I didn't know I could change my disposition so many times in one fucking hour.

'What are the facts?'

My jaw clenched, I look insolently at him, irate.

'Transferring knowledge. No affairs. Is it only fucking to you?'

'Ana…please!'

'Don't be so patronizing! At least be honest with me!'

'I can't.'

'Why? Because you are as deceitful as I am? You probably have a girlfriend that you are cheating on at this very moment!'

'I don't.'

'Really? And the girl you send away an hour ago? Who was she?'

'She is my sub from the States.'

Oh. I didn't expect this. I sit up on the carpet, trying to get better position while talking to him. Although, to be honest, naked bar my bra, I am not sure how tough I look. I try to be cold and calculated like him but I am freaking inside. He has another sub? Another sub? _I am his sub!_ This changes everything.

'I thought doms cannot have two subs.'

'I said a sub cannot have two doms.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'It has nothing to do with you.'

I turn my head away, the shooting pain in my heart tells me I am not special. Our emotional exchange earlier was nothing but .…simply nothing. And it hurts. My eyes well up.

'Will she be there when you go back?'

'Yes.'

Ah. This hurts a lot. _What was I thinking?_

'Christian…how do you explain what you said? You want to enter my soul? Do you understand how stupid you look now?'

Talking quietly, I am not letting my tears fall down my cheeks. I can see him changing. Not sure if he can see my eyes glistening but he cocks his head at me, in disbelief, I think.

'I meant every word I said.'

'No!' I yell and my tears are overflowing my eyes, falling freely. ' How can you enter my soul and stay there if you are going back? If you have someone waiting for you? Tell me!'

He is not mistaken about my tears. 'Don't come near me!' In one step he is on his knees next to me, holding my shoulders, looking in my eyes.

'Ana! How can I stay with you when you don't belong to me? You say you do and I choose to play the game but the reality is…you belong to someone else. I want to stay forever with you, inside, so you will never forget me.'

His hands go down my shoulders and hold my hands tight.

'But you will. Your life has started already. Whatever you say, you are not going to wait for me. Ana…we have different lives.…' I can hear the regret in his voice. 'In another life we would be together forever… but not in this one…'

'No! Don't say that!' My tears are abundantly falling down my face. The pain I have is unbearable. I close my eyes and start sobbing. He is next to me, stroking gently my head, wiping the tears of my face.

'Ana, look at me.'

I am still crying, broken. Let me mourn my life.

'Ms. Steele.'

I am not a fucking sub right now. Fuck off.

'Ms. Steele, you are still mine.'

I look up at him through my tears, eyes red shot.

'Until I leave, you belong to me. That's our fact.'

'And the other sub?' I ask nasally.

'She is gone.'

I continue sobbing, wanting to let off everything off my chest. This really is intense.

'Christian, I need to tell you how I feel. I need to share it with someone.'

His lips go in straight line, foreseeing what I might say. He is genuinely concerned for me. In the last five minutes he changed from loving to cold, then to reasonable, ending with being protective. I sniffle again.

'OK.'

'And you are not going to freak out?' I have to be certain.

He pulls a handkerchief out of his jeans and hands it to me, waiting. I wipe my nose and look at him.

'Christian.. …You make me feel young. …Alive…. Appreciated…. Loved.'

I sniff again and look in his eyes deeper, baring my soul completely.

'The pain you show me is…. gratifying. The moment it's gone I am craving it more. I cannot explicate my addiction. It's making me ravenous. Alive. Teasing every emotion possible, you inject it in my core, making chaos in my head. I have never met anyone I succumb to so easily, like a school girl in front of a headmaster, with no power whatsoever..and.. it's liberating. I want to follow you, to obey you and my mind tells me that's not me. I am not frightened of who you are creating. I am worried for the woman I leave behind. The mother. And the wife. I am sad for her. I am sad I cannot merge those two women together.'

This is enough. I could go on talking for hours on how he makes me feel. I said what was on my mind. I heard myself talk. Oh don't look so desolate. I have officially pushed him away. He is up on his feet, walking away from me into his bedroom. I am quick to follow.

'Christian, you said you are not going to freak out. Please…don't.'

I enter his bedroom and he is sitting on his bed looking at me, the drawer in the bed side table next to him open. He is holding something in his hand.

'Ana, come.' He pulls me in his lap, wrapping his hands around my body tight, burying his head in my chest. I hold his head close to my heart, running my fingers through his hair. His breathing is heavy and my tears start again, quietly falling down my cheeks.

'I'm sorry…I'm sorry…' I whisper and quietly weep.

I can hear him taking a deep breath, inhaling me. He lifts his head looking directly at me, his eyes red.

'Anastasia Steele… you …compel me. In you, I see home. I belong. The pain you have is mine to endure. Please don't cry anymore. I am yours. It's you who have me.'

I am speechless. My heart warms up gradually, pushing the pain away, freeing me.

He places in the palm of my hand something and covers it with his.

'This signifies my life. My darkness. My loneliness. My roots. My ancestry. Single like me, black like my mind, broken like my soul. It was too fitting to let it go all those years ago. Now I want you to have it. Do whatever you want with it. In your eyes I see reflection of me. I found myself in you. You say I made you but you are wrong. You made _me_. '

I open my hand and see a broken black pearl. How daunting. It does give off a predecessor loneliness. I feel so sorry for him. What has happened to this man to feel so dejected?

I close my hand and look at him.

'You-Are-Mine.'

x

This, tonight, is one in a million. Sad, regretful, angry, in love, content.. all these emotions in one place. Like fireworks sandwiched between us. And for the first time we don't rush. Time belongs to us.

I part my lips, kissing him softy. He reciprocates by holding my face with his hands, looking at me, drinking my essence. I can see the desire in him to slowly and gently savor me. His tongue is unhurried, premeditated, licking his lips gently and lightly biting and rubbing his lips with mine. It's so sensuous.

'Let me show you.' He takes my hand and leads me into the bathroom all the while not taking his eyes of me. He turns on the shower and the steam gradually invades us. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, taking it off. I know where this is going and I am not impetuous. I want him. Him. Not his glory. I take the rim of his tee shirt and pull it up, taking it off, revealing his chiseled body. I kneel down to unbutton his jeans and show him my love. I love him.

'Ana. No.'

He pulls me up, gently stroking my body. This is interesting. I am not sure if Christian knows what he is doing. I believe playing with toys is his way. His jeans are unbuttoned and he pulls them down together with his boxer briefs, taking them off. This is the first time he is naked in front of me. He is the most attractive man I have seen in my life. And he is blessed in a way I have experienced in more than one ways. Oh, how I need this shower. Having sex has made me forget life. Thinking about it, I would probably choose having sex than having a shower. We walk in under the water, and oh my god, it's fantastic, I needed this. My behind stings and my nipples tingle. My whole body is insolvent from fucking. What's gotten into me? I look at Christian. His wet hair makes him wild, untamed. He smirks as me.

'Ms. Steele.'

_Oh my!_ My owner is here to claim me.

'Yes, Sir.'

'Turn around.'

I obey, and I know I am already wet. Shame my panties are not here to witness. I am facing the glass door and my back is against the wall.

'Stay. Don't move.'

I am now so eager. Rushing. Fuck time. I want what he is offering. He is doing something behind me but my view is obscured. Upon finishing he comes in front of me and sneers.

'What?'

'Are you ready?'

He kisses me passionately, parting my lips, inserting his tongue in me and vehemently stirring the fire in my groins, making me press my body against his, wanting him inside of me.

'Open your legs and go back a step.'

I enthusiastically obey.

'Back. Back..'

_Oh my!_ What the fuck! I…I just…I have to look back. There is a dildo stuck on the wall behind me, waiting for me to ride it. I look at Christian and he kisses me with additional verve, making me needy. I make one last step back, inserting the dildo inside of me. He looks at me, pleased.

'Ah…' I love the feeling. The water.. and me…playing with the dildo, in and out, slowly…Oh my..my legs open further, receiving it, my behind perks up more, thrusting against the wall, going crazy inside of my head.

I hold myself on the side walls of the shower and see Christian taking the shower gel and squeezing it in his hand. He is letting me thrust against the wall behind me while he is gently lathering my body.

'Ah…' It feels good.

'Now now Ms. Steele, it's all about control.'

The fire in my legs shooting up and meeting where the throbbing of my clit is, is maddening. I hold myself, pounding faster against the wall, wailing. As part of my cleaning, I presume, Christian slides his hand down on me, the place I rubbed so many times today, running his fingers up and down with the soap, making myself shiver with pleasure and he is stroking himself in front of me, making me needy for him. I don't think I can do this without taking him in me. I bend forward, and grab his hips with both hands, taking him fully in my mouth. Oh this is heavenly! I am enjoying him, sucking him, taking him deep in my throat and thrusting against the wall, enjoying the ride.

'Ah….Ana….how do you do that…'

His pleasure is my creation. I suck him vigorously and love the dildo in me. I start forcefully pounding and sucking him at the same time, when he grabs my shoulders, pulling me up and off the dildo.

'Ah….' No! No!' I moan. Why? Why does he fucking do this?

'Wrap your legs around me.'

He lifts me up, holding me in his arms. My opening is wet and ready and he inserts himself easily in me. Oh my! This is different. We are holding each other under the shower, him moving my body up and down, but always out to the tip and inserting it deep and oh, I fucking love this!

'Ah…..Ah…' I am getting louder.

My legs and arms are wrapped around his body and in all the pounding we are kissing, biting each other, our tongues devouring, playing, savoring, getting us closer. He pushes me against the wall, still holding me and I can feel my fucking cum! He is fucking me forcefully, our bones hammering agonizingly and it's a pain I welcome.

'Ah….Christian…Ahh…' I explode inside of him, linked with his core energy field and he is following closely, sprays his jizz in me, shouting my name and reaching his peak.

'Ah..Ana...'

Yes. My name. Ana. Oh, it's honey, no, maple syrup to my pancake. Mm…I hold his head to my chest. We are still connected. This time more than ever. I really don't want to move. This fuck has been the highlight on the night. He is mine. Mine.


	16. Chapter 16

**Penny for your thoughts again! **

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x

Still panting, we kiss one final time inserting our tongues and weaving around trying to take as much as we can from our essence. He lifts me up off of him and puts me down gently, caressing my body in the process. With the corner of my eye I can see him turning the shower off.

'I think we are clean enough.' His content smile says it all.

I smile. This man, this god, is mine. And he is taking care of me too. He wraps a large towel around me, drying me out. Mm…this is snug. While he dries himself out I walk out of the bathroom and sit on his bed. My attention is drawn to the black pearl he gave me, now sitting lonely on top of his bedside table.

This small insignificant item means so much to him..and I don't know what to do with it. Hm..what exactly does it mean? He says it represents his darkness, his loneliness…his roots. I really would like to find out more. I don't think I know where is he from. I pick up the pearl in my hand.

'Christian?'

'Yes, Ana?' He shouts from the bathroom.

'Where are you from?'

'Seattle.'

'Seattle? I'm from Montesano, Washington! Oh my god! How weird is this?'

'Yes, I know.'

'What do you mean you know?' This is not right. _He knows?_

He leaves the bathroom and sits down on the bed next to me taking my hand in his.

'I know all about you.'

My eyes open wide. _Don't hold my hand and talk about invading my privacy like it's a normal thing! _

'Ana, I need to have control over everything. But with you..I can't. When I heard you are married and saw you in the elevator that day… The afterglow on your face told me everything… I am sorry. It still hurts knowing you are not fully mine.'

'Wait..you knew all about me by the time I got back from my lunch?'

'Yes.'

He looks at me unashamedly, trying to see if I am furious or just angry. I was entranced by his presence when I saw him at first. If I had the power, would I want to know all about him? Probably. He is amazing. Why don't all men come with this trait? I don't need to tell him stuff. He already knows it all. And he had a chance to pull back. But he hasn't. Which tells me he is really into me. That's what we, girls, need. Men who get to know us fully before entering our lives. Why should we want to go through the trouble of getting to know someone only to be left brokenhearted because we aren't what they thought we are. This is pain free and hassle free for both sides.

No, he is not guilty. Oh, each and every moment I fall for him more. How is this possible?

'I wish everybody was like you.' I smile. 'Think of all the time wasted in futile conversations.'

'So you are not mad?'

'No.'

'You see? This. You. I love you Ana.'

I love his hold. His arms are strong and press me to his body just enough so I can breathe. I love feeling loved. This is loved. Someone accepting your thought process.

'Oh, Christian…'

I can't say I love you. I am falling for him for sure but I love you means I am free. And I am not. I think he understands. I know he is not waiting for me to say those words. He pulls back and looks at me.

'Did you have enough for tonight…or do you want to play more?'

Oh my god. Is he serious? Where does he find the stamina? He fucks like a twenty year old man!

'Play.'

I am really tired. Yes I know. I am all talk. But I don't give up and look at him seductively. I know this will make him want me more.

'Oh Ms. Steele, you are going to make me beg for mercy… although, not just yet..'

I laugh out loud. He is wonderful. Witty.

'I don't want to sleep. I want to be with you. We don't have to play.'

He lays down on his bed, propping himself with his elbow and looks at me, tapping with his hand the space next to him.

'Come. Lie down.'

I lie down supporting myself on my elbow too, facing him, looking at his eyes. We are both naked. He pulls the bedding over us and moves closer, entwining his legs in mine and touching my body full length. He opens his arm and I nest my head in the groove between his shoulder and his head. We end up looking at the ceiling and while he is stroking my head with one hand the other one is holding me tight.

'Mm..' This is good. This is heavenly. I try not to think of Jose but he pops in my mind uninvited. Why haven't I felt this with him? Why? Tears of regret form in my eyes, and I sigh heavily.

'It's ok…' He keeps stroking my head like he knows what I am thinking. 'You are home.'

x

I wake up with a jolt, totally freaking out, my subconscious thumping on my door. Jason and Michael have rugby training and tutoring this morning. Saturdays are fully booked with their extra curriculum activities and I am the one taking them there because I hardly see them during the week.

I get up in dread and look around. Christian is still sleeping. What a mess. Where is my dress? My bra? My panties? _Don't panic._ I'm trying to trace back my steps. My bra is in the bathroom. I quickly go there and find it. It's soaking wet. Useless.

I hang it on the drying rail and proceed to look for my dress. I took it off…hm…oh, I remember! I was being taught how to be submissive. Mm…that was a good lesson. Both of my holes. Mmm. Am I getting wet again? No! Please ..don't think about it. I see my dress by the balcony all crinkled on the floor. I put it on and straighten it. It will have to do. My heels are next to the sofa. I put them on and continue in pursuit of my panties. My famous panties. Where did I take them off? Hm. I am baffled. Wait! Christian took them off out on the balcony. I go out and I quickly retrieve. It's raining. The balcony is wet, together with my panties, now lying on the floor, surrendered to the wetness of the rain. Hm. They've seen worse.

I quickly pick them up, trying not to get wet and take them in the bathroom, hanging them next to my bra. I have to leave them here.

I go through the bedroom again and look at Christian, oblivious of my morning stress. I need to know where I am to call a cab. I pick up my hand bag and noticing the tiny black pearl on the bed stand, I take it and go in the living room. The only place unspoiled from our conduct yesterday is the grand chesterfield chairs. That's where I sit.

I place the pearl in my purse and pull out my iPhone. It's eight o'clock in the morning. I press on the maps icon and my trusted gadget shows my exact location. Wyatt Drive in Barnes. I open Safari and search the word 'taxis near Barnes'. Immediately my tiny screen gets populated with many numbers. Yey! I absolutely love my phone! I call the first number up and arrange for someone to come and pick me up from in front of the house as I don't know what house number I am in. They'll be on the road in 2 minutes.

Shall I wake up Christian? I enter his bedroom and he is still sleeping. I sit down next to him and kiss him on his head.

'You… make me whole.' I whisper in his ear.

'Mm..' He turns around to me, still sleeping.

I want to leave him a message. Not just leave. I open the drawer. There is a pen there but no paper. I take the pen and pull closer his left hand. Hm. What do I write? I smile and look at him. He is sleeping so peacefully.

'Mine.'

I get up and leave the bedroom. Going down the stairs I see this is a large house but I don't have much time to look as I am in a rush. I'm out and see the taxi driving slowly on the road in the distance. I go in the middle of the road and wave.

x

Mrs. Saunders is awake and ready. The boys are in the kitchen having breakfast. She is amazing.

'Hi everyone. '

I can hear Mrs. Saunders in the kitchen talking. 'Your mum is here.'

'We're in the kitchen Ana!'

I walk up to the kitchen and pop my head inside.

'I'm going to take a quick shower and be ready in ten minutes.'

'Mum, are you coming back from work now?' I know Mrs. Saunders haven't said anything. Jason just had to ask and I am forced to lie.

'No, sweetie. I had to work very early this morning.'

'Where is dad?'

'There is an exhibition in Buxton, Lake District and he had to be there. He'll be in later today.'

I leave the kitchen because I know the questions will never cease.

I hurriedly take a shower and am wary about my behind, all red and bruised from the paddle and the whip. Running on adrenaline, I put on my black seamless bra and panties and put my weekend outfit. Skinny jeans, black vest and a black cardigan. I am always sweating when I am doing the kids run and need something light to wear.

Walking down the stairs I see Mrs. Saunders getting ready in the hallway.

'Thanks, Mrs. Saunders. Really.'

'That's OK Ana. Did you have a good time?'

'Um..Yes. I did.'

'Ok dear, see you soon. Have a good weekend.'

'Thanks Mrs. Saunders, you too.'

x

The day transpires like in a dream. Me driving the boys around while multitasking, taking shirts to dry cleaning, paying bills, taking my cloud nine to get my cd player fixed. I am doing all this with my brain functions stuck at alpha level, a mental state of relaxed awareness which most people achieve during meditation. I've read by freeing the brain from a constant stream of activity, you actually use more of it. Untangling my brain, I remove much of the clutter and calm my mind with thoughts of Christian.

Is it wrong for me to feel content? I am not contradicted anymore about love at first sight. How else could I explain what's going on? It's certainly not only the fucking for me. Is it? I have never had such a good fuck. Maybe I should have played around before settling down. I am not sure what I am missing out anymore. Everything has changed. Everything.

x

I have thirty minutes to spare before my kids tutoring lesson ends and usually I sit in the car, waiting, but today I notice the beauty salon right there, next to the school. I've never seen it before.

I have waxed only last week but I enter out of curiosity. Inside it's trendy, clean and modern. The girl at the counter is friendly and good looking.

'Good afternoon, are you here for our special offer?'

'Um...No, I am only looking around. Do you have a list with the services you offer? I could use you in the future.'

'Certainly. Here it is.' She passes me a flyer with their services printed on it. I pretend I am interested and look at it, turning the pages while she is still talking.

'We opened on Monday and our special offer expires today. Are you sure you don't want to go ahead with it?'

Oh she is a good salesman.

'What is it?' I ask uninterested.

'Brazilian wax for thirty pounds only.'

Oh! Brazilian? That's…um…waxing down there, around my…clit? And ass hole. I have never thought of getting that. Ever. I even remember talking in disgust about women who do it. It's natural to have hair down there. Hygienic. But..that was before I had mind blowing sex. Hm. For the first time I understand the word orgasm. Am I willing to try it? I still have some reservations but I would love to do it for him. It will please Christian so much. I am getting wet and I shouldn't if I intend to wax.

'How long will it take?' _What a hypocrite!_

'Only thirty minutes. We can take you now if you are free.'

I can't believe I am doing this but… I feel I must. For all the women out there. I am changing. And embracing the change. It's liberating. As for the pain….I have endured so much in the past day...let's see if this will make me cry. I am such a wimp when it comes to waxing.

x

Thirty minutes later I walk out of the salon, feeling..naked. Yes, it feels so weird not having hair down there. Suddenly there is a very tender and soft spot where the hair was. She was very thorough though, making sure there isn't a single hair left on me. All around my insides. Front and back. Brazilian. I walk and feel my panties rub against me, my entrance, just about going over my clit. Mm..my skin is freed.

My thought is cut short by my phone ringing.

'Jose. Hi.'

'Hi Ana, how are you?'

'I'm OK. How is the exhibition?'

'Fine..Fine. People are interested and quite a few are asking about my paintings. It's looking promising.'

'That's really good news.'

'Ana, I'm probably going to stay for another day. The sponsor is extending the exhibition until tomorrow and it would be better if I am around. I'll be home tomorrow by five. Is that ok with you?'

'Um..Yes.'

Ha!

Christian plan worked and I feel so… dirty. Disrespectful. Are we having an affair now? Clearly we are enthralled with each other but where does that lead? It has all the colors of an affair .. and I hate myself for it. Urgh. This is me being deceitful. Liar. I must find a way to connect myself within. My new me and my old me. Something tells me the price will be high though. And I might not be able to pay...

'Ana, did you hear me?'

'Yes, yes I heard you. That's OK, Jose. It's fine. I'll go out tonight with my girlfriends.'

'Ok then. Talk to you later. Have fun tonight.'

And he hangs up. I thought this would be much easier. Shadows of me and Christian having sex mixed with guilt shroud my body. And..I don't think I can live like this. Cheating. I entered deep into the enchanted forest and thought the magic will continue on the outside. I was wrong. This is my real life. I don't want it to fall apart. We've been together for ten years and I owe it to him to be honest. I can't keep it in me.

My maternal instincts interrupt the contemplation in my head, giving it order of priorities. I look up, knowing my children are waiting for me at the school.

x

At home, I am alone and lonely. Jason and Michael are playing on their Xbox. I am in my study, lounging on the sofa with a glass of wine. I have been lonely most of my life with Jose. How long is lonely supposed to last I wonder. All these thoughts come uninvited in my head and I am not sure I want to deal with them today. Hm. I need someone to talk to. Someone like Christian. He listens to me. Doesn't dismiss me or take me for granted. He is actually interested in what I have to say. But what do I say to him? I can't talk about Jose. It's not fair.

I look at my phone and there is a message waiting for me.

'Call your babysitter. I will pick you up at eight.'

I smile. There he is. My Christian. He is amazing. I know I will need more time to get to know him, but from I've seen he is just…perfect. And mine. All mine.

I dial Mrs. Saunders number.

'Mrs. Saunders, it's me.'

'Hi, Ana.'

'Are you free tonight from about eight o'clock?'

'Um..Yes, yes I am. Do you want me to come over?'

'Would it be OK?'

'I'll be there by eight, dear.'

'Thank you, Mrs. Saunders. See you later.' She never asks any questions and I understand why.

I text Christian back 'I'll be ready' and recline on the sofa, still feeling lonely. I feel melancholy and want to laze around in my loneliness. To ponder in my alpha state of mind...maybe the best solution will show itself. My phone rings.

'Yes?' I answer the phone without recognizing the number. The sadness in my voice is eerie.

'Ana.'

Oh, it's Christian. I close my eyes, absorbing the sound coming from the other side and I already feel better. He soothes me down. I take deep breath.

'Hi.'

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing. I'm just lonely.'

'Do you want me to come over?'

'Don't be silly. No.'

I can hear him smirking.

'I liked the message on my hand.'

'It wasn't a message. It was a statement.'

He is pleased. I can tell. Saying he is mine reassures him. And me. With him, I exist. That's how I feel. Beamed in the magical forest upon hearing his voice and …everything disappears. Nothing else matters.

'I'll pick you up at eight.'

'I'll be waiting.' I smile. My worries already behind me, swept under the carpet, ready to be exposed another day.

x

Mrs. Saunders has already arrived.

I've had my shower and now I'm in my closet. What to wear? I have so many clothes, dresses, tops and yet, I feel I don't have anything the wear. Every woman's curse. I start with my sheer black suspender hose. This will turn him on for sure. Then I put on my Elle Macpherson's sheer ribbons boyshort panties and my matching bra and take a look at myself. Thank god I have bought these when I did. Otherwise I would not have anything worthy to wear. Shame Jose has never wanted me to try them on for him. He saw me buying it.

The sheer ribbons mesh fabric is revealing. You can see me down there. Where my pubes are no more. Instead, a meadow with nerve endings pointing to my insides and my clit, now more than willing to participate in anything devious. My panties have become a homing device to my clit. Feeling them hovering over it with each step I take wishing they accidentally press and chafe against it. Oh..this Brazilian is really something. I would recommend it to every woman if I wasn't so embarrassed. Even without having sex it feels like you are going to do it any minute. The feeling down there is exquisite…it's…ahh..few more steps and I am not going to make it without inserting something in me.

At least I have a good base now. I know I will fuck tonight. Fuck. He changes me into someone I don't know but …I like. I really like me. My hand slides down to my clit and my tenderness around it and I think it's begging me to rub it, just a little..to show him good times are coming…my panties are already feeling it..but no. No! I mustn't get my panties soaking wet like last night. That was a disgrace in the world of panties.

Before entertaining my thoughts any further and making myself wet I am back in the closet and I see the dress I will wear tonight. A halter neck, knee length low back dress. It's self tie fastening at the neck and it's perfect. Hm. I guess my bra will have to go. I don't mind. I still have perky breasts. Not wearing a bra makes me feel sexy. I put on my dress and I look good. I add on my black Balmain shrug jacket and take my black clutch. Add to the concoction my black platform stilettos and I am molded into a stylish and chic woman. I tie my untamed hair on the side, with my ponytail falling down on my shoulder and I look…sleek. Dressed all in black. The color of rebirth.

I can see it's eight o'clock already and coming down the stairs I quietly open the front door, shouting to Mrs. Saunders.

'I'm going now. See you later Mrs. Saunders.' The door slams behind me. My kids are in bed and I am relived I will not have to face her.

I wait for Christian by the curb and I see it...the most beautiful car in the world. The one and only, Her Majesty Trident Iceni. Ah….my spirit lifts like a kite flying between the clouds. Obsessed by a vehicle. How on earth have I programmed myself to get my high from cars?

I enter the Her Majesty and look at Christian. He is gorgeous. His copper hair is falling undulant on his forehead. His eyes shine like the sun but darker, subdued, I think I am watching the eclipse in them. For some reason he is wearing black too. Black tee shirt, with black pants, most likely hanging on his hips, like all the other he wears, and black velvet suit jacket. This man oozes with sexual appeal.

'Ana.'

'Christian.'

We smile at each other, exchanging our conniving secret. He looks at my legs. My dress is riding high in the seat and that's enough at the moment. His eyes impart thrill as he starts the car, driving off leisurely.

'Ana, I am taking you to a special party tonight.' He starts our conversation.

'Special? What makes it special?'

'It's really important you behave yourself. Do you think you can do that?'

He looks at me, attempting to see if the rebel in me will be out today.

'I don't understand. What do you mean?'

'I mean, Ms. Steele, that you have to know where your place is. This is a private party and your conduct is fundamental for our welfare.'

_Oh. That's why!_

'Why me?'

He is not listening.

'This is a 'by invitation' only party. Only doms can be invited. The party is open to everything. Sex, bondage, spanking and whatever you want. There only three rules: each dom must come with their sub and stay with them. The subs are not allowed to look at anyone apart from their dom and talk when given permission. The doms are not allowed to look at other subs but their own. They can, however engage in conversation with other doms.

'Have you been there before with a sub?'

'No. This is the first time I've agreed to go.'

He looks at me and I am not sure what to say. Do I want to go there? I don't know. It sounds so..Sinister.

'I am not comfortable having sex in front of other people.'

'You don't have to if you don't want to. But it's not like what you are imagining. Nobody will look at you. You are my sub…Mine.'

'No. If you want to have sex with me it will have to be somewhere else.'

I can see him really frustrated, displeased. His lips go in straight line and he is trying to get to me, to make me change my mind. He is quiet, not saying anything, which makes me doubt myself. Argh. Leonardo Da Vinci was right! Nothing strengthens authority as much as silence. But I can do that too. I don't say anything. And look in front. I am lucky he cannot hold his gaze long enough while driving.

'Let's eat something first.'

Phew! He gave in. That was easy.

'Ok.'

A party where people are having sex in front of others it's an orgy. I know. And I am not doing an orgy.

We arrive in Soho, West End and he leaves the car in the middle of Dean Street. Just like the other time, his assistant named Taylor is called to pick it up. How convenient.

We enter a private members club. I know this because I have been here before. From the secluded doorway and down the stairs we are led into a very private restaurant, which I didn't know of. Last time I was here was few years ago and it was only for drinks. I didn't know there is a restaurant here. And apparently there is some kind of show going on at the moment. The club looks expensive. We are guided to our table and the hostess is waiting to take our jackets. I take off my Balmain shrug jacket and my low back dress is revealed in full glory. Christian bites his lip and in a way makes me think of spanking and fucking. Oh my! He pulls the chair out so I can sit down and as I do I glance at him from across my shoulder, biting my lip too. I lower myself slowly and Christian fits me in the table neatly, making sure my legs are under the table cloth. I pull back slightly and cross my legs, keeping my back straight. He sits next to me, and we are both facing the stage. I can see from the flyer on the table the show on the stage is a burlesque. With lots of nakedness. Our table is at the back and it's very dark. The stage is illuminated with girls taking off their clothes and trying to be funny at the same time. I like how they look. Sexy. I admire their freedom. Similar like the one I got recently.

The waitress arrives and Christian is talking with her, I am sure ordering food. She notes down her order and moved away quietly. The show has started already and Christian places his arm around my shoulders. I look at him.

'Is it an orgy you are taking me to?'

'What? No! An orgy? Where did you get that idea?' We are whispering. The show is in progress.

'A room full with people having sex…that's an orgy. Don't you think?'

'Hm. I see your point. Don't worry. It's not. I will not let anyone look at you, let alone touch you. This is about trust. And we don't have to stay if you are not comfortable.'

I smile. That's what I wanted to hear. A way out. I am always game if I know there is a way out.

'OK. We'll go.'

He smiles and kisses me on the cheek and then again closer to my ear and again and ….

'Ah..' I tilt my head into his face.

'Stop it. Or I'll fuck you right here.' I look at him, my eyes desirous and my panties already wet from my constant chafing against my clit. It's their fault all along.

He is enjoying me. Tonight he is a real gentleman on a date.

'How do you do this?'

'I don't do anything.' I smile cunningly.

'Mm…your legs, your low back dress..you…. not wearing a bra.'

My nipples are hard. They have elongated a while back. Anybody could tell I don't wear bra.

'What else?'

I uncross my legs under the table and slightly open them, pulling the dress up, revealing my suspender hose. I am glad the show is on and it's dark where we are sitting.

Christian inhales coarsely, his look becomes serious, dark, ominous. His eyes threatening, making me feel like a deer in front of a lion. I look at him not scared but.. nervous. _What happened?_

'Ana, I need to have control and you keep taking it away from me. This..You.. Wearing suspender hose.. is bringing out something raw in me...something you haven't seen yet. When I feel like this I must have you and I don't know how far I can go with you. You're not the usual sub. I don't think you can be sub at all. You are not a sub material. All you do is making me crazy.'

'I…'

I am lost for words. He slides his hand inside my leg, feeling me properly. I know he has to satiate his need for control. Having me. I feel his fingers running up and down my sheer panties and I shiver at the touch. Oh..I forgot…I am naked down there. I look at him to see if he's noticed and he has. He stops. Not shifting his eyes of me he slowly hooks his fingers on the side rim of my panties and slots them inside as much as he can, feeling me, going as down to my ass hole making me raise myself a little from the chair and then up, ending up the top over my clit, bringing with them my wetness. He does a one single circle round over my clit, enough for me to taste the exhilaration ensuing and I open my legs wider, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes.

'Ah..' I open my mouth but no sound is coming out.

I start breathing erratically, he has made my panties wet again.

'Oh…Ana…..oh…Ana…what have you done?' His voice is bloodcurdling, a menacing deed is about to ensue.

'Again…Do it again.' My eyes are still closed, I am enjoying his fingers over my wet clit, I don't care about his threat.

He does the same actions again. Going down to my ass hole, taking wetness from me on the way, making me raise myself just a little from the chair and then up, ending up the top over my clit, doing a single circle round over my clit. Oh..It's heavenly. My legs open more. I am taken away in the enchanted forest and we indulge in unrestrained sex, just him and me. Hovering above my body with the opulent feeling and I am jolted by his index and middle finger inserted vehemently inside of me, hard. Not once but two, three times until I stop his hand. It's too much too soon.

'Ahhhhh!' I moan loudly in pain and open my eyes. Looking at the people around me I see everyone is facing the stage and focusing on the person talking there.

'Did you like that?' He is looking at me with insolence.

I squint my eyes at him, not sure if he did that on purpose.

'Why are you like this?'

His retort is cold. Grey eyes staring back at my soul. The man I met few days ago. Not yesterday.

'You didn't ask me if you could do that. You are forgetting you are mine.'

'No. I've done this just because I'm yours. Did you know how much it hurt?'

'You are _not_ allowed to do anything without my approval! Especially not hurting yourself.'

'I thought you'll be pleased.'

'Pleased? I am fucking more than pleased. I am going to fuck you until you cry. And then I will fuck you more. You have brought this down on you and I sure hope you'll manage to find the strength to survive tonight.'

Oh my! I should be worried but that just made me wet my panties more. I'm swimming in my juices because now I can feel them more than ever. Nothing to stop them flowing out. Evading my panties, dripping on my dress and chair.

'We are going to the party, but first I want to fuck you. Hard.'

I look at him and he can see I am getting my high from his madness. My breathing is erratic and my breasts lift with each breath I take. I need him to tug my nipples. They haven't been tugged in a while. I arch my back slightly and push my breasts out.

His eyes glint dark and I can tell he is ready for his fuck. He surreptitiously inserts his hand on the side of my halter neck dress, fondling my breasts under but I want more. More!

'You want me to tug your nipples? Squeeze them?'

'Yes…please..I do...'

'Ms. Steele, you will have to wait until the party. To pay for what you did, I will put a chain on your nipples and tug you by it, taking you everywhere with me. I promise.'

'Argh…' I sigh in frustration.

He withdraws his hand from my dress and stands up, taking my wrist, pulling me with him. He means business. We go further back, almost behind the bar, where is darker. There are ample amount of drapes coming down from the ceiling on one side, I am sure to cordon of the large room into a small private space. _What is it with us and curtains?_

He pins me on the wall behind the copious curtains drawn together and kneels down. He slowly lifts my dress up and takes off my panties. I oblige. He opens my legs and gives me a deliberate full lick from the apex between my thighs up to my clit.

'Oh..Ana...you are so smooth..'

It feels so good. All the nerve endings that hurt like hell this morning are now receiving their atonement. He does it again, but this time he ends up sucking me, bringing me to culmination within seconds…and then. he stops. And again, licking me, gradually making spiral movements with his tongue, making me wait in suspension for the ending, always on my clit with so much pressure and colossal pulling, torturing me into oblivion, eating me up.

'Ahhh…' I am loud but my voice is stifled out by the show.

My knees become weak but I must persevere, I need to come. This is too sweet to pass it on as an ordinary fuck. I am open. I understand now. I do. Not having hair is…fucking hell…saintly!

'Ahhh.. ' I am close. I only have to let go, but I am afraid. It's too raw.

He is still licking me, sucking me, showing me I am his, making me repent my actions. I hold his head, pressing him more on to me while he is eating me up vigorously and I start wailing when instead of sucking I feel his tongue going up north.

'No…no..no… Just a little bit more…please..'

He is not listening. A wet trail is going up ending where my dress is and continuing on my cleavage and up my neck concluding in my already parted mouth. He forcefully weaves his tongue inside of me and he lifts my leg up, making my opening receive his glory, inserting himself hard and rigid into me. Oh I welcome his stiffness, it fills me aptly, confined by my lust.

I am still pinned on the wall and he is fucking me hard now, thrusting in and out, faster and each time out to the tip, making me long for more and then in again with a thrust . Every second of this fucking is a highlight…My nakedness down there is bliss…it's virtuous.. and I am slowly losing myself, the pleasure inside of me is exhilarating…I feel the dripping juices between us, the ones that were once stopped by me but not anymore. My wetness drips on my legs, with each hard pound I feel he wants to enter me more and that brings me to my culmination. I cannot hold it anymore. I look at him and I am coming..I am there…

'Ahh…. Ahh…. Ahh…. Ahh…. Ahh…. Ahh….'

I hold him with my arms and pull him close to me with my leg, now wrapped around his body and let him pound into me faster and faster. He is there as well, culminating into his own world full of glitter when he sprays his jizz into me and shouts my name.

'Ah..Ana….Ah…'

While at the same time I clench my leg around his body and I fucking reach my blast, burying my face into his neck to muffle my cries.

'Ah…Ah..'

x

Flying high we land into a field of unruffled daisies. This was, again, a-fucking-amazing.

Panting he looks at me. He is satiated but still angry, I can tell.

'Do not forget you are mine.'

He pulls out of me and tucks his glory inside of his pants, buttoning up. I am still leaned on the wall, now more to help me balance than for anything else. My knees are weak and I…I have just come but my naked waxed clit wants more. How is this possible? Like the pubes were there to tame it. Now it's out and running wild.

I look for my panties on the floor and see him picking them up.

'You'll have these later. For the moment, I'd like to see you getting wet without them on. No more help from your panties.'


	17. Chapter 17

x

Oh my!

My clit is throbbing and I know what I'm after. I close my eyes but for a moment. My behind is getting spanked in the enchanted forest. Oh how I need that. Thirsty for pink swelling anywhere. I welcome it with open arms.

I regard him and see the matter of fact motion he conveys. Fixing my dress as it should be, making sure it's down to the obligatory length. Once happy, he leads me back to the table by the hand. We sit down in the dark, facing the show. Our food is waiting and I'm sure it's cold by now. I am not really hungry.

'Eat.'

'I'm not hungry.'

He looks at me disapprovingly but my I am thinking about something else. Not food. I can't ignore what happened.

'Christian, are you happy I waxed?'

'Very. It makes me want to fuck you all the time.'

'Then what was the problem?'

'You. Making that decision.'

I look at him. His steely eyes tell me all there is to know. He needs to be in charge. To have control.

'Um…Never mind.' I can see by his conduct he is not open for discussion. Why should I try to explain?

'Don't never mind me! If you are mine then I will make decisions for you. Is that clear?'

'What if I am at home?'

'You will call me.'

'What if I am with my husband?'

'You will call me.'

'What if is a matter of life and death?' I say and tighten my face, trying to stifle a surge of laughter.

He looks at me and I can tell he is suppressing the rage inside. Laughing would undeniably undermine him. I manage to compose myself in the last minute.

'I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. You sound like ….'

'Anastasia! Didn't you hear me earlier? All you do is making me angry! I am honestly beginning to doubt if you can be a sub.' He takes a deep breath. 'I _need_ a sub.'

Being sub means I got to play. And I want to play. I need to play. He cannot show me the game and expect me to sit on the bench, waiting.

'I am! I can be. Please don't say that. I…I don't know when I am sub and when not with you. I thought the word was Ms. Steele…and you haven't said it.'

Oh, I am good. Really good. If this doesn't work than nothing will. I can see him running his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

'I said Ms. Steele. Just before I fucked you, pinned on the wall behind the bar. Do you want me to do that again? Is that what you want?'

Taking through his teeth is not a good sign. OK. So I am not that good. I lower my head, deciding to restrain myself from further argument. There is no getting out of this. Time for my plan B.

'Yes.'

He loves me when I'm submissive. Quiet. I can tell his frustration is letting off by simply observing him through my lashes.

'Yes what, Ms. Steele?'

'Yes, Sir.'

He takes a deep breath and exhales, letting go of all the turmoil in his mind. I am his. That's what matters to him. I know.

'Do you want me to fuck you again?'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Come. We're going. Take your handbag.'

He grabs my wrist yet again and pulls me up, dragging me up the stairs, walking hurriedly. I can see the waitress running after us with our coats, reaching us by the entrance door. She helps me put on my jacket while holding my clutch with one hand. I smile politely and take Christian's jacket too.

'Thank you.'

He is already on the road, hailing a taxi.

We get in the black cab and sit down at the back. I look at him and remember our serendipitous experience from yesterday. But…I know my place now. I am so eager to play, my clit is throbbing anxiously and I control myself. He needs me to be submissive. Something tells me I'll enjoy it more. He presses a button on the side.

'Bishops Avenue, Hampstead, please. Number fifty three.'

Bishops Avenue. Some of the wealthiest people in Europe life there. "Billionaire's Row" as they say. Hm.

He looks at me and I can see through my lashes his eyes changing into a conniving shade of grey. He runs his tongue over his lips, licking them biting on his lip, I am sure enjoying the sight of me subdued.

'Ana?'

'Yes, Sir.' I don't look at him. My head is lowered. I know he is testing me.

'Mmm….this is how I want you…Yes.' He places his hand on the bulge in his pants, fixing it so it's positioned straight, giving it freedom to use the limited space for swelling.

'The party we are going to is part of a closed community.'

'Yes, Sir.'

'I need you to behave like you are mine. Now more than ever. Forget all about you. You do not exist. I do. You live for me. You breathe for me. Say it.'

This is the Christian I fell for. Stimulating me with his dominant psyche. I am taken on a ride through an endless diamond sky and I want to touch the diamonds. Except I am not allowed to reach up.

'Say it!'

'I don't exist. I live for you. I breathe for you, Sir.'

'Do you believe that Ana?'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Do you?'

'Yes, Sir.'

He crosses his legs one over the other and cocks his head at me, entertained at the idea.

'Show me.'

What do I do? How can I show him? The only rationale in my head that makes me not me, that I am his is simple. I reach up behind me and untie the halter neck. I pull it down to my waist and reveal my perky breasts, still looking at my feet.

'I am you, Sir.'

He is visibly aroused. Trying to control his coarse breathing, he uncrosses his legs and comes closer.

'Look at me Ana.'

I look up in his eyes. My archaic new world reverberates back at me and I am ready to accept its marvels. It's a whole new world for me.

'Is this really you?'

We stare at each other. I am absorbed, fallen deep within, enjoying my new point of view. An astonishing place I never knew existed. I feel my wetness on my thighs. My panties are not here to contain it anymore.

'No..I am you, Sir.'

He pulls out of our spell and leans back into the seat, content.

'Yes. That's enough. Cover up.'

While I am still looking at him, I take the long straps of my dress and tie them behind my neck. My dress is again, intact. I look presentable. I lower my hands slowly, touching my elongated nipples on the way down to my thighs and my back arches reflexively, making me sit straight. I should stop doing this..I don't wear any panties and my dress will get soaked. Discerning my actions, he inhales sharply, still trying to be in charge. I can see a tentative smile on his face, uncertain, scathing.

'Ah…..I see you Ana.'

'I see you confined..wanting out. But not tonight. Tonight you are mine.'

I am still looking at him, my eyes blank, but my soul wild, carnal, needing something. Anything.

'Yes, Sir.'

The taxi arrives at the destination and he looks through the window.

'We are here. Ms Steele, there is only one rule and you better remember it. Do not look anywhere apart from me. I am your air. I am your water. I am your everything. Is that clear?'

'Yes, Sir.'

I love my spellbound life. I could follow him to the end of the earth and back.

'Please remember, nobody will be looking at you. Nobody. Only me. The only reason why anyone would be looking at you is if you defy me. I will be forced to demonstrate my rule over you, and I don't want to do that. Is that clear?'

I don't want him demonstrating his rule over me too. Would I be able to play my part till the end?

'Yes, Sir.'

Christian pays the taxi driver. He opens the door and going out first he offers me his hand. I walk out in front of the largest mansion I've seen in London. There are other people at the entrance and Christian gently touches my elbow, clearing his throat. Oh I forgot! I sigh and look at him.

He is greeted by other men at the door, conversing quietly with them, making small talk. One of the bouncers open the front door and we enter. The light in the hallway ...in fact, the lights in the house are dimmed everywhere. I am following Christian blindly and all I can perceive around me from the corners of my eyes are other people, couples, groups, walking about, some engaged in activities that I cannot discern unless I look at them. I am tempted. We are still in the hallway when a woman takes our jackets and my clutch. Christian is in full element. This is him. Free. I see him for the first time without torment in his eyes. Not holding back.

We walk into the room adjacent to the hallway, full of… toys. I can't but not look about. There is no one around and who's going to see me? This is amazing. The Hoxton Square Dungeon Suite is nothing in comparison to this, right here. I can't comprehend some of the contraptions I see. Shiver runs down my spine by looking at some of the hard core stuff.

'Ana.' Christian whispers like he is part of my team. 'I can see you. Isn't that enough?'

'Um….'

'And…' His whisper turns into a louder, admonishing sound. 'Have I given you permission to talk Ms. Steele?'

'No, Sir.'

'Right. I haven't.'

'Do not look at me anymore. Eyes down.'

I lower my eyes and I think this way I can see better. Through my lashes. He picks up something that looks like a flogger, but with not as many tails and places the handle in the back pocket of his pants. That's all I see from where I am standing. He exits the room and I follow his feet. I am not allowed to look up.

We get to the main room and I can see from looking at the floor and some of the furniture that it has a 'boudoir' style element in it. The room seem spacious, probably because of the high ceilings the house have. Everywhere is dimmed. There are people in every corner, various contraptions spread all over, free for everyone to use. Some are occupied. I see other girls like me, looking down. Some are crying in pain, being tortured by their doms. Mm…I want that and immediately feel my juices flowing in, my clit throbbing. Some are stifling their voices, tears falling down their cheeks. Everything is happening around me but nobody is looking at me. Even the girls are petrified to look up. To meet my gaze from below. We stop by a bar. There is a proper bar in this house. We stand by the end of it and Christian orders a glass of white wine for him. He takes a sip and I realize I am parched and I swallow, my throat dry. I prefer a fuck though.

'Come. Look at me.' He orders.

I stand opposite him and look up. We are very close. I could kiss him. He is enchanting. His actions are slow and deliberate. He unties my halter neck dress and slowly reveals my naked breasts, all the while looking at me. I ….I really don't care. I am so much into him I finally understand what he said. He is my air. I am entranced. I'm a shooting star that can't go back to where it used to be. My clit is beginning to fucking haunt me…exposed, my dress touching it just about, I'm going mad. Christian takes my hand, wrapping one of the long strands of my halter neck around my wrist and does the same with the other. He wraps the long fastenings around my waist and slowly tugs them, the movement shifting my hands behind my back, making me arch and perk my breasts forward. He ties the straps at the front of my dress leaving my hands tied at the back. Oh My. I didn't expect this. I am looking at him, helpless. It looks like I am wearing a skirt with nothing else on except suspender hose and heels with my hands tied back. I am beginning to look like most of the girls here. My attention is drawn to my nipples, now hard from ….I think, the air. They crave human touch and I start breathing erratically, yet again. I am getting wet and I don't have my panties. I …I….am free to get a fuck but I can't do anything about it.

Christian takes off his tee shirt, revealing his chiseled, gorgeous body. He's making me wet by the second. He pulls out of his pocket a chain..small chain with..tweezers? I ..I am not sure…

'Ah…' I moan quietly.

Nipple clamps! He is putting nipple clamps on me and he is adjusting them, compressing me, torturing … I am sure trying to see my limit.

'Argh…' I moan through my clenched teeth.

'Enough?'

'Mm…more…..'

'Oh, Ms. Steele, always eager for more.'

He presses the clamps so hard it brings tears in my eyes and I squirm. He got the message. Both nipple clamps are on me and oh, the chain in between is long and heavy, coming down to the top of my thighs, making sure I feel its movement.

'Ahh…' I moan.

'Quiet. I don't want to hear a sound.'

He takes his glass of wine in one hand and the chain in the other and starts walking me, like I am his dog. Cat. Kitten. Not sure what but all I can feel is the dripping down my inner thighs and the wetness inside of me. The throbbing in my clit is overwhelming me and all I want to do I bend down. My dress is short. If I bend down my behind will be revealed and he can see my openings ready for him, waiting. Any will do at this stage. We walk around the house, him drinking wine and from time to time greeting doms who are doing similar things to other girls. I look at the one next to me without anyone seeing, and I am so fucking needy, she looks like an apple pie to me, mouthwatering, her nipples hard, I could bite them, flick them with my tongue, suck them…Mm… I would love to sit on her face ..and let her suck my sweet insides…my throbbing clit, the one conveying these indecent thoughts in my head. Or just let her finger fuck me in front of all these people. I am slowly losing my mind…walking, looking at the back of Christian's head, fucking going crazy, and ..I think..I think I've had enough.

I stop and he is pulled back by the chain.

Lifting his brow he looks behind. I am staring insolently back at him. He pulls the chain gently and I am fucking screaming inside with pain but I don't move. He places his glass of wine on the near-by table stand and picks up the flogger from his pants. Yes, hit me. That's what I want. Anything coming from you.

We are standing between two doorways, the area is darker than the rest of the house. He comes closer, grabbing my ponytail from my shoulder making my head tilt on the side, revealing my bare neck. People are going through and we are in the way. Christian doesn't care. They avoid us as much as they can, of course, not looking. I am still staring at him, defying him with my strength.

'Is there a problem Ms. Steele?' he is running slowly the flogger down my breasts.

'Yes, Sir.'

'Do you perhaps, need your panties?'

'They have missed their chance. I am drenched. I need a fuck. Now.'

Before I see what's going on I feel a fucking sting… a thrashing sound against my breasts, tugged painfully by the heavy chain and now burned by the cutting tails of the flogger.

'Aaahh…..' I moan and whine at the same time long and loud but I don't care.

'Are you sure? In front of all these people?'

'What people?' I look at him through my pain, vehemently craving satisfaction for the monster in me. 'I see no people.'

He pushes me gently with the flogger and we make few steps back to the nearest corner of the first doorway. He is still looking at me, his hand going south between my thighs, wiping my juices from inside with his fingers.

'Oh..Ana….so wet..'

'Ah….' I close my eyes. This is what I wanted. His hands on me.

'Come on….fuck me…please..'

'This is not about fucking…this is about control.'

'Fuck control…fuck me..' I plead.

'How else are you going to learn?' He inserts his fingers inside of me and ah…this is what I wanted. I try to thrust just a little against them but I am so wet and slippery….he takes his fingers out and.. I can feel them descending in my ass hole just as easy.

'Ahh...' My nerve endings wake up to a fucking new jolt, the one I can't ignore.

'Your flogger….put it in me…' I am getting insensible I know, but I want a fuck.

'This? Is it big enough?' He is mocking me I know. Lifting my dress he reveals my suspender hose and one of my bum cheeks and he thrashes my behind even harder, fucking stinging me with the vicious extensions of the flogger, making me repent the smoldering fire I feel inside.

'Aahh…Christian…I can't help it if the pain takes me to paradise ..and …'

I feel his flogger again, this time menacing on my skin, cutting it with its many whips.

'Aahhhh…..and..you can't do anything about it.'

My words let loose the beast inside of him. He is enraged. Forcefully turning me around with my face pressed to the wall, he lifts my dress filly, revealing my bare behind. And he starts..one…

'Ahh….'

I am turned on by the animal inside of him. And the pain. The fucking pain... I cannot contain the gratification I'm getting. I fucking need a fuck...two..

'Ahhh….'

My behind has seen worse, but it hurts. It fucking hurts… stings…burns.. three..

'Ahhhhh…'

The ferocious flogger makes me scream in pain. I hate it…I am wet, deprived and.. in pain.

I can see people gathering, looking at me. Why does that excite me even more? Christian is beyond lost, in his own world, unfettering his anger on me. And….I am….coming..is it possible? It's different type of ecstasy. Brought on by the thrilling chase.. of me and him. And all of a sudden he stops. _No!_ He comes back in the room again, looking at me…looking at him.

'Don't stop…' I whisper. I'm really close to my peak, my juices trickling down my thighs.

I can see him terrified by his actions, vaguely shaking his head. He covers my behind and takes me to him, holding me tight. My arms are still tied at the back and my head rests on his chest, our naked torsos enveloped by his arms …and ….I am….home. This is fucking mad … I need my fuck, I need my...whatever that was…my ecstasy, my million bubbles exploding in my mind fucking up my point of reference for everything.

I can hear Christian's heart pounding and I pull back, trying to look at him. His grasp is strong but I manage to lift my head enough to see him. He looks down on me, penitent.

'No. No! I liked that… '

I need to tell him I enjoyed the flogging, the pain…people looking at me..I only need to finish with a fuck. That's all. But…there is horror in his eyes.

'What are you becoming Ana?'

Aware of the other party goers gathering behind us he looks back at them, stabbing each and everyone with his eyes, dark and chilling, making everyone scatter about. I feel his stiff appendage pressing against me, my clit, and I welcome him. ..again, my clit rules my body.

'Let me show you...Unbutton your pants.' I look at him.

'No. Not here Ana.'

'Unbutton your pants.' I talk through my teeth, again, with fire in my eyes.

We hold each other's gaze, captivated forever by our own spell and he yields. _Yes!_ He releases me from his grip, leisurely unbuttoning his pants all the while I am looking at him, lowering myself down on my knees. My head is right where it should be. I wait impatiently for him to take his glory out and we are fixed on each other. Spellbound.

His hard protuberance springs out and I take him in my mouth slowly, filling my cavity fully, going deep inside, down to my throat. I feel Christian hands on my head pushing me further, wanting me to take him in, every part down to his balls. My hands are tied and ...I fucking love this!

'Ah…..Ana…'


	18. Chapter 18

**x**

I take him in my mouth and just when I start the delicious sucking I feel his hands pulling me up by the hair. What is he doing? I am fucking hell needy, desirous. I am up and look at his face, my lips glisten from his pre-come, open and wet, and I lunge at him, parting his mouth with mine and inserting my tongue, weaving around, making him feel my fire, my excitement. He reiterates back with vehemence, nipping my lip open with his teeth, devouring me. I fucking love him like this. Brutal.

He pushes me back and looks at me.

'Coming here was a mistake.'

'No…Mmm… I love it.'

'I'm sure I'll be able to arrange something similar. But not here. Not in front of so many people.'

Argh! He is serious. I can see I'm not going to get anything from him any time soon.

'You…' I sign in exasperation. 'You want me to be your sub, then you don't, you flog me, then you feel sorry for me. Christian, I am becoming this because I am following you! And you are confusing me.. …you make me ravenous…needy ..fucking hell in my head I nearly had sex with a woman and you pull back? Really?'

He looks at me and I know I make sense. This is raw fucking nerves that I am killing here!

'We'll talk outside.' He takes my nipple chain and looks at me.

'Do not fucking touch that.' I lift my chin insolently, talking through my gritted teeth.

'Ana, the room is packed, I'd like to keep you close.'

'Are you saying I can't follow you?'

He can see I'm not yielding.

'Eyes down. And shut your mouth. You talk too much. I don't want to hear a sound coming from you until we are out. Is that clear?'

Ugh. I look down at his feet, my head slowly following my gaze. I am not saying anything.

'Ms. Steele, is that clear?' Loud dictatorial voice piercing my ear drums.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

'Yes, Sir.'

He let go of my chain and turn around. I follow him closely. We walk though the room, and he was right, there are more people around but how difficult is to follow his walking boots?

The bar is overcrowded and he is trying to avoid people engaged is all sorts of bizarre activities. I briefly look to my right and see a naked man laying on the floor, mean black platform heels with studs walking all over him. That's painful. My neediness has dissipated and seeing around me the pain people endure, I understand it. I do. Up there, in the sky, in a world between dark and light, you don't know which road to take and it's fucking good not having to decide. When you finally get your fuck you briefly plunge into the dark side and then immerse yourself in the light. I get it.

I look in front and I can't see Christian's boots anymore. No! No! _Where is he?_ I follow the path we took on the way in and I am stopped by army boots, combat trousers ...someone. I move to my right to avoid him and he moves in with me. Surely he is mistaken. I go to my left and he does the same.

'So….We meet again.'

I notice he is about my height and undersized with a whip in his hand. I can hear someone behind him, his sub I presume, quietly sobbing. His black belt has cone studs …spikes, all over, and he is wearing a dark vest.

I dare not look up. Without Christian here I am helpless and all I can think of is what he said. The rule somehow makes sense in my head now. My heart is beating fast, from the adrenaline.

'Mmm…. You want to be flogged, eh?'

I can smell the alcohol on his breath and feel his eyes violating me. It's sickening. Revolting. _Don't touch the chain_. I wish I've given Christian the reign. He knows what's best at these parties. I am in a daunting place and alone…my heart pounding in my chest and my tears start running freely. I give out a stifled sob. I am scared.

With the handle of his whip he lifts my chin up, but ..I'm not giving in. I refuse. He is not playing. He forcefully shoves my chin up, almost breaking my neck, giving me a whip lash effect. Oh, that hurts.

'Argh…'

'Look at me!'

My neck hurts. Just under my chin, I feel something warm trickling down my neckline and the .. pain…shooting pain. The sound of the room drones in my head and my heart is skipping beats, I hear the pulse it my ears. _Where is Christian? _I am terrified. I don't know what I'll do when my adrenaline wears out. I look down again, disregarding the painful strike and see blood running down between my breasts. A single crimson procession going south reaching my dress.

My eyes flood with tears and everything blurs. I tremble in fear. I blink few times and tear drops fall down on my face and my body. I see better...and …I see him! Christian's boots ... running towards me and …I sob….and break a smile though my tears..and…sob. I am safe.

He pushes the combat trousers guy on the floor and in an instant he is standing in front of me. Reassuring me with the closeness. Almost breathing in my face.

'I'm here. I'm here. It's OK.'

I look up at his eyes, crying.

'I'm sorry.' I say though my sobs.

With the tip of his thumb he runs over the gash under my chin, tilting my head slightly back, checking out the wound. With the other hand he wipes the blood down from my body and he looks at me. The blood is still there, but smeared.

My eyes briefly hover over the combat guy and I ..know him.! …It's Tom..! He is up and I can see a blow coming at us.

For the first time Christian's dark, sadistic side emerges. He violently grabs Tom's neck, skillfully avoiding the blow. Christian is taller and stronger in comparison and oh my god he is mad. His eyes filled with abhorrence. Pushing Tom backwards up to the wall he pins him there, one hand on his neck and with the other he takes hold of his hair. With each word he utters he bangs his head against the wall.

'Don't. Fucking. Ever. Come. Near. Her. Again.'

His head is banged on the wall so many times I can see a blood trail dripping behind it. He will kill him. I look around and everybody is staring again, nobody is doing anything. It's live and let live in this place. Or let die in this case.

'Um….Sir?' I am panicking.

Christian does not listen and I can see Tom slowly losing his conscience. I come closer, making sure I am in his eyesight. He glances at me and then at Tom and bangs his head one last time.

'Let go….Let go, Sir.'

I whisper quietly so only he can hear me.

Seeing Christian's wrath is unnerving. I tilt my head to substantiate what I am saying and he eases his grip. Tom has lost his consciousness but thank god he hasn't died. I think.

Christian is still enraged, comes to me and takes the nipple chain, pulling me with it.

'Aahh….' That hurts. Really. But I think he just wants me away from here. Fast. I scuttle after him. Almost running.

x

Silence. Only the humming of the taxi can be heard. We don't talk. I glance at him, he is looking out of the window, contrite. Remorseful. I sit at the other end of the car. My panties are on. My legs are closed. He made sure I am dressed fully before going out. Suddenly he is concerned people will be looking at me. We are a world away from half an hour ago. He hasn't said anything. Nothing. I can only catch a glimpse of his torture in his eyes.

I don't know what to say to him. It all happened so fast. I got lost. No. I got cut off. It's difficult to walk with my head down.

'Um..thanks….again.' I have said thanks few times but nothing came back.

'Stop saying that.'

OK, this is a good sign. He is talking.

'And I am sorry.'

'Don't say sorry. That was not your fault!' His eyes repentant.

'And it was yours?'

'Yes.'

'No, it wasn't!'

He turns to the window again.

'I should have been there. I should have never let you walk alone.'

'Look at me!'

'Look at me Christian!'

Nothing.

'Things happen. But you came. You save me. I'm sure he won't be bothering me again.'

He turns to me, eyes squinted, infuriated.

'This has never happened to any of my subs. And…You come along. You fuck up my world. You make me lose my focus, my awareness. You were hurt today. If I hadn't come back in time….I probably would have killed that man. And what's more…you interfere and I obey? I obey?! What is fucking wrong with me? I am not me anymore. I am…you. And that's your line.'

A distressing, poignant appearance cloak his face. _No!_

'No! No! Do not say it like that! Do not turn it against me! I forbid you!'

I am beside myself. He will not push me away.

'You see? We fight and you forbid me? Oh, Ana….what kind of ominous thread have we tied ourselves with ..we are detrimental to each other. I cannot stay away from you .. at the same time you turn me into someone else. Someone that's not me.'

My eyes well up and tears start running down my face and I …I don't know what else to say.

'Christian…don't turn me away..please…'

I can't stop my tears ..and I start sobbing.…it hurts. Why do i cry? For someone I don't want to have an affair with ...but want him into me forever? This is so fucked up….I'm not sure what I want anymore. ..I am confused.. Maybe this is a way out. What are we doing? I am hurt..and he doesn't care.

'No!'

I yell at him, crying loudly, wailing and searching for his eyes, for my home. And... there he is. Looking at me from afar, afraid to come closer.

'I am not frightened of who I am becoming…why are you?' I hear my despondent voice through my sobbing.

'Anastasia, I cannot allow myself to be like this. With you….I can't think straight. I found myself in you but you are so vast …. I've lost myself in there few times. You make me and you break me. I'm under your rule…and.. I am not that person.'

'Christian …' I sniffle. I'm trying to inject reason in him, but it's so damn hard. And my crying doesn't help. 'Your command over me is what you want! You have that. You captured me with your …everything, and I am under your spell all the time. Can't you see? I follow you blindly far and wide. Enjoying you. Only...when I need a fuck I become this…what you don't like..or want. A brute; defiant, mad, resentful, defensive deity…all for a fuck. Don't hold it against me…. It's you who made me! I wasn't like this before.'

'I want you to obey me when I fuck you. And you can't. You just can't….' He says disappointed.

The car stops and I look through the window. It's my house.

'My house?' A dagger just went through my heart.

Christian looks away, hiding his face into the window.

'I am let off….for wanting to fuck you?' I ask quietly, in disbelief, tears overflowing my eyes, falling down on my neck.

Nothing. I sniffle, wipe my tears and nose with my hand, open the door and leave.

x

The light is too strong and I unwillingly open my eyes. It's the morning. I have an out of body experience. Whatever happened last night it was to someone else. Not me. But I know. In few moments the reality will crash down on me with enough weight a broken heart can take. I don't want to get up. I know my children are up but they can entertain themselves. Sundays I usually sleep late. I pick up my cell phone to see the time, ten o'clock. 26 missed calls. 17 text messages. My heart aches. I cried myself to stupor and I know my eyes are swollen. My chest hurt. It feels like rocket has soared from my body and left me as burnt out debris. All charred, worthless.

I walk up to the landing .. not sure what am I doing and lean on the wall next to me, sliding down, my knees touching my face, again, breaking into quiet sob.

'Mum?' Jason shouts from downstairs.

'Yes?' I talk nasally. My nose is still blocked from crying so much.

'Are you OK?'

He is coming up the stairs and I leap up, go in the bathroom locking the door behind me. I don't want him to see me crying.

'Yes, why are you asking?'

'You don't sound very well.'

'No, I am not. I'm coming down with something.'

x

'Ana, you haven't eaten your dinner. Are you OK?'

'I think I have a cold.'

'I hope you get better soon. '

'Me too.'

Jose has been awfully quiet today. That's very unlike him. He is always talking about his work, himself, anything, just talking. Not tonight. Tonight something's wrong. He was like this when I told him I was pregnant. Another premonition of my forlorn marriage.

'Jose….I want to talk to you about something.'

This is it. It's unrehearsed but the only way I will tell him. The only way I can win against me. I am fucking losing my mind. I am alone, but really, can I be more lonely than I already am? Our marriage is devoid of feelings. I didn't sign up for that. This week has been an eye opener and I cannot go back to where I was. I'm glad someone helped me break free. If anything, I should be thankful to Christian. The thought of him makes my chest hurt. Physically.

I look at Jose and he is staring at me, nervous.

'Ana…'

'Let me talk Jose.'

'No! Me, first.' He is in panic.

'Um…OK. Go ahead.'

'Ana…I .I don't know how to tell you this.' I can see him fiddling. 'Few years back I had an affair…in fact..it wasn't an affair…I slept with someone few times….'

My mind is blank and ...is this happening to someone else? What is he saying?

'..and now she's come back into my life.'

'Jose…wait….you've slept with someone?' I still don't believe his words.

'Um..Yes.'

'You've slept with someone?!'

A massive rock just fell on me. I take a deep breath but I can't get it off. It's pressing me and I..I see a train coming full speed too. Fuck….What to say?

'Ana, are you OK?'

'Are you leaving me?' I hear my voice but I don't talk. Someone else is. My reason prevails.

'What? No! No. It's just that…she said she might contact you and I guess she already have…is that what you wanted to talk to me about?'

Oh my god! There is more! What is he hiding? I can see the fear of getting caught in his eyes.

'Why would she contact me Jose?'

'Um…hm…well, this…the affair.'

'Are you two still together?'

'No'.

'So why telling me now?'

'She hasn't called you, right?'

'You are fucking unbelievable!'

I can see him relived and I fucking have had enough. I see my arm in front of me and going full circle I swing it at everything at the table, plates and glasses fall down, breaking in the fall, clatter away in the noise.

I storm out of the kitchen and go in the bedroom, locking the door. I sit on my bed, leaned against the headboard, knees touching my chin, my arms wrapped around my legs and I want to cry…but this is different. I can't. It's suffocating. All these years being alone. He had an affair three years ago? Ten years together and apart for my kids I have nothing to show for. I don't remember a single significant thing he had done for me. During the school holidays I was the one always going home with the children. Giving him the time to work. God knows how many affairs he had. I give give and give...and…give some more. Chaos enfolds my mind, making me numb. If I hadn't met Christian I would have been broken in half by now. But what a fucking fate I have. Dark shade of black and light shade of black. Which one is worse I wonder.

My attention is drawn to the noise coming from the landing outside my bedroom. It's Jose. There is nothing to talk to him about. I am hurt in so many ways. I want to leave, never to return. Except… I am tied to my life and for the sake of my kids I will endure it. They need stability. Until they finish school there is no running away. They need me.

...And me? What do I need? Who takes care of me?

x

I open my eyes and it's still dark outside. I must have fallen asleep. I look at the time, it's three twenty in the morning. Again, an out of body experience. This time is surreal. I don't want to wake up like this anymore. A flash back of me and Jose's conversation and my chest pain is there again, not going anywhere for a long time I think. I can't sleep. I walk up to my window and …is that Christian's car? I pull the curtains to see better and …Yes. In front of my house is Christian's car with him inside. He is sloped in the car seat, tired I'm sure, but noticing me he sits up straight, regarding me. I look back at him. He really is my home. He has shown me life in the past seven days I have only read in books and seen in films. I am grateful for that. But what of my real life? Falling apart in front of me. I have invested so much in my life with Jose and this is how it turns out.

We stare at each other and tears start flowing down my cheeks again. He makes me cry. Not Jose. Him. I am hurting because of him. I can see he is wiping his cheeks from time to time but can't tell if he is crying. Oh I wish he was crying. To repent for what he did. Why was he so hard on me? I turn around and pick up my cell phone. 71 missed calls. 50 messages. All from him. My fingers tremble while I'm texting him.

_I only wanted a fuck. Not the world._

I can see him reading my message. He looks up and I receive reply instantaneously.

_I can give you the world. And the fuck. Forgive me._

'


	19. Chapter 19

**x**

I read the message and smile through my tears. Somewhere there, in the distance...I see a fragment of hope. A dimmed light in my darkness.

I come closer to the window and place my open palm against the cold glass, giving him an access to my soul, a right to abide there. And he understands. I see him placing his open palm on his heart, bowing his head down for a moment. Yes. …I know. He is mine. Tears are running down my cheeks and... I am not crying. I am…just…I don't know…at peace.

We stare at each other...lost in time. My phone rings and I know it's him. I put the handset to my ear. And…nothing. He is on the other side of the line…..and… I see him placing his cell on his chest, next to his heart, his eyes closing. …I feel… me...disintegrating into million fluorescent particles... floating through the cell's micro-waves into him. I close my eyes and… we merge. Our breathing amalgamates ... and... I can hear him calling me deep into his soul. Slivers of energy pour into my heart. .. and …How can he do that? I feel a life force surging inside of my body…It's him…..soothing me.

'I need this. I need you.'

I open my eyes and see him looking at me, his cell phone to his ear.

'I thought you left me...' I whisper.

'I...I am so sorry…' His voice contrite, I can barely hear him.

'You can't leave me...you just can't...' Tears start flowing down my cheeks and I turn my back to the window.

'Ana... I'm here...let me see you...please… don't cry...'

'Oh…Christian…' I am struggling to contain my sobs.

'I'm here….and I'm not going away…'

'Can I...come to your house tonight?' I ask through my tears, sniffling.

'Now? Yes...' He is surprised by my request. 'Oh, Ana! Did you tell your husband?'

_Is he panicking?_

'No. I...didn't.'

'…You... wanted to? ….Ana…..'

'Christian, I am doing this for me.' I interrupt him before he can say anything.

'Please….don't freak out.' I say quietly.

'I'm not…Turn around. I want to see you.'

I turn to the window again and our eyes meet.

'I'm here. I'm waiting. Not freaking out.'

x

It's almost four in the morning. It's not the best time of the day but, proudly dabbing my tears away, I have decided. I am going to Christian's place. I need him. I need to be under his control. Not to think of anything. We'll be heading to work in few hours and I got to dress up too. My lingerie drawer glides quietly open I pick up the first thing I can see. Grey lace boy-short panties. I put them on and…yes, another pair is a must. Knowing the effect Christian has on me, I need a truck full of them every time I see him. I put on my Donna Karan grey stretch jersey dress. I don't need a bra, the dress enfolds my body tight in layers. The asymmetric neckline draws the attention from my face and that's what I need right now. I tie my hair in a low ponytail on a side under my ear and look at the mirror. I see someone… me… emerging with a new look. I don't care as much…I am not the perfect wife ….but….enlightened woman... going to work.

I put the extra panties in my purse and slide in my black stilettos. A 'must' for every woman.

I open the bedroom door. Everybody is asleep. I know Jose will take the children to school tomorrow, like every day. The routine never stops. I cannot imagine ever abandoning them, and at the moment, I have to make sure Jose knows I will come back. I quietly move, going down the stairs and into my study, searching for a notepad and a pen then walking back in the hallway, where the light is.

'_I have something to tell you too. Meet me at the Gallery after work. Ana.'_

I pick up my black jacket and leave the house. The cold air outside already makes me feel better, blowing into my face, cooling me off. The Trident is right there. Looking, waiting for me to ride it. I smile at my wicked thoughts …cars? Maybe I should stick with cars. Nothing compares to them.

It looks like Her Majesty opens the door for me by herself. She's calling me in, luring me with the bait inside. I see Christian waiting, looking remorseful. I get in the car and observe him, restless in his seat.

'Ana, I'm so sorry.'

'Don't. It's OK.' I shake my head at him. In the grand scheme of things, what he did was nothing compared to Jose. But I'd like to tell him...

'Christian…I….'

'No…you've been crying too much Ana...'

I feel his hands on my face, holding me, kissing my lips. His feathery touch is soothing. Plunging kisses all around my mouth, gently tugging my lips with his and inserting his tongue just a little, making my clammy mouth open more. All of a sudden he passionately inserts his tongue deep inside of me, pulling my jaw into him, inhaling my essence. A fire ensues within me and flash burn my groins…leaving me hungry for more. He abruptly pulls away and looks at me. I...I'm...needy...and…. my lips glistening from our kiss and I…I want more…..My mouth is open and I look in his eyes …follow his movements….spellbound.

'I…I want you…' I hear myself say. The throbbing inside of me is too familiar and I know who's getting the first impact. My panties!

x

We are met at the door by someone…a man in his fifties.

'Taylor. This is Ms. Steele.'

'Ma'am.' He shakes my hand, giving me a slight bow with his head.

'Nice to meet you Taylor.' I smile politely, trying to hide my scarlet face….my wayward thoughts…the wetness between my legs. I am held by Christian's hands and my body is talking to me. It wants to bend down and open for him…anywhere.

'The car is outside.' Christian gives him the keys and walks in, holding my lower back, gently guiding me.

Walking up the stairs he inconspicuously lowers his hand down to my behind, cupping my bum cheek….gently squeezing it….making me look at him, biting my lip...but…he is ignoring me …and all the while fondling me. My breathing becomes shallow…I…I want to get closer to his lips….I want him…

'Patience, Ms. Steele.'

'Ah….' I perk my behind into his hand, leaning on him…ready….fucking hell…ready for my overdue fuck.

Looking in front I see the landing and the door of the lounge... and… I want to run in there.

Unperturbed he opens the door, guiding me in.

'Ms. Steele, I believe I owe you a fuck.'

'Yes, you do…Sir.'

'Come.'

He takes my jacket off and places it neatly on the cabinet by the door. He does the same with his jacket. He pulls his tee shirt above his head, revealing his chiselled body…now calling me…tantalizing me with its defined muscled curves…it's like he deliberately built his six pack for me…mm. I want to sink my teeth into his skin and gently nibble him …tenderly at first and then hard…making him beg. The jeans he wears hang perfectly on his hips but I don't think he'll be taking them off. He likes to fuck me with them on.

His body entices me with his scent when he moves closer, reaching for the rim of my dress, stroking me on the way up and pulling it over my head, taking it out. Looking at me he sharply inhales, his eyes glint dark shade of grey, enjoying his devious thoughts.

I am standing in front of him in my heels and my grey lace panties. No bra. My hair is tied back in a low ponytail, falling down on my left shoulder, my hair ending just above my nipples. I need my fuck. Now. I am fucking screaming inside and I want to tell him not to waste time.

'So, you want a fuck…'

'Yes, Sir…' I say obediently. I'm losing myself into the inferno I am producing… my mind playing tricks on me ...and all I want to do is to spread open my legs for my fuck but I mustn't…he needs this.

'Christian….today I want you to control my fuck. ... The only way you will have full control…is if you …tie me up...'

He strokes his bulge in his jeans and gives me a conniving smirk.

'Tie you up? …..Ms. Steele, if you insist.'

I can see he is ready. Leisurely he walks up to the cabinet and opens the top drawer. He had this in mind long before I told him to tie me up. I'm sure.

'Let's see…'

He takes …what? There are so many straps and cuffs in his hands…I don't know what goes where…I see a flogger. Mm…I like the flogger.

'Come with me.'

He leads me past the kitchen, into a door on the right and switching the light on, he diffuses it low. It's…his office.

'Take off your panties.'

Drenched already in my wetness, I gladly take them off.

'Do you remember what I told you Ms. Steele? How I want you at work? Legs open, leaned on the chair?'

'Yes, Sir.' My throbbing continues…my clit is my king and it demands the tips of his fingers …rubbing the wetness all over….in slow circular motion.

'Sit.'

I obey. Sitting on his black leather chair, I regard him from below. Spun by Zeus himself from a web of deviance and bliss, Christian is my god… and I am caught in the mesh of sex and lust...

'In position.'

Ah…I open my legs, lean back …and I lose it. It's like I am programmed.. more wetness is gushing down there when I sit like this.

'Ahh…..' And…I can't hold on much more….

'I want you….. Let's just fuck…' Panting, I try to get up.

'Ms. Steele, do you remember what made you defiant?'

He raise his voice at me, putting his boot on the chair between my legs, the handle of the flogger under my chin, pressing into my wound. Ah...it hurts. He is looking sternly at me but …I avoid his eyes...he will electrify my core if I do.

'Yes sir. I needed my fuck... like now….badly…Sir.' I say quietly.

'I need this Anastasia. I need to control your fuck.'

'Do you think I can do that?'

'Ah…yes…Sir.'

'And we know your safe word right?'

'Yes, Sir…Bite me….' My breathing is racy, I am pouring myself out on his chair and I am almost sliding on the wetness.

'Very well…'

He takes my wrists and ties them behind the chair with a silky black strap. He uses the black leather belt in his hand to straps my body together with the chair, twice. The belt going once over my breasts and the second time around goes under my breasts…..oh...and the throbbing doesn't stop…

'Ah…not this... please….Sir.' I am disorientated….suddenly aware of my accentuated breasts. I need fondling…

_What's happening to me?_ The anticipation is too much!

'Begging already Ms. Steele? I want to teach you…..to show you how I want you. Every day …every hour…when I say your name…you are mine….'

_Thrash!_ He flogs my breasts, making my nipples quiver in pain...and then he tugs them hard and let go…

'Aaahhhh…' I whine…moan… I wanted this…

'More…Sir.'

'And I want you in this position…eyes down…'

_Thrash!_

More pain disintegrates into me …..And again…. his hand …tugging my nipples, insatiably pulling them, and squeezing where it hurts most.

'Is that clear?'

'Ahh…Ahhh…Ahhhh.' I moan loudly…it's giving me release...and he knows...

'Ms. Steele!' He shouts over my moans…piercing my ears, but I am hallucinating...lost..

_Thrash!_

'Ahh…' Where is my tugging…I want him tugging my fucking nipples…_Where? _I focus on my nipples…..calming myself down…trying to forget… when he unexpectedly yanks them, vehemently pulling them making me cringe in pain and scream …I scream though the space….

'Aaahhhh….Come on ...My fuck…'

'Already? We haven't even started yet!' He is not letting go of my nipples. It's maddening... overwhelming….that's it….I can't…

'Aahh…' I whine long time… and love the sound….liberating me…

_Thrash!_

The flogger is stinging my breasts one last time, crimson streaks appear on my body…some going across my shoulders.

'Aahhh..'

And...nothing…only my nipples pulsating…He seems to have stopped. I feel him untying my body ….I...I am still throbbing down there… soaked in anticipation … ready to get some more…

'Come.'

He helps me up and making a small step he bends me over the desk. My hands are still tied at the back, my body dense against the cold desk and my head almost falling on the other side of it. Ready for a different type of torture...…but...I don't care. My behind is up in the air and that's all that matters. The chair is dripping with my juices and now they trickle down my legs…

He pushes my heels from inside with his boot, helping me open my legs more and I am spread over, my fucking holes open to take him...any place he wants… and… I hear his sweet voice.

'Ms Steele, are you ready?'

Again, my whole body shivers and I am on again…I feel him standing close behind me, unbuttoned, his rigid member out and rubbing himself between my bum cheeks…driving me crazy.

'Ahh…Come on…' I can't move, my hands are tied behind me…and it's impossible. I know he is loving it… enjoying my helplessness …the submissive me.

My openings are ready for him...and I don't even know which one he will claim. He dips his head in my juices and slides it up and down ..making me tremble. He hovers over my flower, now opening it's petals in full bloom and…fervidly inserts his glory up to his balls. The walls of my ripe insides stretch, throbbing with anticipation, inundating me with fucking life force. He grabs my hips and pounds me hard again, making me scream in delight.

'Ah...' I shriek. Yesss... this is exactly what I wanted!

'Ahh…

He thrusts once again into me, our bones collide and then pulls it out to the tip... sliding it up between my bum cheeks.

'Aahhh….'No!'

He is in control…and.. I want to feel him inside of me again...I am left starving for his cum… Bewildered, lying on my face…I lose my perception of reality.

He starts again, pounding me hard to the bone and out to the tip, making me wonder if I will get my portion, my allowance for the moment….waiting for a split second and shoving it back inside, satiating my needs, thrusting deeper into me each time.

'Ahhh…'

I am bursting ….waves of elation overflow me...and I think I am near…..this is what I wanted all along…

'Ahh...'

And he is out again…

'Ahhhh...No..!'

He is sliding it moist between my cheeks, adding wetness into my other hole…and everywhere else….and he pulls back fully.

'Let's play some more...Ana….'

Where does he find the sanity to do all this? My knees are weak and he helps me get up, turning me around, lowering me with my back to the desk, now warm from my body. I lie back on my tied hands, my legs spread open, my heels on the chair's arm rests, me looking at the ceiling. He pushes me back a little and my head tilts back on the other side, suspended, not having the desk underneath it anymore.

'There...Now I have you where I wanted.'

_What?_ He comes around to the other side, I can see him walking with his rigid glory sprung out …and he's so close. Standing above me, he leans on with his hands on the desk, having my head between his legs and inserts his hard and already wet member into my mouth, filling its cavity fully.

'Mmm…...Ana…taste yourself…you like that?' He moans.

I suck him upside down and he is fucking my mouth …. He pushes it deep down to my throat and out. I take him in, spinning my tongue around while he is thrusting gently in and out...licking myself off of him….his pre cum …. fucking me …freeing my insides inundated with my juices…

With each thrust my mouth is filled with his stiffness and …I love it…It's surreal...this is...new…

'Mmm…..mm…..' I silently moan, my mouth is full and I deliriously suck him …listening to his grunts. Synapses form between the nerve cells in my mouth …transmitting signals of pleasure…into my loins…making me come by sucking him…

'Easy, Ms. Steele …don't rush…..'

He pulls out of me yet again. His words make me want him more and he can feel it...

'Aahhhh…..' I moan…rasping …

He goes on the other side yet again and now …I think my fuck is due. I follow his movement around the desk, lifting my head, my mouth open, shiny from his pre-cum. He stands between my legs, grabbing my ankles and pulling me closer to him, propping my head on the desk. I am still lying on my back, when he takes my heels off and place each of my foot on the edge of the desk.

He holds one of my thighs and gently dips his head inside of me, making it wet and slowly starts inserting it in my ass hole...

'Ah….' That hurts. 'Ah….' I moan loud.. 'Ahhh…It hurts.'

'This, Ana?...This hurts?'

He dips it in bit by bit, slowly, gently stretching my ass hole with his wet fingers and then his head…and his fingers again…and...oh…..Oh…..

'Aaaahhh….Ah…'

'Is this… better? Mm?'

'Ah….yes…yes…better...'

I want him inside of me…it hurts but the nerves around my ass hole are blessing to the pain….ah... I feel the build-up. Christian is easing inside of me, enjoying my tight ass hole. He holds my thighs and starts pounding into me slowly, making sure I am open enough to take him fully …and each time he grunts…..oh I love the sound of him happy…he moves faster….and faster….thrusting into me….my ass hole stretching for him…filling me in amply …and I feel his coming…it gushes into me somehow…we are connected….. reincarnating into each other… thrusting, pounding over and over, converting our cries and moans into eruption…

I am drown by a large wave of our own juices, my insides dripping over our fucking, giving it the needed moisture...and ..I lose…lose myself again….I am helpless...I cannot thrust against him….and my raucous voice emerges...

'Aah…. Aah…. Aah…. Aah…. Aah….'

I feel my muscles tighten around him as a silky deluge surges through parts of my body I never knew existed, overflowing my insides…drenching me and him….mixing our fluids together.

'Aaaaah…' This feeling lasts so long … his groans get louder...changing into short grunts …shoving his glory harder and harder...transmitting his ecstasy ….

'Ah...Ana…fucking hell...Ana!' And he jerks his body, convulsing with spurts…his juices gush into me…. at home.

x

x

x

Last night ..um…this morning was pleasing on so many levels, although I must say I am still a bit sore. And we never managed to talk… fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. ….what a feeling!

x

He parks the Trident in the parking lot and we both head for the building. Inside, we wait for the elevator and I notice the clock on the wall showing half past nine in the morning. The doors open and we enter. Pressing the fifth floor button, I futilely try to avoid the mirror and look at the woman staring back at me. It looks like I've aged a lot in the past week. And Christian? He is looking at me, bewitched.

We egress the elevator and we walk slowly through the open space, both of us going to work. Before entering his office, Christian cocks his head at me and gives me a mischievous smirk. Boy he is gorgeous! I continue to my desk and sit down. What a weekend! I sigh. It's Monday again. Leaving my bag on the floor I look up and see Jose storming across the office, getting closer by the second. _He must be joking! _Did he see me coming to work with Christian?

Standing in front of me, he is showing me the note I wrote to him.

'What does this mean?'

'What are you doing here?' I ask ignoring his question.

'Ana, we need to talk.'

'Not here! I said after work!'

'No. I am not leaving. I came here to talk and I will.'

'Jose!' I move closer and whisper spitefully into his face, making sure he is the only one who can hear me. 'Not. Here!'

'Ana!' He grabs my arm, digging his nails deep into my skin, not letting me go and almost dragging me with him. I haven't seen this side of Jose.

'We-will-talk.'

'Let me go, Jose!' I am hurting. I don't recognize this man. Was I married to him for ten years?

I look behind him and see Christian approaching fast. He is furious. Hiding destructive force in his eyes he is trying to stay calm, but it's futile. My knight in shining armor. Go away…I don't want another smashed head.

'Is there a problem, Ms. Steele?'


	20. Chapter 20

**Penny for your thoughts! **

**~ and ~**

**Share - If - You - Love**

x

His eyes are fixed on me... I know he wants me to submit. But I can't. I shouldn't…should I? I said I will. Oh...I don't know …

'Mr. Grey this is none of your business. Please stay out of it.'

Thank god, saved by Jose.

Christian takes one step forward and is now standing between me and Jose. He stares back at my husband, pouring out his rage with his steely eyes, and Jose…oh my god…Jose succumbs...eases off and pulls back, letting go of my arm. With one swift move Christian steers me behind him, under his full protection. He takes one step further, now towering over Jose and I hear him talk through his clenched teeth.

'I'm going to fucking kill you if you touch her again!'

Jose just stares at him. He is mad…but confused, not sure what's going on. He didn't expect this.

'Ana?'

I can tell Jose is anxious. His world is collapsing and he knows it. I don't move. Behind Christian, I'm secluded...protected. Who was that man dragging me a minute ago?

'Jose…just go. I'll see you after work.'

I lean my forehead on Christian's back, not wanting to see him leave. It's too humiliating, he is being escorted out by Taylor. My eyes well up and tears start falling down my cheeks.

Christian turns around and enveloping me in his arms, guides me into his office.

'It's OK.'

It's not OK. It's embarrassing. I am being saved from my husband. My husband!

The office door closes behind us and Christian pulls me into him, embracing me, holding me tight. I...I let go…and I start sobbing…oh, it's so comforting being there. Safe.

'Shh….Ana… don't cry…it's OK. If he touches you one more time I'll….'

'Don't ...please…' I say though my sobs. My head is still into his chest, inhaling his appeasing scent.

'Ana...I thought you said you didn't tell him.'

'I didn't.'

I don't want to look at Christian right now but …I have to. I have been cheated on. And I feel betrayed. My eyes are red and I'm sobbing. I'm trying to compose my rickety voice… because…he needs to know. I lift my chin…not sure why...probably trying to lift my already broken ego...and look at him.

'But he _did_….he cheated on _me_.'

Christian is staggered.

'Oh….Ana, I'm...I'm so sorry…'

'Don't be. ..' I sniffle, not wanting him to feel any sorry for me.

'I was hurt more because of you leaving me than him cheating….What does that tell you about our marriage?' I manage to faintly smile through my tears.

He pulls me again close to him, tight, not letting me breathe for a moment.

'Thanks.' I say nasally.

'For what?'

'For not losing your head with him.'

'Hm.'

He loosens his grip and looks directly in my eyes.

'Now you are all mine.'

'Christian. I...'

'No. Don't say anything. Let's eat something. We'll talk there.'

x

We enter the restaurant and we are ushered to our very own secluded table. How on earth they are all accommodating him I am really puzzled.

'Have you been here before?'

'Yes.'

'Don't tell me you own it?'

He smirks.

'No, I don't.'

He regards me unperturbed, with an almost acquitted look on his face. In his business grey suit and white shirt he is looking like a god ready to take over the world. And he is gorgeous. I look directly in his eyes and his innocent look wanes. From the depth of his greyness comes the hungry carnivorous beast… looking at my neckline…my lips…my breasts…oh...making me think about sex … getting me wet. What has gotten into me? He doesn't say anything…and I am quietly enduring his thirst for …me. Making my legs twitch...and open slightly under the table.

The waitress arrives and breaks our spell, ready to take the order. Captivated with my man, she goes into details explaining the menu in. _Really?_

'We'll have Salmon Benedict please. Two of those.'

'You are OK with that, Ana, right?'

'Um..Yes. I am not really hungry but..sure.'

The waitress walks away and Christian comes closer to me, looking gravely at my eyes.

'Ana….Come to Seattle with me.'

Where did that come from? My blood rushes to my head and I feel the pressure forming, pulsating in my ears. He can't just ask me to move to Seattle on a whim?!

'Please say yes.'

He is not letting me think.

'Christian...I'm at home wherever you are. But... the real world is different. We can't have sex all the time. Life takes over and ...you are not going to like the mundane everyday life with me.'

'You haven't answered my question.'

'Christian...I want to know more about you.'

'I am a man. Lost in you.'

'No…really...'

'You can google me. I am sure you will find much more about me than what I will tell you.'

'That's exactly the point. I'd like to hear you tell me.'

He smirks.

'Have you been married?'

'No.' He looks at me intently. 'Almost.'

'What happened?'

'Next question.'

'Do you have a girlfriend?'

'No.'

'A sub?'

He looks at me, cocking his head.

'You know I do.'

'Tell me about your family.' I try to move away from the subject.

Suddenly he props up from being reclined on the booth and closes off so quickly I don't even see him changing colours. He is just there. Black.

'I don't have a family.'

'What do you mean?'

'I told you.'

'Everybody has a family.'

'Not me.'

He is not interested anymore in talking. He starts eating in a very business-like way, you would think we are discussing mergers at the table. Hm. I take my bag and open it up. If I remember correctly, I had this bag on Friday. Going through all the junk inside, at the bottom, starring at me is the small broken black pearl he gave me. I take it and put it on the table. Radiant, perfectly round on one side, smooth and flawless pearl with a good depth of metallic green. The lustre is amazing. You can see the minute hole through which a thread has been forming it part of a necklace.

Eating his food, he nearly chokes when he sees it.

'For god sake Ana! Put that away!' He shouts.

'Why?' I see him retreating further into his shell.

'It's mine. I can do whatever I want with it.'

He stops eating and looks at me.

'Tell me what it means.'

'I told you already.'

'I need more.'

'Why?'

'Because I do. I want to know who you are. I want to know your darkest secrets and fears so I can understand you fully.'

'You are not going to like who I am.'

'That's not possible. I fell for you. Your body. You mind. Your soul. What you say will only add to that love. Not deduct...'

'Ana…you …you take me to heaven….and I don't deserve heaven. I am dark. Hellish..…No. My pain. It's my pain only.'

'If you don't work through your pain eventually it will subside into something else. Like... perhaps..your life style..'

'I thought you like the life style.'

'I do. But …oh…I don't know anymore. Who am I to say you are troubled when I enjoy it so much.'

He smirks bitterly.

'You might be right. My life style is so different. What I do with you is gentle. Only gentle smacking.'

'Gentle? Ask my behind how gentle it was on Friday …or Saturday!'

'That was gentle. With you..…I am not me. I cannot hit you hard…there is something that's stopping me.'

'Look, bad things do happen. It's how we respond to them that defines our character.'

'Ana, I love fucking you. And you love fucking me. Why isn't that enough for you? If you add 'baggage' to our potion the magic will disappear.' He is mad because I am not budging.

'You have no idea how wrong you are!'

Suddenly he looks at me, annoyed. His eyes glint dark and there he is. The brute inside of him makes an appearance, but only for a moment.

'Our house was burned down to the ground when I was five. The pearl was the only thing left after they removed my mother's body.'

Oh my god! I didn't expect this.

'Christian..I'm so sorry…'Serves me right for being obtrusive.

'I didn't speak again until I found how to release my pain. I was fourteen when I became a sub for the first time. The pain I craved, the pain I deserved was there, ready, waiting for me. And then I met someone who showed me what love could be.'

'What was that?'

'Full submission.'

'Full submission?'

'Full control over somebody. Inflicting the pain I desired so much to somebody else.

'I don't understand.'

I became a dom. Made my life from scratch. Nobody owns me now. I am in control.'

'Are you?'

'Don't you think I am?'

'Do you think you are?'

'Don't play those games with me. I don't like it. '

'Christian, somewhere in the back of your mind the broken pearl is jabbing you.… bothering you….and you can give it to me all you want….until you let go, it'll be there.

He is looking at me…calm.

'You are my pearl now. I've found my home again.'

'Christian, don't run.'

'I'm not.'

'When was the last time you talked to your family?'

'No. No more. That's all you're going to get from me. Now can I have your answer?'

I sigh.

'My children need stability.'

'Don't use your children. They can have stability in Seattle, you know that.'

'I need to know who you are before I can let you into my life. Do you think you can give me that in the next three weeks?'

'Three weeks? Ana…'

'Don't… I cannot possibly manage to have another fight with you. Please. Let me enjoy you while you are here.'

'Ana, I thought you wanted to be with me….you said …'

'Yes...I do want to...but how? I live here.'

'Ana! People try to break my shell for years...You come along and just open the door...demanding to enter…and I let you. I can give you anything. Just say yes.'

'Christian…I'm afraid …I am afraid this will blow up…. It's all too intense. But….I am addicted to you and ..I am not saying no. Listen to me. I am not saying no!'

His rigid body relaxes. I can see a faint approval on his face. He can take this. He can take us slow.

'Is that OK?'

'Yes.' He leans forward and kisses me with his soft and warm lips, electrifying my body, making sure I know what I am getting myself into. Mm...I close my eyes and I know this is the right decision. I am not saying no. I couldn't. He is my air.

'I'm going to need my car tonight. Would you mind taking me home?'

x

As we walk out of the restaurant I pick up the small pearl that means life to him. He needs closure more than anything.

x

Mm...The Trident has really smooth drive. Immersed on our own thoughts, we drive along A3. I am not sure how would my move to Seattle work out but no need to go into details at the moment. The kids are still in school and I don't intend to just drop everything and leave. I am sure he knows that.

We are nearing my house and I can see my children's school. Outside in the field, there are children playing rugby.

'Stop here please.'

He slows down, stopping by the fence. This is a perfect opportunity.

'Come, I want you to meet my kids.' I regard him intently, trying to see if he will squirm or not. He looks at me perplexed and smiles.

'Did you think I would be alarmed? Just because I never mentioned your children doesn't mean I don't like them. I just couldn't eat a whole one.'

'Very funny. Ha-Ha.'

I get close to the fence and wave. Michael sees me first and starts running towards me. Jason looks at Michael, and then at me and sprints in my direction, trying to overtake his brother. They never stop competing.

'Hi Mum.' They both say at the same time, panting, out of breath.

'Hi boys. How's your day going?' I try to be laid-back but Jason sees through me.

'What are you doing here Mum?'

'I wanted you to meet someone. This is Christian Grey. Christian, these are my sons, Michael and Jason.'

'Michael, Jason. Nice to meet you.' Christian is short and polite. That's perfect.

'Mum, what did you do?' Instead of greeting Christian, Jason turns to me, probing me with his questions.

'Um..what do you mean Jason?'

'Dad was mad this morning. I haven't seen him mad like this before. Are you having an affair?'

'What? Jason, please, don't talk like that!'

'Well, are you? With him?' Jason points with his head towards Christian.

'Is that what he told you? That I had an affair?'

I am seething. How dare he! Turning my children against me when he is the one having an affair. My eyes well up from anger and I can see Christian looking at me, trying to calm me down.

'Ana…don't...'

I regard him, enraged. He is on Jose's side now? He had an affair!

'No, I am not having an affair. Your father…'

'Enough.' Christian raises his voice at me. 'Let's go.'

'Mum?' Michael asks now, both of them looking at me from behind the fence, scared. For the first time ...I see my children. My helpless children. They are not so big now. They want their mother. They want their family. ..My heart breaks.

'We'll talk tonight.' My voice is crackling and my eyes well up. I turn around and enter the Trident. Even the Trident cannot save me from me.

Christian drives away from the kerb and following the signs to A240, he heads for my house.

'Ana...it's not my place to say but...try not to involve your children.'

'I know. Thanks for that. I nearly did.' I say wiping my tears away.

x

We arrive at my house and he parks on my driveway. Her Majesty looks great there. It's where she belongs. Next to my cloud nine.

'Do you want to come in for a coffee before heading back?'

He looks directly at me, holding my gaze, not letting me breathe. His eyes glide to my breasts and then ...he licks his lips slowly, slightly parting his mouth, wetting his lips all around, taunting me with his allure, finishing with biting his lower lip...oh...I'm going crazy. The flash burn in my groin is making me scream.

'I want to come. Yes.'

Oh, he makes everything sound sexy.

I leave the car and rummage through my bag. I finally find my keys and entering my house, I leave the door open for him. The coffee pot is already prepared for the next day. Are we going to have coffee? I look back into the hallway and Christian is walking in slowly, looking around, closing the door behind him.

'Go in my study, we'll have the coffee there. It's the second door on your left.'

I go back in the kitchen and get the cups. My...I feel awkward. Like when I bring a boyfriend at home for the first time. Entering the study I see him sitting on my sofa, reclined, at ease.

I sit next to him.

'Where do you want your coffee?'

'Are you nervous Ana?'

_How can he tell? _

'Um..No. Yes. Little. I don't know why. This is so strange.' I leave the coffee cups on the adjacent table and look at him.

'I don't know why I am nervous. We've had sex already. More than few times. But still...I feel like a teenager...It's you. You intimidate me.'

'Do I?'

'Yes...and I can't relax. Not here. Please, let's have our coffee and go.'

I feel uncomfortable. I share this home with my family. Christian is...my altered reality. An affair, I guess.

'Would a massage help you unwind?'

'I know where you are going with this...sorry, no. Have your coffee.'

I push the cup into his hand. He looks at me and slowly moves away, placing the coffee cup on the other side table, next to him.

'I promise you, nothing will happen that you don't want. Besides, we don't have the tools of the trade here...do we?'

'Um..No. No! Of course I don't. I don't have any of that!'

'OK then…Settle down. It's not always about sex.'

'Hm. It's hard to believe that coming from you.'

He smirks.

'Do you have some massaging oils?'

'Lavender. It's in the bathroom.'

'Can you bring it over please?'

I frown and go in search of the small bottle I got a year ago, thinking, no, hoping to use it with Jose. Nothing came out of it. Nothing will. I guess this massage with Christian is meant to be. Why else would I still have the lavender oil?

I enter the bathroom and I know where it is. It hasn't been moved since I bought it. I reach for it and head down. I am still apprehensive of him massaging me in my home. ..but….I am also getting excited. A proper massage. Not by masseuse. By Christian.

I enter the study and I am met with Christian standing, looking at me, ready. The sofa has the soft blanket spread neatly, waiting for me to lie down. The pillows are thrown on the floor. He is really doing this. Huh.

'Now, Anastasia, one thing I would like to get from you is a detailed progress report in a form of a simple moan ...to get the message across. Is that clear?'

'Yes….Sir.' I look at him. He smiles at me lovingly.

'Not today. Today I want you to relax.'

Hm. He worked me up so much, I feel my panties getting wet for nothing? He better be giving real good massages.

'Lie down on the sofa. Face down.'

I do am I am told.

'You know you are going to have to take off your dress, right?'

'Um..I'm not sure Christian. It's..'

'It's only a massage. You will feel much better after it. Please.'

He leisurely starts taking the cuff links off of his shirt, watching me undress, folding his sleeves up to his elbows.

My dress is off, leaving me only with my panties. I notice the red marks on my body from the flogger. Mm…Why do I love so much the flogging? The spanking? Am I that weird? We look at each other ...is it just me or does he have a 'fuck me' face on him? I am losing my mind...

'Lie down.'

I obey. There is nothing else to do. Will I be able to relax? I doubt it. My mind works non-stop. No rest.

From his pocket he pulls out his iPhone and walks up to my docking station. He plays… ah... violins…I love it. I might be able to relax a bit.

'Mm... what is it?'

'Hayden. I know you love him.'

I am beginning to love this man more and more each day. Content, I close my eyes and turn my face away from him, into the sofa.

'You can begin now.'

He sits beside me on the sofa and takes the oil in his hands. He pours few drops in one hand and I can hear him rubbing both hands together, warming it up.

I welcome the firm yet gentle touch of his hands on my back.

'Mm...' I like this.

I feel his hands at the base of my spine and I..I think he is using his thumbs to glide up the muscles on either side of my back. His fingertips apply light pressure as he outlines small circles around my shoulder blades, gently applying pressure to my muscles.

'Mm..' I'll be doing lots of moaning today.

'You like that Ana?' Oh his voice is heavenly.

'Mhm...'

I begin to float away, my muscles relax, soothed by the music, the lavender scent infusing my soul, relaxing me almost into sleep...the one wet dreams are made of.

He applies more oil on me. I can feel his hands all over my body, massaging me, permeating the oil into my skin.

He stops at my feet and...He uses his thumbs to massage my soles, moving up to the toes and massage the sides and tops of each toe.

'Mm.. You are very good.'

'I am?'

Ah, again..his voice is... angelic.

'Mhm..'

He moves on to my legs, slowly stroking me, applying more oil. Starting at my ankles, he works his way up to my buttocks using pressure, massaging my muscles. Then he swiftly moves his hands between my legs, focusing on my inner thighs. Using long, tender strokes from my knees along the inside of my thighs up to my apex, slowly making me twitch from excitement.

'Ah..'

My panties can feel his hands. He is lightly touching me, enough to tantalize, but stays very professional. The throbbing is there…my panties are there…this is not going to turn out good for them.

'Was that a moan Ana? A proper one?'

His voice, so alluring...

I feel his hands on my behind, massaging more oil into it, moving my panties out of the way. Again, very professional. Staying true to his word.

'I'm going to take your panties off Ana. They are in my way.'

Just when I thought he was all that. My heart smiles.

He slides my panties off slowly, touching me all over along my legs. My behind perks up by itself. My breathing becomes shallow.

'Ah...'

'Yes..Ana?'

I feel his hands flat on my sacrum, the area just above the crease of my buttocks, massaging me lightly with his thumbs. He is lovingly dancing with his fingertips, gliding his hands over my hips, and grabbing me hard, making small rotating movements and then ...hard pressure. Oh my! That makes me perk my behind more, giving me physical pleasure ...making me open up for him...mm...I feel delicious...I love it…I..I want him.

'Ah...Christian...you promised..'

'Mm, Ana? What did I promise?'

Oh he is so conniving. I know he is playing with me..not being able to resist him.

'That...mm...'

I put my hands on the sofa, pushing myself up and arch my back, sliding out one of my knees, opening up my behind more for him.

'Ah...'

'Tsk, tsk tsk...Ana...'

'Ah...stop it...I can't take it anymore.'

'I am not finished. Turn around on your back.'

'But...'

'Let's see if we have time for that after. I need you relaxed.'

Oh..my mind is going crazy. He makes me needy, my clit is up and throbbing. It's there. Waiting.

He applies more oil, starting with my legs, going all over and up into the apex between my thighs, skilfully avoiding my clit, but not the bare pubic area, continuing onto my torso, over my stomach and my breasts. I look at him and with each breath I take my breasts tell him I am ready. My nipples are elongated and hard. Oh this is different. The feeling I get from him touching me so softly is ...exquisite. Not making me mad for my fuck but...just.. enjoying him. With his fingers he strokes each breast, kneading them gently, deliberately avoiding my nipples.

We look at each other's eyes, both of us under a spell, him massaging me in smooth and rhythmic mode and I'm taking it all in. Very slowly, without severing our connection, I prop myself up on my elbows, still fixated on him. He is still massaging me, gliding his hands over my breasts and into my neck. Mm...this feels good. I close my eyes and tilt my head back while he strokes me firmly with his fingers from the center of my chest outwards, applying deep pressure over my breasts, fishing with soft tug of my nipples.

'Ah...'

His fingers go onto the small of my neck, and I welcome his hands there. It feels like he will pull me into him, kiss me. Mm..I was right. I feel his tongue on my neck, going up to the edge of my earlobe, nibbling me... kissing me gently.

Leaned over, he tangles his fingers in my hair and pulls my head into him, looking, waiting for me to open my eyes. I look back, almost feeling sate.

'Hi.'

'Hi.'

I feel like we are in a slow motion movie. He comes closer to my lips, waiting for me to part my mouth and kisses me lightly. Tasting me with each small kiss, not wanting to waste anything. Our tongues gently dance inside out mouths, it's a feeling I haven't experienced with him. How it is that something so slow can be so arousing?

He cups my breast with one hand and kneads it gently.

'Mm...' That's also new. I want more of that.

I arch my back pushing my breast into his hand and he lets it go, but ever so gently squeezes my nipple, tugging it just a little, arousing me more.

'Mmm...'

'Ana...' He talks between kisses. 'I am going to make love to you now.'

I open my eyes and he is there, looking at me. He places himself on top of me and I move my legs, straddling him. I am ready. Open. I run my hands over my breasts, closing my eyes and I tilt my head back, tugging my breasts softly, like he did...and let go.

'Aahh...' I look at him. He is oozing sex all over me.

He unzips his pants and takes his glory out, all ready, with pre-cum on his head. I feel him inserting it into me...stiff ..hard...and needy.

He is still entering me, while he places his elbows on each of my sides and holds my face. I wrap my arms and legs around him and we look at each other.

He starts thrusting into me slowly, feeling me stretching, opening up, to the end and ..little bit more. We are mesmerized ..with each thrust he takes it out to the tip and while we stare at each other, he is slowly thrusting, feeling me, making me shiver, harder, bone to bone...And again, out to the tip...and in, deep into me. Oh I love him grunting... rhythmically, faster and faster, until we are so much into each other, our bodies amalgamate, my arms pulling him close and into me, holding him tight, convulsing with each thrust, making sure he pounds me hard and again...and again, his hands on my shoulders, pushing me down against him, entering me deeper and deeper.

'Ah...Ah...' I feel different eruption coming. It's..like...my groin are being pulled into him and the thrusting makes me want him to get deeper into me...

'Ah...' I moan...followed by his grunt and ..then me again...ah...we alternate ...grunt and moan...until I feel him convulsing...and..

'Ahh... Ahh... Ahh... Ahh...' Faster and faster I feel he trembles, rigid...and oh my...

'Ah...Ana...I'm coming...Ah...Aahhhhh..' He buries his head into my neck... shuddering in oblivion.

Aaah...' I am screaming with pleasure...this is unfucking believable...he is heavy, on top of me...feeling him fully inside and clenching him, his jizz spurting into me...the warmth..it's so pleasing.

Out of breath and still panting ...we lay languid on the sofa. He is still inside of me. Our bodies wrapped together. His head buried in my neck. Taking a deep breath he lifts himself up on his elbows, looking at me.

'I love you, Anastasia Steele.'

His angelic voice takes me to heaven again. I close my eyes and smile.

_I love you too Christian Grey._


	21. Chapter 21

**I really love your comments! **

**So please, please, please do write something, even if it's one word.**

**x**

He nuzzles into my neck and kisses me softly all over my neckline.

'Christian...?'

'Yes Ana?' His kisses descend on me like tiny feathers, tickling me with his soft lips. I can endure it forever.

'I love you too.'

He lifts his head leisurely with content look on his face.

'I know Ana. I know.'

He seals my lips with a chaste kiss, inhaling deeply through his nose, I know, trying to absolve me into him. The kiss is short enough though.

'I got to go.'

'Mm...I know.' I smile. 'Your shirt is ruined from the oil. And your pants.'

'I'll go home on my way and change.'

He lifts up off of me and start fixing his sleeves. I get up too, searching for my panties and dress. We dress up in silence, looking at each other from time to time.

Hayden is still playing. The violins spill into the room with an awe-inspiring sound that feels like there is a silk veil over the speakers.

It's really peaceful in my study. Shame it has to end. He walks up to his phone and stops the music, taking it off the docking station. I know he is ready to go.

'See you later?'

'Of course.'

I walk with him to the door and before leaving, we kiss. I am in awe of his man. I try to tear my gaze away from those grey eyes but it's no use, his devilishly handsome features shift into a swooning grin and he holds me there. Between delusion and reality.

'Go.'

He smiles and makes few steps backwards, not wanting to let go of my hand. I smile back at him and the moment my hand is free, we both turn to our space and I close the door behind him.

Right. Shower is what I need now. As much as I love getting massages, I dislike the greasiness I have after them.

The water stings the lesions on my body and I shower in a hurry. I dry off and put on my white cotton panties and bra. I pull out of the closet my grey pencil skirt and put it on, combining it with a white shirt and a short black tie. I tie my hair back and slide into my black stilettos. I am ready for work.

Before leaving the house I decide to check my work emails. After my fiasco this morning god knows how many stories have started circulating through the office. And if I know Jennifer like I do, I am sure there will be an email from her there. On my lap top I log on the intranet at work and see thirty two emails waiting for me. With a quick survey I find an email from Jennifer, question mark in the subject line. Yes. That's the one I am opening.

x

From: Jennifer Miles

Subject:?

Date & Time: 10 September 2012, 10:30am

x

I am not sure what is going on between you and Mr. Grey but you have to tell me, Ana.

Everyone in the office is wondering what went on this morning. Are you and Mr. Grey having an affair? Is that why your husband came over?

When are you coming back? Call me.

Jen

x

Miss. Jennifer Miles

Assistant Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5189 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

Jennifer is her usual self. She is always interested in other people's lives. Mine takes priority today. And I know how the rumors go. They fly with the speed of light. It's what everyone wants to listen to. Nobody is keen on gossiping, and yet, it spreads like an infectious disease. Drives me crazy.

x

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: '?'

Date & Time: 10 September 2012, 12:58pm

x

Hi Jen

No, I am not having an affair with Mr. Grey. Our relationship is strictly professional. He was only standing up for me.

However, I do have a problem with my husband but I'd rather not talk about it. I would appreciate your discretion in this matter.

I am on my way to work now. I'll talk to you then.

Ana

x

Ms. Anastasia Steele

Project Manager

Casting Steps Ltd.

Embankment, Putney, London SW15 1LB

www-castingsteps-co-uk |  
Tel: +44 (0) 20 8126 5188 |  
Follow us on TWITTER | Find us on FACEBOOK  
Watch us on YOUTUBE | Check in on FOURSQUARE

x

I hope this will clear things up in her mind and slow her down. I have to lie. It's too soon to say anything. I look at the time on my computer screen and my mind, the multitasker it is, remembers to call Mrs. Saunders about tonight. Yes. I mustn't forget. I close my lap top and pick up my cell.

'Mrs. Saunders. Hello. It's Ana.'

'Hi, dear.'

'Mrs. Saunders...we are probably going to need you this afternoon again. Are you available?'

'Yes, of course I am Ana. Jose already called me. I'll pick up the children from school and wait for you to come back. Is that OK?'

'Oh...Um...Yes, of course. Sorry.'

'Is everything all right, Ana?'

'Um...No, Mrs. Saunders, it's not.'

'If there is anything you need please...do ask. I am here for you.'

'Thanks. It means a lot.'

'And don't worry about your children. You just sort out your ...whatever it is with Jose. I'll take care of them.'

'I don't think we can Mrs. Saunders, but thanks.'

'Is it that bad?'

'Yes. Yes it is.'

'Whatever it is Ana, just know and believe things will work out for the best.'

'Yes. Let's hope so. See you tonight Mrs. Saunders.'

'Tonight, dear.'

x

My cloud nine takes me to work. I love that car. It does everything for me. My cd player is in full working order and I play my Hayden cd. Mm...Yes...violins...I cannot drift off any more listening to it...instead I go down memory lane...I think I still have the lavender scent on me...what a fricking massage. He should be doing that for money! Well, if his business doesn't work out he has something to fall back on...I chuckle to myself.

x

I enter the building and in the elevator, as usual, I look at the mirror. It's just there. I cannot avoid it even if I wanted to. I lean back on the wall opposite and look at my face. Content. Happy. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I haven't been fucked in a long time too. The corners of my lips crook at the thought.

The doors open and I enter the office, walking steadily through the space. Jenifer is there, by my desk, waiting for me. She gives me a big sympathetic hug.

'Ana.'

'Jennifer?'

'Just offering my support.' Being a drama queen, as usual.

'Don't worry. I am OK. I can handle it.'

'Yes, of course.'

I look up at Christian's office, the door is closed.

'Has Mr. Grey arrived?'

'Oh, yes he has. He is in his office.'

I walk over to his office and without knocking I open the door, entering my territory. He is not at his desk, his usual place when doing business, but on the settee, next to a beautiful woman. His legs are crossed, his body leaned towards the woman, one arm sprawled over the settee in a protective mode. She has her hands on her thighs, looking down, at her feet, in a submissive way, ignoring me. What is this? My heart twinges with a funny shade of …green. Am I jealous? Who is she? I want to know.

'I am sorry Mr. Grey, I didn't know you had clients.' I remain professional.

This feeling I have…it's so liberating! The possessiveness I feel over someone ….I know it's bad but I embrace it...I am ready to fight for him.

He lifts his hand at me, gesturing me to leave, while still looking at the woman.

I won't do that. No.

'Do you want me to leave, Christian?' My boldness tips him over the edge. Makes him angry. The woman fearfully looks up at me. She has been crying.

'Is she the one, Sir? Is she the reason why you are letting me off?' She is sobbing through her words, quietly, clearly not wanting to infuriate Christian more. He is ignoring me.

'I asked you something. Why are you still here?' He raises his voice at her.

'I left when you told me to. Um… I am here with Elena. I'm her sub now.' She is stuttering.

'Elena?'

His thunderous voice vibrates through both of us, giving us an unpredictable jolt. He is enraged. I can see his facial expression change. His lips go in straight line. He turns his head at me, slaughtering me with his steely eyes, admonishing me for interpolating his space. _Who is Elena?_

'Anastasia, why don't you listen to me? _Leave!_ I'll deal with you later.'

His voice is razor-sharp. I feel it in my spine. It hurts. We had sex an hour ago for god's sake. I don't need this. Where is the Christian who made love to me? Instead I see a bona fide beast right there inside of his soul…waiting to come out. He is restraining himself, clenching his teeth, making his jaw muscles move.

_'You are still here!'_

He raises his voice at me again in an intimidating manner. I…I don't need this!

I turn around and leave, passing Taylor on the way. I walk up to my desk and sit down. My deportment, yet again, changed.

All this...is it worth it? Ensnared by white lies I live in delusion. And for what? To satisfy my salacious appetite? Where is my mind? My judgement? The skeletons in his closet are real. Not going away. And his mercurial nature? I hate it.

I switch on my computer and look at the open office in front of me. Almost too soon I see the woman leaving with Taylor pacing behind her. They head for the stairs instead of the elevators. In a hurry. And I hear my cell buzzing. I see a message from Christian.

_My office. Now!_

Do I want to go in his office? Not anymore. I have other things on my mind. I know what will happen. He will elucidate the situation he was in and I will believe him. That's why I don't want to go. No. I am not even going to reply.

x

'Anastasia.'

His voice is stern, deafening and resonates clearly throughout the space. I look up and he is standing at the doorway of his office. I blatantly look back and don't flinch.

'My office. Now!'

W.h.a.t.? Did he just say that in front of Jennifer and half of the people in the office? What the fuck?

My eyes open wide and I take a deep breath, ready to retort. My teeth clench when he interrupts my rage in the middle.

'Is there a problem Ms. Steele?'

I know what he is doing. Getting back at me for defying him. Well I am not going! I stand up and ...there he is ...holding me in his gaze...I'm...I'm helpless. Should I defy him? Um... Evading the answer ...I yield. Hypnotized by his grey eyes, I curse him under my breath. He is my gravity and pulls me to him. I lift my chin and before I know it, I am standing next to him, breathing shallow.

'Inside!'

He steps aside letting me enter and closes the door behind him.

'Eyes down.'

Christian's command is fearsome. I look down...and I didn't expect this. I was mad, and now...I am ...what's going on? And why the fuck I feel my groin flutter. Christian is standing behind me, breathing in my hair. He wraps his hand around my ponytail and pulls it back painfully, tilting my head backwards, revealing my neckline and I...I can feel a flash burn between my legs. He is talking in my ear, almost whispering.

'You defy me yet again Ms. Steele. When are you going to learn?'

'Who is Elena?' Even with flash burns between my legs I am focused, I need to find out why he got so angry.

'Wouldn't you like to know Ms Steele?'

He gently starts kissing my neckline…down to my collar bone. I...I...am melting. The throbbing between my legs is there again... My panties getting wet. My mind retreats into a dwelling filled with endorphins.

'The office….' I whisper. I am powerless against his advances.

'Don't you worry about that.'

He guides me by my hair through his office and we are standing by his desk now. He pulls his desk chair back.

'Kneel.'

I look at the leg space under his sturdy desk.

'Um...please not here..' I barely have sound in my voice. My lips are dry. The effect he has on me is like a class A drug.

'You wanted to know who Elena was. I'll show you.' He places his hands on my shoulders and pushes me down, making me kneel.

'Pull your skirt up... like that...Yes...Sit on your heels...Mm ...Open your legs. Wider. Yes... Stay.

I can see a large protrusion in his pants. He sits on his chair and wheels it in the desk. I am sitting on my heels under it in a small confined space, between his legs, looking at him working down his zip. He takes out his stiff member and starts stroking himself. Going up and down along the length, making me needy.

Oh my! My legs are wide open and my wetness is too much….my panties are getting soaked. He is so hard….I see pre cum on his head…. I...I want to take him in my mouth, taste him. I feel so devious in here ... I move his hand aside and holding it up, I start licking it, tasting it like a strawberry flavored lolly, the one I love to suck on all the time. Going down with my tongue on his balls, and up along the shaft to the tip. I hear the door of his office opens and I stop. Oh my god. Is that adrenaline shooting through my heart?

'Ah, Steven. Have a seat. Thank you for coming.'

I feel Christian's hand on the back of my head, pushing me onto him, and me keep on sucking.

'No problem Mr. Grey. What's this all about?'

'Can we please go through the last year's figures? Something doesn't feel right.'

'Yes, sure.'

I hear Steven going through the financial details and I drone his voice out of my head. Christian is hard like a stone and all I can think of is riding him high. I am drenched. I hook my fingers on the side rim of my panties and open myself for pleasure. I run my hand along my wetness and oh…

'Mm…..' I moan quietly. Again? How does he do that…. I need a fuck…ah...He is in my mouth, deep into my throat, and I start bobbing my head, letting out silent moans…surely they can't hear me.

I open my legs wider and insert my middle and ring finger inside of me, squelching out through my wetness and slowly starting the dance of love …oh...this is good. I take out my fingers and rub them over my sensitive clit...Mm...showing him I am here to give him his ration...and thrust them in again. I..I need more…without a cock in me I need more. My ass hole is drenched with my juices gliding down my bare cleft and I dip the index and middle finger from my other hand gently in there... Mm...I'm open all over and wet ..and my behind perks up…giving me better access. I am still sucking him and I feel my body almost rides my fingers...jumping slightly in the confined space. Every few thrusts I take out my fingers and slide them over my sopping clit, rubbing it softly, wriggling my hips to its pleasurable waves and then inside again...thrusting hard...I ..I lose focus and let go of Christian stiff member ...and moan.

'Ahh…' Lost in my trance…playing the game by myself….

'Ahem…. Ahem!' Christian's loud voice brings me back to his office and...Oh... Again, I feel the adrenaline and I …I slow the pace of my finger pounding…and quieten down.

'Sorry about my cough…..Ahem…Steven, thank you. I think that's all for today.'

'But I haven't finished…' I hear Steven complain.

'I am happy with what you showed me. That's enough.'

I take him again in my mouth and I start slowly thrusting my fingers inside of me, taking me closer to my eruption, it's so near... I can't hold off anymore…

'Very well Mr. Grey. Have a good day.'

I hear the door open and close behind him.

'Ahh….Ahh…' I cannot hold it anymore. I pull his hard rock member out of my mouth and focus on my humping, I moan loudly, hoping nobody can hear me..Ah…and I see it…..I see the door of my release…my paradise…..I…

'Ana!'

'No...Don't make me stop…Please….Ah…' I continue moaning…reaching for that shiny door...

He grabs my arms, pulling me up and lifting me on his desk. I am already coming…in daze…I...I want my fingers in me.

'Let me go….let me go….' I fight him off ...needy for my fingers to get there…where they belong…

He takes my wrists and moves my hands behind my back, restraining me with his body. My legs are open and I feel his stiffness rubbing against my wet panties.

'Ahh..Ahh..Ahh….come on…fuck me…fuck me...' I move my hips in and out feeling his sprung out cock there, over my sodden panties. Teasing him...teasing me.

I can feel he is restraining himself...he is angry but his erratic breathing gives him away, I know he cannot hold off any longer. With one swift move he tears my panties off of me, vehemently inserts his cock and pounds me so hard I scream in delight….

'Yeeees….Yes! Yes!'

'Ah...Ana…You...Ah...Will...Ah...Be...Ah...Punished... Ahhh…'

I love the sound he makes…with each grunt he is closer to his eruption, closing in on me. I feel his rigid cock pounding me hard, him holding my hands around on my back, and pushing against into me, thrusting painfully...and ..those groans….

'Ahh..Ahhhh...'

We both erupt into the realm of fricking speed, where I screech the high notes of orgasm and he loses himself into me, spurting his jizz in short bursts, convulsing his body over me..fading into our own panting.

Slowly falling back on his desk, we lay here languidly, catching our breath.

And I have to ask him. This is a perfect time, I think.

'Who is Elena?'

He is still panting. But I know he is listening. A thought suddenly crosses my mind. _What if she was his sub?_

'Has she sucked you under a desk?'

'Yes.'

The answer came little too soon. Huh. My feel good moment is gone.

I push him away and stand up. That was a low blow. Ugh...I am fixing myself up and I can't get it done fast enough. He is observing me while zipping up his pants with glowering look on his face. I am certain inside his mind _'you deserved this' _is on repeat. It feels like a real punishment.

'Do as you are told next time.'

'Fuck you Christian!'

I storm off. He knows better than running after me.

It's good I have an extra pair of panties in my bag, too.

x

I am dreading meeting Jose tonight and the time is coming fast. I have to leave work now if I want to get to the gallery by six o'clock. What would I tell him? I had an affair? No. It's not an affair. I slept with someone? Oh god. What if he hit me?

Christian hasn't come out of his office all day. I don't care. He can fucking stick it up his ass if he wants to. He humiliated me and I am not talking to him unless he apologies. I don't particularly enjoy that kind of castigation. No matter what the sex is like.

I log off my computer, take my bag and coat and head for my car. For the first time since I have my cloud nine I know I will not enjoy the ride.

x

I reach the gallery and park in the driveway. Half-heartedly I enter the building, not saying a word. He is sitting at the only table there, in the far corner, few empty bottles of wine next to him. His head slumped over the table, his arms crossed underneath him. Drunk.

'Jose.'

'Ana.' He wakes upon hearing my voice. Lifting his head I can see his red eyes.

'You've been drinking.'

'Yes, I have. In the morning. Sit down please.'

I approach and sit on the chair next to him.

'Are you drunk?'

'No.'

He looks at me in a different way. He is really seeing me. I remember this look when we first started going out. Soon after, it faded. In front of me I see Jose I once knew, honest, loving, paying attention to anything I say. I miss him. He never took me for granted.

'Ana, where did you sleep last night?'

'At Jennifer's house.' I am calm. He doesn't need to know about Christian.

'Don't lie to me. You weren't there.'

'Yes I was.' I am sure Jennifer would tell me if he called. 'Ask her again.'

'How did you go there?'

'She picked me up.'

'Don't lie, please.'

'Lies hurt, don't they Jose?'

'Ana...what does the note mean?'

'What do you think it means?'

'That you haven't been faithful to me.'

'How do you feel about that Jose?'

'Please tell me that's not true...please.'

He is whispering, tears running down his cheeks. Oh my god. Who is this person in front of me? I have never seen him cry.

'How did you think I would feel when you told me you cheated?'

'Ana, I am so sorry about that...I'm so sorry...' His tears don't stop. He is looking at me, dread encasing his brown eyes. The life he had is not there anymore. He knows it's too late.

'Well, Jose, I am sorry too.'

'Sorry for what? Are you saying you have been cheating on me?' The disbelief in his eyes makes me feel awful. I take a deep breath.

'Yes, Jose, I have slept with someone too. The difference is that it happened last week and I couldn't live with the lie. You did. For three years. That's what hurts most. Three years, Jose.'

'I am sorry for hurting you Ana. I never intended...' He says quietly, trying to understand my words.

I look at him and I am more certain in my decision that I've been before.

'I wish you had come and tell me about it. We have been together for ten years and I still consider you my best friend. And you can say sorry so many times, but it's not about hurting my feelings...it's about wasting our lives. Feelings come and go Jose but we have only one life. And we have the right to live it fully. We owe it to ourselves.' I feel the lump in my throat but I mustn't cry. I am going to make this harder for both of us. 'You will always be part of my life Jose. Our beautiful children are born out of our marriage. They remind us of better times. And we love them. We always will.' My voice becomes crackly and my eyes well up. 'That's our love alive'. My last words are whispered, not wanting to reveal the tears flooding in my eyes.

'I am sorry Ana.' He is sobbing.

'So am I Jose. So am I'.

x

We get in my cloud nine, both of us with blood shot eyes. We have cried everything out. And more. But it still hurts. The pain is there...not going away. It feels like we are crying for our memories, for our time together, for never coming back. It's like mourning a person. Only time can heal the ache.

I drive off and head for home. Both of us lost in our thoughts. We never discussed divorce. But it's imminent. There are so many things to talk about. When the time comes, things will get sorted, I know. Right now, it's my children that matter.

'Jose, why did you tell Jason and Michael that I cheated on you?'

'I didn't, Ana.'

'Are you sure? Jason said you did.'

'Where did you see Jason?'

'At his school.'

'What were you doing there?' I can see Jose's good natured character slowly changing into something else.

'Christi..Um...Mr. Grey took me home this morning. I had to pick up my car.'

'Did you spend the night at his place?'

'I told you where I was. He offered to take me home this morning.'

'And you accepted?'

'Of course. I had to take my car.'

'Did you stop at the school with him?'

'Why is that so important?'

'Ana, why did you introduce Mr. Grey to our children? Is that the guy you've been sleeping with?'

He is cold and mean. How dare he question me after he admitted to an affair!

'How..? Um…did Jason call you?'

'Yes, he did. What were you thinking?'

Scolding me like a small child? I don't think so!

'Jose, I don't need anyone telling me what to do.'

'Is that why he was so aggressive this morning? Protecting you?'

'Jose, let's think what we are going to tell our children. Focus on us please.'

He looks at me like I am his worst enemy but backs off.

x

We arrive at our house and Mrs. Saunders greets us at the door. The table is set and the food is on the plates. All ready for us. We haven't had a family dinner for…months. I am sure they know something is going on.

'Aren't you having dinner with us Mrs. Saunders?' I see her in the hallway, putting on her coat. It's only polite to invite her.

'Oh no, dear, I'm sure you have plenty to talk about.' She comes closer to me. 'Your children…just be honest with them Ana.'

'Thanks.' I say as she leaves through the door.

I enter the kitchen and everybody is sitting, waiting for me. I sit down and look at them.

'Well…we haven't sat together at this table in a while.' I try to be cheery, but Jose's red eyes take me back in the dark and scary cave we were in one hour ago.

'Mum, are you and dad getting divorced?' Jason is too quick. No beating about the bush. Direct.

'Um...Jose?'

'Jason, Michael... your mum is divorcing me.' _Oh shit!_

'Jose!' I look at him in disbelief. Our children are already scared.

'Michael, Jason, we have both decided to get a divorce, OK? But nothing will change for a while. So don't worry about your world turning upside down.' I try to reassure them.

'Dad?' Michael is looking into Jose's teary eyes. Jason too.

'Michael, she is right.'

'So mum cheated, huh?'

'Mum cheated?' I say in disbelief, looking at Jose but I am met with silence. He will not stand up to his actions.

'I didn't cheat. Nobody cheated. Jose, tell them!'

'Um...Nobody cheated kids.'

'Then you can't get a divorce! Something's got to happen in order to get divorced. What happened? It was you, mum! You cheated, didn't you? You did! With that guy we saw today!'

'Jason! I told this morning, I did not cheat. Your father did not cheat. We have just decided it's time to go our separate ways.'

'I don't believe you!'  
'Jose! Say something. Why am I the only one talking?'

Jose's eyes well up and tears start running down his cheeks. I am the only one sane at this table, and yet, somehow I am the villain. I can easily say who cheated first. I want to so much. But it's not fair. In the long run, they will find out. But not now.

Jason and Michael storm out of the kitchen.

I look at Jose, his hands on each of his temples, holding his head, leaning on the table, forsaken look on his face, starring in space.

'What the fuck is wrong with you?' I am mad. 'Do you think the world revolves around you? Think of your children for fuck sake! And look at me when I'm talking to you!' I shout.

He looks at me and in an instant, I see someone else there. His nostrils flare, his mouth quiver, I can sense all of his pent up emotions coming out. His hands close into fists and he slams them down hard against the table, making the plates hop on it. I am jolted from the noise but I keep looking at him. Not budging. He will not intimidate me.

'It's him right? It's that millionaire! You whore! Is it because of the money? Was that it?'

'What?' My eyes narrow in disbelief. 'Stop insulting me Jose! If anyone is whore is you! Fucking someone for god knows how long and telling me three years later? For all that matter you could have fucked her until now!'

'I'm going to fucking kill him if I see him near you again! Did you hear me?'

'Kill him? You rather have Jason and Michael visit you in prison than in your own home? You are so stupid Jose!'

'Oh…I don't care about anything now but killing the person who fucked you! You are mine. Mine!'

I squint my eyes and talk through my clenched teeth, lifting my chin up.

'Not anymore. Not for a long time.' I am calm and really, he is asking for it.

'I belong to someone else now.'

He is coming closer to me, his hands still closed into fists and there is nowhere I can go. I have gone farthest possible and I am standing flat against the wall. He swings his fist at me and I close my eyes in terror, expecting his fearsome touch, hoping for something I can bare. It lands on my face and I oh…I…it hurts… I fall on the floor…and feel his hands on me, holding me... looking remorseful?...Huh…Everything swirl around...


	22. Chapter 22

**I really do love your comments!**

**So...penny for your thoughts? **

**x**

'Get away from me!' I manage to scream at him, my voice propelled by the rush of adrenaline running through my hearth in a delayed effect. He tries to lift me up by my arms and I start screaming. Curled up on the floor in fetal position and holding my head with both hands I am shaking. Petrified.

'Don't touch me! Don't you ever touch me again!'

Paralyzed in terror I close my eyes and gaze into fields of nothingness. I don't know if he will hit me again. I hear my heart pounding. The pulse my ears is deafening. He sits down at the table and I manage to sneak a peek though my hands and...He is staring at me.

'You belong to someone else? You fucked someone last week and now you belong to him?'

His voice is cold and menacing. I should have kept my mouth shut.

'Where is he now? Huh? Where is he now to save you? I could kill you if I wanted to!'

My heart rate is like the thrumming wings of a caged bird. My quickened breath comes is short bursts and my hairs are prickling all over my body. At this very moment I'm an animal in a self defence mode. I am alert...ready.

My bag! Where is my bag? I need to call the police. Or someone! Where I'd I put my bag earlier? I need to get up.

'Stupid bitch! Say something! You are not so loud now, are you?'

Very slowly, not to ruse him more I stand up and lifting my head, I look at his eyes. Upon seeing my face he looks aside infuriated and at me again. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head in annoyance as the realization of the moment gradually seeps in.

In a swift move he gets up and makes few strides in my direction. I lift my arms again and crouch, expecting another blow but he just walks by me and head for the freezer. Now is my chance. I see my bag hanging on the back of the chair I was sitting earlier and in one big step I am there, sliding my hand in it, searching for my cell phone.

'Here. Put this on your eye. It won't swell as much.'

Upon hearing his voice my heart skips a beat. He is standing beside me. _He is taking care of me now?_ Thanks god he can't see what I am doing. I pull out my hand empty and take the bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel and place them on my eye.

I slowly sit down at the table and he does the same. We are not talking. The table is between us and I feel just a tiny bit safer. And I have to ask him. I am terrified of him but this is not him. Jose is a nice person. A good father. He has never laid a hand on anyone. What has gotten into him?

'Why Jose?'I whisper, still petrified.

'You deserved it.' I can see repulsion in his eyes.

'What?' in total disbelief I stare at him, my eyes wide.

'Don't you look at me like I am at fault here! You fucked someone, you will pay for it!'

'And you haven't?' my voice is rising again. I must remember to be calm. _Breathe Ana!_

'That's different!'

Oh like hell he said that!

'Different?' I am losing it. I can feel it. 'Different?' I screech.

'Fuck you! Fuck you!' I throw the frozen peas at him, missing him for an inch, and I get up, walking up to him and start pushing, shoving him.

'Get out of here! Out! Out! I don't want to see you ever again! Go and fuck yourself with whoever you want! And leave me the fuck alone!'

He is surprised by my sudden wave of strength. Where is that monster now? You only hit weak women don't you, asshole! I push him around while screaming obscenities, through the kitchen, and hallway. I open the front door and point with my finger outside.

'Out! Get the fuck out of here!'

He takes his coat and ...lingers about. I know he is weighing all his options. But with him hitting me, there aren't any left. He knows it. Walking slowly out of the door he stops and looks at me sadly.

'Make sure you put lots of ice on that. It will ease off the swelling.'

I don't say anything. My chin is up, my eye hurts like hell and I am shaking inside. He is standing so close to me and... I am scared. I slam the door behind him and stand there, in silence...breathing. The adrenaline wears off soon after and I lean with my shoulder on the door, sliding down to the ground. I start crying into my hands, letting go of all the pent up emotions inside of me. My tears are flowing in abundance, my sinuses hurt from the strain, and I wonder will the pressure in my head ever stop. I touch my face where he hit me. My left eye hurts. I feel around it ... it's inflamed, swollen. Painful.

x

I cry for a long time. I lose perception of time and space, not being able to take the next breath from the sobbing, and once I do, the same thing happens. Lost. Bloated with nothingness, all I hear is haunting ring in my ears.

I think of my children and wonder if they heard us. I must check up on them. They need to know the truth.

I enter Jason's bedroom and he is in his bed, fast asleep. He's been crying. Michael too.

x

The doorbell rings jolting me up from my coma. I have been languidly lying on the sofa in my study for not sure how long. I open my eyes and I feel the blow on my face more. It hurts. Pulsate. How did this happen? Jose hitting me was unexpected... surreal. Is he back? He has keys. If he wanted he would get it, no ringing of the bell I'm sure.

Is it... Christian? He was such an asshole today. All that because I didn't listen to him? What the fuck is wrong with these men? All fucked up. He is still mad at me. I know.

The clock on the wall tells me the time. It's almost nine.

Walking down the hallway I stand before the front food. It better not be Jose. Just in case, I bolt the door with the chain and open it, looking through the narrow crevice.

'Yes?'

'Um...are you... Anastasia Steele?'

'Yes.'

'You don't know me...Um...I need to talk to you about your husband.'

'What is this about?'

'Um...' She is a beautiful blonde, blue eyes, skinny, dressed in fashionable clothes. I can tell she comes from money. Standing there, looking at me. At my swollen eye.

'My name is Tanya. Um...I'm not sure if he told you about me. Me and Jose had an affair...'

So this is the whore who slept with my husband three years ago.

'Hm. Yes, he has.' I am not going to let her in my house. 'What do you want?'

'He did that to you?'

'I'm sorry?'

She points to my hurt eye.

'He hit me too.'

'Who hit you?'

'Jose.'

I really don't want to start conversation about Jose. For all I know she might be lying.

I look at her. She is prettier than me. Looking like a model. _Where did he find her?_ I am not inviting her inside. She is nobody to me.

'Look, I really am not in the mood right now...besides, he doesn't live here anymore. You can call him on his mobile I guess.'

'I know he is not here. I saw him leave...It's you I wanted to see.'

'Me?'

I remember Jose being worried about her calling me.

'May I please come in?'

This is distressing. What does she have to say? Should I let her in? Before I fully assess the situation I am unbolting the front door and opening it wide, I stand aside until she walks in. She waits patiently in the hallway and I close the door back, leading her to the lounge.

'Sit.'

I point to one of the two comfy chairs. I sit opposite her and wait.

'Um...not sure how much Jose told you...We've had an affair three years ago.'

'Yes. I know. And because of it we are divorcing now.'

I am trying to be a bitch. A cold and calculated one. Make her suffer for what she's done.

'OK.' She exhales. 'I will just get it out. Our affair lasted seven months and...shortly after he decided to break it off, I gave birth to a baby girl called Maya.'

My jaw drops open. She got me. I look at her in disbelief and again, it's surreal. This is happening to somebody else.

'Jose fathered a child with you?' I hear myself whisper.

'Yes.'

'Oh my god...'

She just looks at me. Why do I have a feeling there is more?

'Does he know this?'

'Well...he has been visiting me and Maya often enough...'

'What?'

'...I am still not so sure if he wanted to see Maya or if he was after my money.'

'Money?'

What is this? Dallas? Dynasty? I am not part of some soap drama shit. He has a daughter? She looks at me through her lashes.

'I really shouldn't be the one telling you this, and I am sorry, but I was very clear when I told him. Jose owes me some money. My family is not happy. And now... I am asking for it back. All of it.'

I lean back into the chair slowly, trying to grasp the seriousness of the situation. There are too many inconsistencies.

'How much money?'

'Close to five hundred thousand pounds.'

'What?'

She just shrugs her shoulders.

That's almost eight hundred thousand US dollars. Where the fuck is he going to find that money?

I am dumbfounded. Huh. An out of body experience again. Me looking down at myself and this woman ...talking. And I don't know how to react. To cry? To laugh? Treason clenches my heart and it hurts. No tears. Just pain. My children have a half sister...

'You came to tell me this?'

'I came for the money.'

'If you want your money back then go and ask him for it. I don't have that money.'

I can tell this conversation didn't really go according to her plan. What did she expect me to do? Give her half a million pounds? Freak out? Cry? This is agonizing. There is another child. A half sister. And suddenly it dawns on me. They will know! My children will know I haven't cheated first. In my mind, I am absolved of any wrong doing and I feel a large burden fall of my chest.

I stand up and wait for her. She looks at me realizing this is the end of our talk. We walk to the door in silence and I close the door behind her. Oh my god.

x

My children are sleeping upstairs and I think a shower will do me good. Going to my bathroom I take off my clothes and stand in front of the large mirror. My eye is swollen. It doesn't look good. When the swelling goes down the black eye will appear. And then I am fucked. How will I cover it? My god, if Christian sees me he is going to kill Jose. My children need their father. And I need Christian next to me, not in jail. Why is it all so fucked up?

After a quick shower I dress in my black silk slip and pick up the phone, calling Mrs Saunders.

'Hi Mrs. Saunders, sorry for calling you so late, you are not sleeping, are you?'

'No, Ana, I am not. What is it?'

'Um... Can you take the kids to school tomorrow? And pick them up too?'

'Is everything OK Ana? Is Jose OK? He is usually the one picking them up.'

'Jose is gone Mrs. Saunders. Until I sort myself out I will need your help. Do you think you'll be able to help me?'

'Of course dear. You know I can.'

'OK. See you in the morning.'

'Good night Ana.'

'Good night.'

I go downstairs and take my cell out of my bag. No missed calls. Only one text message.

"_Our distance is unbearable. Painful. I need you." _

I dial his number and before the ringing tone comes up I hear his voice.

'Ana.'

I take a deep breath and I close my eyes. Ah...My home.

'Hi.'

'Hi.'

Knowing he is on the other side of the line calms me down.

'I missed you.'

'I need you.'

'I didn't like your game today Christian, you played dirty.'

I hear a deep sigh.

'Why is it such a problem for you to do what you are told?'

'You really hurt me. Don't do that again...'

'Will you at least try to listen to me?'

'I'll try. And I am sorry.'

I hear another deep sigh. Was he expecting me to say sorry? He really is my everything. I need him more than the world itself. Is this what subs do? Say sorry? Submit?

I wait for a moment but nothing comes back from him. No lament.

'I was humiliated today more that you can imagine. I don't want that happening ever again.' My voice is quiet but stern. I must show him how far he can go.

'It won't. I'm sorry too, Ana.'

That's all I wanted from him. Nothing else.

'Thanks.'

'How did it go this evening? Did you speak to your husband?'

Reminding me of tonight, I take a deep breath and sigh.

'Yes.'

'What? What happened?'

'Nothing. Why do you think something happened?'

'The way you took that breath. What happened Ana? Did he hurt you?'

'I asked him to leave. And he left.'

'Did he hurt you?'

'No. No, he didn't.'

I said that a little too hasty. Will he believe me?

'Can I come over?' Huh. He didn't.

'Um... maybe that's not the best idea.'

'So he did hurt you.'

'You don't believe me?'

'I do. I just don't want you alone.'

'Christian, I'll see you at work.'

'I can't wait that long.'

'Please. Don't be like this.'

'I want to be there for you.'

'No. I need to be alone. So many things happened; I need to think things through.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes. Yes I am.'

'OK then. Have a good night and I'll see you in the morning.'

I hang up and lie down in my bed. Huh. That was easy. My mind is overloaded with information and I am not able to perceive everything in detail. There are many unanswered questions. Or maybe answered, but...shocking. Jose has a child with another woman. He owes five hundred thousand pounds to her. What for? Where did all these money go? Is he a drug addict? I would have noticed. Gambling? ...I am getting a divorce. Huh.

Lying in my bed and fully immersed in my thoughts, I hear my cell and the all too familiar sound of a receiving text message.

"_I need you tonight. And every night. I can't stay away. "_

I jump out of my bed and look through the window. He is standing outside my house, the Trident parked in my driveway. Oh god. I quickly run to the bathroom and look at my face. My eye is still swollen although not as much as before. With garish red splotches around it, I can see it developing into something darker, but not just yet. I can't hide it. Can I?

I switch off the lights in the bedroom and in the hallway. I go downstairs and do the same everywhere. I open the curtains in my study. The light coming from the street through the window is enough. _Will I be able to pull this through? _

I open the front door and see him standing in the dark, looking at me. He is only a shadow against the street light.

My hair is parted in the middle. Longs strands are covering my face on both sides. I think I look like a hippy more than anything else. Free to give him my love. He walks in and I see his eyes going down on my body. Wearing the silk slip was a lucky choice. Not wearing my panties was simply a good one.

'You have trouble following orders too?'

'I don't follow orders, Ana. You should know that by now.'

I thought that was funny but his voice is stern, he is clearly not joking.

'Why did you come?'

'I had to see you. You don't know how much I need you.'

He wraps his arms around me and suddenly I am surrounded by profound peace, and warmth and love. I am not afraid, I am home. I am enveloped in his light and I wonder how could I have ever forgotten about it. I should have obeyed. I live for him. I breathe for him. I want nothing more than to be in his light.

I am fully aware of my bruise and the resulting consequence if he saw it. But he wants to kiss me, to look at me. I take his hand and head down, lead him in the study. Walking behind me I know where his mind is; undressing me, making love to me. With his hand he gropes my butt cheek, lifting my slip up and realizing I don't have any panties on, he lets out a short moan. I tremble at his touch, closing my eyes for a second. He makes me weak in my knees.

'Shh...' I remind him to be quit.

We enter my study and I close the door behind me. I know he needs time to adjust to the light and I use the moment to pull up his hand on my waist and I lean onto his body. My back snug to his chest. He wraps his arms around me and the back of my head rests on his shoulder. I turn my face into his neck, closing my eyes and...we needed this. He kisses my head, tracking the scent of my essence through my hair.

'Mm... you don't know how much I missed you. Ana, about this morning...'

'Don't. Not now.'

His hands go down on my body, lifting gently my slip but I stop him.

'No. Not tonight.'

Ever since I met him he always had his way with me. The moment those grey eyes grabbed hold of my soul, I knew who I belong to. That's my truth. I know I am weak, but now, in the dark, I will try to keep the control as long as the night in my friend.

He sighs. This is hard for him. In many ways.

'OK. Ana. Not tonight.'

'Come.'

I lie down on the sofa, turning my back to him and curl up in a fetal position.

'Lie next to me. Please.'

He takes off his suit jacket and shoes and lies down, touching my body flush with his, my back to his chest, protecting me with his arm over me. He is my refuge, my place of safety.

We don't speak for a while but I know he is awake. We just hold each other.

'Jose has a child with another woman.'

I blurt out. I don't know what am I expecting him to say, but I want to share. It's too much of a burden on my heart.

'I'm sorry Ana.'

He is not judging. Just being here for me. It's what I want. I snuggle more into him and his embrace gets tighter, reassuring.

x

I think I hear the front door opening. It's Mrs. Saunders. I am very tired and I cannot get up. I don't want her to see me with Christian. He is still sleeping. Oh, what the hell. My life has changed in one day so much; I think this is the least of my worries. I wonder what she'd say when she enters.

I can hear the door of the study open and few seconds later, close again. I am drifting off in and out of sleep and at one point I hear Mrs. Saunders in front of the door again.

'Jason, your mother is very tired, you will not wake her up.'

'I want to talk to her.' Jason is pushy as usual.

'No! Get back! Off to school!'

Oh my god. She is not giving him any space to argue. This must have jolted Jason because he is gone. I hear the front door slams shut and ...silence. We are alone.

I fall back to sleep again, safe in Christian's arms.

x

'Mm...'

'You like that?'

'Mmm...'

'Oh...I'm so hard Ana...'

'Mm...'

Christian is awake and has undone his trousers, taking his stiff member out, stroking me with it. My slip is lifted just above my behind, revealing my bare ass hole and my vacant flower. Becoming aware of his hard cock against my cleft, I perk up my behind.

'Mm...'

He is teasing me gently, inserting his rock hard member just about, going up and down my cleft...and I feel surge of juices soak my opening, running out. He dips in just enough to wet his head and spreads my love all over my ass hole and down to my clit, like butter on a toast, waiting to be eaten warm.

'You want me Ana?'

'Mm...'

'Say it.'

'Mm...Yes...I do.'

'You do what, Ana?'

'I do, Sir.'

'Then you will get me. All of me.'

He lifts my leg up and I open more, I'm wet and oh my, his cock is hard like a rock, big. He is inserting it slowly, not wanting to hurt me. But I want more, much more. I move my hips down on him and I hear him grunt. He is deep inside of me now and grabbing my hips tight, he slowly thrusts to the end, making me stretch more around him, enveloping his velvety skin with my sopping folds and getting used to his size.

And he starts dancing slowly, taking it all out...to the end, and...More! I want more of him. My pussy is squelching and it's open for him, waiting for his deep and stretching thrusts. I start shuddering in ache when I feel his cock again, deep into me, this time without any warning, pounding me hard to the end.

'Ah...' I moan. Loud.

'Oh Ana...I ...can't go on much longer. I am so hard...'

'Ah...' His fucking is amazing, holding me by my hips, thrusting me harder and harder each time while I feel my insides slowly combust in passion coming from his loins.

'Ah...I am coming...Ah...'

'Ahh...' I lift up slowly and take him with me on all fours on the sofa. He is leaned on to me. Grabbing hold of my hips better, his thrusts become faster and faster, and I know he is near, coming. I am enjoying his pounding when he suddenly wraps his arm around my waist and he yanks my hair back with his other hand, coming closer, kissing my mouth from behind, inserting his tongue in me, while at the same time beginning to convulse inside of me and...

'Ana! Oh, fucking hell, Ana!'

His dark piercing voice brings me down from my pleasurable abode, making me tremble in fear.

'What? What happened?'

I look back at him as he pulls his still hard cock out of me, his juices abruptly stopped in their place, making him ache.

'What happened? Are _you_ asking me what happened?'

_Why is he asking me?_

'Yes! What's wrong?'

'Did he do this to you?'

He starts dressing up in a hurry, trying to fit his rigidness inside his pants, but having trouble doing it. And me...I remember why. How could I forget?

'Taylor.' He is on his cell. 'Get to Ms. Steele's house as soon as possible and take her to hospital.' He hangs up and dials another number.

'No! I won't go to hospital. What's wrong with you?'

'Welch. Find me everything there is to know about Jose Rodriguez. Yes. Correct. Meet me on Putney Bridge in half an hour.'

'Stop ignoring me! Christian!'

I am holding his arm, standing next to him when he regards me sternly. I know he is looking at my bruise.

'Why didn't you tell me Ana? Why?' He shouts.

'Please leave it alone. I am divorcing him. It's over now. Please!' My eyes well up. I don't have anything to hold him against and I only hope my desperation will stop him of getting hurt.

'How did this happen? Has he hurt you before? He has, hasn't he?'

His is intimidating me, his eyes getting darker with each question.

'No he hasn't.' I scream at him but he is not listening anything I say.

'Then why did he hit you Ana? Why? You are lying to me!'

'Why? We were fucking fighting and I told him I belong to someone else! That's why!' I scream through my tears.

From the shadows inside of his soul out comes the Dark Lord. My Master. His demeanor change instantly. He is threatening and calm.

'And you do Ana. You belong to me.'

'He will repent all of his sins by the time I am finished with him.' He speaks through his gritted teeth and turns around, leaving the study. I quickly put on my black robe and run after him.

'Please Christian, don't do it. Please.' I shout, begging him to stop. 'I don't want any more drama. Please.'

He is ignoring me. His mind is set. We are outside on my driveway and he is entering his car. The Trident Iceni. There is no turning back for him.

'Please!'

'Christian!'

I am not going to let this happen. One of them will die today and I can't afford that. I need them both alive. No matter what. I run inside and get my keys. Still in my robe I slide on my stilettos, the first thing I see in my shoes cabinet and slamming the front door behind me I enter my cloud nine. I can do this too. Let's see just how good his car is. Game on!

'


	23. Chapter 23

**x**

**x**

**So...penny for your thoughts? **

**One word is enough :D**

**x**

**x**

He drives off without even looking at me. The residential road I live in has a limit of twenty miles per hour and he is driving too fast for my liking. I reach him at the traffic lights and he glances at his rear view mirror, looking at me through the cars between us. He turns around, shaking his head in frustration, and then he picks up his phone. Probably calling Taylor. Who cares? I need to call Jose to tell him to get out of there. Oh shit! Shit! I don't have anything with me. Nothing. I didn't think this through.

The second the green light is on he shoots off down towards the A3 highway. I am still waiting for the cars in front to move off and I'm stuck again on red light. Ugh!

Wait a minute! He maybe has an advantage of a head start but my cloud nine will top that car any day! Well, together with my brain. Living here for so long I know these streets by heart. I reverse my car with a screech that makes passers-by look at me in fear and I press the gas pedal zooming off in different direction. He might reach the A3 highway first but I will get on that road at a different junction. Hopefully in front of him.

I realize I don't know anything about my husband. He never let me in. Kept me on the fence. Protected? Maybe. _Oh my god!_ He's got a gun! I remember few years ago he bought a gun! How could I have forgotten about it? I said as long as it's not in our house he could have it. It's probably at the gallery! Oh shit!

I drive sixty miles an hour in a thirty zone. This is not good Ana. Not good at all! Thank god all children are all in school.

I reach the A3 highway and I get on it with a screech. As I accelerate I move in the middle lane, waiting for the right moment to intersect the cars and inject myself in the fast lane. I look to my right and I recognize her immediately, a metallic grey sports car, Her Majesty. She glides along the road. One would think she is almost hovering over it, it has such a smooth ride. We drive at the same speed, one next to another. Me in my cloud nine looking down on him in the Trident. He is not flinching. Nothing. I beep on my horn, but he simply accelerates and leaves me behind. It feels like I am driving thirty miles an hour, not eighty. Is Her Majesty flying?

Oh...I am mad now. How dare he leave me behind? I accelerate to the maximum, driving around the cars on the highway, which are now slowing down and letting me pass. I'm a crazy woman on the road with an intimidating car. Of course they are going to move. I reach Roehampton Lane and see Christian turn into it in high speed, skidding a little.

Why didn't I take my mobile with me? I must make it there before Christian does.

'Come on baby, just a little faster...'

I get off the highway and press on the gas pedal, trying to avoid everyone on the road. I can see the Trident in the distance, slowly getting stuck in traffic. Great! I pull out of Roehampton Lane and use a shortcut via Dover Street. I can get there before him!

My hands grip the steering wheel. I'm stiff; my thoughts crammed with 'what if' scenarios. What if I am late? What if one of them dies? Could I live without Christian? What about Jose?

Engrossed in my thoughts, I finally reach Fulham road. About six cars in front of me I see the Trident zooming fast. How on earth...? I know he'll be there before me. I start beeping, driving on the kerb and overtaking the cars.

I arrive just when Christian dashes out of the Trident towards the entrance. Another car, a black Range Rover, parks across the driveway. It's Taylor. He comes out running after him.

'Mr. Grey.' I can hear panic in Taylor's voice.

There is no space for me to park but I don't care. I leave the car on the road and slam the door behind me, rushing towards the gallery.

I enter the building and all I hear is the sound of my heels and me breathing. The place is dark and everything is still. Silence.

'Well, look who's arrived!'

Jose's noxious voice is coming from the far back of the gallery and I need few moments to adjust to the darkness. What's going on? Taylor and Christian are to my right, standing still, looking at me. Christian gestures me with his hand to slow down ...or keep quiet.

Jose is sitting down on a chair by the table, the same one we sat on last night discussing our infidelities. He is glaring at us with a manic, feral focus. I can see his gun. It's melded with his hand in a smooth, reflexive motion. And he is waving that thing around too much.

My flushed face drains pale and I freeze. I am faced with a real gun for the first time and the feeling is unnerving. My whole life flushes in front of my eyes but still…my instincts give me the notions of my surroundings. It's surreal feeling. 'Limitless' with Bradley Cooper comes to my mind. How on earth the director captured this particular moment beats me.

'Jose, what are you doing?' I feel my heart in my throat.

'Ha...Look at you, Ana. You couldn't wear something more revealing, could you?' His cynical tone is bloodcurdling.

I look down at myself and realise I am in my heels and my black short slip. My silk gown is open, fluttering around my body. I quickly cover up and tie the fastening around my waist.

I regard Christian and can see he is losing it. Looking at Jose, gritting his teeth, he trying to suppress his fury, bottling it up. All I can see is him holding it in for another minute or so. No more. I look at Taylor.

'Mr Grey!'

'Stop talking!' Jose aims the gun at Taylor.

Christian lifts his hand at Taylor like he is in control of the situation. _Like hell he it!_  
I take over. If anyone can tame Jose is me.

'Jose, look at me! Jose! What are you doing? Do you want Michael and Jason to visit you in prison? Not to have a father? Please. Put the gun down!'

'Mr. Rodriguez, I asked you something.' Christian is talking through gritted teeth, barely moving his lips. I cannot believe the audacity this man has! He will fucking die here.

'Well, Mr. Grey, she is here. Let's look at her. She has a black eye. Hm. Obviously she has been battered. What happened yesterday Ana? Did I, by any chance, hit you?'

He is mocking me. Suddenly he screams, pointing the gun at me.

'Answer me you whore!'

His voice petrifies me.

'Um...yes.'

I don't know whether to be careful not to provoke Jose or infuriate Christian. Either way, they've both pass the point of no return.

'So, Mr. Grey, that would be yes, I did hit her. Now…what . are . you . going . to . do . about . it?'

With each word staccato, he is alternating his aim at all of us.

'Jose, I wish you don't talk like that... Please..'

I whimper because I know this is Christian's last stop. He starts walking toward Jose slowly, looking menacingly in his eyes without care that he has a gun. Like a super hero.

Jose stands up and scared, he moves back few steps. He is not sure if Christian is bluffing.

'Mr Grey!'

Taylor is trying to wake him from his maddened state but he is not listening. He is infuriated and couldn't stop himself even if he wanted to.

'Christian, stop! Stop! Please!'

I scream. Jose is not moving backwards anymore. Standing with his arms stretched in front of him, he is aiming the gun at Christian chest. I can tell he is nervous.

'No! NO! I can't lose you! Please stop! Christian!'

Jose narrows his eyes is disbelief. That must have hurt. He changes his aim, the gun now pointing at me, making Christian stop in his place.

'What did you say?' he whispers.

He cocks his gun and comes closer, by my side, standing next to me. Christian and Taylor are now behind him but he knows he has the upper hand. He could pull the trigger and in a second all this will be over.

I feel the cold muzzle on my temple and I dare not look. He is jabbing it right where he hit me. And it hurts.

'You can't lose him? You've got this,' he shoves the gun in my eye, making me squirm in pain 'thanks to him. And now you want to die because of him? Ha...the mother who fucked the millionaire and died for him! Who do you think Michael and Jason will believe now? Eh?'

My heart is trembling…skipping beats...beating too loud in my ears but the moment he mentions my children it becomes very clear. This is war.

'Ana, stop!' Christian shouts. He knows me better than Jose does.

I slowly turn around, pushing against the muzzle, and look at his eyes, ignoring my pain. I am defiant, standing tall, my teeth clench in anger, and I lift my chin up.

'And who do you think they will believe when they find out about their half sister? Or the money you owe? You have already ruined everybody's life. Their father: a thief and an adulterer! I hope you rot in jail Jose!'

And I see it coming. He swings his arm and hits my head with the gun, making me fall down on the ground. That hurts.

In one big leap Christian is behind him but Jose swiftly turns around and presses the gun against his chest, face to face. Taylor is waiting...ready to die for him. I can see it in his eyes.

'Are you that brave? Going to die for her? For this whore?'

Spewing fire with his eyes, Christian starts walking into the gun pressed against in his chest, making Jose go backwards. _What the fuck is he doing?_

I hear my voice but I don't think it's me.

'Stop it, Christian! He's not worth it!'

The next this I see is Christian head-butting Jose, making him stagger and fall down on the ground, dropping his gun. Taylor kicks the gun away from them and I see Christian straddling him and pinning on the floor. With relentless series of blows, unstoppable and brutal, Christian is pouring out all his anger on him.

'Enough, Mr. Grey! Enough!'

Nobody can reach him. The animal inside of him is out. Free and wild. Nobody dares to say anything to him apart from Taylor.

'Ms. Steele needs to go to hospital, Mr. Grey!'

'Taylor, stand down!' He talks through his teeth while still hitting Jose.

'Just look at her, Mr. Grey.'

Taylor knows what he is doing. He knows Christian too well. He probably has been with him for a long time.

Christian glances at me and in between the blows he slows down, and stops. Hanging his head low, he takes a deep breath. Jose is lying unconscious on the floor. I am not sure dead or alive.

My head hurts and the adrenaline in my body wears off. I finally close my eyes, fading down.

x

'Jose!'

I open my eyes and sit up in the bed, alarmed, my head is aching. Someone is draping the curtains over the window, diffusing the daylight.

'Oh... My head hurts.'

'So it should! I am so mad at you! How could you lie to me Ana?'

Christian is infuriated; he is pacing up and down the room.

'If Taylor hadn't been there, I probably would have killed him!'

'Um...What happened with Jose?'

'The police came and an ambulance took him away.'

'And you? Me?'

'Taylor stayed. We left.' He looks at me with admonishment.

'Thank you.'

'Don't thank me. Never thank me. My duty is to take care of you, to protect you, but you just won't let me!'

'I do let you Christian.'

'No, you don't! I could have handled this last night! Not this morning! Why are you always so defiant?'

'Sometimes I need to handle things by myself, that's why!'

'Like today? Was that handling things by yourself? If you have people around you who are willing to help, you should let them!'

'I do let you. I do..' My voice croaks and tears start falling down my cheeks.

'This is the last time you lie to me! Do you understand? Last time!'

His voice is unbreakable, cold, scolding me like a little girl, making me feel bad. I already feel bad. I nearly lost everything today and now this. He approaches the bed and kneels down, taking my head with both of his hand and giving me an unyielding kiss, the one I can't pull away from. His lips are hot, splintering my soul with each thrust of his tongue, making me open my mouth more, taking him all in, and reminding me of our morning. He pulls back abruptly; leaving me with my lips parted open, longing, looking at him.

'Aah….' I moan. I need him.

'You want more?'

'Yes..' I look at his lips, following his every move, craving his touch.

He releases my head from his grip and stands up, looking at me from above.

'Do you think you need to be reprimanded for what you did, Ana?'

The decree in his voice makes me submit even before I comprehend what he is saying.

'I want more...'

'Answer my question.'

I nod with my head without realising what I am doing.

'On all four, on the floor, next to the bed.' His command makes me lightheaded. My heart flutters and in an instant I feel a flash burn in the apex between my legs. I bite my lip. From the moment this man had me wet between my legs I am at his mercy.

'Um..'

'No. No talking. I am hungry. I am going to have my breakfast off of you. And then I might fuck you. I'm not sure at the moment.'

His eyes are impassive, cold. I know he is playing his game of darkness versus light. I need his darkness now. I want to show him I understand. That I repent.

I get off the bed and taking my robe off I go down on the floor, on all fours.

'Straighten your back... Perk your behind. Mm...Yes. Like that.'

I am following orders and the moment I perk my behind I feel a breeze down there. Oh my! My bare pussy is needy and dripping wet within seconds. How does he do this to me?

'Head in line with your back. Do not move Ana. This should teach you to focus on me at the same time other things are happening. Do you think you can do that? Hm?'

'Yes...'

'I can't hear you.'

'Yes..' I am louder.

'Yes what, Ana?'

He is impassionate, waiting, looking at me submitting, making himself hard.

'Yes, Sir.'

'That's my girl.' He strokes my hair. Oh, the feeling is amazing. Being good for him makes me wet even more.

He goes out of the bedroom, leaving me on all four here, anticipating...something. Whatever it is my groin feel it and this waiting it's driving me crazy. In what seems like hours to me, he is back, holding a plate in his hand.

I can't see much more but next thing I feel is the cold plate on my back.

'Ahh...' I wince.

'I don't want anything on the floor. The aim of this exercise is to keep the plate on your back at all times. Is that clear?'

'Yes...'

Silence.

'Yes, Sir.'

'Mhm... Good girl.' He strokes my hair again and I melt. Waterfalls filled with petals come to pass in my drenched cave and my arms become weak from my arousal. Pleasing him is all I want to do now.

Balancing the plate on my back is not hard. I can do this anytime. In trying to keep my head in line with my back I just about see him undressing down to nothing. Stark naked. He comes to the bed, sitting down on the edge, next to me.

He takes something from the plate and starts eating. Slowly, taking his time. I feel my wetness overflowing me and it's now running down my inner thighs.

'Are you hungry, Ana?'

'Yes, Sir. I am hungry...' I barely talk. I am panting, not sure whether I turned myself on, or if this was deliberately done by him. In any case, I am fucking crazy for a fuck.

He gives me a small piece of melon. Mm..Sweet Honeydew..my favorite. His fingers softly touching my lips, going inside of my mouth, I'm licking them ravenously while eating the melon and the juices trickle down my chin. At the same time I feel his other hand stroking my behind.

'Ah...' He is stroking my bum cheeks slowly, going down to the top of my thighs and up again, inside the gap, right where all the turmoil is happening, making me shiver in anticipation.

'Ah..Ah...' I give off short moans, in rhythm with my hips, now moving into his hand, coming closer. His index and middle finger dip inside of me, sliding easily, swirling around my wetness, smearing it all over my open garden, like butter cookies dipped in sugar. My sugar.

'Ah...' Heaven.

The plate wobbles on my back and the awareness that I need to be still injects me with adrenaline.

'Oh Ana...you are so wet...'

My body shakes, I can't hold on...I need to be fucked...I..I perk my behind more, making the plate wobble again.

'Taste this Ana...it's you..all you..'

He pops in his wet fingers inside my mouth, making me savour my ample juices, sucking his fingers hard, telling him what I need, what I can give. Reminded by my sucking I'm sure, he gets off on his knees and pulls my face onto him.

'Ah...' My drenched well opens further in my garden is making space for anything hard coming my way.

'Slowly...not all at once...yees...lick me...yess...'

My tongue is fully out, like I'm licking the biggest lollypop in the world, and I want to take him, to start sucking, bobbing my head onto him. Why? Why is he not letting me? My legs shake. He is driving me mad.

I start licking his shaft, up and down, his head, slowly making circular motions with my tongue, watching him squirm in pleasure, and moan in delight. He is hard. So hard. His cock sprung out high but the control he exudes is incontestable. He suddenly tangles his fingers in my hair and pushes hard onto me, brutally fucking my mouth.

'Ah...Ah...Ana...'

His moans are followed by grunts...and then he pulls out just as fast. How could he? He is solid and full, one more thrust and he would explode into the back of my throat.

'Watch that plate Ana...' He is panting. 'You don't want it to fall off.'

I feel the plate has lost its central position and its leaning towards my left side. It takes so little to fall. Argh..

He's had enough with my mouth and goes behind me now. Yes. That's where I want you. But nothing's happening. I look back and see him eating leisurely the melon. Slowly biting the large piece, juices dripping down on his face, he is softly touching his lips, licking his fingers and taking more form the plate all the while intensely staring at my eyes. He is so hot. I would love to lick him all over. I feel him right between my bum cheeks. If I move back he would probably glide it inside of me. But any movement would compromise the plate now literary hanging on a thread.

What should I do? Should I fuck all this and get my fuck? Oh...I am so not a sub material! Think Ana, think!

Teasing me and driving me crazy, he slowly lifts up my slip and slides his cock up and down my clefs, spreading my juices all over my core, preparing me for an impending action.

'Ah...' I enjoy the feeling but am aware of the plate. Stupid fucking plate.

He is very slowly inserting his firm head inside of me, bit by bit, making me beg for more, for hard fuck, for anything. The moment he feels me move, he pulls back, and he continues torturing me, from the beginning. I am fucking losing it now, my arms and legs shaking..that plate will find it's heaven on earth, sooner rather than later.

'Please...I can't do this anymore...'

'Do you think you have learned your lesson Ana?'

'Yes! Yes... Yes, Sir!'

I am not thinking straight. Everything is blank in my mind and I float on a cloud of heighten sense, disconnected from reality.

'Are you going to lie to me again, Ana?'

'No, Sir. Never!' I get myself worked up now. I know what's coming and I am fucking screaming inside.

'Are you sure about that?'

''I am sure, Sir. Yes. Yes!'

In a swift and rough move he sticks his rigid cock inside of me, making me flinch in excitement and pain and grabs my hips, thrusting hard against me, moving me in and out of him, pounding me hard against my bones. My whole body is bouncing from the violent thrusts and I feel my rapture is coming...but not before his. His jagged thrusts become coarse and I feel fiery lines from inside of me melding onto him, and his body convulsing onto mine, spurting his juices deep inside of me with grunts and moans, making me scream in pleasure.

'Ah...Ana...Ahhhh...'

The plate is on the floor, the melon all over it. He collapses over my body, his arm wrapped around my waist, pushing me deeper onto him, making himself spurt each and every last drop inside of me, breathing heavily.

I...I..didn't cum. I need more...to fucking cum. I wriggle a little...I want more.

'Ana...' Trying to catch his breath, he is still panting. 'Not you. Only me.'


	24. Chapter 24

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x

'I need you to feel my frustration. To see how I feel.'

'No...No...Please...I need it. I need it bad...'

I hear my voice but it's not me talking. It's my fucking mad horny 'I will kill for a fuck' alter ego. And boy she is livid. Spitting fire with each breath ...going crazy. I know Christian can see right through me. I can tell he wants to please me, feed me his protein, quench my thirst but...he is so stubborn. I have to learn. Didn't I say I am sorry? He was eating off of my back just a second ago. Ah...I need my fuck. I deserve a good pounding for having his plate on my back. Will I be able to stay down? Should I stay down?

I pull out of him and his embrace and kneel down on my heels, my legs open and I look at him, still panting, ravenous look on my face. He is on his knees, his cock rigid, all wet and sticky from us and sprung out, needing more, I think. He wants to make me cum, I know he does. But...that's a hard decision for him to make, so I help him. I am good like that. I take a piece of the sweet juicy honeydew melon off the floor and slowly start sucking on it, spreading the sap all over my lips, opening them, my tongue out, licking it. I take the melon down my neckline seductively while looking at him and I start coating my breasts with it, lingering on my nipples.

'Mmm...'

I tilt my head back and moan. My hands are on my hard and elongated nipples. I make sure there is enough juice on them and I start tugging them hard, pulling them away from me, not letting go and I moan, long and loud, while my knees open wide and my behind perk up. In the corner of my eye I see him flinch...about to come to me but stops. I finally let go of my nipples, now red and heavenly aching, and moan again, my head still tilted back.

I smear the rest of the juices all over my breasts again and glide my hands down on me.

'Ah...'

I run my hand over my drenched pussy, going down low and dipping my fingers inside, telling her there is more coming. I slowly lift my hips, thrusting my fingers inside of me and I start moving. Up and down and then around.

' Mm...' With the other hand I pinch my nipple and tug it, whining loud.

'Ana….'

I slowly turn to him, opening my eyes but still moving my body, my hips over my fingers, in a never-ending dance that is picking up speed and I see the battle inside of him. His hand is on his hard cock, stroking himself, up and down his shaft.

'It's OK….Come…' My voice is calm. I give him my hand to hold me.

'No...No...I need this...I need the control.'

'You got it baby….It's yours…I am yours to control forever…this is what you do to me… your control over me…come…'

'You are so sexy, Ana.'

'Because of you...'

He is not reaching for my hand and I cannot hold anymore my calm voice. Inside I am screaming but I mustn't scare him…he needs his control.

I get up and slowly straddle the edge of the bed, with one knee on the floor and the other knee on the bed, making sure the edge presses my clit firmly.

'Ah… It's ok…' I start humping the bed very slowly. I don't want to scare him. I need him to come to me…and he does.

'Mm…this is good…'

'Yes. Ana…it is…'

He is standing behind me now and just like me, he places one knee on the bed and another one on the floor, positioning himself directly behind me. I am feeling him on my bum cheek and see him taking a soft melon from the floor. He stars smearing it on my behind and my openings…I am losing it...it's…and then I feel his fingers inside of me.

'How about this?'

'Ah…'

I feel them out again, rimming my ass hole and in…ah….and again...out…rimming it…and now I push myself onto them….I need them inside.

'Mm…..yes….you control me baby….your fingers control me…'

'Mm…' He takes his fingers again out and now I feel his cock slowly making his way in, stretching my tight hole, making himself comfortable there and just when I think yes, he pulls out.

'Ah…..' I moan loud and he sees through me.

'Tsk, tsk, tsk, Ana….'

I slow down again but it's too late…he knows I am lost.

He inserts his unyielding cock inside of me ..and out again…making me lose myself while I hump the bed.

'Is this what you like?' He thrusts it deep inside of me and talking it all out again.

'Ah….yes...'

'Again?'

'Yes! Yes!' I am tormented.

And again, he thrusts it in and starts very slowly fucking me.

'Mm...I see what you mean…'

'Yes…please…Faster, Christian.'

'Faster? Like this?'

'Yes...yes...'

I rub my clit on the bed's edge and I am so close...I've been so close all fucking day...I need this….my cuming.

'Ah….I'm there…Yes…'

Golden lines start flowing from the far ends of my body into my core and I'm bursting…No! He slows down again….but I am already there…it's just….

'Ahhhhh...'

I whine long like never before. My rapture holds me there...my cuming is prolonged by his slow fucking and holding me in place with his hands, his fingers clawed into my hips and thrusting in ...and out and I start convulsing and shaking and shuddering all at the same time….and an inflow of tears surge into my eyes. I want to both laugh and cry. And I start..laughing .and sobbing…I haven't experienced this before.

I keep convulsing and sobbing, my face on the bed and him still inside of me…and I feel his cuming… short bursts of hot seed deep inside…How can I feel that?

'Ah….._This_ is me controlling you Ana...So fucking hot!'

My sobbing has ended and I am panting, my breathing limited from his weight and I am not sure what just happened. I just can't breathe.

I make him aware he is heavy by moving slightly and he pulls out of me, falling down on the floor and hauling me with him. We end up spooning naked, my back to his chest.

I'm still shaking and he wraps his arms around me, embracing me tight.

'Are you Ok?'

'Yes…I felt...I felt….'

He is holding me firm and I turn my face to him and nuzzle into his neck.

'Anastasia Steele, I nearly lost you today. That was me not having control. And I hated it'.

'I'm sorry.' I whisper.

'Yeah…don't you ever do that to me again. Ever!' His grip tightens around me.

We lay in silence for some time. Both thinking about today. How it could have turned out. I take a deep breath and sigh.

'Yes. Exactly that.'

'So many things happened, Christian. I am glad you are with me.'

'I always will be Ana.'

'The doctor will be here shortly. We have to get up.'

'The doctor?'

'Yes, for your head.'

'I don't think I need a doctor. I am fine. Just needed a good fuck, I guess.' I smirk.

'Don't be smart with me Ana. This is serious.'

I touch my head where Jose hurt me and it's painful. Ugh. I do not need a doctor. I am fine!

'Ok…' Whatever.

x

After carefully examining me, the doctor concludes I have contusion in my left eye. _I could have told him that!_ He thinks I might have a skull fracture because of my head injury this morning. After making sure I don't have a double vision, blood coming from my nose or ears and persistent headache I am signed off as good to go. That's great. I don't need this. I couldn't have played that game much longer.

While the doctor is preparing to depart, I look at Christian, now standing at the far end of the living room, dressed in his tailored grey suit and talking on the phone. Every once in a while he would look at me, making sure I am fine. I am still wearing my robe. The only thing I have on me. Still on the phone, he comes to us and shakes the doctor's hand mouthing thank you to him as he leaves, and continues talking.

'…Oh, and Taylor, please bring clothes for Ms Steele. Everything. Yes. Dress size ten and shoes five.'

I look at him and my brows crook. He does know his stuff. And I love that. Jose didn't know anything about me. I should stop comparing him to Jose. Or to anyone. My Christian is one in a million.

'You are not going to work, are you?' I ask.

'Yes, I am. I want you to stay here and rest for couple of hours. The police will want to talk to you about Jose, and I told them to come here.'

'Um...I need to go to work too.'

'No. Not today.'

'Christian…'

'Not today! Please. I need you rested.'

'Look, I can't just sit around here and do nothing.'

'You will rest. That's what people do to relieve their stress. I don't want to see you at work.'

'Why?'

'No reason at all. You don't need the extra stress. Please. Will you listen to me for once?'

'Hm.' I grumble under breath and sit down on the leather sofa, crossing my arms.

'Taylor will be here with some cloths for you.'

He kisses me on my forehead.

'Keep your cell on and don't leave without telling me where you are.'

x

The moment he is out of the door I start organising myself. I pick up my cell.

'Mum! Hi mum. It's me, Ana. I am so happy to hear your voice.'

'Ana, I am glad you called. How are you?'

'Fine...just fine. Mum, Jose and I are divorcing and…..'

Silence.

'Mum?' I know she is crying.

'Don't worry, mum. It's OK. Please...It's just... I just need someone here for the children. I don't want them to suffer more than they already do. Can you come over? For few weeks only. Until I sort myself out.'

'Yes, Ana. Yes, I'll take the first flight to London.'

She is more than happy to accept my invitation. I don't think I have invited her here as much as she wanted.

'Thank you, mum. It means a lot.'

'Of course, Ana. You are my baby. You will always be my baby.'

'I love you mum.'

'Love you too. Will call you with the flight details later.'

x

My cell rings and it's Christian.

'Yes?'

'Are you ok?'

'Yes.'

'Has Taylor come back yet?'

'No. I'm still waiting for him.'

'Ana, there is a charity event tonight I have to attend. Would you be interested in coming with me?'

'Um…I'm not sure. Not tonight.'

'I need to see you. Are you sure you cannot come? I can pick you up at ten o'clock.'

My children should be in bed by that time.

'What kind of charity is it?'

'Helping young children. We are one of the lead sponsors.'

x

'Ms Steele. Your clothes. And your car keys'.

Taylor places the bags on the floor and hands me the keys.

'Once you are ready, the police want to talk to you. They are downstairs.'

'Thank you, Taylor.'

I go through the bags Taylor brought, finding white panties and bra, and a grey fitted dress. I take everything with me and go into Christian's bedroom. I am ready in no time. Having a shower, I dress up in a hurry. I towel dry my hair, brush it sleek and part it in the middle. Tiny droplets of water are now falling down my fitted dress but I ignore them.

I put on my stilettos and go in the living room, opening the door to the landing.

'Taylor?'

'Yes, Ms. Steele. We'll be right up.'

Taylor is talking to someone and the voices become louder as they go upstairs. He is leading two pristine men in civil clothes into the living room. One of them looks directly into my eyes, scrutinizing my body language.

'Ms Steele?'

'Yes.'

'Inspector Johnson. This is Sergeant Richards.'

He shakes my hand and looks at his colleague. His colleague is not looking at me. He is wondering about the room, searching for...I am not sure what. I look at Taylor and he moves next to him, offering him a drink.

'May I offer you a coffee...or tea?'

'Um...Yes, why not? Coffee. Black, two sugars.'

'And you, Sir?'

'No, not for me. I don't think we have time for coffee.' Inspector Johnson looks across to his colleague. 'We'll be very brief.'

'How can I help you officers?'

'Do you know a man called Jose Rodrigues?'

'Yes. He is my husband. Um...was. I am divorcing him.'

'Mhm.' He is annoyingly writing something in his notepad.

'Where were you this morning between nine and ten?'

'Um..'

I look at Taylor, having come back from the kitchen with a cup of coffee, nodding with his head.

'I was at Jose's gallery, trying to stop a fight between my husband and my...um…a friend of mine.'

'Who is this friend, Ms. Steele?'

'His name is Christian Grey.'

'Are you having an affair with him?'

'Um..No. Um...I think I am.'

'Yes or no Ms. Steele?'

'Yes.' The bare truth. Ugh. Sounds so dirty.

'Where is my husband now? Um..ex-husband.'

'He was apprehended for illegally carrying a gun.'

'He got that gun legally. I am sure he has a licence for it.'

'Ms. Steele, unlike the US where they dish licences out in street corners, to get a licence in UK you need to have a reason to own a gun. For example...being a gamekeeper. Is Jose a gamekeeper Ms. Steele?'

'No, of course not!'

'Then there it is. He had a gun on him illegally. Do you know where he got the gun?'

'No. I don't. I told him I don't want it in my house. So I guess he took it in his gallery.'

'I see. Did you know we also detained him for embezzling money from one of his ahem…. friends?'

'Yes. I know about that one too. I guess you see my reasons for divorce now.'

'Quite right, Ms. Steele. Quite right.'

He is compassionate and nice. I am not sure about the other one. I guess they play the good cop bad cop game with everyone.

'Right! That's all Ms. Steele. He pulls out a card from his pocket. Please do call me if something else comes to your mind.'

'Um…How long will you keep him in there?'

'Until we sort out the facts. But I don't think he will be out in a long time. Threatening to kill someone with a gun is not a small offence.'

'What if I don't want to press charges?'

'Well, someone already has.' He looks at Taylor.

'Hm. Yes. Thanks.' I should have known.

They leave the room with Taylor following close behind. As for me, I look around and I think I'm ready. I need to go home.

x

I have been at home for the last half an hour when I remember I didn't call Christian. I quickly pull out my cell and see two messages. One from him and the other one from my mum.

'_Good thing I monitor your Range Rover and I know your whereabouts. Otherwise…I would put you across my knee and smack that naughty little ass of yours.' _

I text him back, chucking to myself.

'_Promises, promises.' _

I open my mum's message.

'_I bought an airplane ticket with Virgin Airlines. Arriving in London Heathrow tomorrow at four pm. Mum.'_

My mum is coming! It feels like a big stone rolls over from my heart and I am lighter. The anxiety is gone. When she is around I am her daughter again, without the responsibilities of my adult life. When my kids are with her I am just a little girl, like them.

x

The afternoon passes by with me in my study, working, Mrs. Saunders with the kids, preparing food. I told her my mum is coming and I thought I saw disappointment in her eyes. I know she wants to take care of us but I thought I will be doing her a favour.

Dinner was good. Mrs. Saunders told my children Jose is away on a trip for the next two weeks. I think that's giving me enough time to decide what to tell them. Oh my god. What do I say? It's daunting. Your dad threatened to kill me? My …um….I don't know what Christian is...Boyfriend? Certainly not. I don't like that title. We can't be calling ourselves boyfriend / girlfriend just yet. Then what? How do I introduce him to people? Hm...I'm a baffled...what do people use these days…My lover? My partner? He is not. Can't think about that right now.

Mrs Saunders is in the guest bedroom and my kids are already fast asleep. I am glad they didn't ask me that many questions when I was saying good night. I know Mrs. Saunders had answers for them when she took them from school. She never asked me about Jose. Does she know? I don't think so. She is just respectful.

The time is nine thirty and I have half an hour until Christian picks me up. I dress up in my Talbot Runhof black satin gown with ruched sides. The dress is fitted and tight around my body. The small puddle train makes my curves sexier. All these beautiful clothes in my wardrobe and I could never find a place to wear it.

I go through my accessories drawer and choose a beautiful black necklace and matching bracelet.

'Mhm. Beautiful.' I look at myself in the mirror.

My black satin clutch and matching heels just make me look like a princess. Well, she would probably wear white but never the less…a princess.

The only worry I have is my eye. It's getting that dark blue colour now and it bugs me. I use my Laura Mercier foundation make up. It's one of the best foundations on the market but I think even after the heavy concealer you can just about see my blue eye. I can always say I was playing rugby with my kids.

I look at the time and it's almost ten. Peaking through my bedroom window I see a black Range Rover in my driveway next to my silver cloud nine, patiently waiting for me. When did he arrive? He must be with Taylor. I put on my black wrap shrug faux fur bolero and I leave.

I knock on Mrs. Saunders door.

'I'm going now Mrs. Saunders. See you later.'

'Enjoy your evening Ana.'

She shouts from behind the door. She's been down all day today, feeling like she is not needed anymore.

x

Christian is dressed in formal attire. His shirt is a turn down collar, with the front part Marcela, that textured fabric made up of little diamond shapes. The bow tie silk, just like the lapels on his dinner jacket and the braiding on the trousers. He looks stunning.

Coming round my side he opens the door and he looks at me serendipitously, devouring me with his eyes. My nipples tingle and …my dress is too tight for anything. I take a deep breath and raising my breasts little bit more, his gaze stops on them …right there. If the sex appeal is measured like the gold, in ounces and its purity, I think Christian could make any gold bar tainted and undervalued in comparison.

'Ms. Steele, you look amazing.' He is in awe of me. He is...in love.

I look at him like a schoolgirl. He's got me tamed, eating out of his palm. Everything around me blurs apart from his piercing grey eyes. Talking to me. Conversing in our own language. My god, this man is magnificent.

I smile and reaching out for his hand, I get inside the car. Inside the Range Rover. This is just like my cloud nine. Mm...I love my cloud nine. For the first time I will be driven in one of these. Ok, let's experience the ride. I look at Christian and I know I will love it more than any other rides I've had.

He takes my hand into his and lifting it up to his lips he softly kisses me, all the while looking at my eyes. Innocent and beautiful.

We arrive at the charity gala in Park Lane, in front of Mandarin Oriental Hotel sooner that I thought. Wow. This ride was smooth and fast and I never noticed it. I was hypnotised by his eyes while he was placing tiny kisses on my palm and my fingers, gently caressing me, never letting me go.

Still holding my hand he is now placing it under his arm, making me hold him while we enter the large luxurious hotel. There are people gathered in the Ballroom Entrance, a large beautiful hall with stairs leading upstairs and checkered marble floors.

As we walk inside, various people stop us, making small talk, networking, I guess. He is polite, talking with everyone but only for a short while. From time to time he would turn to me, looking at my breasts, my body and lick his lips. Like a tiger before consuming his food. Each time he does that I feel a flash burn inside my crotch. My dress is so tight and I can't open my legs or do anything to take him in. That will have to wait until the end of the evening. Which drives me crazy because this entrapment I feel is making me wet. The more I focus on my dress the wetter I get. Like I am bounded …not allowed to open up. Mm. And we are playing his game again. My reality is melted into his and I follow him, his moves, his breathing. I am wet. Needy. If only my panties could talk...

I blush at my thought and Christian notices my face.

'Ms. Steele….I would love to see what's in your head right now.'

I lower my eyes and look at the ground. I really don't need him telling me. I know it's my own fault. Making myself wet.

'Um...I need to go to the restrooms, Christian. Before we sit down.' I am drenched for no reason whatsoever. Now I have to go and wipe myself dry. It's so inappropriate.

He changes direction smoothly and leads me across the marble hall to the thickly carpeted corridor, in front of the restrooms.

I enter and see many women dabbing their make-up, powder their nose or just chat, looking precariously at everyone who comes and goes.

Just as I am about to get into a cubicle I am stopped in my place by t...that girl...Christian's sub from the States. What is she doing here? She is really beautiful. Skinny. She looks away, rushing outside. I know she saw me. My heart starts beating faster and I am not sure why, I go after her. I want to talk to her. I exit the restrooms and right outside someone stops me in my place, placing her hand between my collar bones, in the base of my neck.

A tall pretty woman is looking down on me. Her eyes piercing green, her lips soft and pouty and her smile controlled. I can't help but look at her. Her hand is cold and her touch is intense, I feel my skin burning. I want to push her away, I detest her brazenness.

'Well what do we have here?' She looks at me, entertained. Like a handler taming an animal, she has me in her hold and I can't seem to move. What is wrong with me? I see Christian's ex sub behind her and I realize who this might be.

'Elena….' I whimper to myself still looking deep into her eyes when I hear Christian thunderous voice.

'Anastasia!'

I'm jolted in my place. Elena removes her hand off of me and turns to Christian. Face to face. He standing next to me now and pulls me behind him, looking menacingly at her.

'What are you doing here?'

'Christian, nice to see you.' She is mocking him.

'You are not invited here Elena. Please leave.'

She is looking at me and lifting her hand slowly she gently touches my hurt eye, stroking it.

'Now you beat them Christian? Oh, poor little girl.'

Her words make my stomach churn. I hate her. How dare she! Christian is angry and his teeth grit so much I can gear the grinding. He yanks me away from her touch.

'It is none of your business what I do. Stick to your subs and do not cross the line. I have told you this before.'

He moves away, taking me by my hand but then, stops and turns back, with threatening look on his face.

'If I see you talking to Ms. Steele one more time I will be pushed to make those few calls I failed to do long time ago.'

His voice is ominous. There is something going on between them and I don't know what.

'That much, huh? She is so easy Christian. It's not even a challenge.'

'She . is . not. But let's not find out. For your sake.'

'I am helping you comb through the ones that are not good for you. And Sophie wasn't. I know. Stop being such a sour puss. That's done. Gone. Paid for.'

His eyes are now the darkest I have seen them. Blast furnace melting the steel inside of them. He talks to me with clenched jaw, staring at her.

'Ms. Steele, wait for me outside. I'll come in a second.'

I obey. Looking back I see Elena checking my behind as I walk and tuts with her mouth, shaking slightly her head.


	25. Chapter 25

**Penny for your thoughts!**

**:D**

* * *

I exit the hotel in a rush and see Taylor outside, surprised to see me. Failing to see Christian behind my back he looks at me, puzzled.

'Is everything OK, Ms. Steele?'

'Um...Yes. Christian asked me to wait for him outside.'

'Very well. I'll bring the car.'

'Taylor?' I stop him in his track, holding his arm. I have to ask him. 'Who is Sophie?'

'Sophie?' The way he looks at me I know he knows. 'Sorry, I don't know.' His words come out too quickly and he pulls his arm away. I made him uncomfortable.

'Taylor!'

Christian's roaring voice startles me.

'Yes Mr. Grey. Please follow me.'

Within a moment Christian is standing next to me. He drapes his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, not stopping and walking firmly, following Taylor. I am forced to quicken my pace next to him. His lip is bleeding at the corner and he wipes it with the back of his hand.

'Are you OK?'

He is not talking. The car is parked on the nearby road and we get into it quickly. Sitting at the back, Christian crosses his legs and wraps his arm around my shoulder, firmly pressing me into his body. With the other hand he is holding that same shoulder, his arm stretched in an inflexible clasp in front of me. He is calm on the outside but I can sense his heart through his dinner jacket, beating fast. That Elena really pissed him off. I dare not ask who Sophie is. He lost control when she mentioned her name. Clearly he has feelings for her.

Staring through the window with distant eyes, he kisses my forehead. I love his embrace, it's more than love, it's possession.

I slightly shift in my seat but he presses me tighter against his body. I don't struggle and just mould into his embrace. My face nuzzled into his neck, my hands pressed onto his chest, and I am quiet. I think, for the first time, afraid and sad for him. Behind the power he exudes, tonight I saw a hurt man. His pain is still there and in a strange way, it hurts. He is tormented over someone I think he still loves. Boy...it feels like fragments of broken glass flowing into my heart, slowly killing me but never really finishing me off. It's stinging. I thought he was mine.

I am not crying but I feel a single tear drop roll down my cheek. I briskly wipe it and bury my head into him deeper, embracing him with the same intensity. Now is him moulding into me, kissing my forehead.

My heart is aching. I can see the greatness of his love. If only I can have him in the same way. I am ready to be anything he wants me to be. Abide by his rules. _How very hypocritical of me!_ I can be submissive. I can take anything. My mind is made up. I belong to him to do whatever he pleases. My independence and integrity are not questioned so why not. I need him to love me like her.

We arrive at his house in Barnes and without a word we come out of the car and go inside, straight up the stairs. I am waiting for him to say something. He is not as angry as he was but still, no words are coming out. Sitting in the middle of his Chesterfield sofa, the one in front of the fireplace, he leans back and looks at me.

'Come.'

He reaches out his hand in my direction, waiting for me to come closer. It's what I have been waiting for. I take his hand and start walking towards him, feeling his pull when he lowers me in his lap, my back to his chest. He wraps his strong arms around my body, pressing his cheek on my back and slowly we slant down on the side, ending up lying on the sofa, spooning. I think he needs to hold me. To comfort himself.

'I'm not going anywhere.' I whisper, feeling the tightening of his arms.

'I know. I need to hold you.' He whispers too, afraid his voice might break the spell. 'You are mine.'

'Yes.'

'I am not going to lose you.'

'You won't.'

'How can you be so sure?'

'I am. I know it's you I want.' I calm, quiet, reassuring.

'What if I do something to you?'

'I will still be here.'

'What if I hurt you?'

'It won't matter. I won't go away.'

'No matter what, you are mine?'

'In every possible way.'

'What if you don't get your fuck?'

I am quiet. I take a deep breath and sign.

'How can I compare you with my fuck?'

He tightens his grip around me.

We stay in that position for a while and I must have fallen asleep. And I know I am sleeping but it feels like someone is talking in my dream. I hear his voice. _Who is he talking to?_

'I almost got married once.'

'I loved her so much.'

'She was a defiant sub…reminding me of you a little bit.'

Ok. Now I am awake and my heart is pounding. He is talking to me. I am sure he thinks I am sleeping. I dare not move. His arms are still around my body, holding me tight.

'Sophie. She was so beautiful.'

He is sniffling…crying? It's heart breaking to see him hurt this much.

'After my mother...I thought my life will finally start.'

'But Elena had other plans.'

Tears are falling down my cheeks and I am not making a sound.

'She didn't want me to play with Sophie. She wanted to show me Sophie is like everyone else. Easily overpowered. Had to have her.'

He is struggling not to cry, making the silence awkward.

'What happened?' I ask slobbering, not being able to hold my tears any longer.

He tightens his grip around me and takes a deep breath.

'She made Sophie her sub. Broke her spirit. In one of her devious games Sophie asphyxiated and lost her life. It was all game to her.'

His voice is wobbly, still holding his tears.

'Oh my god...I am so sorry Christian.'

'Don't be. It was her decision to leave me. But it still hurts. She didn't have to die. Every woman I give my heart to dies. ...Not you. I am keeping you safe. I will not let you go Anastasia Steele. Never.'

x

In the morning, while getting showered and dressed for work, he tiptoes around me. How very thoughtful. He kisses my forehead and then leaves for work, letting me sleep.

x

Once I am up I have my coffee and start planning my day. My life. I call Jennifer and tell her I will not be coming to work for the rest of the week. I am divorcing. So many things to sort out and work is the last thing I need.

My mother is coming to England and I cannot wait to see her. To let go.

By the time I get home the police call me again. Asking me to divulge details about Jose. And I tell them, I don't know. How embarrassing is that. They think I am lying, prodding with more questions but cannot get anything out of me. And as much as I hate Jose at this very moment I really do not want him to spend his life in jail. I really did try to remember things, but mostly they were asking me about the gun and the money. Thank god I bought my cloud nine with my money. Otherwise it would have been confiscated, just like the imminent fate of all his possessions...his gallery. Poor Jose. Creating art all his life only to be taken away in a moment of madness. Like some lunatic from the renaissance.

They never asked me once about my eye. But they knew. Christian talked to them already. They just wondered if I will take legal action. I think weighing one charge against another; my black eye is nothing in comparison with the gun and the money. They know what angle to work on.

x

Mrs. Saunders is in my house, cooking for us, taking care of the household. This woman is my mother in London. Very close to me in a subtle, unwavering way. Without prying. She saw my black eye yesterday and didn't say a word. Waiting for me to tell her. But what do I say? Words have no meaning anymore. Explaining, making Jose look bad and evil. What good that is? I know it won't happen again, and I know he is sorry, so why should I say anything at all. Few more days and it will be gone. I had to hide it from the children though. She was so considerate yesterday, dealing with them all evening and giving me the chance to say good night in a dimly light room. She is my saviour. I wish I talk to her more. I don't know anything about her life.

Clearing out my bedroom, going through Jose's boxes I come across so much stuff I never knew existed. Who was this man I was married to? It's like he led a double life. Surely his fatherly skills were not fabricated, just like everything else. I think he was the happiest when he was with Michael and Jason. He knew they needed him and he never jeopardized that. Perhaps it's my fault I freed up the beast in him. Not caring if he ends up in prison or not.

I cry as I clear out his stuff. I remember our life and I am sad for the memories. For the happy moments spent together. But then.. after so many tears everything changes. I am being brought into now. Today. And I calm down before the tears start again. Like I am playing a game of fucked up emotional waves that I cannot balance out.

x

Meeting my mother at the airport is emotional. Coming out of the gates she sees me and the moment she does I see the pain in her eyes. The pain I feel for my children when they are hurting. When I want to do everything to make them feel better but it's just not possible. The moment I see her, tears start running down my cheeks. I can't run into her arms, I can't move. I am sobbing, my whines muted by the busy airport. She embraces me with such affection that my crying becomes uncontrollable. I am again her little girl. Needing her cuddles, her love. Her assurance everything will be ok. Her voice is so soft, gentle, it's what I needed all along, a mother to make it all better.

In the car she wants to know all about Michael and Jason and their life, I know, deliberately making me focus on other things while driving. I tell her the children are at rugby this afternoon and will be home by six.

Mrs. Saunders is waiting for us at the door. She gives my mum a big welcome hug and I notice her eyes glistening. I start sobbing again. I think it's time to tell them what happened. They both deserve to know. Mrs. Saunders is uncomfortable but I insist on her staying.

We go in my study and I start... I explain everything in details. My black eye tells a story by itself. Shocking them. They never thought Jose could hurt me. Having a love child… The money he took from that woman... I tell them everything. How he hit me and held me at gun point. And then I tell them about Christian. I might as well. As I finish there is a silence. Shocked at Jose but I sense, at me too.

Mrs. Saunders has tears running down her cheeks and she gets up, heading for the door, excusing herself. I follow her and once outside my study she turns around, emotionally embracing me.

'You did good Ana. That's the right way. I….I lost everything because of my secrets. I regretted my actions so many times but it was of no use…my children still won't talk to me. It hurts. After so many years Ana, it still hurts…'

She sobs into my arms. All I am doing today is crying. Clearing out my soul. I see her off, going home to rest, and I go back in my study, snuggling up to my mother on the sofa and sobbing some more while she is stroking my hair and keep repeating everything will be all right.

The doorbell rings and I know my children are back from their rugby training. One of their friends mother is bringing them back and I am really not in the mood for small talk. I send my mum to open the door.

x

'Mum!'

Jason is in the study. He runs to me, holding his arms up and giving me a big hug. Exactly what I need. I hold him near, and I see Michael coming and holding me too.

'Are you OK?' Jason is first to ask.

I pull back and look at them both. Ten years old but they are mature for their age. My boys. They have already started taking care of me. I embrace them again.

'I am fine, yes. Now I am fine.'

'Did dad hit you?' Jason is pulling out of my embrace, pointing to my eye.

'He won't do it again, don't worry.'

'Why did he hit you mum?'

'I don't know…Sometimes people do things they are sorry about later…'

'Is it because you cheated?'

'Jason, Michael, listen to me now. Nobody cheated. Understand? Me and your dad had a long conversation and we have decided to go our separate ways. We do love you very much and we are still your parents. When he comes back from his trip he will tell you the same thing.'

x

It's almost half past six and I check my phone. Apart from a text this morning I haven't had any other calls from Christian. I want him to meet my mother. I need him to meet her. She has to see I am safe. I am taken care of. I call him but no reply. The text message comes instantly.

'_Still at work. I'll call you later.'_

My mum is at home so my decision to go and see him is reasonable.

Looking at what I am wearing I'm happy I don't have to change. My casual black and beige stripe high neck jersey dress is fitted across my chest and kicks out from the waist, flattering me perfectly. I put on my black ankle Chelsea boots and my leather jacket to complete the look and I'm off the door. I do feel younger wearing this outfit.

I drive without any traffic on the road. There is nobody going into town. The other lane however is clogged, people coming back from work. I get there at seven o clock. The building is almost empty and getting of the elevator on the fifth floor the only person I see is Taylor, in the far back, standing outside Christian office. He is staring at me impassively, his arms behind his back, his posture straight. Like he is guarding the president himself. I walk up to him, and I thought I would be let in but... I am not. I am standing outside his office, looking at him puzzled.

'Taylor, I need to get in.'

'Sorry, Ms. Steele, Mr. Grey specifically said no interruption.'

You cannot intrigue a woman like this and expect her to back off. No woman will ever do that.

He is looking coolly above my head, in the distance.

'Taylor, if you don't move I will push my way in!' I know I don't stand a chance but the tone of my voice tells him I won't budge.

He takes a step back and I can see a movement, he is knocking on the door quietly with one of his hands behind his back. Christian opens the door.

'It's OK, Taylor.'

I walk in and see Christian is having a company. His ex-sub is sitting on the settee in his office, her knees together, her face down, and her hands one on top of another in front of her.

Christian takes my hand and guides me to the chair, sitting next to him.

'Please continue. ' He tells her.

'Um…and I don't know how but she has these pictures of me...well…I don't want them to get out there.'

'Where did she find them?'

'I don't know. I know she keeps repeating everyone can be bought or influenced in a way so I presumed she pressed my Dom at the time. He is the one who took them. At first I thought it was you... but then I remembered you wanted my hair long.'

'She is blackmailing you to be her sub?'

'Well….yes.'

'Why didn't you come to me sooner?'

She looks at me under her lashes and then at him.

'Well…I tried…but you were always busy.'

'Does she know you are here?'

'No. She was sleeping when I left. She usually wakes up at ten.'

'OK. Leave it with me.'

He looks at me, then at her.

'Laura, this is Ana. I am with her now.'

'Um...Is she your sub?' Her voice is trembling, not sure if she should be asking this.

Before he says anything I hear my voice.

'Yes. I am his sub.'

Christian is looking at me, I think...amused and then he cocks his head.

'Well Ms. Steele, if you are my sub.. you would know not to talk unless given permission. Am I right Laura?'

'Yes, Sir.' She whispers.

I look at her, then at him. He is still staring at me. I am blushing. I don't know what to do.

'Tsk, tsk, tsk…What am I going to do with you?'

He tuts and slightly shakes his head, his eyes fixated on me.

I feel a flash burn in my groin. My panties know what is coming and they brace themselves, knowing they cannot avoid the flood ensuing inside of me. There is a certain charge in the air. It's the same one that is making me do things without thinking clearly. He can feel it too.

'Laura, you can go now.'

His commanding voice makes Laura jump and follow orders. She is out of the door in less than a second. Our eyes are still locked on each other. My breathing is shallow and I cannot understand the hold has over me.

He comes up to me and takes my hand, guiding me to his desk. Pressing me on the corner, I hear his whispers into my ear.

'Do you remember this corner Ms. Steele?'

'Yes..' My breathing is shallow, I barely speak.

He presses me on the corner harder with his body, hurting my clit, making me squirm.

'Yes…what, Ms. Steele?'

'Yes, Sir.' My heart is racing and I am losing my mind. He is playing this game so well.

'Good girl…So you do remember it.'

He takes me around the desk, on the opposite corner, the one next to his drawers and presses my behind into is.

'How about… this one?'

His voice is quiet, portentous, directly spoken into my ear, making me shiver. His scent is alluring, like a sweet cotton candy waiting to be pulled apart, eaten raw with my fingers…stuck all over my mouth.

He takes off my jacket and goes down, taking the rim of my dress and pulls it over my head, revealing my naked body bar my white lace panties.

'Mhm…' Devouring me with his eyes, my nipples harden and I become aware of the pain in my lip, biting it harder than usual.

He reaches out and is patting my head for few moments while looking at my eyes, rousing me beyond belief. I am his good little girl. But then ...he tugs my ponytail hard, making me tilt my head back revealing my neck.

'Ahh….' A colossal flash burn fragments inside my loins.

I feel his soft warm wet tongue licking me from the base of my neck to just below the ear.

'Do you want to please me, Ms. Steele?'

My mouth is already dry, my pulse is racing like I've run a marathon and him…he kneels down and slowly is taking my panties off. I want to scream inside. My legs open by proxy.

'Yes, I do.' I talk almost without breath.

As he comes up to me he glides three of his fingers up my thighs and through my folds, drenching them in my juices and continue spreading my wetness over my body going straight to my lips. He slithers his fingers around my mouth, making me suck them, tasting my salty dew. I moan and I am ready, needing his hard cock.

He is taking something out of a drawer next to me. Before I have time to see he rotates me around, having my back to him, and my face to the desk.

'Bend down.'

I am bending and...almost too soon I hear a swishing sound through the air and a painful and stinging sensation on my bum cheeks.

'Ahhh…'

Fucking hell. That was…ah...that was...exhilarating. I needed the pain….my juices gushing, marking his desk with my scent.

He is holding a ruler in his hand and with the other one he kneads my bum cheeks. Before I am aware he whacks me again, the ruler resonating off my skin, and then….what? I feel his tongue on me, following that pink welt, soothing me.

'Ahhh…..'

And another tasty smack on my other cheek with his ruler.

'Ahh..'

I listen to his huffs, getting pleasure with each smack, it's what makes me melt, I could cum like this if he wants me to. He continues without any pattern, the high intensity whacks are digging into my delicate flesh, leaving molten trails on my ass. And suddenly he stops.

I have made a mess of myself down on the desk and I need only a small push before cuming. But he takes his time, testing me. Trying to see how long before I can beg for my fuck. He starts again…grazing my perked up pink ass and me…ah…I want him. I feel his fingers gently clawing into me, opening my bum cheeks up, making me shiver.

'Ahhh..'

He travels down with his pointy tongue over my tight hole…and down to my sopping wet folds taking one of them between his teeth...ah… and gently tugging it. Oh my….I will faint. I am so close and yet…

'Ahhh…'

I perk up more, pressing my clit firmly on the desk.

'Tsk, tsk, tsk….'

I hear the ruler clattering to the ground and him standing up, behind me and I pray to god this to be it. I need mu fuck. There. I've said it.

'I want you to take two of your fingers and thrust them inside of you up to your knuckles Ms. Steele. Go on…I'll hold your cheeks spread for you.'

I don't wait. I thrust my fingers inside of me and I feel my soaked pussy, held open by him.

'Ahh…'

I start thrusting deep to my knuckles and I am there, I feel it.. when I feel him trapping my bottom in place with vice grip, his long fingers digging into my flesh, preparing me for a hard thrust. He sinks his cock into me up to the hilt while angry quick huff escapes him through his clenched jaws.

'Ahh…..' We moan at the same time.

Wrapped in my silky warm wetness he takes his cock out up to the tip, teasing me and I almost give in…

'Aah….Chr….'

'Yes.. Ms. Steele?'

He glides his rigid cock up my cleft and with only a little preview of what is to come, he feels my pulsating asshole, rimming it and gently but firmly slots it in.

'Aah…..Ahhhh.'

He starts pounding into my tight hole and then he pulls his throbbing member out, slapping me on my bum cheeks with it…leaving me fucking mad….oh I am beginning to love this game… prolonging my cum. My holes are open, needy and waiting for him when he slams it straight back in my ass hole.

'Ah….'

I am so close to my ecstasy, already high.

'Mmm..Ana….yes…not just yet…'

Him denying me makes me cum harder. I am close… the silvery strands arriving from the far ends of my body into my core double up…when he pulls it out and smacks my bottom again with his dripping member, and then slides it in again balls deep. Hard, into me.

'Ahh..'

We are both dripping with sweat, and he is tearing into me with everything he's got. I scream…

'Come for me baby...'

My moans and screeches amalgamate with his grunts and huffs when he suddenly tugs my nipples hard and long, making me shoot off into space, leaving him behind in the stratosphere. I feel him spurting his life inside of me…convulsing…it's euphoric! I…my lips are shaking, my body has residue of tremors and I fall flat on the desk, with him over me, both still panting.

He pulls my chin to him, making me turn my head around and look in his eyes.

'Hey… Are you ok?'

I just nod. I am not back yet. Breathless. Vibrating.


	26. Chapter 26

**I am grateful for all the feedback you have given me in the past three months a****nd I welcome your thoughts on this chapter too. **

**xxx**

**Alexandra**

* * *

Still feeling the tremors in my body, I am shakily moving around his office looking for my panties and my dress. Thinking about the freaking sex we just had. He was skilfully teasing me, delaying my ecstasy...in a way... helping me focus on the fucking...not the fuck. I've never had the urge to submit more than now. In fact, I want to play again. The thought of me not chasing the orgasm makes me...um...wet again.

Christian is standing by the windows, all fixed up. He is on the phone, waiting for the other person to pick up.

'Welch, I need to see what Elena has on Laura. She must have it somewhere in her house. Find it!'

Simple and short. He doesn't waste time. A bit rude if you ask me, but I don't make a comment. I am sure he knows what he is doing.

I find my panties and put them on. The dress is somewhere behind the desk and as I walk around I notice him staring through the window in the distance, immersed in his own thoughts.

'Who is Elena, Christian?' I ask.

'Elena?' He looks at me. 'She used to be a good friend of mine.'

'Was she your sub?'

'We started together...Explored our masochistic tendencies and delved into the sadistic side of the lifestyle. Became very close until I met my first sub. That was the moment I knew I had to have the control. That I am a dominant.'

'What about Elena?'

'She just followed me. After a while she gave up. I think it was hard on her seeing me with somebody else.'

'She was probably in love with you.'

'Yes, long time ago. Not anymore.'

'Then why is she here? Why going after your sub?'

'I don't know. And she knows not to mess with me. I don't know what she's playing at.'

He is looking at me slipping into my dress and fixing myself up.

'Come on. Let's go. I'll take you home.'

Coming close to me he wraps his arms around my body, his hands grabbing hold of my bum cheeks and presses my hips tight to his with content smirk on his face.

'You pleased me tonight Ms. Steele. You showed me you can hold of your fuck. And that ...that Ms. Steele...gives me the greatest pleasure of all. Now we can finally start playing.'

I flush red from what he does to my hips. I feel it in my groin.

'You mean...we haven't played yet?'

'Oh...the best is yet to come, Ms. Steele.'

I feel the throbbing in my panties. This is just ridiculous.

'Now?'

'Not now.' He kisses me on the lips and steps back, releasing me from his hold. 'Now I will take you home to your mother.'

Oh. Right. My mother. A wake up call.

'Um… Christian…I'd like you to meet my mother. Not tonight, of course,' I smile uncomfortably, 'but... whenever. It's important to me.'

He looks at me, surprised.

'Why are you nervous Ana?'

'Can you tell?'

'Yes, me and everyone else. Why?'

'Well…you said you don't have a family and...I know you don't want to talk about it. I know my mother will ask you. What will you say? I don't want you freaking out in front of her.'

His eyes become dark; the magnitude of my question is seen on his face.

'Hm. Yes. I see what you mean.'

'You see? Even now.'

'Even now.. What?'

'Your entire behaviour change. Talking about your family.'

'Does it? I don't think so.'

'Don't let families scare you Christian. You might have one of your own soon.'

'Families don't scare me.' He looks at me defiant.

'Then what? Tell me.' I firmly hold his gaze. Not asking, but demanding to know. Overpowered, he looks away.

'Christian, you can't be taking care of me all the time. I want to have a go. It's only natural. Yes, I am only a tiny woman, but I can be your river, and trust me when I say it, I can move mountains for you! If you just let me.'

'I know you can. You are so strong Ana.'

'No, I'm not. I am just like everybody else. But I talk. I talk and I deal with it. In the past week I've gambled all I have and I don't have a plan B. This is it. You are my everything now but whatever happens I will deal with it.'

'Nothing will happen Ana.' He looks directly into my eyes, reassuring me. 'Nothing!'

'I know it won't. But I want to make you understand…You are where you come from. You can't run away from it. There isn't a place that far! Talk to me Christian!'

He closes his eyes and lowers his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, thinking for few moments when he finally looks at me.

'It was me. I started the fire.' The way he talks it sounds like he is disgusted with himself.

'I'm sorry? What fire?' I'm taken by surprise.

'The one that killed my mother.'

I am trying to make sense of what he is saying; my mind is working overtime, recollecting our conversations from last week.

'I wanted to make her sorry. I was mad at her. I don't remember much..'

I am speechless.

'I wish you could say something Ana.'

'How do you know it was your fault?' _What else shall I say?_

'I just know.'

He is opening up for the first time.

'I didn't talk until I was fourteen. Until I met Elena.'

'When was the last time you talked to your family?' I need him to focus on his family.

'Long time ago.'

'Is it only your father?'

'I have two brothers and one sister.'

'Have they ever tried contacting you?'

'They can't.'

'Do you know if they are alive?'

He scoffs at me.

'Of course I do. I know where they live. I know all about them.'

I should have known.

'And you don't have any desire to talk to them?'

'They wouldn't want to know me.'

'How can you feel responsible? You were only five!'

'Because I am'.

'Christian, maybe the truth won't make you happy, but you shouldn't lie to yourself. Talk to them. You will see a different story.'

He is staring through the window in the distance again. After few moments of awkward silence he turns around, looking at me, calm.

'I can meet your mother whenever you want. Don't worry about the rest. Come, let's go, I'll take you home.'

Holding me by my waist he pulls me into his gravity, and we start walking. Huh. I thought there is more to this conversation. Wait...did he just retreated into his cave? Before I'm aware what happened we are walking down the stairs and into the parking lot, with Taylor following us.

'No need to take me home. I have my car. It's fine.'

'Then I need your keys. Taylor will take your car home.'

'Oh? ...That's ok. I can drive.'

'You are not concerned for your car Ana...are you?' Christian cocks his head at me, amused. I'm glad he is over with being serious. It's my turn now. And this is not a laughing matter.

'Yes. As a matter of fact, I am. I love my car.'

'Don't worry Ms. Steele. I'll take good care of it.' Taylor is quick to respond.

I look at him and hesitantly rummage through my bag, handing over my keys.

'Here.'

x

We stand by Her Majesty and all I can think of is my cloud nine, watching it leave the parking lot.

'You really like your car, don't you Ana?'

'No. I love my car.' I respond with solemn look in my face.

'Well...do you want to drive my car instead?'

My eyes open wide. Does this man know cars are my ecstasy? I don't think I have divulged this information to anyone. _Ok, breathe Ana. And close your mouth. He can see right though you._

'Um… What? Drive? Um...yes. Yes. Why not.'

I try hard to look casual but it's futile. My pupils dilate when he hands me the keys. I feel like an addict trying to stop taking the drugs offered but the dealers are getting the better of me, spear-phishing me into a web of roads on a one way journey to heaven.

I hold the keys and feel…I feel….this is it. The highlight of life. I'll ride Her Majesty. The Trident. _So what?_ There is something seriously wrong with me. But at the moment...I don't care. Ah! I wish I could moan out loud.

'Are you Ok, Ana?'

Christian is amused. I know by now my façade is down and he can see what's going on in my head.

'Mhm.'

I don't let him interrupt my thought process. This is important. I look at the Trident and smile. The open-top, two-seater roadster looks like it's built for cumming, not riding. Powered by a mid-front mounted 6.6-liter turbo diesel engine that produces 430 horsepower, it has an optional power boost that can bump the car's output further into the neighborhood of 660 horsepower. I mean...can you imagine? It would allow me to hit zero to 62 mph in just 3.7 seconds with a top speed of 200 mph. And how do I fucking know this? I am perplexed. All the reading I've done on cars, it's something that's coming out of my head... you ask me and I know it. Like the rain man. I'm glad Christian doesn't know about my passion or I am sure he will be jealous. My bond with cars is very intense.

I enter the car and make myself comfortable in the seat. It cradles me gently, giving me soft hugs all over my body and I close my eyes slowly, relishing the moment until I am jolted by Christian's door closing. Oh! I am not alone. I put the seat belt on and adjust everything around me to match my height and size. I look at Christian and he is observing me quietly, possibly entertained by my seriousness.

'Do you like cars Ana?' I can see a ghost of a smile on his face.

I look at him gravely.

'You are joking, right? If you had done your research properly you would know.'

Ugh. He is still looking at me amused. I don't need to tell people I love cars. Surely that can be seen by my actions. And he claimed he knows all about me. Well, I guess not.

I turn away from him and put the key in the ignition. The sound of the machine calms me down. My approved white noise. This Spartan car is waiting for me ride her. Going through the brass ceiling for all women in the world, I promise I will drive it in good and in bad, to have and to hold... and with a screech I turn her around and leave the parking lot.

I drive along the road going to the A3 highway and my anticipation is building up. That's where I will squeeze out her strength; see what she is made of. There is a word I want to use to describe the feeling I have which is in-fucking-credible!

'Yeah!'

I look at Christian and he is now almost leaned on his door with his back, looking at me falling in love with his car. Surely this is wrong! It must be! I would never allow it for my cloud nine.

I am grinning and he is too, enjoying me enjoying myself.

'You don't think I have done proper research on you?'

'What do you think? If there is one thing anyone should know about me is my passion for cars.'

I say as I and turn wide into A3. From now on is fucking smooth ride. I make sure I break just before the speed cameras on the road, the ones taking photos of naughty drivers like me, but the rest of the way is wrooming fast. I look at Christian and he is not at all concerned for my speed, pushing this car over the limit. He is comfortable with me driving. Mhm. That's what I want to see.

We are nearing my neighbourhood and I don't want this ride to end. The car is full on power. Just before my house I brake hard and turn into the driveway, easing back on the gas. The car starts to run wide and I quickly lift off the gas and the back end gets lighter, rotating and pointing itself in the direction of the road. Huh! With my parking techniques I am able to horse the Trident into this grin-inducing behaviour. I am laughing like a loon, parked perfectly in my driveway while Christian is looking at me, surprised at my skill I'm sure.

'And… that why I want you to have this car.'

My head is buzzing, still high from the drugs Her Majesty injected in me while driving and...I thought….what did he say?

'I'm sorry, what did you say?'

'I said I want you to have this car. You…You just had sex with her and I can't have it back. It's yours.'

I have the biggest smirk on my face. I am happy because he knew. But I certainly will not accept the car. It's ridiculous.

I shake my head, knowing what my soul wants and telling it to stop dreaming.

'No. No way. I cannot accept it.'

'This car has been yours from day one. You have been developing platonic relationship since the day you first saw her. It's not about you accepting it. It's about driving it. She needs to be driven by you. If you respect your cars that much you know what I mean.'

'Christian, I don't need two cars. I cannot love two cars. Sorry. I'm a cloud nine girl. Her Majesty is only for special occasions. You are my special occasion.'

I am dead serious. I cannot cheat on my cloud nine.

'Her Majesty?'

'Um…that's her name. In my head.' _Should I feel embarrassed?_ Oh well. 'Go ahead and laugh. I have already passed the point of no return.'

His lips crook and I can see him smiling.

'Is there any way I can persuade you to take her?'

'No. I know as long as I have you I will have her. That enough for me.'

'That's enough for me too. Because that means forever.'

He pulls me to him and kisses me passionately on my lips. I am still high from my ride and somehow hot for his loving. Just when he pulls away I grab his head and insert my tongue into his mouth, making him feel me in his groin, almost eating him up, and inhaling his essence in the process... He is caught by surprise but without flinching he grabs my arms, just above the elbows, firm, and moves away from me, taking control, making me feral for more of his flavor. My mouth is open, and I try to reach him, moaning, frustrated. His face is half an inch from mine and I can smell his alluring scent, my drug.

"Mm…yes, I want you like this. Wild.'

'Argh…' I try to push closer to him but he is holding me tight.

'You want me Ana?'

'I do…I do, Sir.' He makes me needy. _So soon?_

'Ahh…Ms Steele…you want to play again? Not now. Now, you go home to your mother. Tomorrow we'll play. I promise.'

I exhale, lowering my shoulders in defeat.

'OK.' I know we can't have sex in my driveway. So I better back off.' Tomorrow.'

I see my cloud nine parked on the road and Taylor waiting in his car. Having retrieved my keys I look at Christian entering the drivers side of the Trident. The Trident. Wow. That would have been an untamed relationship. Possibly detrimental for both of us.

x

I spend the next day with my mother while the kids are in school. We talk about everything. Life. Love. Children. How difficult balancing life is. She is trying to tell me, but I already know. Until you experience it on your skin you will never know truly. And I have. A little too much. But it's good to hear my mum talk. Giving me advice. Passing her wisdom on to me. This is probably what I am going to do with my children. So I listen. And nod. And listen more.

x

Christian is working all day but he is taking me out tonight. Picking me up at eight. My mother hasn't asked anything about him although I know she wants to meet him. He already met my children, but that wasn't a very good experience. I know they hate him. So I won't bother. I have to look into it, maybe Google it, how to get my children accept my...hm…boyfriend? I still haven't decided what he is to me. I don't feel right saying he is my boyfriend. We are not teenagers for god sake.

x

The door bell rings at seven o'clock and I know it's him. I have my makeup done and my hair braided, falling down on my left shoulder but that's it. I am still in my white tee shirt and slacks, not ready. He is early. Here to meet my mother. I didn't tell her and I am not sure about this meeting but I hope it will be spontaneous.

Ushering him inside I can tell he is wondering where my mother is. I look at him. This gorgeous man is mine. He has his brown walking boots on, jeans that hang low on his hips and a very sexy black tee shirt, showing off his well build body together with the navy blue velvet jacket. I could have him for breakfast.

'Come in.' I take him into my study. The one he is too familiar with. I observe his behavior and he is relaxed. As ease. He smiles at me and sits on the sofa, making himself comfortable, crossing one leg above the other, holding his ankle with the opposite hand.

'You are not ready.'

'You are early.'

We both smile, knowing what's going on. Me apprehensive of their meeting and him…he is just amused. Scaring me.

My mother was reading bed time stories to my sons and I can hear her coming downstairs.

'Mum!' I shout. 'Mum, can you come over here please?'

'Yes, Ana. Coming.' She is just outside the study. 'Jason is not stopping with his questions isn't he?' she looks at me and then at Christian, surprised.

'Oh! I didn't know you have guests, Ana.' She glances at me, scolding and then at Christian, and a big grin appears on her face.

'Hi, I'm Carla, Ana's mum.'

Christian stands up and shakes her hand, being as polite as he could.

'Christian. Christian Grey. Nice to meet you Carla.'

'I'm sorry... Ana didn't tell me you are coming. I would have at least dressed up.'

'No need. You look good Carla. Now I can see where Ana got her looks from.'

My mother grins from ear to ear and I shake my head, smiling.

'Would you like a drink Christian?'

'I don't think we are staying, but..' Christian regards me 'since Ana is not ready yet, why not. Do you have white wine?'

'Yes, we do. Ana, do you want a glass?'

'No, I need to get ready, thanks mum.'

My mother disappears in the kitchen and Christian looks at me, beaming. He did well. Oh if only he knew the cunning ways of my mother, trying to pry into my boyfriends lives, making them spill the beans out on our first date. I sure hope she mellowed down from those years ago because I know what's coming.

'Here you are.' She is back in no time, passing him a glass of cold white wine.

'OK, I am going to get ready.' I tell them both, and then I turn to my mother. 'Mum, take it easy on him. He is not a talker.'

I smile and as I leave, they are looking at each other awkwardly. Well, in my defense, I have warned Christian. She is asking too many questions and he will have to endure it himself. He can do it. He is a big boy.

Upstairs my dress is waiting for me on the bed. It's a black v-neck wrap dress designed with a slim-fitting top and a looser mini skirt. It's comfortable and it has an adjustable waist tie. I choose to wear it with nothing under it because of my low neckline. Just my black lace panties and black suspender hose. No bra. I put it on and tie the fastening on my hip. Looking at the mirror I know what I need. I pull out my black choker necklace collar with rhinestone pendant and put it on. Perfect. For the first time I like this necklace on me. I slide into my black over knee suede concealed platform boots and I look like I am ready to kill. Huh. Maybe I am. For my fuck.

I look at myself in the mirror and I know my mother will not approve of me dressed like this. Brazen. Like I don't care. Well I'm going out to have fun and fun I will have.

The time is almost eight and I go downstairs. As I walk in the study they both stop talking. I get a disapproving look from my mother and speechless one from Christian. His mouth is slightly open in surprise. A good one I think.

'What?' I smile. 'Good, right?'

'Um...Ana, your dress is very short.'

'Yes mum, but my boots are going above my knees, so it balances out. Don't you think?' I am really being silly and I don't want to hear the answer.

'Come, let's go Christian.' He is still looking at me and without saying a word he places the wine glass on the side table and takes my hand.

'It was nice meeting you Carla.'

'Yes, Christian, you too.'

I lead him out of the house quickly, not waiting for my mother to ask me to change. I know she will.

I close the door behind me and start walking towards his car when Christian stops and pulls me into him.

'Ana…'

He looks into me, his eyes glint dark and travel down to my choker necklace and my low neckline, revealing the rise of my breasts, my short dress…and go back on to my necklace, relishing me all the way.

'I love your collar.' He gently touches it.

'Thank you, Christian.'

'I have one similar for you.' He looks at me meaningfully but I am not sure what he is getting at.

'Would you wear it?' He is getting darker. Somehow...I can feel it.

'Of course I would. I would wear anything for you.'

He pulls me close to him, wraps his arms around my body and gives me a passionate, forceful kiss…..and...I don't know what I did to deserve it.

Moving back, he looks at me and grabs my jaw with one hand.

'Say it again!' His words are dark and commanding. My master has made appearance and I am beginning to like him.

'Um...'

'Say you will wear anything for me.'

'I will wear anything for you... Sir.'

He smiles wryly, I'm sure he already has plans for me in his mind.

He releases my jaw and takes my hand, leading me to his car.

'Um...May I ask where we are going?' I look at him through my lashes. Not sure if the game has already started.

'We are going to a party Ms. Steele. Bishops Avenue, Hampstead.'


	27. Chapter 27

**Hi my lovely friends, there is not much 'sex' in this chapter but I hope you will like just as well. **

**Your comments are always appreciated!**

**xxx **

**Alexandra**

* * *

Bishops Avenue! Last time we were there it didn't end well. I hope he knows what he is doing. I don't think I can be reined. Well...maybe I can but I wouldn't trust me. No. Definitely not.

We don't talk in the car. I am guessing we have already started playing. He looks at me from time to time, checking up on the insubordinate glint in my eyes. But I don't have it. I know. And somehow, the more I feel his eyes on me the more I want to open my legs. It's a strange connection. We have started playing the game and I feel it in my nipples. My body is pulsating and my throat is dry. I swallow hard and shivers run through my body, again this weird force is spreading my legs open for him, even though I know he is not moving from his seat. Oh, the game he plays is magic. I love it. I am submitting and I love it. I know I will get my fuck. He needs it too.

We arrive in front of the mansion and almost too soon someone comes forward and opens the door for Christian. I am certain they didn't have a valet service last time we were here.

'Mr. Grey, welcome, we've been expecting you.'

'Thank you.'

He comes around the car and opens the door for me.

'Ms. Steele' He whispers. 'Eyes on me.'

I do remember that. He didn't have to tell me. He guides me through the people standing at the entrance and we go inside. Into the hallway.

Like the last time, the lights in the house are dimmed and all I perceive is red walls and black cast iron things suspended about. There are many couples, people walking about, some doing things I cannot discern unless I look at them and again...I am tempted.

Two beautiful girls come in and take his jacket. They are talking to Christian and I cannot not look at them. They are in front of me. My eyes are on him but...they are here too and as they talk I observe them both. Attractive brunettes dressed in skimpy leather outfit. Like a uniform. A very tight and extremely short sleeveless black dress, with open bust top, and their breasts, supple and perky are just there, with nipple clamps on. The dress is very short, revealing half of their perfect behinds on purpose and at the front their scant panties... Ahh….the fire between my legs is burning and I bite my lip. I cannot believe I am getting turned on by women. Christian catches me looking at their breasts and he smirks, like he's caught me doing something really bad and again, I see him. Free.

'Tsk, tsk, tsk ..Ms Steele…..not even a minute in this place and you misbehave. Do you want to be punished that much?'

I...I feel the surge in my panties and they are bursting… overflowing. His voice is conveying images into my head...and so many flash burns come uninvited.

He guides me into the room adjacent to the hallway, the one full of toys and he is holding my gaze firmly so I can't look around. Maybe that's for the best. I am here for him. I need my fuck. Shit. Did I just say that? So soon? I am going to lose it. Ah...I can do this. I can do this.

'Ana, you want to look around?'

He is staring at me, holding me in place. It's him and me in this room and I know it's a test.

'No, Sir.'

'Very well. Now, do I need to remind you that you are mine?'

'No, sir.'

'I don't?' He crooks one of his brows, almost surprised at my answer.

'No, sir.'

'How do you know you are mine, Ms. Steele?'

'I live for you. I breathe for you, Sir.' I know that much.

'And do you believe that, Ms. Steele?'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Do you?'

'Yes, Sir.' I nod.

'Show me.'

I look at him. Last time I had to show him I took my top off. But now...now I'm wearing a dress. And we are already at the party. Was this his plan? Showing me around to all these people? Or maybe he is testing me while we are here in this room, alone. I want to show him, be his good girl. And I will.

I reach up slowly for my hip and untie the fastening on my dress. I look at him while I pull it open, revealing my breasts, my nipples already hard and elongated hoping for...no, waiting for the nipple clamps. With my dress open like this, I look like I'm wearing a short robe. My panties, my black suspender hose and my above the knee boots give me a porn star look and I...I am beginning to get high. I must overcome my needs. I am here for him.

'I am you, Sir.'

He is staring at me, my body, slowly savoring me and biting his lower lip. We stare at each other and I can see it now more than ever. I have fallen deep within his soul. There is no turning back.

'Eyes down.' His commanding voice brings me in the room.

I lower my eyes and the throbbing of my clit is hard to ignore. He picks up something that looks like ..some sort of metal g-string. He is opening it, pressing all the many buttons and there is a tiny little lock. Lock? It's a g-string but instead of the string there is a thick three inch long polished metal, connected on each end to a metal belt, with leather straps.

I believe he has found the right thing for me. I can tell by the smirk he has on his face._  
_

'Ms. Steele, your panties. Off.'

I know where is that metal thing going but I am not sure if I should let him. It looks very cold. I take my panties off and still have some reservations when he starts strapping it on me.

'Argh...'

This is really cold. And as he straps me tighter I wriggle, I don't like the feeling. I shift my weight from one leg to another, already feeling terrible ache inside my groin. No. No. I can't have this on... My knees are getting weak and I hold onto Christians arm. Am I excited? Or just fainting at the thought that nothing or nobody can give me my fuck. Fucking chastity belt.

He finishes tying me, my knees are still weak and I am holding onto his arm, panting...I am lost….lost in my anticipation for my fuck… I can't have this. I...I...want to be able to..

'Christian….I...I can't...' I shake my head.

It feels like I have just had sex and..._please don't_..and I hear his voice echoing in my soul.

'If you are mine, you can.'

He lifts my chin looking into my eyes. I am sweating, teary and I haven't had anyone touched me yet. He can see the rapture inside of me already happening.

'And you are. Mine.'

His voice calms me down and I follow his moves.

'Yes...' I'm panting. 'I'm yours.'

'Then let me...'

He whispers and I...I'm caught. I have to focus on something else. I can do this. He takes a step back and I manage to stand, still looking at him, my erratic breathing is not stopping. He takes my hands in his.

'Calm down. Calm...down.'

My breathing slows down and I'm with him. I'm here. I just don't have to think about my belt. although...I feel it. It rubs against my clit. And my clit...ahh...I just want to thrash with my hips, rubbing it.

He takes the nipple clamps from the nearby table and how can I not focus on my fuck, when all he does is making me want it? He is clamping my nipples, adjusting them.

'Argh…' I moan painfully.

With the nipple clamps on me and the chain in between coming down to below the chastity belt, and heavy, I feel my every movement.

'Ahh…'

'We are almost done. I promise.'

I look into those grey eyes and they are my everything. In here, I do live for him... strange game we play...intense and fucking mad...

He takes a black leather collar with cone studs, hanging on the wall next to us, and ties it around my neck while looking at me forcefully...and in a strange way, I feel I..I belong to him. The hooks on the collar are freezing on my skin. Everything feels cold but there is an abundance of heat coming out of me.

'Come on.'

Should I walk like this? My dress is open, I have a leather collar on my neck, a nipple clamps and chastity belt on, and with my black suspender hose and my above the knee boots I have this 'I am screaming for a fuck' look. I am getting so wet I am sure this belt will not last long.

'Ms Steele, are you waiting for someone?'

'No, Sir.' I start walking, following him.

'You do remember the one rule here, right?'

'Yes, Sir.'

'Say it.'

'I look only at you. Nobody else, Sir.'

We walk into the main area and I do remember clearly, even though it's from a different perspective, the very spacious high ceiling room. The lights are dimmed. People in every corner with various contraptions spread all over, most of them occupied.

We don't stop here but keep walking. He is taking me up the grand staircase, holding me by my lower back, under my dress, and I feel his hand sliding down on my bum cheeks kneading them slightly and tapping gently on them...like before a hard slap...aghh...I do want that fucking hard slap.

On the first floor there are many rooms and we enter the one with the double doors wide open, with thick white carpet on the floor and a brown leather chaise lounge in the middle. We are alone in here and there is a small bar in the corner with bar stools around it.

He takes me to the bar area and sits on one of the bar stools, not looking at me.

'Kneel.'

Each of his commands makes me dripping wet. As I kneel down he begins to stroke my hair. Ah..I want him. I move my head into his hand, closing my eyes, I needed this, my comfort... why am I loving this? Being his submissive... just having him stroke my hair makes me wet. I look up at him and my eyes are begging... this fucking belt is ...argh..

'You are making me put something over your eyes Ms. Steele.'

Taking a mask out of his pocket he blindfolds my eyes. I didn't expect this. The moment I can't see anything the throbbing in my clit infuse my body with pulsations, torturing me slowly.

I can hear him pouring a glass of wine.

'Are you thirsty, Ms. Steele?'

'Yes, Sir.' I'm feeling parched.

'Open wide then.'

I want the wine. It would help me relax. My clit is beginning to fucking haunt me…and I open my mouth.

'Wider.'

I hear his zipper opening and I feel yank of my collar, followed by a click. Did he..? Did he just put a leash on me?

My mouth is open and I feel the cold wine being poured into it, making me swallow fast because I am yanked straight on to his hard cock by my leash. Some of the wine spills and I start sucking him while he holds me close with the leash, not giving me space to move. With his other hand he holds my hair, fucking my mouth hard and I...I love this. I take him deep into my throat, I want to please him...make him understand _my_ need.

'Mm...Yes, that's right. Have the wine.'

I suck him hard and now I am certain I can feel my juices trickle down the inside of my legs. My moans are muffled and my hips move defiantly.

'Ah...Ms. Steele, you are so good...'

I feel him harden so much I expect his jizz any second into my mouth. I haven't had him this hard before. He is close...I feel it.

'Argh..'

I am suddenly yanked off of him and pulled up.

'Argh..Not yet...not so fast...' He pants, trying to control himself.

'Be a good girl for me, Ms. Steele. Go down on your hands and knees.'

He takes off my dress and I obey, going down like a dog...or cat. Kitten.

'Walk with me to the lounger.'

I am not sure which direction to start crawling in when I'm given a tug by the leash.

'Ah...you look so sexy. If you didn't have your chastity belt on I would have fucked you by now in so many ways.'

'Ahh...'

I cannot stand the pain in my groin. It's an interesting sort of ache, like the one you have when you don't get your fuck for days. The moment I hear him talk about my fuck my behind perks up and ...I need my openings free, I need this off...fucking off.

'What was that? Did you say something Ms. Steele?'

'I...I...Arghh...' I am going to make it. I am his submissive. He makes me wet. All the time. But when I'm wet...I need my fuck. It's a vicious circle I'm caught into and I don't want to get out.

'Are you frustrated Ms. Steele?'

I hear him closer now and as I walk on all fours a whooshing sound cuts through the air and something small and hard ...some kind of paddle, smacks my bum cheek.

'Ahh...'

It feels like heaven...but burning. Exactly want I needed...so painful.

'Mmm...Good?'

'Yes...Yes, Sir.'

I feel spikes...raking over my back, going down towards my behind and again, the whooshing sound through the air and _smack!_

'Ahh...ahh...' This hurts... a lot.

Again, another smack on my other bum cheek and the pain bring tears in my eyes together with so much pleasure...and I whine, long whine...ending with a short sob.

'Come.'

He tugs me by my collar few more steps further and drapes me over the chaise lounge, on the end side. My breasts together with the nipple clamps are over the side on the lounge, and my behind is perked on the other. Oh, I move my hips, I moan, I whine ...and ...I cannot hold of anymore.

'I beg...Sir.'

'Already? We haven't even started Ms. Steele?'

'I beg you...Sir.'

I open my legs, placing my knee on the lounge, opening myself for fucking and I think he takes mercy on me. I hear something is happening to my belt and feeling the release...he pulls it off of me and suddenly ...my behind perks high up, my hips moving like I am already fucking and I rub my clit from the leather lounge, now all wet with my juices, and with each empty thrust of my hips I moan.

'Ahhh...ahhhh...ahhhh..'.

I hear the whooshing sound again and the painful paddle on my behind and I love it, I know what's coming.

'Aahh...' I moan smiling.

'Much better?'

I am drenching the lounge underneath me.

'Yes...'

And again that small spiky paddle ..or something, is being raked on my back, down on my pink cheeks and ...oh...on my wet pussy...so spiky and ahh...I want it inside of me. He is deliberately patting me with it, I hear my juices sloshing...and then one solid smack on my pussy takes me high up in the sky.

'Ahh...' I didn't expect this...it's...amazing. I want it now...more than my fuck.

'Again...Sir.'

'Again Ms. Steele? Are you sure?'

'Yes...again...once more...'

And I brace myself for the sweetest moment when the spiky paddle smacks my wet pussy, the pain going straight into my clit and giving me shivers down my legs.

'Ahh... ' I am loud.

'I take it you don't want your fuck then?'

'I do. ...I do, Sir.'

I am driven mad by the abundance of vibrations going into different parts of my body. My moans are bouncing off the walls when, strangely, I remember the doors are open. People are walking past our room and I know nobody is looking. But suddenly everything stops. Someone is at the door.

'Ahem...I am sorry for disturbing you Mr. Grey ... we need you.'

There is a few seconds silence. I'm sure Christian is composing himself.

'Yes, very well. I'll be with you in a minute.'

In control as always, never missing a beat. Almost instantly he is by my side and lifts my head up, yanking me by my hair, talking into my ear.

'Ms. Steele, I want you to stay like this and do not move. Think about how hard I will fuck you when I comeback. Think of my cock in your mouth, my cum all over your face.'

'Ahh...'

'Say it for me!' He tugs my hair harder.

'I'll think about your cock in my mouth...and your fuck...Sir...ah...'

'Mm...Yes... and moan for me, I want to hear you moan.'

'Ahh...'

I hear him walking away and the doors closing while I am still moaning. I am not sure if I am able to stay like this without humping this lounge.

Back in no time, and I am still moaning, but now I'm slightly humping the chaise lounge. He kneels behind me...mm...I feel his hands on my bum cheeks, colder this time...stroking me gently and I moan louder...and then ...I feel his nails claw into my hips and pulling me to him. But this touch is different...sharp nails clawed into me...and...

'Tsk, tsk tsk, Anastasia...so easy...I could have you right here if I wanted to...'

_What the fuck?_

Adrenaline shoots off into my heart and I get up pulling up my mask, looking back and moving away from her claws. It's that woman Elena. I am so mad, she was holding my behind, clawing my behind! I don't care if I'm naked and humping the sofa in front of her, but fucking hell, she crossed the line when she touched me. And this is her second time!

'Fuck you!'

I swing my fist at her and punch her so hard I see her falling back on the floor. I stand next to her and with my sturdy boots, thank god I am wearing them, I kick her so many times I lose count, shouting obscenities, screaming fucking whore and crying through my gritted teeth until I hear Christians voice soothing me and him pulling me away.

'You fucking can never have me! You hear me? Never!'


	28. Chapter 28

'Ana, enough!'

Christian is covering me with my dress and trying to calm me down when I hear Taylor's voice in the back ground.

'I'm sorry, Sir. I was following her closely all day but when I lost her in here I had to call for you. There wasn't any other option.' I turn around and see Taylor has already grabbed Elena by her arms and is pulling her up.

'That's fine Taylor. Let's sort this out first.'

'Yes Sir.'

'Let..me..go!' Elena talks through her teeth and tries to wriggle from his grasp. Managing to pull her arm free, she makes a step closer to Christian.

'… I… I just wanted to show you I could have her…'

'What?' How dare she think she can have me! I lunge at her again but Christian is still holding me tight and all I can do is swear obscenities at her.

'You fucking bitch! You think I would fuck you? Look at you ….you whore!'

Christian pulls me in closer, wrapping his arms around me, nuzzling me into neck, I think, trying to shelter me from everything.

'Please..ignore her.'

I look at her from inside his protection and she is staring at us with tears in her eyes and bloody lip.

'I…I love you Christian...I've always loved you…'

He is trying to be calm for my sake but can't; he is furious. I can tell by the way his teeth are clenched and the muscles in his jaw defined.

'Taylor, take her away.'

'Christian…!'

Elena is desperately shouting as Taylor is leading her out and the doors close behind them.

x

'Why did you leave me alone? Why did you have to go?' I ask with teary eyes.

'Ana, I had to make sure certain people are kept away from this party. I told them to notify me if there was an issue.'

'She fucking touched me ...' I say and close my eyes, sickened from the feeling.

'She won't do it again. And if you hadn't kicked the living shit out of her I probably would have killed her. In a way I'm glad you did.'

He comes closer and wipes the tears from my eyes, embracing me tight, molding me into him.

'Christian…let's not come here again.' He is stroking my hair and I'm peaceful in his embrace. 'This is not a place for me….for us..'

'Whatever you want, Ana.' He kisses my head. 'I love you so much.'

With my desire for fuck gone I move away from him, still sniffling, removing the nipple clamps and throwing them on the floor, I fasten my dress properly.

'My panties….I think they are downstairs, in the toys room.'

'Forget about them. Let's just go.' He grabs me by my waist and pulls me into him.

'Wait.'

I try to find the buckle on the collar he put on me so I can take it off and he places his hands on top of mine, helping me.

'I like you collared. It's what pleased me most today.' He looks in my eyes and… my master is back…together with the influx of juices inside of me. No panties to keep them at bay.

Taking the collar and the leash off of me, we walk out.

x

'Sorry for ruining the night.' Christian glances at me while driving us back.

'I'm sure you'll make it up to me.' I look at him and smile. I don't care about the sex as much as I care about him. His past is so fucked up. This woman Elena is obsessed with him.

'Do you want to come to my house tonight?'

'No. I need my mum.'

'And you don't need your fuck?' He smirks.

'I do. But it can wait. I think you've taught me that much today.'

His lips crook at the ends and I can see a grin on his face. He liked my joke.

'Are you being clever with me, Ms. Steele?'

'Am I?' I act coy.

'Ok then. I'll drop you off at your house.'

'You do that.' I chuckle.

'But just so you know, I am taking you away this weekend.'

'Christian, my mother arrived yesterday.'

'Yes, and she can take care of your children. Your babysitter will help her.'

Would Mrs. Saunders be happy to help? Yes, I think so.

'We'll go out tomorrow afternoon and come back by Sunday evening.'

'The two of us?'

'Yes.' He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles gently, while watching the road, driving.

'Where are we going?'

'It's a surprise.'

'Oh! OK.' I smile.

x

I wave at him and enter my house. It's late.

'Is that you Ana?' My mum is in the living room.

'Yes mum, let me change and I will be with you in a minute.'

Upstairs I quickly go in my closet, changing into my black slip and making sure I put on a pair of panties. As I come out I notice the mess in my bedroom. Wardrobes open, boxes turned upside down. I am certain I didn't leave it like this.

'Mum!'

I shout but then cringe, remembering Jason and Michael are sleeping and run downstairs quickly, entering the lounge.

'Mum! What happened? Why is the bedroom like that?'

My mother is sitting on the cozy chair watching TV and upon seeing me she switches it off.

'Ana, sit down.'

'What? What is it?' I panic.

'Jose was here.'

'What?' I take a step backwards and slowly lower myself in the chair opposite her.

'Yes.'

'That can't be! Jose is in jail.'

'Well, apparently not.'

'But..he should be in jail…'

'He was here with someone…um..her name was Melanie. Yes. She posted bail for him.'

'Melanie? Were they together? I mean..like a couple…'

'No. I don't know.'

'What happened? Tell me everything!'

'There is nothing to tell. He was very polite but in a hurry. He came in, said hello, went upstairs to see Michael and Jason but didn't wake them up. Then went to your bedroom, took some of his stuff and he went. Oh, and he left this for you.'

She passes me a sealed envelope and… Why am I so nervous?

'Shit' I lean back on the chair and think. Bail? How much is that I wonder? Are they having an affair? And what is in this letter?

I look at it. The envelope looks worn, like it's been through his hands, pockets, bags for few days.

I look at my mum.

'Are you ok?'

'Yes, why wouldn't I be?'

'Ok. Um...I'm going upstairs.'

'Ok honey. Good night.'

I am half way down the hallway when I remember to tell her about my weekend.

'Mum, I want to go away for the weekend. With Christian. Are you going to be ok with the boys in here? I can ask Mrs. Saunders to come and help you if you want.' I stand by the door and talk.

'Oh. Yes. Yes of course. Great, I would love to spend some time with the boys alone.'

'Thanks. Good night mum.'

'Good night, Ana.'

I go upstairs and enter my messy bedroom. I don't have any intentions of tidying it up; I just take the things off of my bed and I lie down, with the letter from Jose. _Why did he write me a letter?_ I open it and take out the neatly hand written note.

_Dear Ana_

_I don't know where to start. Or what to say. You might not even get this letter at all but right now I need to write, clear my mixed up mind. Take the pain out of my system._

_First of all, I am sorry for hurting you. That is something I will never forgive myself. Why did I do it? I think I was mad at myself for taking you for granted. Mad for making so many other mistakes that hurt you even more. You see, the moment you start living a lie, the perspective change…and it's all downhill from there. I wouldn't want you to live a life built on lies. _

_I am also lost without you. The ache in my heart is killing me. I cry for hours. And I've had enough of the tears. They don't suit a grown man. Each time I think of what we had my vision clouds up and a lump forms in my throat, making me unable to talk. _

_I just want you next to me. Like you always were. You promised once to me that you are mine. Remember? That you'll be there for me. Always. Where is that now? I want to know._

Tears run down my cheeks and I cry silently. I understand his pain.

_These past few days in prison have made me think about everything. Who am I and why am I? And for the first time I see what you have done for me. Ten years of your life just following me blindly and I haven't ever said thank you. Thank you for being there for me, helping me build my career, myself, my life. All on the back of yours. And you never complained. Never said a word. It must be hard raising children in a foreign country. Anastasia Steele, you are one hell of a woman. Strong. Beautiful. Wonderful. Why haven't I seen all that in time? This might come in late but I want you to know I am so proud you are the mother of my children. Even if I end up in prison for life, I know that with you, they will turn out a good people. _

_I didn't expect to ramble on this much… I think what I wanted to say is… I love you. No matter what. We both know what's best for us and that's not being together. _

_I wish you good luck with whoever you end up with. I know we shared something extraordinary and unique and will be connected forever._

_Jose_

I finish reading the letter and I can't stop crying. The ink is getting smeared from my tears and I….I don't recognize this man. He loved me? Obviously we were living in parallel universe…but nevertheless…I forgive him. I do. We all make mistakes. Why shouldn't he be exonerated. I feel an urge to call him, to write him an email to contact him but I can't. I must not give me false hope. It's not fair.

With the letter clutched close to my heart I fall asleep, still crying.

The next morning I wake up late, around ten, with puffy eyes. My mum has taken the kids to school and made me breakfast. I love her. I come in the kitchen and sit at the table.

'Good morning Ana.'

I'm sure she can see I have been crying and before I say anything she puts her arm over her my shoulder.

'Ana, people make mistakes, get divorced, but most stay friends for the sake of the children.'

I look at her and she continues. 'Find it in your heart to forgive him, because what you feel can be seen. And you don't want your children to see contempt in your eyes each time you talk of their father.'

'Mum… I have already forgiven him.'

'It's not easy doing that.'

'No, it's not. But I have.' I look at her meaningfully, making sure she gets me, understands me. 'I am only sad.'

'Now, do you want me to give you Mrs. Saunders telephone number or shall I call her?' I try to change the subject. Not talk about Jose. It's putting me down.

'No, leave it with me before you go and I'll speak with her.'

'Ok. I am going to pack. Christian will pick me up around noon.' I remember we never talked about him. 'By the way mum…What did you think of him?'

I ask and wait by the door.

She looks at me and smiles. 'He is not a talker. You are right.'

Oh wow. My mother actually gave up on him? I think she doesn't want to get to know him better. Of course, it's all too soon. I've known him for only two weeks.

I head upstairs and pack for my weekend away. I am not sure if I am excited. Jose's letter kind of knocked me down from the top of my love cloud. I am not feeling guilty but it feels like I shouldn't be enjoying myself as much as I am. I go through my drawers with cosmetics and realize my make up case is at work. I need that make up case. I can't go anywhere without it.

Ready in less than ten minutes and with my small bag I go downstairs, dressed in my knee length jersey black dress and my black stilettos; comfortable enough to travel.

x

Taylor is taking us with his Range Rover to our weekend away. I still don't know where we are heading. I didn't ask him so I packed light. Wherever we are I can always buy more clothes. I love clothes.

'Christian, I need to get to work to pick up my make up case. Is that ok?'

He smiles blissfully at me while talking to Taylor.

'Taylor, take us to Casting Steps first.'

He puts his arm around me and I snuggle in his chest. Hoping for some peace at last…but instead, a guilty thought runs through my mind. I haven't said anything about Jose's letter. There is no need I think. But..why did I take it with me? I wish I didn't.

'Ana, you seem miles away. Are you ok?'

How can he see through me?

'Yes. I am.'

x

We arrive at work and Taylor parks in the car park while I quickly go outside and into the building. Inside the office, Jennifer is out for lunch. Great! I pick up my make up case and swiftly, without looking at my colleagues, I exit towards the elevators but once reaching them I take the stairs. The quickest way down.

The floor below has been vacated because of building works and the stairs just outside it are dusty and muddy. I carefully walk around the mud left from the builders, who are now all at lunch, and don't even notice the door opening when someone yanks me by my arm inside. I manage to look back and before I have time to scream I see Tom, restraining me, covering my mouth and nose with his ghastly hand and I …I can't breathe from the alcohol and acetone smell. My pulse is beating in my ears, blocking out all other sounds except my breathing, raggedly moving in and out of my mouth and nostrils and I let out a stifled whimper before everything turns dark.

'Now, you are mine!'


	29. Chapter 29

Hi everyone

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

xx

Alexandra

* * *

The splitting headache I have does not help me open my eyes easily…but once I do, everything is dark. Uncertain if I'm blindfolded or not I stare in the darkness and slowly…everything is revealed, my eyes adjust. My body is restrained on a chair, my hands and legs tied, my mouth taped. I moan through the tape and from the corner a dark shadow appears, coming forward, mounting panic in my eyes. It's him. He takes a chair and places it opposite me, sitting down. _Oh no...No! Don't touch me…Ugh…_I move my head away from his hand but I am helpless. He holds my chin with his thumb and index finger firm.

'Our little darling Ana is awake. Funny seeing you here.'

I hear his repugnant voice and I am scared, afraid of what he might do to me. Last time I saw him he hit me and now….well now we are alone...in some...broom cupboard. And nobody knows where I am.

Our awareness is suddenly drawn to the noise outside, someone walking past the door, calling my name. It's Taylor! A crumb of hope…everything is not lost yet and my eyes shine, I realize this is my chance. Tom quickly covers my mouth and nose with his hand, my head in his arm lock and I think this is it. He will either suffocate me or break my neck. But he stands still and so do I and Taylor moves on.

Relieved there is nobody outside anymore, he goes back to his chair, staring at me.

'Mhmh..' I try to talk. My fear dissipates inside of me and my primal instinct kicks in accompanied by adrenaline; a basic 'fight or flight' moment.

'What's that Ana? You want to say something? No can do. Stay put until the day is over, everybody goes home and I take you to my place. You can talk there. Or scream. Whatever you want to do.' He comes closer to me, narrowing his eyes. 'Oh…the fun we are going to have... I can't wait to start playing...'

As he talks I feel sick in my stomach and tears engorge my eyes, overflowing them and falling down my cheeks. I must do something; I can't wait here until he takes me home and rapes me. My heart is beating loud in my chest while I look around for any escape routes in this tiny broom cabinet. There is a sliver of light coming through the door frame and I see another exit on the other side.

'Mhhm…..mhhm..'

'I know you are trying to say something but I'm afraid I can't let you talk.' He is not very confident. I know he wants to talk to me but is afraid he might get caught.

'Uh-uh…mhhm….' _Please take this off of me._

'You will scream.' He is looking directly in my eyes, trying to see how I will react, somehow, wanting to talk.

'Uh-uh…'

'No? What if you do?' _Ok, we are getting somewhere now._

'Uh-uh… Uh-uh…'

'Do you remember what happened the last time I saw you Ana? If you misbehave…this time will hurt much, much more…' He is taking to me and reaching for the masked tape at the corner of my lip.

'So don't scream!'

In one swift move he takes it off of me, a ripping sound echoes through the space. We look at each other for a moment in silence before I hear his repulsive voice again.

'Well?'

'Um..Tom, why are you doing this? Please, let me go.' I plead with him.

'Your boyfriend shouldn't have messed with me.' He says threateningly.

'How did he mess with you? Please…Tom, that was a mistake… I don't want you getting hurt again…'

'Me? If anybody is getting hurt it will be him. But I don't expect him to find us today so maybe nobody will get hurt after all.' He looks at me smirking. 'Well…not unless they beg for it.'

Ugh! I am going throw up soon, my stomach can't handle it anymore when I hear someone outside again, walking quietly, and my heart beat speeds up, I can almost feel the adrenaline rushing through my blood. I'm not sure if Tom heard that.

'Tom…what is it that you want?' I try to act normal as much as I can under the circumstances.

'At the moment? You! And after…I think you again.' He grins sarcastically.

'But..I don't want to be with you. Not now, not ever!' I say defiantly, my voice rising.

'Did someone ask you? You don't get to decide anymore…' The heaviness of that sentence was enough to make me take an ample amount of air and scream at the top of my lungs.

''Christiaaaaaaann!'

My voice reverberates in the small space, surprising Tom for a moment. Realizing what's happening he swings his fist at me and at the same time the door pushes open into him, making him lose balance and fall on the ground.

I see Christian with Taylor behind him and … my make believe field of strength drops and I am me again…scared…starting to sob.

'Ana! Oh Ana! Thank god I found you!'

I feel Christian's soft hands on my face, holding me wiping my tears as I break down and start wailing into them.

'Why Christian? Why is all this happening to me?'

'Shh...Don't worry Ana...it's ok...' He talks while untying me from the chair.

Free from my restrains I hurriedly get out of the broom cabinet to feel my freedom and I see we are in the lower ground floor, next to the stairs. How did he manage to take me down here without anyone seeing? I just want to go, to run outside but turning around I see Taylor straddling Tom, holding him pinned to the ground and Christian kneeling next to Taylor, one of his knees on Tom's throat and I hear choking sound.

Distraught, I scream with my last crumb of strength.

'Christian! Don't! I need you with me, not in jail!

They look at each other, exchanging meaningful glances before Christian stands up, coming to me with Taylor closing the door behind him.

'Ana, go in the car and wait for us there.'

'No! I'm not leaving you!' I stomp with my foot.

'I'm not going to say it again.' He is holding me by my shoulders, his voice grave.

Before I can say anything we hear thrashing sound in the broom cabinet and slamming of a door. In one step Christian is there and upon entering we see Taylor on the ground and Tom gone. There was another door in here and Tom had escaped through it.

'Taylor! Taylor!'

'Um…sorry, Sir...' He is barely talking.

'Are you OK?'

'Yes I am… he is gone. Sorry again Sir...'

'Don't worry about that now. Where did he hit you?'

'My head… I'm fine. I'm fine Sir.' Christians helps him get up.

I look at all this and lean on the wall, staring to cry again, descending down to the floor.

Why is all this happening to me? Since when I have started attracting such bad luck…Drama in my life? Another failed attempt at my life...and it could have almost cost Taylor his life. God, what have I done to deserve such thing! Immersed in my thoughts and crying despondently Christian loud voice startles me.

'Ana! Are you OK? He didn't do anything to you did he?'

'No… I am OK.' He lifts me up into his arms and we go out, my head buried into his shoulder.

'How did you find me?'

'There was a mud trail from the fourth floor going down.'

'Why? Why is this happening to me Christian?'

'Shh…We are going away now. Remember?' He strokes my hair. 'Our weekend away.'

He turns to Taylor.

'I'm taking her out of the country. I hope you can deal with this while we are away. It's the safest option.'

'Yes, Mr. Grey. Of course I will.'

'Out of the country? Where?' He is not listening to me.

'Take us back to Ms. Steele's house; we need to get her passport.'

'Christian…Where are you taking me?'

'It's a surprise. We are still going away but we will need your passport. Is that OK Ana? I need you somewhere safe until Taylor finds him.'

'Yes. OK….But isn't it better to call the police? Stay here?'

'No. Don't worry about anything. I can assure you he will not be bothering us anymore.'

x

Going back home after leaving for the weekend was a little awkward. Had to explain to my mother why I am coming back and she wasn't too happy with me going out of the country. I am not either. What if my children need me? Where is 'out of the country'? Luckily Christian had a word with her on her own and told her where he is taking me. At that moment I saw her warming up to him. Laughing and offering food and stuff. That's her happy. I spoke with Mrs. Saunders too, making sure she is at least a phone call away and then we went, Taylor driving us to Heathrow airport.

From the conversation I've heard in the car between Christian and whoever was on the other side of the line, I gathered he has his own private jet, a Gulfstream G550 and he was making sure the jet is prepared for flying at such a short notice. During the conversation he was observing me, licking his lips deliciously, consuming me with his eyes, leaving me with a feeling of longing…for him. We didn't talk. Just stared at each other.

x

At the airport we are ushered through the many back doors, with Taylor apparently knowing most of the staff members in here and in a short time we are standing on the runway, in front of a small airplane.

'Wow. Cool.'

So this is the Gulfstream G550. _Don't get excited about airplanes too, Ana! Being a carwhore is enough! _

'You like it?'

'Well...it's a plane. But …cool.' I've never been on a private jet before. But of course I won't tell him, or act like I haven't.

Taylor places our bags inside and bids us farewell.

As we enter the two pilots at the front greet us with their smiles while prepping the plane.

'We'll be taking off in ten minutes Mr. Grey.'

And the stewardess comes into my face a bit too much too soon.

'Hello and welcome to Grey Enterprises Flight today. If you need anything please do let me know. I will be at the front of the plane during the flight.' She smiles at us with her perfect white teeth, gorgeous face and undulant dark brown hair. She is really pretty.

'Yes, thank you Sally'.

Christian brushes her off and she retreats in her space, closing the door behind us. As we enter I look around and I am not sure where to sit. There is a beige leather settee, few very comfortable chairs, a round wooden coffee table and also…so much more at the back. It looks like we are in some kind of miniature trendy bar, with beige leather seating everywhere. At the back, there is a door with a full length mirror on it, reflecting us, making the space looks bigger than it already is.

Christian is following me closely and I can almost feel him breathing in my neck. I turn around to ask for some guidance on where to sit but in an instant with one hand he yanks my ponytail and with the other he envelops my waist, restraining me of any movement.

Oh…this is unprovoked and unexpected. I can't look into his eyes standing like this and I'm not sure what he is up to but …I feel a strange flash burn in my loins.

'I think I want to fuck you now Ms. Steele.' He whispers forebodingly in my ear and I…I'm...Oh my!

'Are you ready for me?'

How …how is this possible…Um…I feel the adrenaline rushing through my blood and I try to move but am held tight in my place.

'…Um….'

'Yes or no Ms. Steele?'

'Yes…yes.'

'Say it for me.'

'I want you to fuck me Sir.'

'No! Say, I want to be fucked now please.'

'I…I want to be fucked now please Sir.' I am panting and nothing's happened yet.

This flash burn in my groin is not going away, staying there, making my knees weak...and everything else around me changes.

'Good girl..'

He pushes me forward to the small coffee table, and now I can see myself in the full length mirror in front of me. I am caught in his claws and he doesn't have any intentions of letting go.

'Lift your knees up on the table.'

He says all the while holding me by my hair, making it impossible for me to move anyway. Once on the table and still not letting go of my hair he releases my waist I hear him undoing his belt and trousers in a rush.

'Do not make a sound!'

I close my eyes, disintegrating in the space and focusing on his needs. His needs are directly connected with mine. In a strange way.

He lifts up my dress and he is in such a hurry, rough almost, and shimmies my panties down up to my thighs.

Oh my...I sense his stiffness on my behind, searching for my opening together with his hand. His fingers gliding up and down my soaked pussy, betrayed by its overflowing juices and almost too fast his rigid cock is stuck inside of me.

'Ah…'

'I don't want to hear a sound!'

He start pounding me hard, rough, holding me by my hair and his grunts tell me he is loving this hard fucking and….the feeling I get right before I cum is here from the beginning. Those silver lines running through my body taking me to my peak are with me during my fuck. From the moment I asked him to fuck me my mind got drafted under his command and now I live to please him.

Holding me by my waist he lifts me from the table and making few steps forward we slam against the door, where the full length mirror is, making me almost lose my balance.

'Look at yourself Ms. Steele.'

I...I am lost between the rough pounding against the cold mirror and I force myself to open my eyes…

'Tell me what do you see?'

'…Me…being ...fucked...'

'Yes….you ..being fucked..'

I can feel the rhythm speeding up harder, rougher, banging me against that mirror and his groans louder.

'In the next two days…I will fuck you wherever I want…. whenever I want! Remember that…...Ahhhh….'

He spurts his jizz inside of me sending ripples of fire into my core and I explode into his thrusts backwards, convulsing while he's holding me tight, pulling me by my hair and restraining me by my waist. I fall back into his body, lightheaded from my orgasm and his power over me. I...I think...this fuck was the best I've ever had.


	30. Chapter 30

Hey everyone

Hope you like this 'lemony' chapter. :D

And...don't forget to say something.

Mwah!

* * *

After the great sex we had we took off at five in the afternoon. The flight was apparently going to be long and after talking, looking at each other and some more talking, at ten in the evening, I went to sleep. Christian still wouldn't tell me where he is taking me and I wasn't pressing him. I liked being whisked away to an unknown place and taken care of. It's every girl's dream.

I am not sure how long was I sleeping but mild turbulence wakes me up and, tracing the silky sheets on the bed, searching for Christian with my hand, I realize he isn't here.

'Just in time Ana.' He looks at me from across the bed, sitting in a comfortable beige leather chair, his lap top in front of him, smiling. 'Come.' His hand reaching out to me.

'In time?' Puzzled, I gradually get up and taking his hand I sit down on the chair next to him.

'Yes, we are descending. Look through the window.'

He points to the window next to him and I lean over his lap, peaking through the small oval opening trying to discern where we are. It's dark outside but by looking at the lights beneath I think we are landing on an island. _An island?_

'Are you still going to keep it a secret or have you decided to tell me where you are taking me?' Still sleepy, I talk into the window.

'Nassau, Bahamas.' He says proudly with big grin on his face.

'Nassau?.. As in across the ocean Nassau? As in…USA?' My eyes open wide and suddenly I'm awake with mixed feelings inside. I'm not sure if I am happy. We are far. Really far. And only for the weekend? It's ludicrous.

'I don't know of any other Nassau. Do you?' He is smirking.

'Oh…you told my mom, right?' _What if my kids need me? What if my mother needs me?_

'Of course I did. She knows. Ana, don't worry, your children are in good hands.'

The realization of being here slowly sinks in and I lean in the chair; my lips slightly crook on one end. I am in the Bahamas. Huh. Bahamas. I regard Christian who is still smirking and for a moment we look at each other before I give out a scream and laugh out loud at the same time.

'You are crazy!' I jump into his lap, still laughing and wrap my arms around him.

'Crazy? Why? Because I decided to take my woman away for the weekend?' He acts like it's no big deal, but I can tell he is enjoying me happy.

'This is ridiculous! Going away so far only for the weekend? It's plain stupid!' I tell him off but my wide grin cannot cover my excitement. 'And don't you think I'm impressed. I am not!'

'Ms. Steele…would you like me to ask the pilot to turn the plane around? I can do that too...'

He is serious but I can see a ghost of a smile on his face.

'Mr. Grey, I think I can manage one weekend in the Bahamas. Especially,' I lean closer and whisper into his ear, 'with what you promised earlier.' I'm still in his lap when he grabs the back of my neck with one hand securing the hold over me and presses his cheek against mine. There is a short foreboding silence before I hear him talk again.

'Ms. Steele, I do intend to fuck you anyway I please in the next two days.'

I feel his words between my legs, right there, in my neither regions and I welcome the surge of my nectar on my panties.

The pilot breaks the spell between us announcing that we are descending and Christian, lifting me effortlessly from his lap, lowers me on the seat next to him; I can feel his breath on my face while he is buckling me in and once done he leans forward and kisses me gently, inhaling my essence.

'I can't wait.' His voice makes me shiver in anticipation.

He proceeds to buckle himself in and as he leans back in his seat, he places the palm of his hand on top of mine.

'I hope you slept well.' He looks at me and kisses my shoulder. 'Because the night has just begun.'

He is telling me he is ready for his fuck. Or mine. Either way, there will be a fuck. And ruined panties. That's for sure.

* * *

We land at Lynden Pindling International Airport in Nassau and I still cannot believe where we are. The moment the doors open I am hit with the hot and sticky air and immediately I feel I am overdressed. I don't think I packed for this country.

* * *

I can almost taste the saltiness of the sea in my mouth and in the distance I hear Caribbean music; it's so exciting; I have two days to see Nassau. Will I have enough time? I doubt he knows my hunger for discovering new cultures. My never-ending thirst for knowledge that always comes up when I am visiting a new place. Well, he is about to find out. Fucking or not fucking I am going to see this place.

* * *

There is a large black limousine waiting for us and we enter, with Christian nodding politely to the driver, I know the orders are already given. Inside the car we don't talk; his hand is on my thigh and he is ever so gently stroking me, going up to my crotch and down to my knee, lifting my dress on the way. All this makes my pulse racing and my legs open, disobeying me. And I am sweating. Yes, the weather is hot but I am perspiring for another reason. He promised me he'll fuck me anywhere he wants and I think I am expecting it now; yet, nothing happens.

We drive for less than fifteen minutes before we stop in front of an electric gate and as we wait for it to open I can see through the many beautifully lit palm trees we are about to enter what looks like the gardens of a large villa, fenced around with high walls and secluded from the main road. The car drives through the gates and within minutes we are parked outside the entrance. The house looks grand, even at night, I can almost imagine the luxury I am about to see on the inside, and there is a woman waiting in front of it.

'Mr Grey, welcome.'

An older lady, dressed in flowery dress and sandals is greeting us.

'Thank you Mrs. Jones.' He reaches out and shakes her hand.

'Did Taylor call you?'

Yes, he did. Everything is arranged, not to worry.' She looks at me and smiles.

'You are Ms. Steele I presume, right?'

'Um...Yes. That's me. Nice to meet you.' I say surprised.

'Welcome to Nassau, Ms. Steele. Is this your first time here?'

'Yes. Yes it is.'

'I hope you will enjoy your stay.' She turns to Christian. 'I'll be only a phone call away. The house keeper will be here each morning but if you don't want her just make sure you leave a sign on the door.

'Yes, thank you. Will do.'

'Goodbye Mr. Grey. Ms. Steele.'

The limousine driver opens the passenger door from the inside for her and she gets in; as they drive off the electric gate closes behind them.

'Come.'

We enter through the front door and into a large lounge; before we even turn the lights on my eyes are immediately drawn to the floor to ceiling windows with panoramic views of the ocean. At least I believe it's the ocean because it's all dark. No lights anywhere apart the ones from the odd boats lulling around in the bay.

'Beautiful, right?' Christian notices my quiet admiration.

'Yes.'

'You've been here before?' I look at him in wonder.

'This is my house, Ana. I often come here.' He says confidently as he turns the lights on.

Looking around the room I am .. speechless. The decor is divine; soaring ceilings, exceptional furnishings and I can see a state of the art kitchen in the background. The lights are on in the gardens outside and I can see through the windows the outdoor area; a wrap-around infinity edged pool and covered lanai. Pure decadence of luxury!

'Oh…' I need time to take my breath in. 'I didn't know that.'

'You don't know much about me Ana, but you do know the most important thing.'

He smiles and envelops my body with his arms, pressing my sweaty back into his chest and kisses me on the back of my head when, I instantly remember my clothes.

'You do know I have nothing to wear that's suitable right?'

'Mrs. Jones made sure you have enough clothes for the weekend. And shoes.'

'Oh…Thanks.' I see. They were talking about me earlier.

'Unless….you prefer not wearing clothes at all.'

He starts kissing me on the nape of my neck; tracing kisses along to my ear and he reaches my ear lobe, gently tugs it with his lips and then bites it enough to make me want it more. I turn around into him, almost breathing on his face, waiting for my kiss but nothing comes back and he stops with his gentle nibbling too.

'Yes, Ms. Steele?'

'I want you.' My eyes glisten and I stare at him, radiating everything I have for this man to take me. He promised he will.

'You… want me? Or you want your fuck?'

'Both.' I whisper.

'You can have _me_ first.' He points to his protruding member in his jeans, motioning me to go down on him. I..I kneel. I'm willing. Submissive. Slowly undoing the buttons I take his rigid cock out of his boxer shorts into my hand and start stroking him.

'Look at me.'

I look up and with the tip of my tongue I start licking his head.

'Yess. Take it all in…and do not break the eye contact.' He orders me while petting my hair.

I start sucking…It's difficult to look at him while I bob my head on his cock. I am self-conscious but he seems to enjoy me. His smile says it all and him, closing his eyes and tilting his head back from time to time, grunting, makes it all worth the while. I feel his veins inside my mouth popping and see the close proximity to his peak when I start sucking him harder and taking him deeper into my throat, moaning at the same time.

With both of his hands on my head he tangles his fingers in my hair and he pushes deeper into my mouth fucking me hard and… I hear his groans, his coming …and feel his pleasure, my ecstasy, when he explodes in the back of my throat making me swallow every single drop of him.

He needs few minutes to compose himself but when he does, he lets go of my head and reaches his hand out to me; still panting, but definitely in control.

'Come.'

I am hot, horny, excited, panting and I..I think it's my turn now…waiting on him to make a move, to give me my fuck…but nothing happens. Nothing.

He turns my body around and presses my back into his chest, again, holding me there while my panting eases off.

'Do you want to look around Ms. Steele? See what this house has to offer?'

There is something sinister in the way he asks me.

'Um….OK. Yes…' I'm heady, anticipating my fuck but not getting it and I don't care where we go.

He takes my hand, guiding me into a different doorway and coming across a small corridor we walk into it and down the stairs into a cooler room. The lights come on and I see we are in the garage and …Oh my god! My focus changes from being totally dazed into getting my fuck into this…a different type of fuck….my personal porn.

There, in front of me is a bright orange Lamborghini. A Lamborghini! And…I am speechless. I feel his eyes on me, observing my reaction but I really don't care.

'I thought you might like the car.'

'I do…' I can't say much more than that. I let go of his hand and walk around it, my hand sliding along the top rim, slightly touching, and I imagine driving it…ah….this is amazing.

'This is my Honeydew.'

'Oh?' I look at him. 'I didn't know you name your cars?'

'I don't. I decided to give it a name just so you can get to know it. Feel it. Ride in it. Drive it. I know your obsession with cars and each one has to have a name. Well, this here is my Honeydew.' He smirks.

'Why Honeydew?' I'm suspicious; I do remember our little episode with him eating sweet honeydew off of my back.

'Because it reminds me of you, on all fours, kneeled down for me to take you, anywhere I please.'

He talks slowly, relishing each word and I know he is trying to get me high…not knowing I already am. By now I have made a full circle around the car and I am standing in front of it, looking at the Honeydew head on with him behind me.

'Ms. Steele, we are going to try something different now. I want you to take off your clothes and bend down on the bonnet for me.'

'Excuse me?' _What? I don't want any dents on my sweet Honeydew! _I look at him in defiance but he cocks his head at me, wondering where my submission is.

'Take. Off. Your. Clothes. And. Go. Down. On. All. Fours. Now!' He is dominating me with the tone of his voice, and I ..I obey him. This, being submissive, it does something to me. I feel it between my legs.

There are beads of sweat running down my neckline and onto my belly under the dress and I notice my whole body is profusely sweating but somehow it doesn't bother me. The heat that emanates from me down there is bigger. Needier. I glance at his cock which is now peaking from the top of his boxer shorts and I take off everything; my dress, my panties and my stilettos. It's too hot.

'On the bonnet.'

He orders again and I obey; my hands are near the windshield and my knees on the lower part of the bonnet. And …I feel the car's pain under me but he doesn't care. He doesn't feel the car like I do.

'Now…Ms. Steele, I want to see you fuck my Honeydew. She is not yours, but still, I want you to fuck it, hard. Do you think you can do that for me?'

I am in a desperate need of touch, down there, his hands, fingers...anything, the ache between my legs is agonizing and I become lightheaded again upon hearing his words. I turn around trying to comprehend what on earth he means but instead of words I get his hands, pushing the inner side of both of my knees, sliding me down and open until my sex touches the car. My sweet Honeydew.

Ahh…the metal against my skin feels bare, plain...I...I don't have anything to friction against but my juices get the better of me, by now in abundance, upon making contact I thrust my hips up and down the bonnet and slide my wetness all over the car, transferring it on my clit. And I gyrate, circle and press on the metal, making myself wetter and needier but no friction, nothing to hump.

'Argh…' I moan and…I..I must do something. Frustrated I look around me and in an instant decision I get off the bonnet and stand next to the driver's side, where the side mirror is and I start humping it, looking at him.

'You want me ..to fuck… Honeydew?' I whisper…panting.

We stare at each other; he is taking off his clothes slowly and stroking his hard cock while I put one of my legs up on the bonnet and, with the side mirror between my legs, slowly start rubbing myself off of it.

'Look at me fuck her… ride her…ah…I love it…..Sir!'

I am loud, moaning, enjoying it. My hips move like I'm riding someone high and I'm gyrating… and the friction is good, I feel it, I feel my peak... and I move faster…My hips move into the side mirror when my orgasm reaches me and spreads out through my body and legs and ..I can't caress the car anymore…can't hold on to it …my knees are weak and I make a step back, lowering my leg on the ground and Christian is right behind me, holding me, our naked bodies clasp together.

'I got you baby... It's OK….'

'Ah…Yes….' I'm panting.

'..You really fucked my Honeydew… And it was fucking sexy too…'

'It was just like I have imagined… And more, much more...I think…I think.. you got yourself a car whore…'

'..Yes. _My_ car whore.'

* * *

Holding me tight by my waist he takes me out of there, both of us naked, and into the house again. Going up the stairs he guides me in front of him and as we walk very close I feel his cock on my behind when, in the darkness, he stops. The air in here is sticky, wet.

'Kneel and bend down on the stairs Ms. Steele; close your legs and keep your head down.'

I do as I'm told and feel his full weight on me; his legs spread out on each of my side and he inserts his rigid cock inside of me, for the first time feeling the thickness and the length of it, full on, to the balls and out. He holds on to my back and starts fucking me faster, harder, senseless, grunting loud, while I moan… I'm unrestrained and I feel the freedom in here, both of us sweating and I..I want to open my legs. But he holds them closed...ahh...this drives me mad and I start touching myself, take some of my juices from my fucking and smear them all over my clit as I'm being fucked and with each thrust he pushes into me harder and groans louder, until his voice merges with mine and we both explode into earth shattering orgasm, my hands aching from the rubbing my clit but oh so sweet sweet love I get from that and I contract around his cock, squeezing out all of his sperm.

* * *

The morning sun gently tiptoes on my face but that's not the first things I feel. I'm lying on my stomach facing the windows, one of my knees is bent out and I feel Christian weight on top of me, his fingers around my opening.

'Mm….' Still sleeping, I'm protesting. I do love fucking but can I at least get a shower?

'Ms. Steele. Now.'

He runs his fingers along my slit, teasing me, making me wet and I feel my juices, yet again, surge. Happy with my lubrication he slowly inserts his cock inside of me and starts thrusting, unhurriedly, each time deeper. His appetite is….I mean, I know it's early, but there is something inside of me, deriving from the bottom of my spine, from my core, that makes me lift my behind higher, making myself accessible to his thrusting. His hands are on my hips and he teases me with each thrust, taking his dick out to the tip and gliding it in, relishing my wetness, I think being proud of what he does to me.

'Ah…' I want to cum. Fucking in the morning is raw, making me disobedient, and I don't want him to see that side of me. Not anymore.

'I'm sorry, Ms. Steele? What did you say?'

I whimper and he speeds up the tempo, fucking me harder and harder, making our bones collide with each thrust and I lift myself up on my hands, allowing him to enter me deeper, open me up, juicing me before I hear his groaning and grunting, each time in shorter bursts...

'Ah….Ana….'

He spurts his life inside of me while I explode into my own earthquake and feel the shattering effects of it…and…good thing I'm on the bed …. my legs will not hold me anymore.


	31. Chapter 31

**Hi guys,**

**This chapter is lemony again but...what can I say? They are having fun...:D**

**I am always grateful for each of your comments and I do try to email you back personally. **

**Mwah!**

**Alexandra**

* * *

I turn around in my bed and suddenly the sun flashes in my eyes with all its might, and I squint, covering myself with the sheet. Christian is already up and in the kitchen, most likely preparing breakfast.

'Come on Ana, wake up.' I hear his playful voice.

'It's the weekend…let me sleep...' I mumble from underneath the sheet. The morning sex was at dawn and I still haven't recovered. My whole body aches.

'We've gained five hours by coming here; I think you've had enough rest.'

'Mm…what's the time now?'

'It's nine in the morning in Nassau, two in the afternoon in London. Do you usually sleep until two o'clock?'

'Um…You are right. I'll get up…in a minute….'

'Ms. Steele, do you really want me to come and wake you up?'

I lift my head and see him standing at the door. I know if I don't get up I will have another portion of his sweet loving. And I don't want to get carried away. I do want to be able to walk and see the island. With him fucking me nonstop that might not be possible. Somehow his promise seems daunting now. His fucking is good. No, his fucking is great. But surely there is something else between us besides that? I do want to see if we actually get on. Sex is everything but also, sex is nothing if we don't have anything to talk about. And I need to talk to him. To know more; who is the person behind Christian. Not the drama, but the everyday life.

I sit up in the bed and put all the pillows behind my back, leaning comfortably.

'Well? Where is my coffee?'

'Right away, Ms. Steele!' He shoots out of the bedroom and comes back immediately with a cup of hot brew steaming over the rim, handing it over to me carefully while sitting down on the bed.

'That was quick. Could have been done quicker though.' I look at him seriously but I know he can see my smirk; I can barely keep it inside.

One of his brows crook and I see him cocking his head at me, amused, and I continue.

'Mhm. I might get used to this. Being your Mistress.'

Suddenly his face change. His playful manner is replaced by a man in control. A man who doesn't find my words funny. Shit. I shouldn't have joked.

'Is that right Ms. Steele?' Oh, when the accent on my name is so strong then I know I am in trouble. There goes my sightseeing tour today. Or...anything. My eyes dart over to his face and linger on his lips for a moment before going back to his eyes. I am useless against him. The hold he has over me makes my independence waver, melt into nothing. He owns me.

'Um….it was a joke. I'm sorry...' I smile uncomfortably but he is serious. I really have fucked up.

'Do you want to be a Mistress? Is that what you want?'

'No…' I say a bit too fast. 'It was only a joke…'

He takes the cup out of my hand and places it on the side table.

'A joke? Ms Steele, I think it's time you are reminded who your Master is. Now…and forever.'

_How on earth he does things to me without even touching me? _

'Turn around, on your stomach.'

I look at him not sure if he is joking or not.

'Do not make me wait Ms Steele.'

I obey.

'Now, lift your bottom.' I do as he says. 'Higher…higher…'

My bottom is as highest as it can be but he is not satisfied. He grabs my hips and yanks me up more, with my head and my knees almost colliding.

'There. Stay like this.'

My head is facing him, my cheek flat on the bed and my bottom high up. I have difficulty maintaining balance. This position is perfect if you want a fuck; looks like heaven. I know I wanted to explore today, but being brought down here, in the land of wanting and needing I want a fuck. Who cares about the island? A colossal flash burn is slowly ensuing in my loins, pulling on all my nerve synapses, waiting, anticipating something.

'Today I am going to spank your pussy Ms. Steele, as a reminder not to get carried away with me.'

'Yes...' I barely say, already hyped up over the way he is dominating me.

'Tell me you want me to spank your pussy.'

'I..I want you to …spank my…pussy…Sir...' I am hyperventilating.

'And….do you know why I am going to do that Ms. Steele?'

'Um…because…you can do anything with me… I am yours, Sir.' I am losing it now. I want the spanking to commence.

'Mhm...You remembered well.' He pats me on my head. Ahh…his hand, his touch is effervescent.

'Anastasia, I may bring you coffee and make you breakfast but I want you to always keep in mind who is on top of you.' I nod with my head. 'Now, let us help you remember that.'

He stands up and before he even finished the sentence I feel a sharp pain that jolts me in my place. My pussy being spanked feels like hot Tabasco sauce spilled all over my folds and it's the best thing I have felt in my life; stinging, unrefined but yet...that thin thread of gratification when his hand merges with my clit bounds my body for another smack.

'You like this? Well, you shouldn't.'

I am panting. Why am I panting? I don't know, but am waiting; anticipating his hand on me again…and I want it. _Spank me! Spank me! Again!_

His hand lands on me harder; right there between my checks, the fire of a hundred sparklers smoldering me and all I want it to be is aimed at my nub. I perk my behind more, waiting for my next round. I want it right there, and he knows, he always gets it right… ah…my blood rushes to my head, the adrenaline in my body makes me shiver and my breathing is deeper, heavier. He continues spanking my pussy in a pattern, each successive time my clit is hit harder and...I am able to cum like this. I am….

My last hit feels wet, my juices have surged out of my honey pot, defying the law of gravitation…and there are no panties to keep them at bay…I know his hand is wet but I feel so good, I think I am almost there.. Feeling the zingy pain… but focusing on my ecstasy, appreciating each slap...few more and I'll reach my orgasm, I know but… I realize it's not coming. I feel his hand on my bum cheek, wiping my cum off of his fingers.

'Wet Ms. Steele? So soon? Tsk, tsk tsk….'

I can tell he is horny as hell; his body sweaty, his cock hard and projecting out of his boxer shorts but at the same time he radiates so much control, it's riveting. He comes down to me on the bed, tangles his fingers in my hair and I feel his lips caressing my ear.

'That's enough. I have you where I wanted.' He whispers.

'No! Um…no…please...Sir…more.' I don't want the spanking to end. It's stimulating, exhilarating…. But he is not listening to me. Already up on his feet he heads for the door.

'Dress up and come for breakfast.' And just like that, he is out.

Argh….I want to scream! It's not fair! He cannot leave me breathless, wet, craving a slap and a fuck?

My behind collapses on the bed and I feel the stickiness between my legs, the cool air gives me the notion of their exact whereabouts; I drape my clammy aperture and… all I want to do is to rub myself, appreciate where his hand has been. I never thought someone scolding me like a little girl would have such an effect on me. But I know better than to masturbate. He will give me my fuck. For that I am sure. He loves me needy.

Ignoring the destitute feelings inside of me I must focus on the everyday mundane tasks, like getting out of the bed. I must dress up.

I see a wardrobe on both sides of the bed and I only presume the one closer to me is mine.

I pull the double doors open with both hands and I am met with loads of clothes. Huh. Hopefully this is not bought only for me. There are at least ten dresses, slacks, jeans, skirts, numerous tops…simply ridiculous! All brand new, still have their price tags on them. I understand he has money but this is over the top. I could have gone out today and bought what I needed. What I will actually wear, not what someone who hasn't met me, i.e. Mrs. Jones, hope I will.

My eyes dart to the floor and my brows crook. There are maybe thirty pairs of various heel stilettos, sandals, flip-flops staring back at me. If I was a shoewhore, then this would have made me cum, definitely. Good thing I'm not. Besides, every shoewhore needs someone to pursue her pleasure with. Christian sure does a damn good job in pursuing my pleasure with me, helping me fuck his cars. I smile. Mhm, a carwhore, that I am.

So what do I wear? I don't want to leave this house without getting my fuck. I have learned to tame my appetite but he hasn't done this before. Slapping my pussy, Making me horny like hell and leaving me to it. It's decided; I will not put any clothes, we'll spend the day in here. By the swimming pool or whenever, this house is big enough to entertain me for a day. Until I get what I need. The ache I feel in my lower part of the stomach only reminds me of the state he left me in; fucking crazy.

I close the wardrobe doors and go in the kitchen.

He is sitting on a chair by the breakfast bar and reading a newspaper. Not even looking at me. I know he is ignoring me on purpose. I come closer and he only glances in my direction and totally composed he continues reading. Argh...This is our weekend. Our fucking fun weekend and he will reprimand me for joking with him? I understand our relationship feeds off of my submission and his dominance but no jokes? And what now? He is not talking to me?

'I'm not hungry.'

I try not to sound cross and I head for the pool, via the balcony.

'I am. Come here.' His voice, just like the first day I met him, brings me to my knees; firm and dominant and I can't resist it. It's like he is calling me to take me to this magical land, where pleasure is in abundance and I get my fuck all the time.

'Not wearing clothes Ms. Steele? After I put Mrs. Jones through all the trouble, you decide to be naked? Is that right?'

'Um…I never said I needed clothes...'

'Ms. Stele, are you arguing with me?'

I am not saying anything. The ache between my legs is transforming into an infinite burning sensation, pulling on my nerve synapses from my nipples and my core, making it rain down below constantly. I look at the floor, showing my submission, playing his game…and I think mine too.

'Didn't think so. Now, come.'

He reaches out with his hand and takes my wrist, pulling me close to him, between his legs. He is wearing only his boxer shorts but I can still see his large appendage protruding through the silk material. Without any warning he slides his fingers between my legs and over my slit and I open my thighs more; slipping his two middle fingers inside of me he is making me weak in my knees and I lean on his shoulder, opening my legs more for his pleasure or mine... I've lost the plot by now. My heart start pumping blood like I have been running and it's the adrenaline again, that addictive substance my body oozes each time Christian takes a dominant role with me.

He moves his fingers in circling motion inside of me and takes them out, inspecting his drenched hand when one of his brows crook above his eye yet again.

'If I didn't know you any better Ms. Steele, I would have thought you would scream for your fuck now.'

My eyes are still trained on the floor but it's useless, I can sense his intense stare, burning through me like x-rays, looking directly in the eyes of my sexual beast inside of me. _Please stop!_

He grabs me by my waist and lifts me up on the breakfast bar, standing in front of me.

_Please… fuck me! _

Pulling my legs apart, his hands are firmly placed on the insides of my thighs, holding them open and…instead of taking his cock out of his boxer shorts I see him going down on me….Ah…._Do it! Do it! Do it! _I lie down on the bar behind, cringing at the coldness but my throbbing sensation circumvents any other feeling. I wait…but all he does is gently blowing on me and my anticipation heightens waiting for him to...

'Agghhh…'

He ….ahh…I lift up to see what he is doing and he is there, eating me up, his eyes closed but he is vicious…ahh….he…he is grazing my folds with his teeth, pulling them hard and letting go at the most painful moment. I tilt my head back, hanging it over the edge on the other side of the bar and I can't stop moaning, loud… screaming almost.

I feel his hands exposing my clit, my lips spread and he lightly pulls back the hood… I am open, bare, ready for his taking Ahh….he …he….it feels like heaven…and hell…and somewhere in between… depending on where his teeth are…. tormenting me. My pussy is licked, sucked, eaten, and savored …and only occasionally my clit is flicked by his tongue...ah...I want more of that…

The creamy, squishy, squelching noises are so hot… his tongue and my pussy together in holy matrimony. It can't be any other way. His growling takes me higher and closer to my heaven. The reverberations of his voice drive me wild! He is taking me there in waves of… ah…something deeper…new… intense …orgasm…and I…I…I feel him slowing down…easing off. I put my hands in his hair, pushing him into me but his head is up, just above my pelvic bone and I look at him. With his tongue he is licking me like a lolly-pop but his eyes are focused on something at the back, behind me.

I tilt my head; looking back in an upside down mode and I see a girl staring at us. Not moving. Just standing there. In one of her hands she is holding a bucket and the other one is on her pussy. She doesn't seem to have any panties under her blue linen dress. Her dress is scrunched up to her hips, her hand over her soaked insides, her fingers nowhere in sight…pleasuring herself. God know how long she's been here.

She is looking in our direction, but she's not present… moving with her hips over her hand. I don't think she is aware of us staring at her.

'And you are….?' I hear Christians voice.

She jolts in her place, quickly removing her hand from her pussy and allowing her dress to fall down, like nothing has ever happened. Embarrassed enough not to make an eye contact, she is staring at the floor.

'Um….I'm Lara…I'm sorry Sir… I really am. I'm the house cleaner. There wasn't any sign on the door; otherwise I would have never got in...'

Christian is not thrown off balance by having someone else with us, I think, after Bishops Avenue, he is used to it. He stands up and takes his cock out of his boxer shorts and going up and down my folds with his head, he makes me moan and focus on him and then, he glides his erection inside of me, grunting at the same time. I don't care who is around, I want that cock to ride me to eternity and back! He is slowly fucking me and taking to the girl and somehow…I find this whole thing sexy.

'What were you doing Lara?'

'I...um… I'm sorry sir….you both look so…sexy...'

'We do… Don't we?' He looks at my eyes. 'Ana…' He is panting and speeding up the tempo. 'You wanted to be a Mistress earlier…didn't you?'

He is fucking me and talking and I…I really want my fuck only…I don't want to be anyone's Mistress...

'What? Um...No!' I look at him; he is enjoying my body, each thrust is harder and faster….

"Lara….you can go now…' He is looking at my eyes while talking to her and fuck that's hot! I hear the door opening. '…and don't come back till Monday.'

'Yes...sorry sir...thank you…' We hear her apologies once again before the door slams behind her and Christian starts banging hard against me with new passion, creating slouching noises and growling loud and all this is too much for me. I lose myself, can't hear him anymore…I have been denied my orgasm for too long, and now, now I am going to get it, I am going to come with no delay..

My body start jerking and I grab his hips, banging against them while I'm coming and it fucking feels …ahh….harder and harder. His grunts tell me he is near and just before we both explode he wraps his arms around my neck, holding me firm, staring and fucking at the same time, and our bodies bang painfully, each time deeper, wanting to merge, to fuse as one…and with each thrust he empties himself inside of me until we are both spent and panting.

His head is on my chest and with his hand he is playing with one of my nipples. His tongue joins the game and again? No...it's too soon I think when suddenly I feel him biting me hard.

'Argh…' I scream painfully.

'That's for the joke.'


	32. Chapter 32

Hi everyone

Sorry it took me a while to post but hey, we all live in a real world right?

A special thanks to TheGrey'sFan01 for giving me inspiration for this chapter.

And as always, share if you love and leave me a comment.

Love, Alexandra

* * *

'I don't think you are being fair Christian!' I cringe in pain.

'I'm not?'

'No! Is this what's going to be like? Am I always going to get reprimanded if my joke is not up to your standards?'

'Wait!' Alarmed, he peels his body off of me and standing up, he looks directly into my eyes. 'Didn't you …. Ana, you know we have a safe word right?' Panic runs through his voice.

'Yes, I do know, but biting my nipple just now, well….I didn't like it!' I sit up on the breakfast bar and demand to know. 'Why did you bite me? We had already finished playing! It was too late for my safe word anyway!'

His hands are holding my thighs in place, like I will run away any minute. And his eyes…I haven't seen them so serious.

'Your joke, it felt like… You, breaking free from submission and me… exposed, left alone.' His hand reaches out to me and he holds my chin with his long fingers, soothing me with his warm breath in my face. 'I love you. Too much. To joke. With that.'

We stare at each other and his eyes briefly go down to my lips, he gives me a deep kiss and it's over before I have time to react.

'Don't hurt me. Just…don't hurt me.' He sounds so fragile.

'No...I won't.' I frown. 'Of course I won't.'

I embrace him before he has a chance to let go of my chin and I nuzzle into his neck. His arms wrap around my body and I hear his voice once again, this time calm, not lingering on doom.

'I know you won't. Just…I need to be sure.'

x

Sunbathing outside by the pool, I feel the sun burning through my skin and I thank Mrs. Jones for providing us with 50 SPF sunscreen. As much as I love sunbathing, it has become a dangerous hobby for us, the people, to just lie around and get a tan. But I do. I am helplessly lying face down on a soft beach towel spread over a large bamboo chair, and I cannot walk. In fact, I cannot lift my arms or my legs. I am totally wasted.

After this morning, when I realized this is his time to get his fuck, I got fucked in all sorts of ways. Diagonally, horizontally and vertically. That man can fuck! I lost track of how many times I got my release. Actually, it wasn't a release anymore. It was a liberating, screaming at the top of my lungs coming over and over fuck. Drenched, soaked sheets, towels, tables, chairs, baths, with our cum mixed together, creating a bisque of love and sex, and no matter how many times I wanted to get out of it, he would punish me for something I did or haven't done. But I am strong. I haven't used my safe word yet. I think he is pushing my buttons though. He wants to see where my threshold is. And boy, that threshold has moved since last time I checked. Long gone from where it once was. But now it's right in front of me, daring me to move it further. And I...I am not sure what to do. My last fuck was...I think last for today.

Where the fuck does he find the stamina I wonder? His cock has been hard for hours. He gets off on his dominance and my whimpering. But I can't react differently, his voice sends me up there, in my safe place, where I am his little girl and he takes care of me, where I know my fuck is coming and the pleasure with it…and I want it. Last time I made the mistake of wanting it again and this happened. Me...Not being able to move. Every little muscle in my body is aching.

He brought me out here in his hands. I was still moaning, rippled through with after effects when he left me and went to have a shower. Oh, and there he is…I hear him coming out.

'Mmm….' His hand is caressing my behind.

'You are okay baby?'

'Mmhmmmm...'

'Let me put some more sunscreen on your back; I don't want you to burn.'

His hands are soft but firm; the cool cream on my back is exactly what I need. I only hope he is not doing this to get his fuck again. I just can't do it.

'Christian?'

'Mm? What is it Ana?'

'Are you happy?' I am facing away from him and my eyes are closed thanks to the bright five o'clock sunlight. I'm not comfortable looking at him; I'll be able to see if he is not happy and secretly, I'm afraid to know the truth.

'Yes. I am very happy.' He continues massaging my back and spreading the cream all over.

'I'm serious.'

'So am I.'

'How do you know if you are happy?'

'I just do. You are right here next to me. Being with you makes me happy. Why? Aren't _you_ happy?' His hands stop for a moment, waiting for my reply.

'I think I am.'

Relieved and somewhat satisfied with my answer, he continues the never ending distribution of the much needed emulsion over my back.

'Hm…it's either you are or you are not. There is no between.'

'I don't have anything to compare it against.'

'Haven't you been happy before?'

'Yes, I have. When I gave birth to my kids. Those first few months were the best of my life.'

'If you compare it to how you felt back then, are you happy now?'

'But that's different.'

'How is it different?'

'Well, those are my kids.'

'Weren't you ever happy with your husband?' Again, his hands stop and wait for my answer.

'I thought I was.'

'But were you?'

'If I compare it to what I have with you now, then…I never was happy.' I sigh.

'Hm... I'm sorry.' His strokes continue, going over my upper arms and now I hear him squeezing every last drop of the cream onto my skin.

'Yeah...so am I.' I think now is the time to tell him. 'He wrote me a letter, you know.'

'Who did?' He stopped abruptly.

'Jose.'

'Oh? When?' I know something is wrong because he starts massaging me quickly; he is focused on what I'm saying, obviously waiting on my answer.

'Apparently he got out on bail. Your friend's wife paid for it. Melanie.'

His hands are no longer on my back and I have to turn around to see what he is doing. It was like the gorgeous Bahamas sunshine has been sucked away from him, leaving him dark and in the shade.

How is that possible?

'Did you see him?' Out comes his shaky, yet firm voice.

'No. When I came home yesterday he had already been in my house and talked to my mum, seen my kids and left me a bedroom turned upside down. It's like he was looking for something. Or simply getting his stuff.'

'Why didn't you tell me before?'

'I guess I forgot.' _Why do I feel guilty?_

'And he left you a letter?'

'Yes.'

'Mhm.' He pinches the ridge of his nose with his fingers, closing his eyes, obviously deliberating something in his mind.

'Don't you want to know what he said?'

'I am not sure.' He finally looks at me. 'I think it's best if I don't know. At least until we head back home. I don't want my weekend ruined.'

'I think you are right. Sorry for bringing it up.'

'You don't have to say sorry to me.' He stands up and walks away, inside the house.

'Yes, I know,' I say to myself more than to him. I don't think he is listening to me. I know it got to him, what I said. When I mentioned Melanie, he froze. Argh. I hate the drama. When are we going to have fun and not think of our….hm…I don't think that's possible. There will always be something or someone who will come in our lives or it's already there. It's not so easy; we are not twenty anymore and without baggage. Older, wiser and with some history behind us, things will always be complicated.

I look up and through the dark glass, and I think I see Christian on the phone, going into the bedroom. Was he on the phone or maybe I was mistaken? I should stop thinking about it; I don't want to ruin our weekend. I lie back down, my muscles succumbing to my weight, not being able to hold me any longer. Honestly, I am not sure how long I will last. Will I be able to go out tonight? I better. I have to at least see what Nassau is like at night.

x

There were some dresses that are not exactly my style in the wardrobe but this one? This one is perfect! An amazing green silk dress with halter neck. The fluid fabric is marvelously flowing around my body and it's down to my knees. With green sequins all over the skirt, it's a perfect dress for summer.

I glance over at Christian and he is all ready, waiting for me, wearing those white linen pants and the tight grey V-neck tee shirt. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. Plus, he fucks like a god. I mean, am I lucky or what? Every nerve in my mind is captured when I look at him. His body is built like a knight waiting to rescue me in his strong arms. And he always does. Oh, busted! Our eyes meet and he gives me one of his broad smiles.

'Oh, Ana!'

'I'm coming.' I say as I walk across the length of the bedroom.

'You look amazing.'

I smile and give him a twirl.

'Thank you, I do like this dress, I must say.'

'Wow… green suits you. And those heels are just…sexy.'

'Enough now. I don't want to hear that word tonight. We are going out to have fun, yes? Not fuck, fun!'

'Giving up already, Ms. Steele?' His smirk has been present ever since I told him I need a rest.

'Me? Giving up? Never! I just want to talk to you for a change. Engage your mind rather than body.'

'Are you saying you will not want to fuck tonight at all?' He crooks one of his brows at me.

'Yes. I think that's what I'm saying. Let's see if we are compatible by simply conversing about mundane things.'

'What if you beg me?' He is persistent.

'I don't think I will beg you today. I have had my fair portion of it, thank you very much.'

His lips crook deviously.

'Very well, Ms. Steele. We will not fuck tonight. I promise you that.'

His eyes are daunting me, clearly hiding something but he doesn't let me ponder about it long enough and distracts me by kissing me softly and unhurriedly. It's like he is tasting me for the very first time, taking my breath away. I am in love; that must be the reason why I feel calm and happy and horny and excited all at the same time.

'Mm.…' The kiss is delicious. 'Where are we going tonight?'

'I'm taking you to a… special place. We'll have dinner there and then we'll see. Since you said no fucking I guess all we can do is talk.'

'Yes. Thank you. I think we have fucked enough today.'

'Have we?' He scoffs.

'Mhm. We have. I'm certain.'

'Very well Ana. Lead the way.'

Christian steps back, allowing me to walk into the hallway in front of him and down the stairs, following me closely behind. We agreed earlier on driving into town. It's only a ten-minute drive but his Sweet Honeydew will have a night to remember. When I ride a car, she remembers me; knows my scent, my legs, working the clutch and gas pedal, up and down, it feels like I am almost rubbing my clit with those movements, moving my hips and getting my release. Ahh… the joys of riding a girl, pushing her buttons, revving her engine and watching her cum. Will I ever get enough? I hope not.

I know I said no sex but this…this is better. The ride to town took me exactly ten heavenly minutes. I could have driven it in two if I wanted to. But no, I needed it to savor it, let her fully experience my body inside of her, feel me properly. Christian did not talk; he knew better than that. Only observing me drive and it felt…it felt like this morning, with the housekeeper, Lara. Someone watching me while I fuck...mmm...I like the feeling.

As soon as we arrive my Sweet Honeydew is taken away to be parked and I had to kiss her goodbye on the hood.

'Laters, love.' Everyone's eyes are on me but honestly, I don't care. By day two our relationship is so strong, nobody can take it away from me. I know I have her for good.

'Finished saying your goodbyes?' Christian's voice brings me back to earth, his lips curling into a covetous smile. I smile back at him and interlace my arm with his, holding his biceps, allowing him to lead the way. I am not familiar with anything, and therefore nothing seems strange. The weather is hot, people friendly, I have my man next to me and for the first time, we are going in a restaurant to talk. Not to fuck. To talk. Life is beautiful.

In front of us is a fancy entrance draped with dark red curtains and we walk inside. There are many rooms in here and it seems in order to get anywhere you need to go through all of them. Nobody is here to guide us to our table but Christian knows where he is going. As we pass along through to the fourth room I notice in the darkness the many people standing there, looking at something in the middle of the room. Christian seems to know what's happening and he slows down.

'Do you want to see this?'

I am holding his hand and manage to pry us both through to the front, and between the bare bodies around us, some dripping in sweat and some clean and smelling good, I am mesmerised at the sight. There is a wooden table in the middle of the room and a naked girl bent on it. She has leather cuffs on her wrists, and her hands are tied together behind her back. Next to her, a woman dressed in black, high heels, panties, and a bra only, I presume she can only be her Mistress, and a young man, naked, wearing nothing but his hard cock on him, holding a large round vibrator in his hand and is looking at the Mistress keenly. He doesn't seem important...maybe he is playing the role of a ghost. I have read about games like these; the ghost is here to add pleasure, but not to interfere. Huh. I never thought in a million years I would actually see this in the Bahamas.

She gives him a nod and he goes behind the girl, taking up his position and aims his large cock right at her pussy...and holds it there, sliding his head up and down her slit, waiting for the Mistress to say the word.

The Mistress grabs the girl's hair and, pulling her head up, she talks in her ear.

'Stephanie...hold on baby it's almost time...' The girl moans an incoherent response.

After torturing her long enough with his cock the ghost gets a green light from the Mistress and he thrusts inside her harshly and starts pumping her in and out while at the same time he tries to holds the vibrator on her clit until the girl, I see, goes through waves of pleasure, whining in ecstasy and just before reaching her peak, the Mistress signals the ghost to move off. He groans in frustration and his hard cock springs out of her while she ignores him and rubs Stephanie's back, talking to her. 'Yes...that was good wasn't it?' She is calming her, 'How about more for my good little girl, Steph...'

I see the Mistress rubbing her fingers in the girl's pussy, making them wet and grasping her left cheek in her hand, stretches her ass open. She starts smearing her juices, rimming and slowly, inserting her index and middle finger into her asshole and, how unusual, she is enjoying it like she is alone.

Her fingers move faster and deeper into her and the moment we hear Stephanie's moans the Mistresses talk to the ghost again, 'Go up there and keep her quiet!" He comes at the front only too happy and taking her head he pushes his hard cock into her mouth and starts fucking her. Oh shit...watching this makes me fucking horny...I need my ration of fuck yet again. Some people from the crowd moan in delight and pleasure, while others don't move...just watch. I take a step back and slant against Christian's body. He is standing behind me with one hand wrapped around my waist and I feel his cock painfully engorged in his linen pants. He pulls me to him so we can slowly exit the room; I know he wants to go now but I don't move. I am intrigued by this game; in fact, I am so wet I want to see the grand finale, if there is one.

With both her asshole and her mouth filled Stephanie is whining in delight, cumming all over her legs but it seems the Mistress hasn't had enough. She reaches for the vibrator on the table and starts buzzing against her clit again, pushing it deeper, taking her higher than she already is and we can all see Stephanie's lucid orgasm, convulsing over the table and her shiny and sweaty beautiful body becoming languid, and at odd moments making small jerky movements, the reminiscent traces of the release in her body.

She gestures to the ghost to move off and continues talking, '...Breathe baby, breathe. It's ok, feel it...' Leaving the vibrator on the table she comes up to her face and holds her chin up to look in her eyes. We can all see her eyes, starry and fucking ...gorgeous. She moans loudly and the Mistress places a finger over her mouth, 'Shh, this is our time Stephanie, yours and mine...' She gives her a deep and redolent kiss, as if they are alone in the room and unhooks her wrists at the same time. Almost immediately Stephanie runs her hand up her Mistresses' inner thighs and moving the panties aside, she dips her fingers inside her wet pussy, rubbing her clit with her thumb while thrusting in her fingers up to her knuckle, making her cum instantly, like she was on the verge all this time with her. She convulses over Stephanie's hand, moaning and kissing her passionately and...What? I look around us; apparently this is the end of the show and people start walking about. No...I wanted to see...um...they both came. I guess this is it but for what it was...it was amazing. I believe someone in the crowd came as well. I couldn't see who. It may have been me...I was close I must admit.

I look at Christian and his eyes tell me everything. He played me good; I know I will suffer for the rest of the night if I don't get my fuck. Arghh... but you see; this is why I fell for him in the first place. Always making me needy, greedy for my fuck.


	33. Chapter 33

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**Alexandra**

* * *

He smiles at me, knowing what I'm thinking.

'Ms. Steele….willing to change your mind?'

My eyes glisten from watching something so powerful, my chest rise like I've been racing and I am ready to give in…the fire between my legs is not going down, but intensifying… enveloping my whole body. It's a strange feeling. If I touch myself there I would come in an instant. But…I must stay true to what I said. Maybe my mind is ready to fuck but my body is not. And also, if I get my fuck now I will be totally depleted, and then he will have to take me home and...I don't want anyone driving my Sweet Honeydew while I'm around. It's like, I have to think about two lovers at the same time, pleasing them both. My Sweet Honeydew will not get upset, I know, but it would bother me.

I take a deep breath and sigh.

'Christian, I am not changing my mind, no matter what my body tells you.'

He is smirking and I take his hands, looking at him seriously.

'Tonight, Christian, you will see a battle between my mind and my body. At times my mind will be stronger, but then, at other times, it would be my body. No matter who wins, I only ask you to respect my mind and not give in to my body. Do you think you'll be able to do that?'

He cocks his head at me, baffled.

'Ana! You can't be asking that from me!' He pulls his hands free and rakes his fingers through his hair. 'You know perfectly well that in the battle between my mind and my body, my body always wins.'

I look at him and don't move, scolding him with my eyes.

'We can't be having sex all the time. And you did just that. Made me want it again. This time, I really mean it.'

'You want to talk that much?' He asks with defeated look on his face.

'Yes.'

'Okay then … No sex.'

He leans forward to kiss my lips but he changes his mind, and is now standing close, with me inhaling his breath and I close my eyes, waiting, hoping for that small and chaste kiss but instead, he goes for my cheek. Slow movements, brushing my cheek with his, he is smelling my hair and his lips are finally stroking my skin. Like a poison ivy entangling inside my nerves, giving me a feeling of false pretenses. This kiss is too sensuous, too slow. Too…sexy, to be just that; a simple kiss on a cheek.

I huskily inhale, coming down in the room again and look dubious at him.

'What are you doing?'

'Kissing you.'

'Didn't you just hear me what I said? I asked you not to give in!' I need him sane, down to earth, not up there in the clouds, sexing me up.

'But...didn't _you_ hear me what _I_ said?' He is confused.

'Don't you understand Christian? I need to see if we are good together without the sex…and..' I stop abruptly.

'Why? There will always be the sex! Why are you doing this?' Bewildered, he is slowly raising his voice at me.

'Um…doesn't matter!' _Shit!_

'Tell me…you can tell me anything, Ana.'

'No.' I raise my chin. 'It's fine.'

'I want you to tell me!' He is demanding.

'It's ...nothing. It's embarrassing. Sorry I mentioned it. You are right. I shouldn't be doing this now. We'll have sex. It's fine.'

'What? No! We won't have sex now, and certainly not until you tell me! I don't care how embarrassing you sound, I need to know!' His voice is firm.

'Why?'

'Because I want you to talk to me. To tell me anything!'

I look at him, uncertain, but totally at a dead-end and realize I will have to come clean. He takes a step back, worried what I might say and we are now staring at each other, in silence, for a moment, but to me it seems like minutes.

'Please don't freak out… It's just my way of thinking...of reasoning.'

He doesn't say a word.

'I need to see if we are good without the sex because...um…when we grow old and when the sex is as important as now...or shall I say...when we won't be as active as now I need to see if we'll have something to talk about. I need you to be my friend as well as a lover. And I know I am thinking too far in the future, I mean, you will go home in few weeks and this might turn out as nothing…but it's just me. That's my way of thinking. Sorry.'

Embarrassed to look at him I stare at the floor. I should be able to tell him everything and this is it; me talking. He comes forward, gently pinching my chin with his fingers and lifting my head up. I...I can't see through him. He is staring at me strangely.

'Please don't freak out.' I whisper.

'Freak out?' He whispers too. 'How can I freak out? You gave my life a meaning ….' He places his hands on my cheeks, firmly holding my head. 'Baby, I don't have to have sex with you to love you. You are mine... There is no going back.' He smiles. 'Let's build up the memories, so when we are grey and old and don't have sex anymore, we'll have something to talk about.'

I smile, my eyes engorged with tears, happy tears, knowing the love of my life is right in front of me.

'I'd like that.' I barely talk from the lump in my throat.

'Now...Ms. Steele…no tears tonight, please. And…you know, you can still change your mind.' He smirks.

'Oh…' I sniff. 'You are incorrigible.' I playfully smack him on his arm.

'Come on, we are late, out table is waiting.'

He takes my hand and leads me through the hallway, in and out of at least five rooms when at last we end up on a beautiful veranda, overlooking the ocean. The view is…breathtaking.

'Mr. Grey, good evening!' The maître d greets us, his smile too large for his face, his teeth sparkling white. His white shirt and black bow tie is so out of place that it looks cool, almost.

'Good evening Drake. How are you?' Christian seems to know him.

'Very well, thank you Mr. Grey. Same table as always?' His eyes go up and down my body; if I didn't know any better, I would say he was checking me out. 'Or shall we have something intimate, secluded.'

'No, the same table would do, thank you.' Christian is ignoring him; he drapes his arm over my shoulder and pulls me closer, whispering into my ear.

'We don't need a secluded table, do we?'

'No. We don't. Thank you.'

'Don't thank me yet Ms. Steele.'

He smirks mischievously but honestly, I cannot see him going anywhere with it. And besides, I'd like to see the table he always has. I'm curious to find out who he has taken there. Probably all of his girlfriends. _I hope not._

The maitre d takes us up the few steps on the left and on to a larger balcony with quirky style, full of tables curtained off with twinkly lights adorning the partitions. The whole area is dimly-lit, with beautiful wooden furniture and dark red colors. We are taken through the partitions and into a beautiful booth; I try to look around, to see the people, maybe the girl and her Mistress but can't see much. The lighting is cleverly done so you don't get to see anything, except the people nearest to you.

We are led to the table closest to the balustrade, overlooking the sea and as we sit down and make ourselves comfortable, Drake leaves the menus on the table and takes off.

Sitting in the shadows of the beautiful terrace, overlooking the sea and listening to the pleasant waves, sometimes dwarfed by other people's conversation, it's a perfect place for us. For our lovely dinner. It's us and the sea.

'This is the table you always sit at?' I look at Christian and notice he is focused on me, watching my every move. 'I wonder what the intimate, secluded table look like.' I mock.

'As I said...you can always change your mind.' His eyes tell me everything. I am hypnotized and slowly pulled inside of him and... I want to go there. For my sanity. He comes closer and...I want to give in. Yes, I give in ...but... he kisses my forehead instead and my eyes close, my soul shrouds in blissful feeling, like being released in the wild, free to run wherever I want. Such a beautiful gesture. I feel wanted and needed and cared for, longed for.

I lean my head on his shoulder. 'My mind has changed long time ago but ...let us at least _try_ not to have sex tonight.'

'Of course Ana,' He kisses my head again. 'We can always try.'

x

The food was amazing. We both had the seared scallops in truffle sauce; the specialty of the day. And true to itself, the scallops were tasty; cooked to perfection. The truffle sauce, a perfect blend of cream, truffles and spices that marry so well you feel the explosion of flavors in your mouth was mouthwatering. Adding that extra little kick that makes you want to keep eating was the sprinkling of tarragon over it. It was heavenly. We didn't rush; he fed me slowly, making the whole experience arousing. I was never fed before...by anyone. And we talked, we laughed. A couple in love; I have never experienced emotions such as these. Not only the sex, but the connection, the flowing conversation, the silence, we'd just look at each other and we know what the other is thinking. Our mind and our soul, united.

Already on our second bottle of white wine I realize if I accept the glass that Drake, the maitre d, is about to pour I will not be able to drive back home. I need to change to water.

'Um...water for me, please.' I say and cover the glass with my hand.

'Very well Miss, water it is.' He finishes pouring wine in Christian's glass and takes the water bottle, filling my glass.

'Thank you.'

As I look at him walking away, my eyes, already adjusted to the darkness, catch a glimpse of the near-by booth. I can't see much, but from what I see, there are four men sitting at the table and I think two girls under it, dressed...um…only in panties. They are on their knees and they both have a leather black collar on their necks. My heart beat speeds up when I see what they are doing. All of the men have their hard ons sprung out, one larger than the other and the girls …um….they suck their cocks under the table so…deliciously, so deviously…it's like watching a porn, but you want to join. It very erotic.

At that moment I realize Christian's linen clad thigh is hard pressed against mine and his hand is on my bare knee. A shiver runs though me and I look at him.

'What are you looking at Ana?'

Oh...he knows.

His hand slowly graze the top of my thigh, and going up, taking my dress with it, revealing me in front of…well, there isn't anyone in front of us but I'm sure people can see.

'Um…what are you doing?' My voice is husky and breathless.

He is continuing up north and I am beginning to feel the dampness in my panties; from earlier...or now. I don't know. His thumb, stroking me under the dress is coaxing me to open my legs more and reaching the target, he hooks into my panties and pulls them slowly down, tormenting me by rubbing my clit at the same time.

'Lift your bottom up.' He whispers in my ear.

I do as I'm told and he slides them off, leaving me bare under my dress. His fingers, by now drenched in my juices, are still roaming around my pleasure garden, massaging my aching clit and my legs open wider; making my chest rise higher with each breath I take. I close my eyes and give in. My hips move slowly into his fingers, making swaying movements back and front while his thumb is firmly pressing my clit and I lift my leg on the boot, opening myself wider. My head tilts and I half-open my eyes, making eye contact with one of the girls, sucking two cocks at once.

'Ana…Do you want this?'

I hear him but my eyes are glued on that girl.

'Yes...'

'Look at me…I know that looks good but I need you here for a moment.'

I look at him.

'You said no sex tonight, Ms. Steele.'

'I..I was wrong. Yes.. Sex. Please...Sir.'

His hand is on my chest and he pushes me back, making me almost lie in the boot and with one of my legs up on it, it feels like…he is going to take me there. He holds my leg by my ankle, making sure it won't slip down when he kneels under the table and… starts sucking my soaked pussy. The dessert he never had. My throbbing clit, needy for the last few hours, denied pleasure, is now aching in his mouth. My inhibitions are long gone, this place is like all the others we visited and I am not afraid…I am sexy and free, and I have him. I try to stifle my moans by biting my lip…he is sucking me so deliciously, ravaging my soul and my hips swing into his tongue, asking for more…my body is … screaming almost. He exposes my clit, spreading my folds up and he pulls back the hood…ah...this is me the most vulnerable… it feels like heaven when his tongue flicks my nucleus, bringing bursts of explosions, but only small ones. The biggest one is building up in the background...and slowly arriving at its destination.

He finishes with one last flick and I feel his fingers thrusting deep inside of me now, his palm rubbing my clit, and I am closer, almost there when he comes up, kissing my breasts and grazing my nipples through my silk dress, tugging them hard with his mouth...ah….I can't hold off any longer. I try to hump his hand, arching my back, wanting more and his kisses attack my neckline. His fingers jerk harder into me, helping me reach my eruption, my explosion, and I'm on the verge when he whispers quietly into my ear, ''Ana …will you marry me?' and it comes suddenly, sharp, I start convulsing over him, like a pyroclastic flow nobody can stop, ripples of my orgasm spread over his body while he tries to still me…


	34. Chapter 34

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**I love reading your comments!**

**Mwah!**

**Alexandra**

* * *

He tangles his fingers in my hair and pulls me to his lips, kissing me passionately, deep, while he continues with the thrusting, repeatedly, and I keep jerking and convulsing in his arms… I am high, up there, surfing on my cloud nine, going straight to heaven. My senses exploding into one infinite and long ecstasy, and me mewling for a long time...

And after I have used all the air around me, and his for that matter, I still feel the shudders going through my body, the leftovers of my extreme 'far above the ground' experience. He is holding me tight, his arms wrapped around me and …I want to stay there, forever. I am sure I heard those words. Words spoken in a moment of madness, moment of lust. He is waiting for me to say something. But what should I say? Yes? No? Maybe? Argh….if only it was that simple.

I move slightly, prompting him to unglue his body from mine and look at me. And his eyes, oh, they tell me all I need to know. That wasn't a moment of lust. There isn't a speck of regret in them. Only pure love. His love for me. Liberating me, telling me it's ok to be taken care of, to be loved. I take a deep breath before I say what's on my mind when his voice surprises me. Surely I had to say something before he speaks again?

'Ana….I'm so sorry…I shouldn't have asked you so soon.' He takes a lock of my hair and tucks it behind my ear. 'It was a spur of the moment question but, trust me, I meant every single word. I was watching you fly, up there in your own heaven and, for the first time, I felt I was next to you, feeling the ripples of your ecstasy, and…that's.. not possible. To experience an orgasm by watching someone…At that moment, I knew I had to ask you. To make you mine.'

I look at him and have no words to describe how I feel. Love …is not enough. It's something deeper, stronger, and harder...almost...painful. Something I want to keep inside of me forever, but at the same time throw it away because I know having it so deep and feeling it so strong can only be detrimental for me. I have others to think about, I have a different kind of priority. I look at him with a loving smile and we stare into each other's eyes in silence. He brushes my cheek gently with the back of his hand and smiles at me too. And I know he knows. He knows my answer. My eyes gradually filling with tears.

'Please… tell me …What do I do? Where do I fit you in my life?' I sound desolate, my eyes are engorged and as I blink, tears overflow, run over my cheeks. 'Jose is in jail…I am not even properly divorced. Do I stay in London, so my children are close to their father, or go back to the States and start a new life?' He wipes the tears of my face and I can see him clearly now. His eyes glisten in the night, tears forming in there, but he stays silent while I continue with my wavering voice. 'I know you want to change for me, but you don't realize the sacrifice you would have to make. Having two young children? You wouldn't know where to start from…' I see tears falling down his cheeks and yet, he is looking at me with so much love, it's unreal.

'But how can I not marry you? You've spun my world so many times in the past two weeks, I have lost perception of time and space. You were my husband from the moment I laid eyes on you. In my dreams I kept you safe, alive, until this moment. Now. Asking me to be your wife….'

'Ana...' I see his lips moving but no sound comes out, his voice unsteady from the lump in his throat. And I come closer, listening to his silent words. 'Tell me you'll marry me one day.'

A surge of tears flood my eyes, running down my cheeks but I remain still, our eyes locked together.

'I promise to marry you one day.' I whisper.

'I don't care when. It can be just before we die. But we will get married.'

I start sobbing into my hands and he wraps his arms around my shoulders again and takes me in, comforting me. Clearing up his throat and wiping the tears from face I hear his voice, calm and quiet.

'No...Don't cry. There is no reason to cry. I'm here. I will never leave you Ana.'

Nuzzled in his neck, I am slobbering all over him and cannot stop crying.

'Hey, did you hear me? I will never leave you. You are mine, remember?'

'Yours. Forever.' I talk through my sobs and look at him with blood shot eyes. 'Oh, Christian, why is everything so complicated?'

He takes a deep breath, and tightens his hold of me, looking into the darkness in front of us.

'The truth is, as long as José is in London, I don't think you will ever be able to leave.' He sighs. 'And I understand. Your children should always be your priority. No matter what.'

My sobbing slowly dissipates while I am being gently swayed in his arms and, gradually, silence envelops us, bar my infrequent sniffles, while we ponder on what was said. It's hard to comprehend the simplicity of the situation, and at the same time the complexity of the relationships. I too, stare in the distance, looking at some boats, gently lulling in the sea.

Suddenly he looks at me, his eyes focused, clear and he sits up straight, releasing me from his embrace; clearly something's going on in his mind.

'Ana…' He starts talking hesitantly. 'What would you say if ….um…well, I might be able to arrange for Jose to do his sentence in Seattle…' And then, more to himself, 'Of course that might take time...but…' He looks at me again, with eyes open wide. 'What do you think?'

I cock my head, frowning in disbelief and I wipe the remaining of my tears trickling down my nose.

'How is that even possible?' I sit up too. Our minds switch on, ready to discuss logistics it seems.

'If you know the right people, anything is possible, Ana.'

'But… he owes lots of money! I don't think they will let him go before they recover the money somehow. And, already out on a bail, god knows where he is now.'

'I'm not worried about the money.'

I look at him and I know what he is thinking.

'Christian, he nearly killed you! Don't tell me you will waste your money on him? That's a lot of money!'

He grabs my chin and pulls me close to his face, his eyes locked on mine.

'I have been looking for you long enough Ana, don't ask me to give up on you …ever!'

Having him so close to me is intoxicating enough but, watching him fight all possible demons to be with me, is beguiling. Just…beguiling.

'God I love you!' I whisper.

He closes his eyes, leaning his forehead on mine.

'I love you too Ana, so much it hurts.'

'Now, I need to know…' He lifts my chin up, 'If I arrange for Jose to do his sentence in Seattle….would you be willing to move?'

That sounds unbelievable. I don't know who his friends are but he may be able to pull this off. If he does...well, then, he truly is my knight in shining armor.

'You can come and live with me or... we don't have to live together to start with, I know children can be problematic sometimes, they need time to adjust.'

He stops talking, apprehensively waiting for my answer.

'If that's at all possible...then…Yes! I've wanted to go home for years.'

He wraps his hands around me and with the biggest grin on his face he lifts me up in his lap. 'Then I shall take you home baby. All the way to Seattle!'

x

I drive the beautiful Honeydew on the way back home. His hand is on my hand and my hand is on the gear stick.

'Turn left here. If it's not too late, I'd like you to meet someone.'

'Meet someone? Who's that?'

'You'll see.'

We drive into a residential area, a row of beautiful houses line up the street and I slow down, stopping in front of the last one. It looks like a friendly neighborhood, with children playing in the front yards. Outside the house, the one we stopped in front, there is an elderly couple sitting on the porch in rocking chairs. We get out of the car and as we approach they recognize Christian and both stand up and wave, and, once we are on the porch they embrace him.

'Daniel, Silvia,' He looks at me. 'I'd like you to meet someone. This is Anastasia Steele. As of tonight, my fiancé.'

The old woman places her hand on her chest and gasps. She is looking at me and at the old man too and…almost instantly, her eyes fill with tears and her rickety voice is barely comprehensible.

'Christian, that's great news. …Sorry I'm …I just…'

I see Christian's eyes shimmer too. Trying to compose himself and not cry, he clears his throat.

'It's okay Silvia, I feel like crying too.'

They embrace again and it looks like she doesn't want to let him go.

'Is he here?' He asks looking through the door.

'Yes,' Silvia moves back, blowing her nose into a handkerchief. 'Playing on the xbox. ' She goes inside while the old man embraces Christian and then me, giving us his congratulations. Suddenly, we hear something being dropped on the floor and a sound coming from the house.

'Dad!'

A young boy, not older than fourteen comes out and straight into his arms, followed by Silvia. And Christian, the one I've known in the past two weeks and the one I couldn't figure out, is right here. As one man.

'Hey kiddo, how are you?'

'Great dad, I didn't know you are coming.'

'Yeah, it was a spur of the moment thing. But I'm going tomorrow again.'

'That's fine; I'll see you in a month anyway. How long until you come back from England?'

'I think 4-5 weeks.'

'Hang in there old man, you'll be home in no time.'

'Max, I'd like you to meet someone,' Christian comes close to me and drapes his arm over my shoulders. 'This is Ana.'

Max looks directly at me for the first time. I was invisible until this moment and immediately, his guard is up. Protecting his father, I know. I recognize that barrier.

'Maximilian Grey. Nice to meet you.' He extends his hand, waiting for me to take it.

'Yeah, nice to meet you too.' I'm trying to act cool but he sees right through my shaky voice. He looks at Christian and then at me again and I can see he doesn't like me at all.

'Dad, I'll see you soon, okay? I'm going inside now. Back to my xbox.' He goes back in the house quicker than he got out.

'Okay Max. See you soon.'

Silvia notices the worried look on Christian's face and smiles through her sniffles, 'Don't worry, he'll get over it.' And looking at me, she places her hands on my upper arms and takes me near her, in a motherly hold. Her eyes clouded in tears, she is still not able to shake off her rickety voice.

'Anastasia, you are the first person he has ever brought here.' She looks at the old man, and then back at me and again, silent tears start flowing down her cheeks. 'Sophie loved him so much...' She struggles with her words but recognizing Daniel's hand on her shoulder puts her at ease and she takes a deep breath. 'She is somewhere up there, I know, happy for both of you. And so are we. Welcome to our family Anastasia.'


	35. Chapter 35

**Thank you so much for the overwhelming response. The story is unfolding itself slowly and I would like to clarify some points, i.e. the timeline, which, I understand some of you maybe got wrong perception of…or just maybe I haven't been clear enough about it. In any case, at this point Ana and Christian have known each other for two weeks only. Yes, two weeks. **

**Here is the next chapter and I hope you will forgive me for not replying to your comments, as I always do. I have been very busy and I wanted to get this Judgement unravelling done as soon as possible.**

**And as always…Penny for your thoughts!**

**Mwah!**

**Alexandra**

* * *

Upon hearing the name 'Sophie' my heart jumps out of my chest and starts beating loud. Very loud. I think my blood pressure shoots up because somehow I'm going deaf. I don't understand it myself. I can hear them but from afar, confined in a room with no doors or windows and they talk to me from the other side. Looking at them, it seems they don't notice what's happening to me and …I smile. I smile at Silvia, and then at Christian and Daniel and hear my voice like it belongs to somebody else.

'Thank you.'

My throat is parched and I can't even swallow from the shock. He has a son... from the one he loved and lost and that…oh, it hurts so much, its heart-breaking.

'Would you like a drink Anastasia?' Silvia interrupts my thought process and before I can summon a reply Christian speaks up. He can tell something's going on with me. He knows me. I wonder if he knew her this well, too.

'Sorry Silvia, Dan, we will be going. I just wanted her to meet you and Max. I'll bring her over again, I promise.'

A shade of disappointment drapes over Silvia's face.

'If that's what you want Christian. We don't want to be in the way.'

'Yes Silvia, we'll visit soon.' He embraces them one by one.

'We love having him here. He is so much fun.' Daniel finally talks. 'I only wish he could stay longer.' There is sadness in his voice.

'He loves coming here too, Dan.' Christian is reassuring him. 'As for longer, you can have him again in the summer, for two months.'

'You bet!' He smiles, probably reminiscing their last summer together. 'I wouldn't have it any other way.'

'It was nice to meet you Daniel, Silvia.' I shake their hand and again, I talk from behind the wall. From the inside. Like I'm under water and every sound around me drowns.

Christian puts his hand over my shoulder and guides me to his car. He opens the driver's door waiting for me to enter and I...I...I am not going to drive today. These words bang in my head so loud...I don't understand them too. How is that possible? Why don't I want to drive Honeydew anymore? I am numb. It looks like I have found my real passion…But….it's confusing me, don't know what to feel anymore. I walk over to the other side of the car and get in, leaving him to hold the door and follow me with his stare, not believing his eyes. I slam the door shut and he gets in the car too. Nothing is the same anymore. Introducing a child in our life is ...life changing.

I notice we have started driving. Glancing at me as much as he can while keeping his eyes on the road he seems worried.

'Ana, say something. Please.' He pleads. 'Or look at me.' His eyes dart between me and the road. I turn my head, leaning on the car seat and regard him. For each day we spent together he managed to move few tectonic plates inside my core. All of those life threatening, terrifying and foreboding but.. this one...this one is not.

'How can you ask me to marry you if I don't know anything about you?' I quietly ask him.

'Ana...I...I'm sorry...it's just, I barely talk about him. I'm afraid if I do, something might happen…and it's unnerving. Knowing you have to let go but at the same time holding someone tight, in your mind, forever, it's maddening…'

'This is exactly what I was talking about.' I say.

'What do you mean?'

'When I said I want to know more about you, I do. I want to know you, the man, and the father. When were you going to tell me?'

'Ana... You already know so much about me. I..I haven't let anyone this close since... since Sophie died. I'm so sorry...'

Ah, there it is again. Sophie. My heart breaks in two when he talks about her.

'Tell me…' My voice is soft, but on the inside it feels like I'm talking with a barb wire lodged in my throat, it's killing me. I expect any minute a mountain of emotions to come crushing down on me…and him, for remembering.

I see him taking a deep breath, probably milion things going through his mind and all of them are painfull, I'm sure.

'Sophie was pregnant when she left me. She never told me. For some reason she thought I'll be mad and not want her anymore.' He frowns. 'Maybe I would have been mad. But she never let me find out. I thought she gave up on me and...I let her walk away. Respected her decision and didn't fight for her. That was my mistake.' He pauses for a moment. 'She went home, here, and had the baby. Elena knew about this and for months she never said a word. Next I heard of Sophie was that she was in Seattle and wanted to meet me, talk to me about something.'

He smiles bitterly, 'Fate is a bitch sometimes…The night before we met, Elena saw her, and being Elena, she wanted to play. The 'Cross Molie' was her new toy and she persuaded Sophie to help her try it out. And...' his wavering voice is becoming unnerving, I dare not look into his eyes, I know there are tears in them.

'What happened?'

He takes a deep breath again.

'You know, she would have told me about Max that day. 'He wipes his face off his tears, and avoids the question.

My eyes become cloudy with tears too. God, as much as I hate him having loved anyone before me, the tragedy he had is heart breaking. And him...not being able to talk about her without crying.

'At the funeral I saw this beautiful baby boy, held by her mother and I knew. ...I knew why she came to Seattle... I stood still and the only thing I felt was the tears rolling down my face as Silvia walked up to me, sobbing. The moment I held Max in my arms, my heart broke in two... I was not myself anymore. There were two of us...me and my son. That was the saddest day in my life. And the happiest. I cuddled that baby boy tight and I couldn't stop crying. I cried so much...for Max, for losing his mother, and for me and my mother. We were one, feeling the same pain.'

I..I am crying, sobbing and I cannot control my tears anymore, the lump in my throat is there and it's not going away.

'Ana, don't..' he reaches out and caresses my cheek, wiping away my tears. 'Don't cry, please. '

'Christian, I am sorry ...' I whisper, afraid my voice will let me down.

'No, don't be. Please. ' He pulls over off the road and looks at me. 'I don't want you to be sorry for anything. That was my lesson to learn. I shouldn't have given up on her. But... she gave me Max, and he...he changed my life.'

'Do you see him often?' I talk nasally, trying to move away from the sadness.

'Often? Ana, he lives with me. I took him home that day and never let him out of my eyesight. You know what it feels like. Being a parent. It's what I love about you most. You are so dedicated.'

'But...how do you know? We never talked about it.'

'There is no need to. I can see it in your eyes. The battle going on inside of you when you think you have to decide between them and me, I know who's going to win each time. But seeing you struggle to give me an answer tonight, it was unsettling... I knew I had to tell you.'

'And your family...Do they know you have a son?' I wipe my nose with my hand.

'No, they don't. I kept him away from everyone.' His eyes hood, just like when he mentioned them that very first time and my brows crook, I don't believe what I'm hearing.

'But...Christian...don't you see...how do you think your father feels?'

His voice changes too, weighty, and a shield falls over him.

'I told you, Ana. My father believes I'm responsible for my mother's death. I believe I am responsible too. I will never forgive myself for what happened.'

'Argh…' I raise my hands in exasperation. 'What if Max do something really bad? Would you blame him?'

'He is my son! My blood! I will never do that!'

'Don't you think your father feels like that? He is your father Christian...…just like you are Max's.'

Christian shoots a stare at me and then, looks away, in the distance, grinding his jaw bone with his teeth, the muscles on his face defining. I know there is no going back from this conversation and he understands, he knows I am right.

'What's the point now? It's too late anyway…' He talks glumly through gritted teeth, still staring at the darkness of the night.

'Nothing is too late! How can you even say that?' I try to reason with him.

'I don't think they would know me anymore, or I them.'

I sit up straight with a serious look in my face. 'Christian Grey, if you intend to marry me then ….I will need to meet all of your family.'

My voice makes him turn around and study my face for a moment, and, just as fast, he returns his gaze through the cars window.

'I can't Ana. I can't.' A desolate sounding voice comes out of him.

'Look at me Christian.'

He is not responding, but I see his eyes closing.

'Look at me. Please!' I beg.

'Please, don't ask me. Don't ask me to get in touch with them. It's been too long. I wouldn't know how to do it.'

'We'll do it together. You don't have to face them alone.'

I put my hand on his shoulder, making him turn and look at me and, reclining in the car seat, he rakes his fingers through his hair.

'I don't know, Ana.' He takes a deep breath. 'I just don't know.'

X

We haven't said a word for the past ten minutes, both of us engrossed in our own thoughts. As we park inside the garage, he switches off the engine, tilts back his head and looks at me, leaning on the car seat. Not saying a word, we stare dreamily at each other.

'You asked me to marry you tonight...' I whisper, breaking the silence first.

'I did...and you said yes...' He retaliates in equally low tone.

'…Is that…I mean…can I say yes if I'm not divorced yet?' I continue talking quietly, like the sound is going to break the spell we are under.

'Yes...you can...'

'Then...I guess I did say yes...'

His eyes, it's like he is pledging his life to me over and over, his face adorned in devotion, sending beams of worship to me, I feel… privileged. I don't deserve all this. He hasn't asked for anything back.

'So…now we are engaged.' I continue.

'Yes we are...'

'Give me your hand...' I reach out and taking his hand in mine, I place his palm on my chest, mine on top of his.

'Can you feel it?' I whisper. 'That's you...inside of me... you make that happen. You are the heart that pumps blood through my body… Each beat belongs to you, because is it you. I am you.' I take his hand up to my lips and kiss it. ' Remember? I don't exist. I live for you. I breathe for you, Sir.'


	36. Chapter 36

**My beautiful readers and friends,**

**I would like to thank you for reading Judgement, for giving me constant feedback and for praising me. Without it I don't think I would have continued writing.**

**In the past six months I have been on a ride I can only describe as creative, wild and free! And I have you to thank you for that! You gave me carte blanche to write something that only existed in my mind and by approving my wickedness, you made me feel normal! Just another girl next door. **

**So...Thank You!**

**A special note: To the most amazing writers on FF, most of them my friends of FB or TW - to have a story on FF next to yours is a privilege. I may have not given you feedback as much as I wanted but do know that I admire you a lot and often, deep down inside, I wish I could write as good as you.**

**Mwah!**

**Alexandra I**

* * *

It's a crack of dawn when I open my eyes and the first thing I'm aware of is our naked bodies, our limbs, knotted together, both of us sweaty in the humid weather, and I could swear on my life I am wet down below. I smile to myself, there is something digging in my lower stomach and it's good to know he is having the same notion as me. Sleeping with Christian and not having sex is excruciating experience, one I hope will never occur again. It's my fault though, my wish had come true, no sex last night. Well, once he proposed. And what a night it was!

Everything comes flooding back and... I'm getting married. Again. Am I rushing into this marriage too? At thirty, I think I know better, somehow it all makes sense. I belong to him, officially. And we are getting married as soon as I get a divorce. We are going to live in Seattle. We both have children. Huh. I know people will judge me. My only worry is...Am I failing my children? What kind of mother will this make me? Is my happiness, finally finding myself, an error that will came back to haunt me in the years to come? Coming to London with Jose was an error I made. Am I making another one? Ah, why does it take so long to find out who we are? Why did it take me so long to find _myself_? And when I did, it happened just like that, overnight. I am lying cozily in the arms of the man who means the world to me, my savior, and I have no doubt in my mind that my judgement is good. The irony is that good judgement comes from experience and the experience, unfortunately, comes from bad judgement. And so I've had them both.

'Your eyelashes are fluttering on my chest. Awake already, Mrs. Grey?'

His raspy voice merges the reality with my inner dialogue; I am at my tribunal, sitting on the hearing bench, giving the verdict to my soul. Not guilty. 100%. No matter what happens in the future at this very moment, I am not guilty.

I look up at him but his eyes are still closed and he has a blessed smile on his face.

'Sounds good doesn't it?' He tightens his grip around my body and lifts his sleepy head, his grey eyes locking mine in place. 'Say it for me. I want to hear you say it.'

And I am more than happy to oblige. I wanted to say these words out loud since yesterday.

'My name is Anastasia Grey,' I clearly enunciate each word and then continue in a nonchalant tone, 'Nice to meet you Mr..?'

His lips curve in a flirty smile and soon after his brows crook. 'Excuse me? Do you not remember my name Mrs. Grey?' I start grinning and try to get away but he is holding me tight with every inch of his body. 'You are not trying to run away from me now, are you?'

'Me? No…I wouldn't dream of it Mr…..?'

'Really? You are going with that?' His smile disappears and his voice becomes grave. 'Not remembering my name?' He grabs my neck and pulls me closer to him, his lips touching my ear and it doesn't feel like game anymore. This is exactly what I wanted, my dominant 'husband to be' to come out and play but...

'Anastasia Grey...' He whispers to me sinisterly. 'For not remembering my name I'm going to punish you as I deem fit.' I immediately try to wriggle free from his clutches, the words "punish you" doesn't sound good but I am held powerfully in place. 'Not now though. Now I intend to reward you with the greatest fuck of all, the one that will make you come not once, but twice at the same time. For agreeing to be mine. Forever.'

He pushes his knee between my legs and slotting his thigh in, he presses it on my hot and baking honey pot, feeling the honey leaking though my folds already.

'Oh...' His brows crook again, surprised at my sopping pussy. 'Wet already, Mrs. Grey? No wonder my cock is clad in iron this morning, stretched to the bone. ...He feels you.' His last words whispered. 'And is ready to fuck you...'

I sense a flash burn rising in my loins and is going up, fusing just behind my pubic bone, forming a scorching orb and ...the feeling is overwhelming. His touch is already stirring up madness inside my head and my hips start to gyrate over his thigh, I'm pressing myself hard against it, squeezing my precious nub and my drenched folds enough to know the pleasure is coming. And while I am held firm in his arms, I know I need few more strokes to come, I've wanted this since late last night, when he was holding me tight and talking to me, needing me... me, not my fuck! I look at him with sweltering eyes and seeing the dark fire radiating back I know he has joined me there, on my cloud nine. Discerning my imminent orgasm, he grabs one of my legs and pulls me towards him, laying on his back with me straddling him. I am ready for my fuck and he knows it.

I raise my hips high enough to touch the shiny head of his sprung up cock and he start funnelling his pre-cum up and down my folds, playing with my nerves, stretching me slowly. 'Let's...put ...this ...baby...right...where it...belongs..' He is tantalizing me by inserting his cock inch by inch, always taking it out and gliding my juices over my openings, creating a tormenting need inside of me, teasing me and preparing me for my imminent fuck. I'm completely feral and I know I can't wait any longer. I hear myself moan impatiently and I start moving faster up and down, impaling myself deeper and harder on him until he is fully inside of me.

'Argh...Ana...you are so ...Fuck...! Fuck!'

He tilts back his head and he puts his hands on my hips, holding me tight and ...I start my dance, following the rhythm inside my head and I am free... I raise my hands up on my head, holding my hair while finding my equilibrium and I start spinning with my hips. This movement is new to me...but feels just right. I swivel and lift my behind, taking half of his length out, and, going down, I pivot while impaling myself,...it's amazing...I feel him much deeper and each time that little rotary motion hits me in the right spot, I want to do this forever, but somehow it speeds up my pace, I'm beginning to ride him fast, each time I perk my behind higher because I want more of him, deeper, and feeling my muscles tightening around him, I know I'm close. He is gazing at me, my body, my dancing...and that's what does it for me. I'm there. A wave of pleasure envelops me and an orgasmic dance is taking over my body when I see him coming up, holding me by my waist tight and...no...no...my waves have already started ... my fuck...

'.No...I am coming ...I'm already coming Christian...' I whine.

'Twice Ana...not once...' He pants and presses our bodies together, shifting us and now I am lying on my back and he is between my legs, taking over my movements and he starts pounding me, lengthening my orgasm to something I haven't experienced before and I'm fucking coming hard when suddenly he takes his cock out, dripping in my juices and he aims at my backside...but...I'm coming..I've already come and...I'm really all over the place, all these nerve endings shouting in my head, screaming 'more' while he eases into my backside, slowly but fully. I'm open for him... and I.. I am about to lose consciousness from the overwhelming pleasure when he starts fucking my backside with the same zest ...and...I love it, _more._... I ...argh... all these waves crushing into me. ..and... his fingers are...inside my pussy and..ah...I came, I know I did but these fucking new orgasmic beams...it's...it's my rapture, right here... I hear myself scream, this is my seventh heaven... and I convulse...jerk on the bed but he holds me firm, not letting me go... ah.. ah...this is it, my rhapsody ...It's crazy, mad.

'Argghhhhh...' Screaming that sounds like me...But it's not..Can't be...I'm not here...

'Argghh... Fuck! Argghhhhh...Ana...God!'

His growling is raw, animistic, the predator inside of him is fucking me hard and faster with each thrust, chasing his own rainbow, and...the moment he is there his warm cum floods inside of me and .. the feeling is exquisite; I'm powerful and fragile at the same time. Ah, this man is God! His groaning gradually eases off but he doesn't stop dipping his member in and out of me for some time.

x

Lounging cozily on the sofa with my legs tucked under my bottom I hold the china cup in my hands, the aromatic steam coming out of it smells like heaven. Coffee, like I never had before. Christian is gazing at me, reclined on the sofa, his arm stretched out, gently stroking my face with his long fingers. Both of us content, there is a new found peace inside of me. An awakening. I smile. I finally found him. The missing part of my soul.

The End

* * *

_The story continues in the second book, 'Judgment:The Verdict'._


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